“Heeyyy marlyyyyy”,
Fuck.
She was drunk, like really drunk.
Dorcas was never drunk. She liked to call herself responsible because of it, but Marlene would always just counter with that she was just to scared to spill all her secrets. In a joking way of course, they worked like that, joking but both knowing that they really loved each other. As friends. Always as friends
It was the part of their rivalry that never went away, even after they became friends two years ago. They had really hated each other for a while there, Marlene didn’t really remember what started it, she just knew that she had something against the taller girl as soon as she walked into their algebra class at seventeen, all confident and with her head up high. She had later been told that the rivalry wasn’t as mutual as she thought it was and that Dorcas Meadowes didn’t absolutely hated her, just played along with her banter.
And now she was drunk, hammered really.
She walked up to Marlene who stood leaning against a wall talking to David Stebbins, some guy from high school. He wasn’t very interesting, but they had shared some fun times back in school and it was always fun to meet old friends. Dorcas came from the bar, steps faltering, and eyes set on Marlene. She held herself up against the wall and started talking about all the things shed done, David quietly excused himself to go meet some friends and left just the two girls leaning against the stone wall, facing each other.
Dorcas was completely focused on trying to tell her story, her hair was done in a twisted hairstyle in a bun and her skin glowing from makeup and sweat. She talked with her hands so and every once in a while, she forgot her words and resorted to unsuccessfully trying to describe whatever she was talking about. Marlene got that she´d had a good number of drinks and shouldn’t have any more today to not throw all of it up. Just before going there, they had talked about this and Marlene had promised to take her home if she drank too much and vice versa.
Marlene herself had only had a couple of drinks and was just a bit tipsy but didn’t feel very exited to drink more. She interrupted Dorcas´ storytelling that gradually had become a mix of random words to take her arm and start to lead her to the exit.
“We´re going home Cas, I’ll get an uber”,
She got an “mhm” from Dorcas and together they went out in the cold night air. There were no clouds in the sky and you almost saw the stars. They walked out on the pavement and stood still, Dorcas had not brought a jacket, or shed left it with Emmeline or peter back at the bar but however the case was she stood with one of her arms around herself, trying to keep warm while simultaneously trying to hold onto Marlene to stand up straight.
The place where Dorcas’s hand was resting on her bare skin burned, her whole shoulder felt tense, and she was suddenly very aware of her whole body, from her fishnet covered legs to her face where she was sure her mascara had smudged earlier when she rubbed her hand over her face. She neither had a jacket, bur her outfit was more covering then Dorcas´ who had a short, skintight, midnight blue dress on, why she´d choose that in September, Marlene didn’t know, but she wasn’t complaining. Dorcas looked good in that dress, she´d seen it before.
Dorcas´ arm pulled her into a hug from the side and her face turned to face Marlenes.
“You´re like, very pretty”, she slurred.
Marlene didn’t really know what to say, thank you? That seemed bitchy. I love you; I want to be with you forever? To forward. She settled with a vague “mhm, thanks.”
Dorcas frowned, “you don’t get it”, she seemed at a loss for words. “You- you´re likee pretty pretty, like you knooow”
“And what if I don´t know?”
Dorcas didn’t seem to hear her. “Can I kiss you?” she almost whispered, surprisingly sure pronunciation. Her southern American accent slipping trough years and years of trying to hide it.
What Marlene really wanted to say was yes, of course, always, forever, she’d never need to ask but her more responsible side (yes contradictory to popular belief she had one of those) said no. she was nowhere near as drunk as the other girl, and this might not even be that serious. It didn’t matter that this was all Marlene had ever wanted to do, it wasn’t real. It would never be something sober Dorcas would to or even agree to do.
“You don’t mean it, its fine your drunk and all but no”, she couldn’t really get her word straight.
“I’m not drun´, I like you, I like you sooo much”, she showed along with her hands. “I promise”
“Our Uber’s here”, Marlene chose to ignore the last statement of hers.
Sober Dorcas would never, and after all that was the main one, she had fallen in love with. Sure, she liked it when she was drunk, she was easier to tease, easier to blurt random stuff out to, but when she was sober, Dorcas was everything. They could talk about anything and nothing, they could sit for hours alone just discussing, they could watch movies, do everything together. And even if she knew that sober Dorcas love her, she also knew it was totally platonic, even with Peter and Mary’s constant nagging that she liked her. Even If sometimes, just sometimes she would catch her staring just to look away as fast as she saw her.
The drive home was short and quiet if you´d overlook Dorcas´quiet humming and tapping of fingers.
