Crossed Lines
Severus Snape sat at his seat at the Head Table on the night that the students returned from their spring break and covertly watched his Slytherin students.
A great many of his fifth and seventh year students were absent. The pressure of upcoming examinations had them hiding in libraries, empty classrooms, and their common room for time to study. The quidditch team sat nearly all together; Flint had a schedule he showed them that would undoubtedly have a ridiculous uptick of practice in it.
It was the first years who were buzzing with commotion over the students who returned. Potter and Black were making a spectacle of themselves once more and Severus was resigned to having to include himself in their theatrics.
Severus had been perfectly content to see Potter be passed off to the Gaunt hermit, until Albus involved himself once more.
“Severus…” Albus was pale after they left the Ministry on the day of the hearing. Severus had been immensely relieved that he was not the one stuck with Potter, though he still seethed over the brat’s comments made in the courtroom.
“I did as you asked,” Severus cut Albus off and pointed aggressively at the old man. Severus had done it, he had. Severus had applied for guardianship, he had placed Minerva on the previously untouched Prince seat on the Wizengamot. Severus did it, he had been thankfully denied the dubious pleasure of housing Potter. It was over.
“You did.” Albus seemed more weary than ever before as he sat in his chair and nodded slowly. “It is regrettable that the Wizengamot made their own decision.”
It was not their decision, but a group of witches and wizards who caved to the whims of a child. Potter made a pretty case and flashed his power to be given over to Morfin Gaunt.
“It is over,” Severus told Albus clearly. “The boy is Gaunt’s problem now.”
“Severus, you have no idea what happened today.” Albus sighed deeply and began slowly extracting memories from his mind. “Morfin Gaunt is no average man. His sister was Merope Gaunt.”
When that declaration made no impression on Severus, Albus rubbed his temples.
“Merope Gaunt died after giving birth to her only son, Tom Marvolo Riddle.”
Severus’s breath caught in his throat and he struggled to remain impassive.
Potter had been adopted by the Dark Lord’s direct uncle.
Albus declared that the boy did not need to be told of who exactly had taken him in their home, Severus disagreed. It was only Albus’s fear of the boy - of the Parsletongue he used fluently and the death of Quirrell that was tainted by the image that Potter was portraying.
Potter consorted with the pureblooded children of death eaters, Potter attended traditional rituals of the olden times. Potter’s closest friend was the son of a traitor of the Order. Potter was many things, the golden hero that Albus hoped to see was not one of them.
Severus would prefer to not become entangled with the child who blatantly and correctly despised him. Severus only wanted to offer the boy a word of warning, a small notice that he could uncomplicate his life by becoming small, quiet.
Humble and meek, if the blasted boy could manage it.
Severus had no opportunity to speak with the boy that night. He instead watched as Potter and Black melted in the mixture of other first years, alongside Draco who looked thoroughly putout with his new… brother.
“What do you suppose the problem there is?” Lupin asked Severus. He had started seating himself beside Severus at the table, acting as if they were something akin to friends.
Severus allowed it for the time being, solely as an outlet of having someone to drink and disparage the student body with. It did nothing to dissuade Severus that Lupin despised Black’s son as well. Lupin hardly said that, ever too polite to do so, yet Severus saw the anger lurking in the back of his eyes when he saw the tangible proof that Black had never been trustworthy in any aspect.
“Lucius took in Black and the boy ran away the same day,” Severus informed Lupin, smirking lightly at the pout on Draco’s face. “I believe the Malfoys were unprepared for a child who only knows disobedience.”
Lupin snorted, as if Severus were amusing. It was a novelty, Severus was certain it would wear off soon.
“Sirius ran away from his family the summer before sixth year,” Lupin said. “I guess it’s a family trait.”
Severus did not need to ask where the elder Black went, he was certain it was the same place where his son had gone - whenever Potter was. Black and Potter were seated together practically on top of each other at the Slytherin table. If they were older, it would be inappropriate. As it was, it caused Severus’s eye to twitch.
“Narcissa was unimpressed, I believe she hoped that Black would fall in line with Draco.” Severus had heard quite the tirade from Lucius the day before. Black had been brought in as a prodigal son and spat in the Malfoy’s faces. Why they had expected different, Severus could hardly fathom.
“She’ll be disappointed then,” Lupin said. “I can’t imagine Sirius’s genetics would let his son ever ‘fall in line’ with anything.”
Certainly not.
Severus watched the children until they were dismissed to their dorms. When Potter stood to join Black, Severus curled his lip at how their hands automatically reached out toward one another. Lupin, Severus’s recent shadow, had a slight frown on his face when he saw the same thing that Severus did.
