James Potter is 38 years old when he wakes up and doesn't open his phone because he knows what is waiting for him, the congratulations.
He loved congratulations and birthdays until the age didn't start to be too serious.
He knew his parents for 18, and lived for another 20 years.
In the kitchen is waiting for him Harry with a gift, James rolls his eyes with a smile.
"I told you no gifts.,,
Harry narrows his eyes at him "And I told you to stop wearing that colour, it makes you older than you are.,,
James goes to his son and hugs him, kissing him on a forehead and Harry pretending he doesn't like it.
James remembers the times when he was freshly 18 year old and his Mother would want him to sit on her and cradle him like a toddler. He always said it's embarrassing how his parents are still acting as if he was 3 months old.
Until he wasn't the one cradling his Mother's stiff body and didn't wish to go back to the times his only problem was what colour of t-shirt he should wear that day.
"You should stop talking with uncle Regulus so much, he's making you meaner.,,
Harry huffs "That's not true, and we have to talk, he's training me.,, "I could train you too, you know, I played football as well.,, "Mum and uncle Regulus are better, I'm sorry. You're going to like the gift.,, he nods to the counter.
James nods but doesn't start opening it yet, he leaves it for the evening.
Harry goes to school and James went to his work that's already decorated and his employees are already congratulating him, telling him he looks younger and what not.
He would love to believe them but he has mirrors and salt-pepper hair don't look very young to him.
In his office is already Sirius who grins at him before jumping on him.
After a work he makes his way to Remus' and Sirius' house where others already are having fun. He never liked to make parties in his house while Sirius loved it.
First to come to him is Lily, they might be divorced but they still love each other. She pecks his both cheeks and tells him he looks amazing.
After her Mary comes to him and hugs him with words "Not bad.,, James has to laugh, she was never one to compliment others.
Marlene pats his back and Barty tells them to be more careful now that he's brittle.
"Brittle? Let's see if I'm brittle.,, James smirks at Barty who imitates him and stands up.
"You haven't even drink anything yet and are going to fight? That's barbarian!,, says Lily but asks Tonks to send her the video from it.
Instead of fight as others thought they hugged, squeezing each other until both couldn't breathe well.
At first when they met Barty didn't like James and James didn't like Barty. He was too aggressive for him and he was too bright for the other one. It all changed when they got high and ended up swimming in strangers' pool.
He sat down and was met with Regulus' frown "Does really nobody tell you how you're dressing appallingly? I'll let you be because it's your birthday but please get rid of that colour from your wardrobe.,,
They're talking and dancing, waiting for the three children that are still in school to come for lighting the candles on the cake.
First to arrive was Violet, James' and Lily's youngest child and daughter.
She came in with a big smile and one rose "I picked it on the way.,, she handles him a flower that's obviously brought from florist and gives him a peck before going to her step Mother.
The next to come is Harry with Teddy in his arms. Teddy gives him a drawing and sits on him as Sirius helps to light the candles.
They together blow the candles and drink until James isn't reminded of his plans tomorrow and calls someone to take him home, the others still celebrating.
At the home he unpacks all the gifts he got everyone though he said he doesn't want any.
They were mostly useful stuff so at least they didn't waste their money on something he's not going to use.
The last one was Harry's, he was always a very precious child to James and maybe it's because he's his son but he always loved his gifts.
They reminded him of his children and what he built for them.
The feeling they could open up to him and give him gifts as stupid as they could be made him warm. It was something his best friend didn't have and something James didn't appreciate enough when he was younger and then didn't have anyone to do it for.
He was praying every day he could live in the presence of his children and the loved ones.
He opened it to find a picture of him and his three best friends where they were young. Their nicknames were written in the corner by eye liner. Beside the picture were 16 letters tied together with a rubber band.
They were in envelopes and each had written from who to who it was for and what year it should be read.
The year was now and James was reminded with their favourite teacher Minerva McGonagall who died three years ago.
The funeral was full of her past and new puppets, no eye was dry by the end of the day.
She wanted them to write to each other or to themselves a letter to their future selves.
He smiles to himself, his son doesn't lie when said he's going to like it.
