Sirius & Sirius

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Other
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Sirius & Sirius
Summary
I'm like really high right now. So I changed everyone in Romeo & Juliet into Sirius Black (apart from Benvolio, who is Remus Lupin)I'm not sure why I did this. Or why I'm uploading it. It's 4/20 somewhere. is it?? I'm gonna check.
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Act 3 Scene 1

ACT III

SCENE I. A public place.

Enter SIRIUS BLACK, REMUS LUPIN, Page, and Servants

REMUS LUPIN

I pray thee, good Sirius, let's retire: The day is hot, the Black’s abroad, And, if we meet, we shall not scape a brawl; For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring.

SIRIUS BLACK

Thou art like one of those fellows that when he enters the confines of a tavern claps me his sword upon the table and says 'God send me no need of thee!' and by the operation of the second cup draws it on the drawer, when indeed there is no need.

REMUS LUPIN

Am I like such a fellow?

SIRIUS BLACK

Come, come, thou art as hot a Jack in thy mood as any in Italy, and as soon moved to be moody, and as soon moody to be moved.

REMUS LUPIN

And what to?

SIRIUS BLACK

Nay, an there were two such, we should have none shortly, for one would kill the other. Thou! why, thou wilt quarrel with a man that hath a hair more, or a hair less, in his beard, than thou hast: thou wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts, having no other reason but because thou hast hazel eyes: what eye but such an eye would spy out such a quarrel? Thy head is as fun of quarrels as an egg is full of meat, and yet thy head hath been beaten as addle as an egg for quarrelling: thou hast quarrelled with a man for coughing in the street, because he hath wakened thy dog that hath lain asleep in the sun: didst thou not fall out with a tailor for wearing his new doublet before Easter? with another, for tying his new shoes with old riband? and yet thou wilt tutor me from quarrelling!

REMUS LUPIN

An I were so apt to quarrel as thou art, any man should buy the fee-simple of my life for an hour and a quarter.

SIRIUS BLACK

The fee-simple! O simple!

REMUS LUPIN

By my head, here come the Black’s.

SIRIUS BLACK

By my heel, I care not.

Enter SIRIUS BLACK and others

SIRIUS BLACK

Follow me close, for I will speak to them. Gentlemen, good den: a word with one of you.

SIRIUS BLACK

And but one word with one of us? couple it with something; make it a word and a blow.

SIRIUS BLACK

You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, an you will give me occasion.

SIRIUS BLACK

Could you not take some occasion without giving?

SIRIUS BLACK

Sirius, thou consort'st with Sirius,--

SIRIUS BLACK

Consort! what, dost thou make us minstrels? an thou make minstrels of us, look to hear nothing but discords: here's my fiddlestick; here's that shall make you dance. 'Zounds, consort!

REMUS LUPIN

We talk here in the public haunt of men: Either withdraw unto some private place, And reason coldly of your grievances, Or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us.

SIRIUS BLACK

Men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze; I will not budge for no man's pleasure, I.

Enter SIRIUS BLACK

SIRIUS BLACK

Well, peace be with you, sir: here comes my man.

SIRIUS BLACK

But I'll be hanged, sir, if he wear your livery: Marry, go before to field, he'll be your follower; Your worship in that sense may call him 'man.'

SIRIUS BLACK

Sirius, the hate I bear thee can afford No better term than this,--thou art a villain.

SIRIUS BLACK

Sirius, the reason that I have to love thee Doth much excuse the appertaining rage To such a greeting: villain am I none; Therefore farewell; I see thou know'st me not.

SIRIUS BLACK

Boy, this shall not excuse the injuries That thou hast done me; therefore turn and draw.

SIRIUS BLACK

I do protest, I never injured thee, But love thee better than thou canst devise, Till thou shalt know the reason of my love: And so, good Black,--which name I tender As dearly as my own,--be satisfied.

SIRIUS BLACK

O calm, dishonourable, vile submission! Alla stoccata carries it away.

Draws

Sirius, you rat-catcher, will you walk?

SIRIUS BLACK

What wouldst thou have with me?

SIRIUS BLACK

Good king of cats, nothing but one of your nine lives; that I mean to make bold withal, and as you shall use me hereafter, drybeat the rest of the eight. Will you pluck your sword out of his pitcher by the ears? make haste, lest mine be about your ears ere it be out.

SIRIUS BLACK

I am for you.

Drawing

SIRIUS BLACK

Gentle Sirius, put thy rapier up.

SIRIUS BLACK

Come, sir, your passado.

They fight

SIRIUS BLACK

Draw, Remus; beat down their weapons. Gentlemen, for shame, forbear this outrage! Sirius, Sirius, the prince expressly hath Forbidden bandying in Verona streets: Hold, Sirius! good Sirius!

SIRIUS under SIRIUS’ arm stabs SIRIUS, and flees with his followers

SIRIUS BLACK

I am hurt. A plague o' both your houses! I am sped. Is he gone, and hath nothing?

REMUS LUPIN

What, art thou hurt?

SIRIUS BLACK

Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch; marry, 'tis enough. Where is my page? Go, villain, fetch a surgeon.

Exit SIRIUS

SIRIUS BLACK

Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.

