The Stag
REGULUS
My day so far has been fucking shit and it is not getting better.
I woke up dizzy, because of course, that is a completely fucking normal thing to happen. Maybe I should have taken the morning off, maybe someone else would have taken the morning off, but if I took the morning off every time my body decided to fucking betray me, I would barely get anything done.
Anyways, I won't have the gossip, or the questions. It isn't worth it. Once I made that decision, which was the right one, it appears that things got worse. First my knee feeling like it's being stabbed with a nail (it's an unpleasant sensation even without the dizziness), then my shoulder dislocating during potions, and I'm fucking done. I almost left for the dorms halfway through my last class when my leg gave out, but I'm stronger than that.
Anyways, going to the dorms means dealing with them , and I do not have the energy to endure that right now. Bee told Evan he was into him two weeks ago, and now any time spent in the dorm with them is accompanied by… noises. Panda assured me that it's just a phase, but I'm prepared to sleep in the hall if it lasts another god damn week.
Also, I'm in a shit mood, and I don't want them to be concerned. They're insufferable when they're concerned. Panda barely lets me get out of my bed without a cane when she knows I'm having a flare up, and I am not letting the whole school know that there's something wrong with me.
I know that's a bad way to put it, and I have a short list of people who would be disappointed if I said that, but it sure fucking feels like that when there is a nail being hammered into my knee.
So, obviously, I'm avoiding them. And since Panda will look literally all over school for me once she realized I'm gone (not without reason, but she's stiflingly protective), I'm going to the forest. It's where I go whenever I need to be alone, really alone. If anyone else is in there, they can't report me to the headmasters without reporting themself too. I limp out across the grounds- it's raining like a bitch, so I'm pretty much totally alone. And soaked, but at least I'm not overheating anymore. My dizziness is slowly receding, which is a gift. Maybe I'll be able to head back sooner rather than later, before my bones get waterlogged.
Perks of playing quidditch- I can spend however much time I'd like outside and I'll get away with it.
The woods are quiet at this time of day, gentle and calm. The trees are monstrous, with the shortest no less than twenty feet tall, and it provides a feeling of space that I long for in the cramped, crowded halls of the school.
It's fall, so the leaves should be going orange and red- and some are, of course- but most of the woods are magic enough to have a life force about them even without the sun.
I lean against a tree about half a mile into the woods and inhale deeply. Count to four. Exhale.
When I open my eyes, things feel a little clearer. I slide to a sitting position on a root of the tree and rest my head back against the bark, staring at the leaves. It's a maple of some sort, I'd guess. Big, five pointed leaves, branches that reach out like desperate hands, splitting and spreading.
I should be heading back to the school soon. The woods are always soothing, like they leech the things in my brain away before they can take hold. I think I could be civil around my friends, perhaps. If they don't piss me off.
I stand up, preparing to stretch before I hear a sound from off to my left- a stick snapping. My hand is on my wand in a split second. I spin around, finding myself less than teen feet away from what appears to be a stag.
But stags don't act like that, they don't just stand and stare around sudden movements.
"Shoo." I say, flicking my wand at it. It doesn't. It just stands there, big eyes and magnificent antlers.
"Leave. Go away. Fuck off." I stomp in the deer's direction once, intending to scare it off, but my foot hits a root and twists. I hiss- it's sprained, of course. Because my day could not get any fucking worse. I can deal with it, but I'll be limping more than usual for a few days, and it fucking hurts. The deer steps towards me.
"Christ, deer. You got rabies or some shit?" God. I am talking to a deer. I've lost my mind.
The deer shakes his head.
I'm fucking leaving. I'm leaving.
I don't. I stay on the spot, staring at the deer. "You're not a fucking deer. Why are you watching me? You know I can report you for being unregistered and being in the forbidden forest now, right?"
He nods, his antlers bobbing strangely.
"Ugh. If I know you, you are never going to bring this up to anyone, or I will kill you. I will." He nods again and I am so done with today.
I also don't have my cane, and my ankle is burning like hell.
I sigh. "Come here and help me. If you ever tell any part of this to anyone at all, your best friend, your girlfriend, your mother, whoever, you're going to Azkaban for being unregistered as an animagus. Don't think that's an empty threat- there's a record of the animagi at the school right now, and there's only six. None of them are deer."
He trots up to me, looking entirely too pleased about the situation, and I balance my arm on his back before he drops to his knees in an awkward crouch.
"I'm not riding you. That's weird." And it could reveal things that I'm absolutely not telling to some random fucking deer who could be a teacher or a first year.
He gets back up and nods, and I rebalance myself leaning against him. He's warm. I guess fur can do that to you.
When we start walking, it's surprisingly easy to match his gait, or maybe he's putting in more effort to match mine. Part of me wishes I had accepted the ride, but that part is being burnt at the stake by the rest of me.