They had a shared token adorning their wrists. At eleven years old. It was both fast and inappropriate.
“Is it strange to you?” Lupin asked quietly. “Seeing Harry and Sirius together? I can’t help but think that James would turn in his grave, seeing his son with Sirius‘s son.”
Severus thought that James Potter would be turning for a great many things, the boy being taken in by the uncle of the man who killed him being the greatest one. Potter holding hands with the child of the man who betrayed his father would be the second greatest cause of James Potter’s unrest. Possibly just above Black naming his son after Potter…
It brought Severus a fierce rush of pleasure at the thought.
Perhaps the beasts were not as unbearable as Severus considered them to be.
Severus struggled with his students the next day. After the break, with summer looking so closely, students were absent-minded and dangerous. Severus had already docked a total of seventy-eight points before his first year Gryffindor and Slytherin class arrived.
There had always been a clear divide in the classroom with the students of each house partnering only with their housemate. Severus had opted recently to ignore Potter and Black in his classroom rather than risk the boy spew his vitriol in front of the others. Potter had seemed to do the same, it was a careful balance that was bound to break at some point.
Potter chose that day to break it.
Potter and Black took a middle table rather than their usual one in the back. Severus knew that it meant nothing good for him, there was no benefit of Potter making himself center stage in Severus’s classroom. Yet Severus had no understanding on how deeply he had apparently offended the boy by appearing at his hearing.
Severus had felt Potter’s eyes like a prickle on his skin as he set the students up for a potion they would see on their end of year exams. The boy said nothing and Severus attempted to not give him any attention until class ended- eighty minutes, that was all Severus sought.
What he was given were a mere forty-two.
Without warning, when the other students were beginning to add their ingredients to their potion, Potter thrust his hand in the air. Severus had a thrill of foreboding in his stomach and yet he still rounded on the boy.
“Yes?” Severus asked, gliding closer to the boy in hopes of minimizing the students that would overhear them.
“You never answered my question,” Potter said obstinately, his eyes flashing with hot anger behind his glasses. “When you set my parents up to be killed, was it because you had always secretly wanted to be my guardian or was it a coincidence that you were at the hearing applying to be my guardian?”
Severus suddenly empathized with the Dark Lord over their shared dream of seeing Potter lifeless and silent.
Every student in the room turned with their mouths open at the defiance and hatred that the boy radiated with. Their were very few ways that Severus would get away from the conversation and he hardly enjoyed the idea of spending his life in Azkaban if he killed the boy.
“Silence!” Severus’s voice dripped with contempt as he leaned closer, ensuring only the boy and Black could hear his next words.
"Your penchant for theatrics is truly astounding,” he hissed. “As much as it might flatter your ego to believe everything revolves around you, let me make one thing abundantly clear: I had no desire to be your guardian then, and I certainly have none now. My involvement at the hearing was purely procedural and had nothing to do with your consistent accusations. Now, silence yourself before I decide that detention will be a far more productive use of your time."
“Give me a detention,” Potter said loudly, glaring directly in Severus’s face. “We can talk then about how you killed my parents. I don’t know if you think I’m going to forget, but I won’t. You never should have stepped foot in that courtroom.”
Severus could not agree more.
“Silence,” Severus warned him again, as fruitlessly as the first time. Never, never, had Severus ever been blatantly challenged in such a way. Certainly never by a child… If that was what Potter was. It was not the eyes of a child that pinned Severus and it was not the mouth of an ignorant boy that continued to run itself.
“Make me,” Potter taunted him. He stood and placed his face almost directly in front of Severus’s. “You killed them. You killed them because you hated my dad and loved my mum. And you know what? I bet she couldn’t stand you. I bet it makes her sick to see what you’ve become.”
It was an accident, the first accident that Severus ever had in his classroom. With Potter in his face, looking like his father and bringing up his mother, Severus had never been so incensed with a student.
Severus saw Potter, he heard him, and he did the only thing that he could think of to silence the damned boy.
Severus pulled his hand back and slapped the child. He slapped Potter hard enough to knock him backwards a few steps and to cause his head to whip to the side.
The sound of impact permeated through the classroom, an echo in the silence that had fallen. Severus only had a moment to begin to feel the utter horror of what he had done before he was attacked.
Black flew across the desk, sending newt tails and beetle eyes to scatter on the floor. The boy’s fists collided with Severus’s chest, knocking the breath from his lungs and sending him back to crash into the nearest desk.
