If...

This was the last time Lily returned to Hogwarts, her seventh year. She was on Platform Nine and Three-Quarters with her parents. Petunia had not accompanied her for years. She lived in London now. She shared a flat with two young women. One was a nurse and the other worked for the same company as Petunia. Lily had found out that her sister was seeing a man she had met at work, a man called Vernon. The student didn't know any more. Lily had hardly seen her during her holidays at Cokeworth. Petunia had only condescended to spend a weekend at the end of July and had left as quickly as she had come.

Lily hugged her parents and boarded one of the carriages. The young witch hadn't met her friends in their compartment since her fifth year. The prefects first had to meet at a meeting chaired by the Head Boy and Head Girl. And this year, Lily had just been appointed Head Girl. It was a great honour, but also a great responsibility.

Lily dragged her trunk into the narrow corridor of the carriage. It wasn't very heavy, because the Gryffindor had used some sort of extension spell on it. It was clever! And then she saw him, Severus Snape. He had just boarded the train and was carrying an old, dilapidated trunk that had probably belonged to his mother. Lily had not seen him on the platform, nor had she seen Mrs. Snape. She and Snape had not spoken since the end of her fifth year. 

The Slytherin gave her an indescribable look, but Lily ignored him. Sometimes the girl wondered how she could be friends with him. He was mean when she thought he was her best friend. Unfortunately, he had gotten worse and more despicable in her sixth year. She had mistakenly believed that this break would make him think and give up his evil ways. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect.... Anyway, she had no more time to waste with Snape's son. All she wanted was for him to stay away from her. She didn't care about the rest.

Lily entered the Prefect's compartment and was astonished to find James Potter there. It was inevitably a misunderstanding, another farce from that arrogant young man.

"What are you doing here?" asked Lily in surprise. "You must have got the wrong compartment. This is the one for—"

"Prefects," the Quidditch Chaser replied, smiling. "I happen to be Head Boy."

That must have been a joke. James Potter Head Boy? Impossible! He had very good results, but he was far from exemplary.

Then he showed a badge and Lily knew he was not mocking her. The young witch would have preferred it to be a joke. This guy would never be tolerated by her. The prospect of having to enforce discipline at the side of Hogwarts' biggest troublemaker made her want to throw her own badge out of the carriage window and resign.

However, Lily had to admit that James Potter had mellowed during their sixth year. He was a little less arrogant and had stopped bullying her into going out with him. He hardly ever cursed anyone who had the misfortune to displease him, except for Severus. But the Slytherin was a special case, and he had a serious problem with James Potter. They had hated each other since their first trip on the Hogwarts Express.

Lily no longer wanted to be associated with Severus Snape, but she did not want him to be constantly attacked by James and his gang. Snape was far from blameless, for he too was sometimes the first to be hit. Lily hadn't interfered since that O.W.L. test. The Slytherin had made it clear to her that he did not need the help of a filthy little Mudblood to defend himself. That was the last straw.

The prefects of the four houses soon joined them, and the meeting began. Against all odds, James Potter was anything but casual. He seemed to take his new responsibilities very seriously. He was even cordial with the two Slytherin prefects. Gretchen Bulstrode was a rather haughty sixth year who had been a prefect since last year. Bartemius Crouch, a fifth year, had just received his badge. He was a sixteen-year-old boy who looked thirteen. He looked like an asparagus. He also had blond hair and his pale skin was covered in freckles. Lily had seen him sometimes in the library. He was a rather discreet and hardworking boy who did not interfere with the practitioners of the Dark Arts.

Lily was surprised to hear that James Potter was up to his new duties. Remus Lupin had no doubt informed him of his new role. The young man, who hadn't lost his Prefect's badge for Potter's sake, was present in the compartment and listened intently to his friend.

"Tonight, after the banquet, you will escort the new students to their common rooms," James announced.

"Be clear in your explanations," Lily added. "Remember, they're novices, they don't know the castle. Some of them have probably never even heard of Hogwarts, at least until recently."