We make it about halfway across the grounds after the woods before I remove my arm from his back. "Shoo. Go on. Transform back into your human self and never speak to me as a person ever."
He stares at me expectantly, not moving.
"Leave. Thank you for helping, just go away."
He nods and bounds off, looking like all of his joints are functional.
Jesus christ. I'm jealous of a wet deer.
When he's out of sight, I stretch, place my hands on the ground, and I very quickly have four legs, a tail, and whiskers.
What I didn't tell him about unregistered animagi- what I will definitely not tell him, because it removes the edge I have on him- is that I'm one too.
I developed it when I was a little kid, getting away from my parents when I was supposed to be asleep, wandering the streets of London as a stray cat. It was a nice way to get some control. People respect cats, even the most affectionate ones, they wait for the cat to initiate any contact for fear of claws
. It's been useful for a long time, being able to sneak away from my friends and spend time laying in the sun with the occasional twelve-year-old cooing over me. The cooing is far from wanted, but it's a side effect that I have accepted.
I make my way through the hapls and stairs up to the slytherin painting, who swings open for me without a question. He's accepted that I'm simply a student's cat left to roam the halls, and to my credit, I do look the part.
The commons are empty except for Evan and Barty, who are, as expected, making out in a chair, noises and all. I try very hard to ignore them as I head into the boy's dorm. The door's been left ajar, and Pandora and Dorcas are inside working on some sort of homework. Dorcas doesn't know about the cat, but Pandora does, of course. She knows pretty much everything.
"Hey, kitty." Her voice is light and melodic when she sees me, smiling with her head rested on her hand. I pin my hears back- she knows I hate it when she calls me that. It sounds like something an infant would say.
"How's your walk been? You look quite soaked." I hop up onto the bed she and Cas are using for what appears to be divination homework (my bed) and sit next to her. I am very much soaked, but I shook it off as best I could in the hall, so there isn't much that can be done now.
"Who's cat even is that, anyways?" Cas offers her fist to me for sniffing, and I oblige. I'm good at keeping up the charade, especially now that it's only a quarter of my limbs that I can't stand on. She smells like blueberries and something tangy and dark, as always, but there's a spicier, pumpkin-cinnamon smell on top of it today. There has been for a couple weeks. I'd assume she's seeing someone, given how deep it is in her skin, but I don't know any slytherins or ravenclaws who smell like that. Even the boys, although it's pretty obvious she doesn't swing that way.
Panda shrugs. "I don't know. He likes me, though." She nudges my head and I give her a look.
Dorcas laughs. "Obviously. You're friends with all the animals you find. Disney princess."
Panda smiles and dips her head. "I think that we've gotten enough done for today- that's the whole intro chapter to palms, right? You should go and tell Evan and Bee to stop making everyone in the commons uncomfortable."
Dorcas slides off the bed. "You know there's no one else in the commons anymore. I'll do it if you clear off the bed before Reg gets back. You know how he is about his stuff. Where did he go, anyways? Did you look for him?"
Panda gives me a disapproving side-eye while Dorcas yawns. "Yeah, actually. I did look for him. I'm sure he has a perfectly good reason to be out nearly until sunset without letting anyone know."
She doesn't get a response- Cas is already out of the room with the door shut.
She begins organizing her and Cas's papers, closing the book they were studying. "You'd better have a good reason for this. I was worried. You keep disappearing," I stretch and turn back to a human, my legs tossed over the edge of the bed. "And I don't know where you're going. I know you say you're practicing, but half the time you don't even take your broom." She looks at me with those big doe eyes and I stare into the wall before she touches my arm. I sigh.
"I'm fine, Panda. You know I'd tell you if anything was wrong." She blinks at me and I grit my teeth. It's not her fault she looks like a sad kitten, but it is absolutely her fault that she makes me feel so guilty whenever I talk to her about this. Whenever i lie to her.
"I wish that was true." She leans against my arm, head on my shoulder. "I love you, you know? You're my best friend, and I love you. Even when you're not telling me the whole truth."
I don't have the energy for her sincerity right now. "I love you too, Panda. It's late, though. You should head back to your dorm."
She gives me a look before hugging me and standing up. It almost feels like she's about to say something, but she spins around and walks out the door.
I'm lying on my bed for maybe fifteen minutes before Evan and Barty come in. I kind of miss the times before they were dating- obviously, I'm happy for them, but they're so… together. Always holding hands, kissing in the halls, whispering in each other's ears. I haven't had a conversation with just one or the other of them in weeks.
It's clear that they weren't expecting me to be inside and Barty stares at me for a second before letting go of his boyfriend's neck. "Oh. Hey, Reg. I was starting to think you fell into a river and drowned."
I flip him off without getting up. "I'm starting to think you're going to drown in Evan's fucking saliva."
He snickers. "You jealous?"
I'm not even gonna engage at this point. I've had this conversation dozens of times just this week.
Honestly, I kind of wish I had stayed out in the woods with that deer.