The students at the desk shrieked and ran to the edges of the room while Severus struggled to retrieve his wand beneath the fury of Black’s small fists against every inch of Severus he could reach.
Black was relentless, a flurry of anger and hatred as he attacked Severus. Severus worried if he drew his wand that it would be broken in the scuffle before he fired off a single spell. It was why when Severus was hit in the jaw by a small fist with too much power behind it that he finally reached inside to burst out a wandless and silent defensive spell.
“ENOUGH!” Severus roared. The force of his spell blew Black back to the center of the classroom and ended the attacks of the blasted beast. Potter moved so quickly to stand beside Black that it might have been apparation for as far as Severus was willing to credit the boy.
Black’s chest heaved with anger, Potter bristled beside him with the proof of Severus’s transgression glowing on his cheek. Potter’s eyes were wet, though if it was from anger or Severus’s hand, Severus did not know. It would not matter… it didn’t.
Severus struck a student, a child. Not a teenager nearing adulthood, but a little boy from an abusive household who knew it was Severus’s fault that the parents who loved him had died.
It would be the end of Severus’s time at Hogwarts… it filled him with both icy fear and bubbling giddiness. Albus overlooked a great many of Severus’s flaws in order to keep Severus pinned beneath his thumb. The handprint on the cheek of the Boy-Who-Lived would not be overlooked.
“Get out,” Severus ordered all the students. All except for Potter and Black. He pointed at them while the other students rushed to the doorway, many of them leaving their bags and belongings behind. “You two, stay.”
Black leaned in Potter’s side and whispered in his ear. Potter nodded shortly in response. Severus turned his back on them to straighten his robes, calm himself.
Severus had likely less than an hour left in the castle. The other students would be telling their classmates about his behavior and Albus would be informed by the portraits post haste. If Severus would be finished with his position, finished with Hogwarts and Albus and the boy, then he only had to hold one last conversation with Potter… one last word of warning for Lily’s son.
It took much less time for the students to leave the room than it took Severus to compose himself and ensure that he would not lose control again. Potter was a child… a child. And Severus had struck him. It was unforgivable and Severus could not allow it to happen again.
“Potter.” Severus turned and dispelled his shield only when he was certain he was in control once more. Potter glared at Severus, his hatred diminished by the damned evidence of physical violence that Severus left on his small face.
“I would wager that I will be gone by dinner,” Severus said wryly, truly torn over his opinion of the matter. Black had a hint of vicious glee in the snarl painting his face, Potter oddly looked as torn as Severus was.
“I will tell you that you are painting a target on your back,” Severus told Potter, feigning as if Black were invisible as well as inconsequential. “Your preference in associations, your connections to Gaunt. They are all coloring you in a certain light from those that may set themselves up to be powerful foes against you. Do you understand me?”
If Potter were truly an eleven year old muggle-raised child, he would not. As it was, Potter narrowed his eyes and Severus could see him sifting through the veiled warning.
“Dumbledore,” Black said. The boy said it flatly, with no surprise to be heard. Severus did not nod nor look away from Potter, he only waited to be sure that the boy understood the risks he took before Severus was removed from any role of protector for good.
“Dumbledore thinks, what? I’m evil?” Potter scoffed, though it was no laughing matter. “I don’t give a damn what he thinks or what you think. I hope he does fire you, I hope you go crawling back to Voldemort like Wormtail, desperate to have someone protect you. And I hope we meet again, Snape. I really do.”
The implication was clear and Severus filed away the comment about ‘Wormtail’ for later examination.
“Contrarily, I hope to never see your face again,” Severus said, a truth. “It was not I who petitioned for us to be more involved in each other's lives, Potter. The world is a much bigger and more complex place than your brain could comprehend. You would do well to remember that as important as you may see yourself to be, there are those who will see you as a liability.”
And liabilities were likely to be cut if they threatened to topple an empire that had been at peace for a decade. Albus was cunning, there was nothing that would stop him from acting for the greater good.
Potter might have the ability to see the future or the past, Albus did as well. They were well-matched, yet Severus knew that the boy would fall if he faced Albus at his most righteous.
Potter had opened his mouth to retort, Severus raised a hand to silence him. It was not a conversation, it was one final warning for the boy.
“Do not mistake my warning for concern,” Severus told him coldly. “The wizarding world may be at peace, but further reckless acts could shatter the fragile and hard won peace that allows you to flaunt yourself as a traditionalist with less than golden connections.”
With that final warning, Severus strode away with his robes billowing behind him. The boy would heed his advice or he would not, it was no longer Severus’s concern.