Gretchen Bulstrode giggled and stared at the redhead. Lily didn't like the girl very much.

"That won't happen in Slytherin," the Prefect sneered. "Right, Barty?"

The boy ignored her and looked down at his shoes. He seemed uncomfortable next to Gretchen Bulstrode, who was as tall as he was, but as big as a house. She almost seemed to intimidate him.

"That's not the problem," James replied, annoyed. "As prefects, you have to set an example and be impartial to all students, regardless of their house or background."

Lily thought she was dreaming when she heard those words come out of James Potter's mouth. She remembered an old Muggle saying, the pot calling the kettle black. What a hypocrite!

"And don't abuse your position," Lily added, looking at Potter. "Be fair."

Gretchen Bulstrode frowned. Last year, the Slytherin had been very bossy with many students who weren't in the same house as her. She was even said to take points away from those she didn't like, and to be very lax with her Slytherin friends. Obviously, it was not considered advisable to remove her badge.

"Now, let's move on to the other points," the Quidditch Chaser interrupted again. "As you know, there is a bathroom for Quidditch prefects and captains on the fifth floor. You can access it with a password which is..."

James took a letter from his coat pocket. Lily had received the same one, telling her that she had been chosen to be Head Girl.

"Reddish Phoenix," the young man read. "I think we have told you everything."

"There's something else," Lily corrected. "We have to patrol the train during the journey, to watch the students or guide them. Some haven't—"

"Yes, some have never heard of Hogwarts," Gretchen Bulstrode interrupted, imitating her. "We know!"

James abruptly replied that she owed respect to Lily, who was above her in the Prefect hierarchy. The Muggle-born didn't need him to come to her rescue. She knew how to defend herself and was not afraid of girls like Gretchen Bulstrode. She knew what that girl thought of Muggle-borns. Of course, Lily had never heard her utter the infamous insult. Gretchen Bulstrode wasn't stupid enough to do it in public. The Gryffindor felt guilty having to lead a teenage girl like Gretchen Bulstrode, who was convinced that Muggle-borns were socially inferior to people like her, who were proud of their pure blood. 

The meeting ended, but Lily hadn't gotten rid of James Potter. He wanted to talk to her, to discuss her new responsibilities.

"I think we have to be vigilant," he said seriously. "They say You-Know-Who is even recruiting at Hogwarts."

"This is not new," Lily replied. "Some aspire to join him. It's a fact."

"Yes.... What I mean is that some of them may have already joined".

The prospect was terrifying. Young Death Eaters at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, fanatics. She thought of Severus. She was afraid that one day she would find out that he really had become one of them. He was stupid enough to do it, and very clever enough to give it up.

"And what are we supposed to do? I'm not going to ask every Slytherin to roll up their sleeves."

"No, I don't," he said, looking away.  

He had not minded undressing Severus at the lake.

"I think we just have to keep an eye on those who have joined or will join. It would be terrible if they were training other students. You know what I mean?"

Lily nodded. The younger ones were vulnerable and easily influenced. But she knew that such things were done in secret, away from prying eyes. Her job didn't allow her to infiltrate the Slytherin common room, the bastion of the Death Eaters in the making. Had she and Severus still been friends, the Slytherin would have made an excellent spy. But he had chosen a very different path from her own.

"What do you suggest?" asked Lily.

"We could, for example, patrol the corridors in our free time. I hear the second-floor girls' lavatory aren’t very popular.”

"Yes," Lily nodded. "They are haunted by Moaning Myrtle, who often floods the place. No one goes there. Do you think they could be a place for secret meetings?"

“Maybe…”

The two of them walked down the corridor for several minutes. Lily was surprised to find that James Potter, when he wasn't surrounded by his crowd of admirers, was a rather friendly and even mature boy. He seemed genuinely concerned about the rise of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. But he had nothing to fear. He came from a very wealthy family of pure-blood wizards. Everything that the dark wizard and his minions worshipped, which favoured purity of blood.

