If...

Lily snored. Severus thought she would be outraged if he told her. The thought made Severus smile in his sleep. He could stroke her hair, running his fingers through her auburn locks as her head rested on his... Stomach?! But what was Lily doing on his stomach? Uncertain, Severus opened one eye and discovered, with some relief, that it was the cat and not Lily who had left the bed. She wasn't even in the room, and neither was Harry. The cat stretched and made sure to dig its claws in. Severus grimaced, but didn't push the creature away. He felt no affection for the beast. He had no desire to see the fabric of his pyjamas torn by the tiny sharp claws, or worse, to have scratches across his chest. Fortunately for him, the cat jumped off the bed and Severus sat on the edge of the mattress.

He had been right in thinking that the photograph on the bedside table was of James Potter, but it wasn't really a portrait, more of a moment captured: Lily's wedding. The beautiful redhead was wearing a stunning white dress that made her look like an angel. Potter, on the other hand, was grinning like an idiot who had just won the grand prize in the Daily Prophet's annual lottery. They looked like a happy couple, blissfully unaware of the horrors of the war.

Severus looked away and stood up. It was day. The faint November sunlight filtered into the room through the old lace curtains. Severus had definitely slept for several hours, which was unusual for him. He wasn't one to sleep much, and never slept in late. He went downstairs and saw Lily and Harry playing together on the living room carpet.

"Here, Harry. Take the block and put it on your pile... Yes! That's my boy!" 

Lily looked up and smiled at Severus. 

"Sleep well, Sev? You look better." 

"Did I look that bad?" 

"Like a zombie," she said with a chuckle. "Almost. Coffee?" 

Severus moved closer to them. Harry was deep in his game. 

"Noon... For God's sake!" he sighed, collapsing onto the sofa. 

"You've had a few hours to catch up," Lily replied as she headed for the kitchen. 

"Daddy!" Harry exclaimed. 

"Shh!" Severus put a finger to his lips. 

"Daddy!" 

"Severus. It's Severus." 

"Daddy!" 

"Severus."

If Black found out his precious godson was calling the vile Snivellus daddy, Severus would pay dearly. Lily returned with a cup of coffee. 

"I heard," she said, handing him the drink. 

There was no anger in her voice, not even sadness. 

"I'm a dead man," Severus replied. 

"How so?" she asked, a smile playing on her lips. 

"Black."

A small laugh escaped Lily's mouth. It was strange, coming from the woman who had ignored him for hours the day before. 

"Leave the country, barricade your house..." she suggested teasingly. 

"Very funny," Severus said sarcastically. 

"With any luck, Harry won't say it in front of him."

Trusting a Potter to keep Severus Snape out of trouble was nothing short of delusional. How was he going to make Harry understand that he wasn't his father, just Severus?

"Relax," Lily reassured him. "I'm not saying it doesn't bother me, but Harry is still little. He'll figure it out eventually," she said, putting her arm around his shoulders. "And if he doesn't... Well..." 

She trailed off. The words seemed to escape her. 

"And if he doesn't?" 

"I'm afraid I'll have to ask you for child support," Lily replied with the utmost seriousness.

Severus' eyes widened. Had he heard her right? 

"You should see your face!" Lily burst out laughing. "I'm joking, Sev. I'd never ask such a thing." 

He laughed too. When they were younger, Lily used to play pranks like that on him, because Severus took everything at face value. He thought he was no longer that naive, but Lily still managed to surprise him. 

"I'm such a fool," he said. 

"No, you're very clever," Lily insisted. "I hope you don't mind, but..." 

She picked up a notebook from under one of the cushions. Severus had brought it with him that night, but hadn't opened it, leaving it on the sofa. 

"I got a little too curious," she continued. "You're not angry, are you?"

Severus didn't like people poking around his things, especially his notebook. But this was Lily, the one person he had always wanted to impress.

"No... you know, they're just scribbles..."

"You're joking, right? I knew you were working on improving some potions... I had no idea you'd reworked all the recipes since our first year, Sev... You're a real genius! Not to mention all your research in there..."

