Chapter 39
“Everyone, I would like to propose a toast!” yells out Sirius, proceeding to pull his chair out from underneath him and climb on top of it. Oh, sweet Jesus, Remus thinks as he looks up. He still doesn’t quite understand how he’s ended up directly across from Sirius in this entire seating arrangement, but he feels terribly sorry for Hagrid and every other person in this shop simply looking to get donuts. And though he’s mortified, he also can’t help the fact that he’s biting back laughter right now. “To James, who continues to make his father’s great homeland of Canada proud every time he steps foot out onto the ice and bravely captains this team!”
”Shut the fuck up!” James yells from next to him, and for a moment, Remus can sense him resisting the urge to punch his friend in the face. But his efforts come too late—everyone is already raising up their array of orange juices and coffees. James looks over to Remus in a last ditch effort, as if begging Remus not to give in and join them. Remus simply smiles and raises his own cup of coffee.
“To James!” Remus exclaims, a sentiment which all of his teammates are quick to echo. He attempts to clank his cup together with as many people as he can manage without having to get up out of his surprisingly comfortable seat. Or maybe it’s the lack of sleep getting to him after an incredibly energetic game. Eventually, he takes his arm back down and at last sips his coffee—which doesn’t end up tasting as terrible as he’d expect. Out of the corner of his eye, he catches Sirius grinning at him, and flashes a brief smile back. It’s all he can manage before he has to glance away, still not used to having the boy that he’s heard so much about for months here in front of him. To say that it’s been an interesting adjustment would be putting it lightly.
It’s not that Remus doesn’t like Sirius. As a matter of fact, it’s ended up being quite the opposite for him. Their first conversation had been awkward and uncomfortable, and Remus hadn’t quite known what to make of him then. He’d thought that maybe Sirius had only been nice to him because James liked him, and he’d quickly give up on him after realizing that Remus was actually a mess of a person. But after a week of seeing him around the rink, talking with him after practices, seeing how he’s treated their other teammates, Remus is realizing that maybe he’s judged Sirius far too harshly. Sure, he and James behave like absolute buffoons when they’re together. But Sirius hasn’t proven himself to be the hotheaded bully that Remus had assumed he was.
James sighs as everyone around him finishes toasting, crossing his arms. “I hate you all,” he says, to which Sirius simply returns a thumbs up. Remus can’t stop the snort that comes out of his nose, and it doesn’t slip by James. “This isn’t funny!” James exclaims to him.
Remus shrugs. “Nah, you’re right,” he says in agreement, which earns a relieved expression from James. It doesn’t last long, however. “It’s hilarious.”
At this, Sirius cackles. And even Regulus, who sits next to Sirius and has been nearly silent the entire time, smiles slightly.
”Oh, don’t tell me you find this funny too,” James says, looking at Regulus in dismay. though Regulus shakes his head and tries his best to look James in the eye, he only lasts a second before he has to turn away, his shoulders shaking as he tries his best to silence his laughter. “Come on!” James exclaims , exasperated, to which Regulus only laughs more audibly. So he does have a soul, Remus remarks to himself, mildly impressed by the display of actual emotion. In the past few weeks Regulus has been hanging around the team far more often, and he’s not sure if that’s a result of Sirius or James. But outside of the two of them, he doesn’t really… talk. Not to him, or to any of the rest of the team, for that matter. For the most part, he just sits there and looks entirely miserable. Today might be the first day where he hasn’t looked like he wants to die hanging out with them.
When Regulus finally manages to get his laughter back under control, he looks back to James, though he still refuses to face him directly. “I thought you’d like the attention,” he says simply, and Sirius’s mouth falls open at the harsh—but truthful—remark.
“And here I thought you’d back me up,” James says from beside Remus, though he doesn’t deny it. “Goes to show that you never really know a person.”
Regulus simply shakes his head at this, rolling his eyes—Remus can’t tell if it’s from amusement or from the exasperation of dealing with James Potter. He does admittedly become a lot to deal with after a while. “I’m gonna go get more coffee,” he says, pushing his chair back and getting up to his feet. Without another word, he walks away.
A couple seconds of silence pass before James suddenly stands up from next to him, the awful screech of metal scraping against tile accompanying him. “I’m getting more too,” he informs both Sirius and Remus, which immediately sparks confusion in Remus. But Remus can’t make any sort of remark about it—James disappears as fast as Regulus does, heading to the opposite corner of the shop where the coffee bar stands.
”That lying bastard,” Sirius says at last, turning back to Remus.
”I was gonna say,” Remus replies, his nose scrunching in confusion, “doesn’t he hate coffee?”
”Despises it,” Sirius confirms with a grim nod. “Won’t even go within an inch of it.” He sighs, craning his neck to see if he can get a glimpse of James and Regulus at the coffee bar, and that’s when the realization sets in.
“Wait, is there something going on with them?” Remus asks, his curiosity getting the better of him. “What happened?”
”Fuck if I know,” Sirius responds simply, and he looks back at Remus now. “Regulus just started avoiding him and now James thinks he’s mad at him, but Regulus is insisting he’s not. I’ve already tried prying it out of both of them.”