For Lily, things were much more complicated. She was Muggle-born, and many considered that an inferiority. The Daily Prophet had reported disturbing disappearances and even murders in recent months. The targets were usually opponents, but also wizards and witches like Lily. Occasionally, the paper made a brief reference to Muggles, who were regarded as chattel by the vile wizard and his followers.

"I look forward to working with you," he said before slipping into the compartment he shared with his three friends. "See you at the banquet!"

Lily smiled and walked down the train to meet her friends, whom she hadn't seen in two months. Perhaps James Potter could improve on a closer acquaintance, she thought.

*

Lily and Severus were stationed in front of the fireplace waiting for Sirius. Severus wore his stark redingote and a black cloak that made him look like a bat. These clothes gave him a natural authority. From Severus' words, Lily had guessed that her host was not a patient and gentle teacher. He was certainly the kind of professor who would frighten his students, mistreat them a little. Lily wondered if Dumbledore had made the right decision in putting him in charge of the younger students. Perhaps it would have been wiser to put him in higher years. Older students were generally more disciplined and had more knowledge and practice.

Lily looked around. Severus' sitting room was much warmer and more comfortable. Still, she intended to continue the improvements. The day before, Lily had continued with her new project. Severus had helped her a few times when he was not otherwise occupied, especially with Harry. He had taken it upon himself to distract him from time to time, still reading him Potions Today. It was strange reading for a fifteen-month-old child. Lily's son seemed to enjoy it, especially as Severus was a good reader. His deep voice soothed the toddler, who remained transfixed by the new teacher's every word.

"What's he doing?" muttered Severus. "I'm going to be late."

"It's not even half past seven," Lily replied.

"He's doing it on purpose, I'm sure!"

Sirius Black hadn't announced the time of his arrival. All Lily knew was that he would appear just before Severus left for Hogwarts. The former Gryffindor dreaded the moment when Severus and Sirius would meet face to face. The two men openly hated and despised each other. A few hours after James' death, the two enemies had almost come to blows. Only Lily's intervention had prevented a duel in the living room. She didn't ask them to be friends, because she knew that certain miracles - like this one - never happened. She only hoped that one day they would have a warm relationship. They were now fighting on the same team, not on opposing sides.

Finally, the fire was blazing, and Sirius Black crossed the hearth.

"I've never liked this mode of transport," he said, dusting the sleeves of his dress.

Severus looked at him like a common insect to be squashed. Lily had a sense of déjà vu. Petunia gave Severus the same look.

"Snape," Sirius greeted coldly.

"Black."

The two men looked at each other like two enemy lions locked in a cage. Flames burned in their eyes. Sirius was the first to break eye contact, because Lily was there.

"Lily," he said, holding her. "It's good to see you again. I wish you could know how sorry I am..."

The memory of James' funeral came back to Lily. Dumbledore had told her nothing, and only Sirius and Remus had been allowed to attend.

"It's nothing," she replied with a small smile.

Severus, straight as a die, hadn't moved an inch, still watching Sirius with hatred. Lily had thought he would leave quickly, the presence of the Marauder being unbearable.

"Weren't you afraid you'd be late, Sev?" Lily hesitated.

Sirius casually smiled triumphantly.

"I'd like to remind Black of some ground rules before I go," Severus replied coldly. "You are not a guest here. I only tolerate you because I have no choice. Don't you dare explore the place, touch anything."

"If you think I have the slightest desire to visit your hut," said the unwanted. "If I'm here, it's mainly for Lily and Harry. I am sure my presence here will make their time here shorter and more pleasant."

"You're not here to entertain them!" groaned Severus. "You're here to ensure their safety!"

Sirius laughed.

"Yes, I am. Thanks for reminding me, Snape, I had completely forgotten. Now that you mention it, I guess I can be versatile," he said with an amused grin on his lips.

Although Sirius had disowned his kinship, he remained a young man, proud and aristocratic in his manners. As such, he did not suffer from any orders, let alone Severus. Lily saw him holding his wand tightly, hidden by the sides of his dark cloak. The situation could escalate at any moment. The young woman could feel the atmosphere growing increasingly stormy.