Severus, feeling uncomfortable, lowered his eyes and felt that awful blush creep inch by inch across the skin of his neck.

"You're exaggerating," he muttered.

"No, Sev. You're really talented."

She moved closer and placed the open notebook on Severus's lap.

"I better understand why you won that bottle of Felix Felicis in our sixth year... You simplified the Draught of the Living Death protocol!"

Lily was absolutely thrilled.

"To be honest, I fixed it later..." Severus admitted. "I confess I was acting on instinct during the lesson."

"What were you doing with the bottle?" asked Lily. "You don't have to tell me..."

Severus had been very happy to win this prize, but unfortunately, he had never had the chance to use it...

"I lost it after I won it."

"What? But... but... how did that happen?"

"I don't know... When Slughorn announced that he was going to reward the best brewer in the class, I knew immediately what I was going to use it for..."

"For what?"

"I would have drunk the bottle to find the courage to apologise to you..." Severus revealed, lowering his eyes. "A proper apology..."

Severus hadn't actually lost the bottle of Felix Felicis. Someone had stolen it from him barely an hour after he'd received it. Who? Severus couldn't make accusations without proof. His animosity towards Potter led him to believe that he might have committed the theft. But Severus suspected his fellow Slytherins even more. Some were jealous of his talent for Potions and might have thought a mere half-blood wasn't worthy of such a reward.

"Oh... you know, I really hoped you would come back... I was so angry at you and disappointed... But I missed you," Lily admitted, her voice full of emotion. "If you'd just said you were sorry and that it wouldn't happen again, I would have welcomed you with open arms. Of course, I would have demanded some guarantees... no more dark magic, no more bad company, no more low blows..."

Severus was sure he would have agreed to all of Lily's terms without hesitation. But at the time, he'd been too much of a coward and thought reconciliation with the Gryffindor was a miracle beyond his reach. That's why he had put all his hopes in Felix Felicis.

"You didn't need that potion," Lily continued. "Tuney would say it's psychological or something."

She burst out laughing, and Severus joined in.

"Psychological?" he asked between chuckles. "What does that mean?"

"Hmm... as far as I know, it's about what goes on in your head. She must have read it in a magazine... How long have you had that notebook?"

"It's not the first," Severus replied. "I started jotting down my ideas in my first year. At first it was on small scraps of parchment, often in my textbooks... When I was fourteen, I managed to buy a small notebook from the stationery shop in town. I wrote down all my ideas in it... Some failed, others worked. Then I was able to get more notebooks. This one is an old one from sixth year, but I haven't filled it in yet..."

Lily picked up the notebook and leafed through the pages. It had been a long time since Severus had seen his friend so engrossed in reading.

"Sectumsempra? What's that?" Lily asked with interest.

It was the one-page Severus didn't want Lily to read. He was terribly ashamed of this spell. He'd told her about it before, but never mentioned its name.

"You don't want to know..."

"The stronger the intent, the greater the damage done to the enemy..." Lily read aloud. "Oh... I see."

It seemed to Severus that Lily had gone pale. She carefully closed the notebook and placed it on the coffee table.

"It's my worst creation," Severus sighed. "Originally, I was going to invent a spell to slice my ingredients... You know the rest."

"When you were almost killed in the tunnel," Lily added. "You didn't want to be vulnerable again after that night. I remember our conversation."

"I changed it after that full moon night... And your husband was my first victim," Severus added.

That afternoon at the lake, he'd committed two atrocities: cutting Potter's cheek with a curse and calling Lily a Mudblood. It was the second he regretted the most.

Lily got up and announced that she had to prepare lunch. She didn't seem upset, which reassured Severus.

He spent some time with Harry. Severus stood the toddler up and helped him take a few steps while holding him under his arms. These little exercises amused Harry, who laughed with delight. From time to time, Lily looked into the living room and encouraged her son to keep going.

"It's only a matter of time," Severus assured her. "I saw him standing in his cot this morning."

"He's growing up so fast," Lily replied nostalgically.

