Prelude
James felt a whack at the back of his head, “Ow, was that strictly necessary?” He rubbed the spot where a bruise was forming. Sirius handed his weapon back to Remus, which happened to be the hardcover book he had been reading just five minutes ago. James longed for five minutes ago before he had told Sirius his news.
“Was that strictly necessary?” Sirius mocked and made a ridiculous face, “Moony, are you hearing this?” He had a severe case of the dramatics, but James had to admit that this time it might be warranted.
“Oh, I’m hearing it alright,” Remus said with a smirk, “You should be nicer to the man, he is your brother-in-law after all.” James glared back at the man. He was going to send Remus into a hysteria if Remus kept this up. Sometimes, James wished he wasn’t the type of person who sent people into hysteria because of his decision-making, but what can you do?
Sirius gasped in outrage and twirled towards Remus, “You, sir, are on thin ice.” He pointed his finger at the other man in an attempt to seem threatening. Sirius Black had the capability of being threatened or scary if he wanted to, however, Remus Lupin did not have the ability to be threatened or scared. The lovable accountant was a lot tougher than anyone usually gave him credit for.
“Oh no, I’m terrified,” Remus rolled his eyes in his signature sarcastic style.
Sirius narrowed his eyes and then said, “I’ll deal with you later, right now we need to focus on prongs. What the actual fuck is wrong with you?” Sirius twirled back around and was not facing James. How was he going to get out of this one? James swallowed the lump in his throat and geared up for this interrogation. James, unlike Remus, absolutely could be intimidated.
“Nothing?” James tried to answer. That probably wasn’t the cleverest answer he could have come up with, but James had never been known for his ability to be clever or witty in tight spaces.
“Certainly not nothing,” Remus oh so helpfully replied. James glared at the man but Remus just shrugged in response. The unhelpful twat.
“You married my brother!” Sirius announced in outrage, clearly not being able to wrap his head around the idea. James, taking a respite from this conversation, took a moment to daydream about the man. Regulus Black was like no one he had ever met before. He was the most beautiful man who ever lived. People should be bowing down to him, composing songs about him, or making renaissance paintings that never do him justice because no paint could ever capture how absolutely perfect the countenance of Regulus Black is. Not only that, but Regulus had the personality, too. He was mean and sharp but with a soft heart. James thought that he was probably the smartest person he had ever met. James shivered at the idea of just being able to have another conversation with the man.
“I did.” James nodded. There was no sense of shame that went along with the idea that he was married to Regulus Black. He still was a little bit miffed about how he got Regulus to marry him.
“Why on God’s green earth would you do that?” Sirius asked. James blinked. Did he seriously not know that his brother was the most magnificent being to ever grace the earth? James wouldn’t be James if he didn’t do everything in his power to get Regulus Black to marry him, even if he in no way deserves that God-made-man.
“Have you seen the man?” James replied dryly. He had to stand up for his husband's honor.
“First off, that's my brother you’re talking about, and secondly, you do not know him!” Sirius all but shouted. He threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. So what if Sirius was sort of right on that point? James didn’t strictly know Regulus in some senses of the word, however, James likes to think he knew Regulus to make the decision to marry him.
“I know him well enough,” James countered while crossing his arms. This point was probably not going to go over well.
“You met him yesterday,” Remus said dryly. It was true that James had met Regulus Black the day before, but with some astute observations, it didn’t take James to know that Regulus was the best humanity had to offer.
“It was love at first sight,” James said. It really was. The scene had felt like that one part in the Grinch movie where the Grinch's heart grew three times bigger and broke the scale. When James saw Regulus, his heart grew so much it broke the heart measuring thing.
“You’re delusional,” Sirius said as he fell down onto a chair.
“However, Regulus is not,” Remus gave a questioning look at James, “How did you convince him to marry you?”
“I charmed him,” James smiled even though that was a straight-up lie. Regulus was absolutely not charmed by James’ antics, but he did agree to marry him. So who really is the winner here?
“You did not,” Sirius responded with all confidence. He was right after all.
James rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “Fine fine, I don’t think it would make you feel better to know Regulus’ actual reasoning.”
“Spill,” Remus demanded in that voice that made anyone do what he asked. It was honestly a bit terrifying.
James sighed, “He said- well- he said that while he didn’t feel anything for me, if I was stupid enough to offer him half of all my money, who was he to say no.” What Regulus didn’t know was that if he had asked, James would have handed over every cent he had and asked for nothing in return.
“And you did!” Sirius exclaimed. “You actually signed over half of everything you owned to my brother. You know he is broke, doesn’t have a dime to his name?” James did know this, he just didn’t care very much.
“If someone that beautiful and downright amazing agrees to marry you, you go through with it,” James said wisely. If there was one thing his father had taught him, it was when someone so much better than you agrees to marry you, you did it.
“Not if you’ve only known them for a day,” Remus replied. James shook his head, there were no contingencies to this, if someone like Regulus Black agrees to marry you, you marry him.
“You’re going to be a divorced man at twenty-three,” Sirius pinched the bridge of his nose.
“I could never leave him,” James replied, offended. If there was anything he knew, it was that James Potter would never voluntarily leave Regulus Black. It just was not something he was capable of.
“He’ll leave you,” Remus responded. There was a pause where James thought. That was a real possibility, however, he intended to do his best to get Regulus Black to fall in love with him before that happened.
“That’ll be his prerogative,” James shrugged. If Regulus truly wanted to leave, James wasn’t going to stop him.
“You really have no sense of self-preservation,” Sirius admonished and James just shrugged in response.
“Self-preservation never got anyone anywhere,” James supplied while the other two men groaned.