“Probation,” Severus repeated, dumbfounded. He stared across the desk at the unsmiling and sober face of Albus and attempted to force his mind to comprehend the wrong words that spilled from Albus’s mouth.
Albus was meant to say ‘you’re fired’, ‘leave immediately’, perhaps even an extreme reaction of ‘I have contacted the aurors’. Severus had never considered in the many ways he foresaw the conversation going that it would not end with him being relieved of his post.
“Probation,” Albus said firmly, a chilling wave of barely suppressed anger radiating from him. There was no question that Albus was infuriated, Severus had crossed a line that no teacher should ever step near.
So why was he not being dismissed?
“You will never lay your hands on a student again under the roof of this castle or you will be removed,” Albus said sharply. “Am I understood?”
Severus understood, he understood enough of who Albus was, what his goals were, to know then why he was not being dismissed. It was a slap on the wrist disguised as a reprimand and second - third - chance for Severus. Albus needed Severus. With the omens that circled them, the nearly monthly reminders of the Dark Lord who had not perished all those years ago… Albus could not lose his spy.
“Crystal,” Severus said, his voice dripping with sarcasm and disgust. Severus was never meant to be a damned professor, there was none who despised children more than he. Albus knew it, Albus was punishing Severus with purgatory disguised as heaven.
Hell would be preferable.
“Harry Potter is a child, one who might be guided correctly yet,” Albus said, monologuing to an audience of one man whose respect for him was slipping away. “You should not be pushing him away, Severus. The closer he grows to families such as the Malfoys and Notts means the closer an opportunity you have to take a role in his life. Losing Harry or Sirius would be catastrophic.”
“Black?” Severus curled his lip, still recalling perfectly the look of the boy when he lunged at Severus. The Black madness was seeping out of that child, he would be something worse than his father or Bellatrix Lestrange before he took his OWLS, Severus was certain of it.
“Yes, Sirius.” Albus sat back in his chair, relaxing minutely once his role as disappointed Headmaster had passed. “He troubles me… I don’t think he’s been honest about where he grew up. There are no orphanages in London with records of him.”
“It would not be called an orphanage,” Severus corrected Albus. “I believe the muggles call it foster care, or group homes.”
“Indeed?” Albus reached up for his beard and Severus could see that Albus truly was going to sweep Severus’s transgression under the rug. There would be no appearance before the board, no public demonstration of what happened to educators who crossed a line.
Severus was stunned. And, truly, there was a not insignificant part of him that was disappointed. As much as he might regret striking a child, Severus had felt a small amount of freedom after doing so. It seemed that freedom, like hope, was not a thing that Severus could attain.
Albus would use him until the second that he was satisfied that the Dark Lord and any witch or wizard linked to him were eradicated. Then Severus’s final fate would be determined. In the interim, it would be Severus walking the tightrope act that Albus placed him on all those years ago.
“During summer break, I think that you should try and find more about Sirius Black’s childhood,” Albus told Severus. It was a command, not a suggestion. “It would also be wise to try and find a way to get closer to Harry and Gaunt… he may trust you, considering.”
‘Considering’.
Considering the dark mark burned on Severus’s left arm and his once loyalty to Gaunt’s nephew.
“Albus, the boy is plotting my murder as we speak,” Severus insisted in a harsh tone. “The idea of him confiding in me is far past gone.”
“Harry is young, he may yet be saved,” Albus said. “If we can find a way to limit the influence of those surrounding him…”
The boy had been taken in by Morfin Gaunt. He consorted with Sirius Black’s son. He attended holidays with the Malfoys. There was no saving him, Severus hardly wanted to try.
If Potter wanted to bring back the Dark Lord and kiss his robe hems, Severus was beginning to think it would be better to allow him to do just that.
Once Severus had been given his orders for the upcoming break, he was dismissed from Albus’s office. The news of his abuse of Potter had spread quickly, students were positively avoiding him at increasingly dramatic costs as he crossed the castle.
A Ravenclaw girl, Li, actually ran to hide in the boys restroom when she saw Severus striding through the corridor. In any other situation, Severus would dock points for idiocy. How could he then? How could Severus continue teaching if his students would be quaking in their seats, terrified that they would be struck for any misstep?
Albus should have sacked Severus immediately. If Severus were a braver man, he would quit. Outside of the castle Severus would be a pariah, never to be trusted by either side that ruled their community.
Severus should never have allowed a child to get under his skin as deeply as Potter had.
Potter… how was Severus meant to teach the boy?!
Damn Albus to hell… and damn Potter with him.