"However, I must also remind you of some facts which I am sure have escaped your piercing mind," Sirius continued. "James was my best friend and, more importantly, the man I thought of as my brother. Harry is my godson; I am his godfather. He and Lily are my family. Do you understand that? I don't take orders from you. And I want you to know that as soon as this grotesque situation is over, I will take charge of Harry and Lily's safety and welfare. I will take them away from you, your twisted Death Eater mind. You are nothing, Snivellus! "

"Enough!" Lily ordered firmly.

The two men looked at Lily without saying a word.

"Severus, you'd better go," she said coldly. "You were afraid you'd be late, if I remember correctly."

He nodded and gave Sirius one last stormy look before disappearing into the fireplace.

"We finally got rid of him!" exclaimed Sirius happily.

"Sirius," Lily said, frowning. "You can't say that."

"What? I have to remind Snivelly who his superiors are."

"You promised," the young redhead reminded him. "You promised to be cordial and respectful."

"I promised to try," he said nonchalantly. "Ten years of enmity can't be wiped out in a few moments. And then he started.... He said I'd have to sit in a corner and watch you and Harry. Do you think I'll be allowed to use the loo?"

Lily sighed, but Sirius had a point. Severus didn't want Sirius to feel comfortable at home.

"Lily, forgive me. I'm really stupid sometimes.... I'll be better when he gets back."

The redhead raised an eyebrow. She wasn't sure she understood. Better could mean worse in Sirius' mouth. She didn't want to see the two wizards destroying the living room she had spent the last two days redecorating.

"Tell me about the outside," Lily said, trying to change the subject.

"What do you mean? Don't you read the papers? Doesn't that son of a Dementor let you read the press?"

"No, it's not Severus. It's Dumbledore! He has forbidden us to receive any owl— even one that delivers the Prophet. I know nothing. And Severus is in the same position I am."

"Good old Dumbledore," Sirius ironised. "I better understand why he advised us not to write to you, Remus and me. As a precaution, he said... You know, I didn't even know he was hiding James' funeral from you."

He paused for a moment. The subject was painful for him.

"When we got to the cemetery, we were faced with a fait accompli. I almost left... But Remus argued with me— so I stayed for James, for you, for Harry... He didn't deserve to go like that..."

Lily felt her throat tighten.

"I'm glad you stayed, that you and Remus went to his funeral... really."

"The next day it was Peter... What was left of me, anyway. I can never forgive myself - when I think of his poor mother— "

Lily hugged Sirius and he sobbed. She had never seen him cry before. James' disappearance, along with Peter's, had come as a shock to the young man. Sirius and James had thought of themselves as brothers. Sirius had even run away at the age of sixteen to live with the Potters, who had taken him in like a second son. Sirius had been completely rejected by his family. But a lot had changed in five years. His father had died and his brother, a Death Eater according to Sirius, had disappeared two years earlier. He only had his mother, but he hadn't seen her since the day of his fugue.

"He was all she had," Sirius went on. "It's terrible to lose the only person in the world— And it's all my fault—"

"Don't say that... He knew the risks..." 

"No, he didn't. None of us did— Of course we knew that Voldemort would use certain means, such as the Unforgivable Curses or Veritaserum, which were powerless against the will of the Secret Keeper. I did not expect him to know more. I should have.

"Dumbledore didn't know either. He said the Fidelius Charm was the surest way.... You're not the only one to blame. I'm as much to blame as James, Dumbledore.... We should have found another way— It's no use whipping yourself, torturing your mind. Nothing will ever bring James and Peter back— We must live with it and remember that Voldemort is truly responsible."

Sirius nodded and walked away from Lily.

"Do you want to know what's going on outside?"

He and Lily sat down on the couch and Sirius told her everything. First, there were banquets all over the country. The news of Lord Voldemort's disappearance had spread like wildfire and wizards and witches had been celebrating for several days.