”Huh,” Remus replies, unsure of what else he can say. “Interesting.”
”Yeah, I never know what’s going on with them anymore,” Sirius laments. “I thought I would once I was back, but now I’m back, and it still doesn’t make sense.” Remus wants to point out that he doesn’t think it makes sense to any of them, but he figures that’s not entirely helpful.
Instead, he settles on a shrug. “They’ll figure it out,” he says. “They already did once.”
”I hope so,” Sirius says, though he doesn’t sound entirely convinced.
With that, the conversation temporarily comes to a halt, and Remus finally gets the chance to bite into one of Hagrid’s legendary donuts that his teammates have raved so much about.
As he tastes the vanilla frosting and sprinkles, he can only think one thing: they’re right. Hagrid’s donuts are fucking incredible.
❅ ❅ ❅
The skeptical look that Regulus immediately shoots James isn’t exactly the warm invitation he’d hoped for as he joins him at the coffee bar. “Why are you over here?”
James attempts to play it nonchalantly. “I’m getting coffee,” he answers simply, though he very quickly realizes how stupid of a response it actually is when he never even ordered a coffee in the first place.
Regulus’s deadpan tells James that he doesn’t believe him. ”You hate coffee.”
”I do,” James admits almost instantly, glad that he can drop the act. But his throat also tightens as he realizes what that means—he can’t cut corners around what he wants to ask. He has to say it upfront.
Well, he thinks, I might as well. Regulus hated him already once; he’s sure he can take it again. “Are we okay, Reg?”
Regulus’s hands, currently pouring himself another cup of coffee, freeze around the handle. James’s heart immediately drops into his stomach. Already he’s preparing for Regulus to tell him that he knows everything—that he knows how James feels, that he caught on instantly, and now he’s trying to distance himself because he doesn’t feel the same way. It’s a fear that’s been building up in the back of James’s mind for weeks, and he’s terrified that his worst fears are about to manifest right in front of him.
But if Regulus has caught on, he doesn’t admit to it. He glances over to James now, nodding. “Yeah,” he says, with an expression on his face that’s entirely unreadable. “Yeah, of course we are.”
”Really?” James blurts out before he can stop himself. “It doesn’t feel like—“
”I know,” Regulus replies after a moment, turning back towards the coffee bar now as he finishes pouring himself another cup. James wrinkles his nose as Regulus doesn’t bother to reach for any sort of cream or sugar, opting instead simply to put the lid back on and drink it black. Ew. “Um, I’m sorry I’ve been a dick these past couple of weeks. It’s just… weird. With Sirius being back. I’m not used to it yet.”
Ah. So that was it. He hadn’t believed him when Sirius had proposed that answer the other night, thinking that there had to be something more to it. But now that Regulus has confirmed that’s all there is, he finds that he’s scolding himself for wanting to find problems where there are none. “Oh,” James says. “Sorry, I thought—“
”No, no,” Regulus quickly cuts him off. “It’s okay. I promise.”
”Okay,” James says. Then, after a second— “are you sure?”
”I’m sure,” Regulus says, wasting no time in replying. He looks back over to James again, and now, there’s a soft smile on his face that both reassures James and unnerves him. That fucking smile. He wishes he saw it more.
Though it’s far from rational, James almost blurts it out right here and now. He has no idea what compels him to do so, but the way that Regulus is looking at him—so fondly, so tenderly—makes him think that maybe there’s the slightest chance. That maybe it could work out, if only he could build up the courage to finally say something.
When James speaks again, he doesn’t tell him of his all-too-obvious secret. Instead, he buries his feelings in the back of his throat, and attempts to return the smile. “Okay,” he says. “Good.”
They share one last look before Regulus turns away, beginning the journey back to the table. Without another word, James follows him.
❅ ❅ ❅
Somehow, the quick post-game trip to the donut shop ends up lasting over an hour. Regulus has no idea how it happens, but what’s even stranger is he finds that he doesn’t mind.
It’s actually… nice. To hang out with James and Sirius, with their teammates. To know that no one here is viewing each other as competition, or plotting on everyone else’s downfall so that they might succeed. It’s nice to know that everyone here actually likes each other, that they never have a reason to think otherwise. He’s grateful to know that no one here is staring him down, wondering if he’s stuck any quad toes in practice or if he’s planning on moving up to compete senior next season. It’s a nice break from the stress of the freestyle sessions at the rink, which he’ll have to return to tomorrow. He’s glad that he skipped them for the day—something that he would’ve been shocked to hear a year ago.
Plus, it’s not bad to be near James. Especially not like this, in a setting where Regulus wouldn’t dare to dream of telling James what’s really been happening. Regulus wasn’t sure an hour ago if he’d successfully managed to convince James of the lie he told, but so far James has believed him. And of course, because he’s James, he hasn’t held it against Regulus for one second. Like he ever would. Regulus wishes he could hate him for that.
But as the hour passes on and everyone at the table gets deeper and deeper into conversation, his feelings for James become secondary to the amusement he experiences as Sirius suddenly begins to fill them in on every single detail of what they missed while he was in Canada.
