It was 30th June 1997. The evening was warm, a light breeze sweeping through the trees she planted twenty years ago and the river under her window was flowing as freely as ever. The smell of flowers filled the room through the open window.
The sun was already set and the night was slowly taking over, stars showing one by one, the crescent Moon hanging in the night sky.
Mary was sitting on her comfortable sofa, a lamp illuminated the room with a soft, warm glow. Mary was reading her favourite book, Little Women. For reasons unknown even to herself she always felt a connection to this book, a pull of sorts.
She didn't remember how many times she had read it, probably too many times to count anyway, but it always gave her comfort when she was desperately seeking it. This feeling never got old, even when she picked up a dusty copy in an old rundown bookshop in downtown London for the first time. Even then it felt comforting. Familiar.
Even when everything in her life changed this book always stayed. It was the only thing that did.
No that was a lie. It wasn't the only thing, there was the old brow jumper she didn't remember buying, the guitar pick she always kept in her wallet, the silver lighter in her left pocket no matter where she went and the never ending cycle of buying red Converse one size to big.
Mary did not remember where she got those things or where her obsession with Converse started, but those things stayed in her life no matter what. A never changing constant.
As Mary was losing herself in wondering. Her train of thought stopped.
Bang.
The book fell to the ground.
Bang.
Mary fell to the ground next to her book.
"No." Weak gasp left her lips.
Memory.
Girl with fiery red hair.
A tear.
Memory.
Boy with tawny eyes and scars on his face.
A tear.
Memory.
Girl with blond hair, toothy smile and guitar in her hands.
A tear.
Memory.
Boy in leather jacket and raven waves.
A tear.
Memory.
Boy with unruly hair and the biggest heart.
A tear.
A gut wrenching scream echoed in the room.
Memories came flooding. The dam in her mind has broken. All of it came back.
Lily's laughs when Mary went on a rant about Little Women, after Lily finally got her to read it. The softness of her hair when Mary braided it. Her warmth. Her smiles. Her caressing touch.
Remus' eyes as they glimmered when he talked about something he was passionate about. His jumpers on Mary's skin when she got cold. The smell of chocolate always surrounding him.
Marlene's voice when she sang Muggle songs. Her swift fingers on the guitar strings. Her blond hair that got everywhere. Her mess on the floor of their dorm. Her lipstick on Mary's cheek.
Sirius' strong attitude and his laughs bouncing of the walls. His leather jackets and shoes. The way he spun Mary when they danced on the table. His hugs when Mary needed to cry.
James' stupid jokes and never ending rants about Quidditch. His pranks. His kindness. The way he sat with Mary and let her speak when her mind was too loud. The eucalyptus hanging in the air.
The warmth.
The love.
The freedom.
The cold.
The pain.
The loss.
Everything... Everything was back and Mary couldn't find any air to fill her lungs. Her mind filled with everything that was taken away from her.
Memory.
A wand under her chin. Cold, cold blue eyes. Lips that said “Obliviate”.
And Mary sobbed.
And sobbed.
And sobbed.
For Lily.
For Remus.
For Marlene.
For Sirius.
For James.
For Peter.
For Dorcas.
For Regulus.
For Barty.
For Evan.
For everyone.
For herself.
For her life.
For her loss.
~
It took her almost a year.
It took her almost a year to gather up the courage to look for the one she knew made it out.
She looked for Remus.
So she went the only place she could think of. Hogwarts.
It was the afternoon of 2nd May 1998, when she stood in front of the castle where she spent seven years of her life. The best seven years of her life.
She took one look and knew something awful has happened. The castle was in ruins. Ravenclaw tower was torn, the bridge burnt down and Whomping Willow on the ground.
She rushed to the place where she shared so many meals with her friend, so many laughs, so much love.
The Great Hall.
Windows broken. Dead bodies on the ground. People she knew wailing on the floor for their fallen loved ones. People she didn't know in the same position.
“You know he's coming back! You know it! He isn't really dead!”
“Mrs Macdonald, you can be assured, he is dead. Harry took care of that.”
“Harry? Harry!?” she screamed in a way she never did before, “Harry didn't take care of anything! He is a baby! Say her name! Say her fucking name, you piece of shit! It was Lily Evans Potter who killed Voldemort! It was her! Her love! And I'm telling you he's coming back! Regulus sacrificed his life to show us.”
“Mr Black was suicidal. We can't take one delusional letter as a proof. You should know that.”
“No! No, I don't fucking know that! He died for that! He knew! And I'm going to make sure everyone fucking knows!”
“That you will not do, Mrs Macdonald." She felt the cold tip of his wand under her chin.
He came back.
A cold sweat ran down her back as she spotted Minerva McGonagall holding sobbing Poppy Pomfrey. Before she knew it she was running in their direction only to be met with sight that made her fall to her knees the same way as she did on on 31st October 1981.
Remus Lupin motionless, cold on the floor of a room that used to be so warm.
She was late.
She was late again.
Mary lifted her gaze to look at the two women and whispered the only word that could make it past her lips.
“Sirius?”
And the new wet trails on both of their cheeks gave her the answer.
She was late.
Again.
She had lost them.
Again.
And for good.