"They only talk about it in the Prophet.... Every day Voldemort makes the headlines, or how he disappeared. Everyone has their own little theory..."

"What are they saying about the Death Eaters?"

"Every paper has the portraits of those wanted... My dear cousin Bellatrix, those degenerates of Lestrange... This morning, I learned that they had captured Dolohov. They would have done better to finish him—"

Antonin Dolohov was a sadist, a monster who tortured opponents and Muggles alike. He had also been involved in the murder of the Prewett brothers, two great duellists. Their disappearance had been a great loss to the Order.

"And this fourth Death Eater, the one involved in the kidnapping and torture of the Longbottoms... Has he been identified?"

"No... We only know it's a young man... You're talking about a portrait!"

"You think— I know you don't like to talk about your family..."

"I thought about it," he replied. "After all, nobody knows what happened to him. I don't care. But if I find out that he was the one who turned Frank and Alice into Flobberworm, Regulus will not get the Dementor's Kiss! Believe me!"

"Into Flobberworm," Lily repeated in horror. "Tell me the truth... Dumbledore has not told me everything."

"The Longbottoms will never leave St Mungo's. They don't respond to any treatment. The healers are desperate. These freaks, these monsters, have turned them into vegetables, into fools. They don't speak any more - they scream like animals - they behave like beasts - they're gone - they're just bodies with a few instincts -"

Sirius' words shocked Lily, but she needed to hear them. The truth was not always pleasant to hear, far from it.

"There is one more thing. I want you to know that I absolutely don't approve of you and Harry being here at Sniv's— um— at Snape's. Unlike Dumbledore, I don't think it's the best place to hide. Especially when you know Sniv's— Snape's connections."

"Everything's going well here," Lily said. "As I said, Severus treats us very well. If you don't like him, that's your right. But I have absolutely no right to complain about him. He takes great risks to welcome us into his home. All I can say is that you don't know Severus like I do. I don't think anyone knows him as well as I do. It's not an assumption, it's the truth."

"So, you see him as your friend..." Sirius said, wincing.

"Yes," Lily nodded. "I trust him completely. What did you want to tell me? That Harry and I are being targeted by the Death Eaters? I already know. That's why we're here, so they can't find us."

"No, that's not it, Lily... Your name and your son's name are known to everyone."

Lily blinked. What did Sirius mean?

"I told you Voldemort was very much in the Prophet. But they also talk about you, about Harry— they write that you survived— they write that Harry survived the Killing Curse, that he was the only one who did. They called him The Boy Who Lived, the one who brought Voldemort down."

"My God..." Lily sighed.

How could she not have thought of that?

"Every day they publish details about you and Harry— They even know about his scar!"

"The shape of a lightning bolt," Lily finished, distraught. "What details?"

Sirius replied that the press would spin most of the time. It was about the long months the Potters had spent hiding in Godric's Hollow. Their destroyed cottage had even been photographed several times.

"They're also making assumptions about where you're hiding."

"What?" cried Lily. "Reassure me. Don't they know we're here?"

"No... Who would think that you have taken refuge with that wretched man? No, one day you are at Hogwarts. One day you are abroad, the next day you are in the Ministry or in a residence closely guarded by Aurors on duty. They're spin, like I told you." 

Lily didn't know what was worse for her and her son: the possibility of being hunted by Death Eaters on the run, or the reporters from the Daily Prophet. If the wizarding newspaper found out where she and her son were hiding, Lily wasn't going to give up much of her skin. It was wrong, after all, not to have been informed for days. She couldn't bear to read all that nonsense, but she didn't want to remain in ignorance any longer. Knowledge was power and she was allowed to act accordingly.

Harry awoke a few moments later, and Lily was feeding him in the kitchen under the emotional gaze of his godfather.

"He looks so much like James. He is the spitting image of James, except for the eyes—"

"Mine," Lily replied, handing Harry a spoonful of porridge. "I tell myself that every day when I look at him."

It was both comfort and torture. Harry would grow up to look like his father, the man Lily had loved so much, still loved.