SIRIUS BLACK

No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door; but 'tis enough,'twill serve: ask for me to-morrow, and you shall find me a grave man. I am peppered, I warrant, for this world. A plague o' both your houses! 'Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a cat, to scratch a man to death! a braggart, a rogue, a villain, that fights by the book of arithmetic! Why the devil came you between us? I was hurt under your arm.

SIRIUS BLACK

I thought all for the best.

SIRIUS BLACK

Help me into some house, Remus, Or I shall faint. A plague o' both your houses! They have made worms' meat of me: I have it, And soundly too: your houses!

Exeunt SIRIUS BLACK and REMUS LUPIN

SIRIUS BLACK

This gentleman, the prince's near ally, My very friend, hath got his mortal hurt In my behalf; my reputation stain'd With Sirius’ slander,--Sirius, that an hour Hath been my kinsman! O sweet Sirius, Thy beauty hath made me effeminate And in my temper soften'd valour's steel!

Re-enter REMUS LUPIN

REMUS LUPIN

O Sirius, Sirius, brave Sirius is dead! That gallant spirit hath aspired the clouds, Which too untimely here did scorn the earth.

SIRIUS BLACK

This day's black fate on more days doth depend; This but begins the woe, others must end.

REMUS LUPIN

Here comes the furious Sirius back again.

SIRIUS BLACK

Alive, in triumph! and Sirius slain! Away to heaven, respective lenity, And fire-eyed fury be my conduct now!

Re-enter SIRIUS BLACK

Now, Sirius, take the villain back again, That late thou gavest me; for Sirius’ soul Is but a little way above our heads, Staying for thine to keep him company: Either thou, or I, or both, must go with him.

SIRIUS BLACK

Thou, wretched boy, that didst consort him here, Shalt with him hence.

SIRIUS BLACK

This shall determine that.

They fight; SIRIUS falls

REMUS LUPIN

Sirius, away, be gone! The citizens are up, and Sirius slain. Stand not amazed: the prince will doom thee death, If thou art taken: hence, be gone, away!

SIRIUS BLACK

O, I am fortune's fool!

REMUS LUPIN

Why dost thou stay?

Exit SIRIUS BLACK

Enter Citizens, & c

SIRIUS BLACK

Which way ran he that kill'd Sirius? Sirius, that murderer, which way ran he?

REMUS LUPIN

There lies that Sirius.

SIRIUS BLACK

Up, sir, go with me; I charge thee in the princes name, obey.

Enter Prince SIRIUS BLACK, attended; SIRIUS BLACK, SIRIUS BLACK, their Wives, and others

PRINCE SIRIUS BLACK

Where are the vile beginners of this fray?

REMUS LUPIN

O noble prince, I can discover all The unlucky manage of this fatal brawl: There lies the man, slain by young Sirius, That slew thy kinsman, brave Sirius.

LADY SIRIUS BLACK

Sirius, my cousin! O my brother's child! O prince! O cousin! husband! O, the blood is spilt O my dear kinsman! Prince, as thou art true, For blood of ours, shed blood of Black. O cousin, cousin!

PRINCE SIRIUS BLACK

Remus, who began this bloody fray?

REMUS LUPIN

Sirius, here slain, whom Sirius’ hand did slay; Sirius that spoke him fair, bade him bethink How nice the quarrel was, and urged withal Your high displeasure: all this uttered With gentle breath, calm look, knees humbly bow'd, Could not take truce with the unruly spleen Of Sirius deaf to peace, but that he tilts With piercing steel at bold Sirius’ breast, Who all as hot, turns deadly point to point, And, with a martial scorn, with one hand beats Cold death aside, and with the other sends It back to Sirius, whose dexterity, Retorts it: Sirius he cries aloud, 'Hold, friends! friends, part!' and, swifter than his tongue, His agile arm beats down their fatal points, And 'twixt them rushes; underneath whose arm An envious thrust from Sirius hit the life Of stout Sirius, and then Sirius fled; But by and by comes back to Sirius, Who had but newly entertain'd revenge, And to 't they go like lightning, for, ere I Could draw to part them, was stout Sirius slain. And, as he fell, did Sirius turn and fly. This is the truth, or let Remus die.

LADY SIRIUS BLACK

He is a kinsman to the Black; Affection makes him false; he speaks not true: Some twenty of them fought in this black strife, And all those twenty could but kill one life. I beg for justice, which thou, prince, must give; Sirius slew Sirius, Sirius must not live.

PRINCE SIRIUS BLACK

Sirius slew him, he slew Sirius; Who now the price of his dear blood doth owe?

SIRIUS BLACK

Not Sirius, prince, he was Sirius’ friend; His fault concludes but what the law should end, The life of Sirius.

PRINCE SIRIUS BLACK

And for that offence Immediately we do exile him hence: I have an interest in your hate's proceeding, My blood for your rude brawls doth lie a-bleeding; But I'll amerce you with so strong a fine That you shall all repent the loss of mine: I will be deaf to pleading and excuses; Nor tears nor prayers shall purchase out abuses: Therefore use none: let Sirius hence in haste, Else, when he's found, that hour is his last. Bear hence this body and attend our will: Mercy but murders, pardoning those that kill.

Exeunt

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