When they arrived there, Marlene put her arm around her, and led her up the stairs. She snuggled close and rested her bodyweight onto the blonde.
They climbed up the ratty old stairs to their door, there Marlene stopped to look for the keys and Dorcas started to talk once again.
“Can I kiiss youuu? Please, just on the cheek. I wanna know what it feels likeee”, Marlene really thought about it this time.
“Sure, just one on the cheek, I you´ll stop nagging me”, she hoped that would shut her up, she didn’t want to continue being showered with drunk Dorcas´ love just for everything to go back to normal when they woke up in the morning.
“I promise”, Dorcas said excitedly and before Marlene had time to compose herself Dorcas had bent forward, kissed her swiftly on the cheek and just as quickly stood up straight, one arm still on the wall beside them.
It really was something, it was not the first kiss Marlene had imagined but it was a kiss all the same. She could barely recall Dorcas’ lips on her cheek, and she wondered about how much of a mark her lipstick had made.
Dorcas had pulled away from the kiss giggling. “I got to kiss you, I got to kiss you”, singsonged like a mantra.
She ignored her, unlocked the door, and walked in.
Their flat wasn’t very big, but it didn’t need to be, it had two bedrooms, hyphenated living room and kitchen and a bathroom and that was about it. Most of their things was all over the place and they shared most of their things. They’d lived together for almost four months by now and Marlene had gotten fairly used to it. Even if it was hard to be always so close to Dorcas and simultaneously keeping her secret.
Maybe that was why it wasn’t that big of a secret anymore. Peter knew, Lily and James knew, Mary knew but she had made her promise not to tell Emmeline, because she was Dorcas´ best friend and that was playing it a little too close. Sirius she´d told ages ago. So that was about their whole friend group (except Remus she thought she had managed to keep it a secret from him but knowing the guy he probably knew to).
She took Dorcas to her room, found a t-shirt for her to sleep in and convinced her to put it on while she went and got her toothbrush, she didn’t think shed manage to get the makeup of her face, that would be a problem for another tomorrow.
After Dorcas had come out of her room, they had brushed their teeth and Marlene followed her back to her room. Dorcas had decorated her room rather well, they couldn’t paint the walls, so she had had put big fabrics up on one of the walls and that gave the room a cozy feeling the rest of the room was filled to the brim with lots and lots of things, from scented candles to American dollar bills.
And on the wall just above her bed sat a bunch of polaroids and photo strips of their friends. There were even some pictured of Emmeline and Dorcas from before Marlene knew them, but in the middle of everything was a photo strip. It was from the beginning of their friendship, Dorcas and Marlene had just gotten over their rivalry and Marlene, Lily and Mary had let Dorcas and Emmeline join in on their bowling night. On their way home, Dorcas and Marlene had stopped by a mall and taken photos together in one of those old photobooths. It had felt a bit childish, but they had only been 18 at the time and it was one of Marlene’s most treasured memories.
The strip captured four frames, one of just Marlene doing peace signs, smiling widely, blue eyes looking out the side where the other girl had stood and laughed. She had had blue stripes in her bleached hair at that point and at the same time gone through a phase of intricate eyeliner designs and as much as she had to admit that it looked outdated it didn’t look bad.
The second photo was one of Dorcas, that was a photo that Marlene had considered stealing just to look at several times. The camera had captured her laughing, head up her braids flying outwards at the side of her face. Her eyes were closed, and she was practically glowing. She really loved that photo.
The other two were of the two of them together, one where they were posing for the camera, looking kind of ridiculous, fanning their faces with their hands. The other one was of them with their arms around each other. They were both smiling, and her bleached hair had fallen into her face, so her eyes were closed. Dorcas was smiling ear to ear, that big smile with teeth showing that she rarely showed. Her dark eyes were open and looked so welcoming.
The fact that that was the one Dorcas chose to put in the middle meant a lot to Marlene. It was one of her most cherished memories. It was the beginning of their friendship.
She helped Dorcas get in bed and just as she was about to say goodnight and go beck to her room Dorcas spoke.
“Please stay Marls. Just ´til I fall asleep?” her voice sounded tired.
“yeah”, she answered weakly. She could right. Marlene sat down on the floor beside her bed, head against the mattress. “Goodnight Cas, sleep well.”
“g´night marls, I love you,”, It sounded so natural, like it always went this way.
When Dorcas had fallen asleep (which did not take more than a couple minutes), Marlene got up and walked trough the flat to her own bed. She replayed the events of the day over and over again and figured she’d think it through the next day. She couldn’t get anything straight now.
Just before she fell asleep, she sent a message to Mary.
From Marls: can I come to urs tomorrow, you need to help me think