The three of them ate lunch in the kitchen and had a pleasant time around the table. Lily was right. Severus hardly recognised the little boy who had arrived at his house two weeks earlier. Harry was becoming more cheerful and affectionate, and each day Severus noticed the child's progress. A few poorly pronounced words could sometimes be heard in his babbling. Harry was getting stronger. Soon Lily would have to run after him to catch up.

Harry didn't escape his nap, despite a few protests. Lily took him upstairs while Severus tidied the kitchen.

"His personality is starting to show," Lily commented as she entered the kitchen.

"How long do naps last?" Severus asked.

"In theory, until they're three, maybe more... In practice, until your child decides they're not tired and starts bouncing on their bed," Lily replied with a laugh.

"Has Harry been bouncing on his bed?"

"No, he can't even walk yet... But he's very familiar with the word no. He got up at least twice before he finally agreed to go to sleep and kept saying no... I wonder if I was too hard on Sirius on Friday."

"The bouncing phase won't be long then," Severus replied, pouring coffee into two cups.

Lily took her mug and leaned against one of the kitchen counters.

"He learned two new words today: Mummy and no," Lily said with a smile.

"Yes, your son said Mummy this morning."

"How did you know? You were sleeping..."

Lily looked like a fish out of water. It was rather amusing.

"Don't you remember? This morning Harry woke us and shouted Mummy from his cot."

"Good heavens! I missed that!"

"You told him you were tired. He stayed in bed with us for a while and I put him back when he fell asleep".

Severus himself was too exhausted to notice a new word coming out of the boy's mouth. 

"You silly thing," Lily complained. "This morning, when I was looking after him, I almost cried when I heard him call me Mummy."

"It's the same thing, really," Severus reassured her. 

Lily admitted that Severus wasn't wrong, adding that Harry was sure to say all sorts of things without Lily - or anyone else - being there to hear them. Then they talked about last night, which had ended in a very unexpected way: Lily and Severus had slept together.

"I felt bad about letting you sleep on the sofa, especially since you don't sleep well in your own bed. I hope my suggestion didn't shock you..."

"No, not at all..." Severus lied.

He had been very surprised when Lily had invited him to sleep with her. After all, he had spent a pleasant night sharing a bed with his best friend. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept so well.

"We could use Harry's nap to go up to your room. I could improve your mattress with a few spells."

There was no way Lily was going to see his room!

"You could show me how," Severus suggested. "It's certainly within my abilities."

"There are several spells, and it depends on the mattress," Lily replied, unaware of the confusion she had caused her friend.

"Lily... I don't feel comfortable with you in my room..." Severus admitted, cornered.

"I promise I won't judge," Lily assured him. "James told me once that Sirius had pictures of women in bikinis on the walls of his room. Can you believe that, Sev?"

Black's choice of decorations hardly surprised Severus. He had never hung anything on the shabby walls of his own room.

"There's nothing on my walls, not even a Slytherin banner," he replied to the redhead.

"So, are you okay with this?"

"At your own risk..."

They went upstairs and Severus hesitated a little before opening the door to his room. Lily would surely think him pathetic when she saw the state of his sleeping quarters.

"Come in, I promise I won't judge," Lily encouraged.

He turned the handle and pushed the door open. His room was truly the most depressing part of the house. The peeling, mouldy walls gave the place a damp, oppressive atmosphere. Cobwebs, thick with dust, hung from the ceiling. As for the bed, it was rudimentary, worthy of a prison cell, with a thin, hard mattress.

Lily stepped in behind him and swept her eyes over the room. She remained silent for a moment, taking in every inch of the place.

"I was kind of expecting this," she said finally.

She took out her wand and cast several spells to cleanse the room. The cobwebs vanished, the mould disappeared, and the dust was swept away in an instant. Severus watched in silence. He could have done it himself, of course. He knew the spells by heart, but he had never felt the need to make the house more habitable. Too many bad memories were rooted here, too much pain in every corner.

"That's better, isn't it?" Lily said, turning to him with a satisfied smile.

Severus nodded. The room was much cleaner, but the gloom of the place still lingered.

"Let's go to your bed," she said.