Severus hid himself away that evening, wallowing in a pit of self-loathing fueled by the scotch that he consumed straight from the bottle.
It was not Potter who dug under Severus’s skin, but his own past choices returning to haunt him. Severus had to face his own demons and proved that he was no better than his father by striking a child in the face.
It was sickening. Severus was sickening.
Severus had finished one bottle and had been debating on opening a second bottle when there was a brisk knock on his door. Severus decided to open the second bottle as he ignored the uninvited and unwanted guest.
Merlin forbid Severus to allow them entrance and strike them too.
“Severus!” There was another knock, followed by an impatient call. “Open your door!”
Severus should ignore him, it was Lupin.
“Go away,” Severus called. He apparently changed his mind a moment later and waved his hand, unlocking the door with a quiet click. Lupin took it as permission to enter and Severus ignored him as he removed the cap for his drink and took a burning gulp.
It was single malt, probably a gift from Minerva at some point.
“Is it true?” Lupin demanded. “Did you hit a child?”
Severus peered at the bottle through blurry eyes and decided it was a gift from Minerva. Severus had never purchased a bottle of Dewars before.
“Severus!” Lupin thundered Severus’s name. “Answer me!”
It was absurd, Lupin acting as if Severus was afraid of him. Once upon a time, Lupin had been Severus‘s worst fear.
“Not for years though,” Severus mused. He stumbled on his return to his chair and could no longer tell if the heat on his face was humiliation or drunkenness. Merlin, he was drunk.
Embarrassing.
“This wasn’t years ago, Severus! This was today!” Lupin crossed the room and stood before Severus like an avenging wolf, glaring down at him in rightful disgust. “What the hell were you thinking?”
Thinking? What had Severus been thinking before Lupin interrupted him?
“Go away,” Severus complained. Lupin was distracting him, he had been since he arrived. Severus raised the bottle for another drink to clear his mind and sputtered on it when it spilled on his robe.
“You’re a mess,” Lupin said with obvious disgust. Severus was disgusting, who had let him drink so heavily? And why had he…?
Ah.
Potter.
“Run off to Potter and B-Black,” Severus said. His snark was tainted with a drunken slur that he tried to withhold. Why had he opened his door? Did he truly want to punish himself with an audience to the spectacle?
“You mean the child you hit?” Lupin bent down and stole the bottle that Severus had been drinking. Severus could hardly begin to complain before Lupin disposed of it with a tap of his wand.
“Potter is not a child,” Severus said stoutly. Of that, he was certain. Potter was - was many things. Maybe a seer, possibly retrocognizant. Potter was not a mere child, there was something wrong with the boy.
“Harry is an eleven year old child and you should have been fired,” Lupin said.
Severus raised his drink and realized his drink was gone. He blinked at his empty hand, momentarily confused.
“Accio—”
“Accio water,” Lupin interrupted him. A stream of water began making its way to Lupin and he captured it in a cup he conjured. “Drink,” he said, thrusting it at Severus without spilling a drop.
Severus would have refused, on principle, except he was parched.
“Thanks,” Severus muttered ungraciously after he drained the glass. Severus huffed when Lupin decided that his one word of thanks was an invite to sit on his sofa.
“I can see I won’t have a rational conversation with you,” Lupin chided him. “I hope that you decided to get drunk in remorse for what you did, but even that might be giving you too much credit.”
It was and it wasn’t.
Severus had opened a bottle to scald himself from the inside out, to burn away the hateful and bitter innards so that he could emerge as cool and untouchable as a perfect snowflake.
Or something to that sort, probably a different thought that was much less ridiculous sounding.
“A snowflake…” Lupin snorted and Severus lolled his head back, too close to a blissful blackout to care that he had apparently given voice to his drunken ramblings.
“Harry…” Severus’s tongue was too large for his mouth and it made it difficult to speak. It should have been a sign that he should not, but Severus’s cognitive reasoning must have been the first sense to leave him.
“Shouldn’t’ve turned out like this,” Severus said. He closed his eyes and groaned, thinking of the ways that everything was wrong with Potter.
If Severus was to spend his summer investigating Black, he would do the same to Potter. Whatever was wrong with one would be wrong with the other, it was the same as it had always been.
“You can apologize tomorrow.” Lupin sounded like a disapproving parent and Severus did nothing to disabuse him of the role even when a blanket was thrown over him.
“Though it might be safer if you avoided him for a while, I think Sirius might actually kill you.”
Severus started laughing and continued laughing until he blacked out and his last thought was that Black’s son would only be picking up where Black left off.