Sirius & Sirius

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
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Sirius & Sirius
Summary
I'm like really high right now. So I changed everyone in Romeo & Juliet into Sirius Black (apart from Benvolio, who is Remus Lupin)I'm not sure why I did this. Or why I'm uploading it. It's 4/20 somewhere. is it?? I'm gonna check.
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Act 2 Scene 5

SCENE V. Black' orchard.

Enter Sirius Black

SIRIUS BLACK

The clock struck nine when I did send S; In half an hour she promised to return. Perchance she cannot meet him: that's not so. O, she is lame! love's heralds should be thoughts, Which ten times faster glide than the sun's beams, Driving back shadows over louring hills: Therefore do nimble-pinion'd doves draw love, And therefore hath the wind-swift Cupid wings. Now is the sun upon the highmost hill Of this day's journey, and from nine till twelve Is three long hours, yet she is not come. Had she affections and warm youthful blood, She would be as swift in motion as a ball; My words would bandy her to my sweet love, And his to me: But old folks, many feign as they were dead; Unwieldy, slow, heavy and pale as lead. O God, she comes!

Enter SIRIUS BLACK and PETER

O honey Sirius, what news? Hast thou met with him? Send thy man away.

SIRIUS BLACK

Peter, stay at the gate.

Exit PETER

SIRIUS BLACK

Now, good sweet Sirius,--O Lord, why look'st thou sad? Though news be sad, yet tell them merrily; If good, thou shamest the music of sweet news By playing it to me with so sour a face.

SIRIUS BLACK

I am a-weary, give me leave awhile: Fie, how my bones ache! what a jaunt have I had!

SIRIUS BLACK

I would thou hadst my bones, and I thy news: Nay, come, I pray thee, speak; good, good nurse, speak.

SIRIUS BLACK

Jesu, what haste? can you not stay awhile? Do you not see that I am out of breath?

SIRIUS BLACK

How art thou out of breath, when thou hast breath To say to me that thou art out of breath? The excuse that thou dost make in this delay Is longer than the tale thou dost excuse. Is thy news good, or bad? answer to that; Say either, and I'll stay the circumstance: Let me be satisfied, is't good or bad?

SIRIUS BLACK

Well, you have made a simple choice; you know not how to choose a man: Sirius! no, not he; though his face be better than any man's, yet his leg excels all men's; and for a hand, and a foot, and a body, though they be not to be talked on, yet they are past compare: he is not the flower of courtesy, but, I'll warrant him, as gentle as a lamb. Go thy ways, wench; serve God. What, have you dined at home?

SIRIUS BLACK

No, no: but all this did I know before. What says he of our marriage? what of that?

SIRIUS BLACK

Lord, how my head aches! what a head have I! It beats as it would fall in twenty pieces. My back o' t' other side,--O, my back, my back! Beshrew your heart for sending me about, To catch my death with jaunting up and down!

SIRIUS BLACK

I' faith, I am sorry that thou art not well. Sweet, sweet, sweet nurse, tell me, what says my love?

SIRIUS BLACK

Your love says, like an honest gentleman, and a courteous, and a kind, and a handsome, and, I warrant, a virtuous,--Where is your mother?

SIRIUS BLACK

Where is my mother! why, she is within; Where should she be? How oddly thou replies! 'Your love says, like an honest gentleman, Where is your mother?'

SIRIUS BLACK

O God's lady dear! Are you so hot? marry, come up, I trow; Is this the poultice for my aching bones? Henceforward do your messages yourself.

SIRIUS BLACK

Here's such a coil! come, what says Sirius?

SIRIUS BLACK

Have you got leave to go to shrift to-day?

SIRIUS BLACK

I have.

SIRIUS BLACK

Then hie you hence to Friar Sirius' cell; There stays a husband to make you a wife: Now comes the wanton blood up in your cheeks, They'll be in scarlet straight at any news. Hie you to church; I must another way, To fetch a ladder, by the which your love Must climb a bird's nest soon when it is dark: I am the drudge and toil in your delight, But you shall bear the burden soon at night. Go; I'll to dinner: hie you to the cell.

SIRIUS BLACK

Hie to high fortune! Honest Sirius, farewell.

Exeunt

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