She approached the bed and saw that the mattress was both thin and hard.

"It's a children's bed," she said quietly. "You need something bigger."

She inspected every inch of the wrought iron bed. The iron was rusted in places.

"I'll have to delve into your mother's old books. I've never enlarged a bed before. Your mattress won't be too difficult to transform. In the meantime, you can always sleep with me."

"Lily, that's not necessary. I'm used to this bed. Besides, last night was just a bit of insomnia... nothing serious."

Lily shook her head, rejecting his objection.

"No, Severus, I insist. You work hard and you need to sleep in a comfortable bed. And I know it's difficult for you, but you're not inconveniencing me."

Severus pressed his lips together. She didn't understand. She couldn't understand. Sleeping with her was a form of soft torture. Every night spent by her side stirred desires within him that he knew were unattainable. He loved her. She knew that. He had told her, in a moment of vulnerability that he almost regretted now. They had talked about it, and Lily had been understanding, but her feelings for him had never gone beyond those of a friend. He knew it and she knew it.

"I don't want this to get... complicated," he murmured.

Lily sat down on his bed and invited him to do the same. She looked at him with that softness that was so characteristic of her, a softness that paradoxically tore Severus' heart apart with every passing moment.

"I feel stupid for not realising how terrible it really is here," she said.

"I was a bit secretive and did everything I could to make sure you never came here. Now you know the house as well as I do."

"But I've been here before. Do you remember? The day after I got my letter. I saw your father and the hall... That's it."

"It was a little less rotten than the night I brought you here with Harry. The house really fell apart when my mother disappeared, although it was never a palace."

Lily chuckled.

"It's a bit better since I took over, though, isn't it?"

"Enormously!"

He was truly grateful that Lily had redecorated his house. Not everything was finished yet, but the ground floor was really pleasant now that the young widow had taken over the project.

"Do you remember when we used to do the same thing in my room? We'd sit on my bed and talk."

That time was long gone, but Severus remembered it well. He had always been warmly welcomed by Lily's parents. Petunia usually ignored him or looked at him with disdain. At least two Muggles had been kind to him.

"Your room was very nice."

Lily's room had never been a stereotypical little girl's room. There was a little pink, but not too much. He remembered that she had a doll on her bed, but also a teddy bear.

"What was her doll's name?"

"Emily, like Sarah’s doll in A Little Princess. But mine was brunette, not blonde."

"This was your favourite book when we were kids."

"Along with The Secret Garden... and Emily of New Moon. I've always liked sassy heroines," she said, a mischievous smile on her rosy lips.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and seemed to be thinking for a few moments - or so Severus thought.

"When I got pregnant, I had two names in mind. Harry for a boy and Emily for a girl."

"Why Harry?" Severus asked.

"I don't know, I just liked the name. And it just so happened that James' grandfather was called Henry... but I thought it sounded a bit old-fashioned... So, we decided on Harry. James never met him. He died long before James was born. His parents had him late..."

James had always struck Severus as an outrageously spoilt child. He knew that James had been born into a pure-blood wizarding family, but he had never taken much interest in the Potter family.

"You know... I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but... Harry wasn't planned. James and I wanted to have a child, but not so soon. We were only nineteen when I got pregnant, and we had just got married. There were so many things we wanted to do, to experience... And then there was the war we were involved in. A lot of people probably thought we were foolish... to have a baby so young, in the middle of a war... And both of us being members of the Order, no less. But when I found out I was pregnant, I was really happy, and so was James. He was always so optimistic, never one to dwell on the negative.

Yes, James Potter had always shown his immaturity at Hogwarts. He was the opposite of Severus. But Lily and her husband weren't the only ones who had rushed into marriage and started a family on a whim. Many couples had lost their heads during the war, both among the Defenders of the Light and the supporters of Voldemort.

"You must think me terribly irresponsible..."

"No, I'd never judge you," Severus reassured her. "And in the end, you're glad you had Harry, aren't you?"

"Yes," she replied with a smile. "He's my reason for living. I'd do anything for him."

"Then you're not irresponsible at all," he said.