He opened the first one he saw for him, it was from Peter.
Dear Prongs,
If you don't remember we were supposed to write a letter to our future selves. You snorted when you heard it, told Minerva you don't have to and it's stupid but one look from her was enough for you to shut up.
We're 38 years olds, wow.
Are you living in that two-story house with fireplace and big garden?
Did we plant an oak there as we wanted?
Please tell me you didn't buy white sofa, I don't know what's wrong with you but someone who can't keep himself clean for a few minutes can't own white sofa. Or any white furniture.
I don't know what to write. I know what to write but I'm scared. I wouldn't be able to tell you anything right now but I just hope we're more mature when you open this.
Maybe we're going to laugh at it and then forget this letter and what I'm going to write exists.
You tried to look into my letter to see what I'm writing so I decided to write it in our dorm when you and others are already asleep.
You look so soft sleeping.
I love you.
I don't know what's happening to me, I think after Sirius' coming out I just started to realise nothing is wrong with what I feel and maybe it's okay to love someone.
You must be confused about what I mean with this but this is it.
I was always ashamed of looking at you, it felt like a sin. But I could look at others without any issues.
You always grin at me and ask me how Wormy feels today and I can feel the warmth over me every time. I hate myself for my pale complexion, you always know when I'm blushing and have to make up an excuse.
Today you laughed at me for picking just the rocks that look like a heart. And yeah I'm picking them in hopes one day I can give them to you.
Reading what I wrote I'm taking it back, you can slap me when you read this. Slap me hard for falling in love with my best friend. You think of me as your brother and here I am, looking at you lovingly and writing to you how I'm in love with you.
Maybe I'm going to find the letter and give it to Sirius' dog to tear it before you can even open it. Sirius has a dog, right?
Anyway, don't make too big fun of me.
With love, Wormtail.
His home, two store house just as Peter wrote, is too quiet and he can hear his heart beating.
The sofa he's sitting on is in fact white and dirty from him and children, his sight gets blurry as he puts down the letter.
Turning his head to the side, he sees perfectly on the oak in his garden, a swing is attached to it.
When he turns his head on the other side there's a bookcase and beside a book he never read is a jar full of the heart shaped rocks Peter gave him the following two years.
He stopped the day Lily and him announced her pregnancy.
James doesn't think there's anything funny about Peter's confession and his head is hurting from the pressure he feels on his heart.
He would love to call Peter and tell him it's okay.
But it's not.
And he doesn't know if it will ever be.
Finding out someone he had a brotherly bond with thought of James differently is harder than a lot of people might think.
The worst is the voice in his head was nagging him years ago that Peter might feel the other way about him but he pretended to not see and hear anything for his own and Peter's good.
If Harry tells them about the letters Peter will know and then he can't pretend, he will have to confront and can lose one of his best friends.
He opens his phone to text Harry and is met with hundred of messages from Peter instead.
Oh.
They already know.
The next he was supposed to go fishing with Peter and Sybil, he prepared and drove there.
He could see Peter knew and was nervous. His anxious habit, chewing, came back and did his best for the two of them to not be left alone.
Unfortunately for Peter and fortunately for James they were left alone be because Sybil needed to go to sleep early.
Peter was avoiding looking at James and fireflies started to slowly fly high from their shelters. River was quiet, they only heard frogs when James had to light a cigarette and turned to Peter.
He didn't know how to start so he took out the letters they wrote to Peter back then and showed them to him.
Peter exhaled deeply "I'm sorry.,,
"It's okay.,, it wasn't.
"I shouldn't have done it. It was just stupid crush-,,
"It's okay. I'm fine, you're fine, we're all fine.,, he wasn't fine.
"Come here.,, James whispers and Peter comes closer.
James slowly puts his hands around him and hugs him, stroking his arms.
"I love Sybil and what I felt for you changed.,,
"I know.,, James says, closing his eyes and this time he's saying a true. He can see how much Peter loves Sybil in his eyes and smiles.
They catch a fish but let it escape, not wanting to stop hugging.
"A piece of my heart will always belong to you.,, Peter whispers, nuzzling into his arms and James nods "I know.,, he says because there's nothing else he could say.