“I’m not kidding,” Sirius says next to him, his eyes wide as he shakes his head in horror. He’s currently telling them the story of the one meet and greet the team made him do, and the reasoning for why he will never do it again. “This girl actually asked me out. Like, full send just came up to me, and immediately got right to asking. I didn’t even say hello.”
”You know, I respect it,” Marlene says from across the table, though she looks just as shocked as the rest of them. “That’s fucking ballsy.”
”Yeah, except I had to say no, and then we still had a picture to take,” Sirius says, to which everyone’s dismay visibly grows. “I probably looked so mortified. I still feel awful.”
Regulus realizes as Sirius is recapping the story that he’s probably never heard a single detail about his brother’s love life, ever. so he can’t stop himself from asking, glancing over to his brother with a curious expression. “Do you think you would’ve said yes?” he questions. “If it wasn’t in the middle of a meet and greet?”
Sirius wrinkles his nose at this, as though disgusted by the prospect. “Nah,” he replies. “Not my type. Plus, I wouldn’t have had time for a girlfriend anyways.” His disinterested answer tells Regulus that it’s not a subject he wants to touch on any longer.
“Bullshit,” Marlene says almost instantly, “you miss Mary and we all know it.”
”Who’s Mary?” Peter questions, beating Regulus to it, But it doesn’t matter. He's ultimately ignored as Sirius’s head snaps over to Marlene and he immediately begins shaking his head.
”Absolutely the fuck not,” he says, to which nearly everyone at the table scoffs. Everyone except for Peter, Regulus, and Remus—the only three people here who have apparently never heard of Mary. Regulus’s eyes meet Remus’s almost instantly, and Regulus is relieved to see that he’s just as clueless. “Nope. I wasn’t kidding, I actually don’t have time.”
”Imagine that,” James replies from across the table, crossing his arms and shaking his head. “You could probably have your pick of any of the girls you wanted, and yet you choose none of them.”
”Why would I?” Sirius questions, grinning. “I have you.”
Regulus has to look away at this, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. And thankfully, he isn’t the only one who seems to be tired of this. Everyone around them either groans or finds another way to verbally express their disapproval. “Get a room, you two!” yells out one of the Prewett twins—Regulus can never tell them apart.
Once the audible displeasure dies down, Marlene makes one last comment. “Start sending some of those girls my way, would you, Sirius?”
”What, Dorcas Meadowes not working out for you?” Sirius retorts.
”Oh, fuck you!” Marlene responds, and it’s not even two seconds later that she picks up a crumpled napkin and chucks it at him. Regulus has to dodge out of the way of her horrible aim, though the new information doesn’t slip by him.
“You haven’t even talked to her yet, have you?”
She likes girls, Regulus thinks to himself, every other word of the conversation becoming suddenly irrelevant. In the background, Marlene is responding, but Regulus is no longer listening. She likes girls, and Sirius seems to be okay with it. So maybe…
Maybe not all hope is lost. Maybe he could build up the courage to tell Sirius.
For now, he joins in on the laughter of Sirius’s teammates, wondering if maybe someday he could call them friends too.
They spend a final few minutes in the shop cleaning up the mess they’ve created, with James apologizing profusely to Hagrid. Hagrid, on the other hand, couldn’t seem less bothered. “Don’t even worry ‘bout it,” he says, shrugging it off, “it’s always fun seeing you lot. Come back soon, yeah?” It’s easy to see why the entire team adores him.
Soon enough, they’ve cleaned off all of the fallen sprinkles and crumbs, wiped away the orange juice and coffee stains, and returned the various chairs and tables dragged together to their original position in the shop. Regulus grabs one final cup of coffee, and makes a note to come here more often if only for this.
“You sure you don’t just want a ride back with us?” James asks him as they step out of the shop, Regulus on one side of James and Sirius on the other. And though Regulus is appreciative of the offer, he instantly shakes his head.
”No,” he says. “She’ll be here soon enough.” Plus, I don’t want her to know that I completely blew off skating, Regulus adds in his head. He hasn’t told either James or Sirius about that, and he doesn’t plan on it now. The guilt’s begun to set in as he begins to think further on the fact that he skipped both of the sessions he was registered for just to hang around them. That’s not something a junior national competitor should be doing, should it? He finds himself wondering why he ever even considered it, much less actually acted upon the urge.
“Okay,” James nods after a moment, though he still seems skeptical. Regulus wants to tell him to stop doing that, to stop caring so much. But then James puts a gentle hand on his arm, and Regulus’s words get stuck in the back of his throat. “I’ll see you later, then.”
The moment passes before Regulus even gets to enjoy it, James withdrawing his hand all too quickly, but he’s at last grateful that he’s able to speak again. “Yeah,” Regulus affirms, “See you.”
Sirius’s voice interrupts Regulus before he can think too long on what just passed between them , piping up as he reaches over and aggressively smacks Regulus’s shoulder. “Well, I’ll see you in a bit, Reggie,” Sirius says as the two begin to walk forward into the parking lot. Regulus wrinkles his nose.
”Please don’t call me that,” he yells back as the distance between the three grows further and further.
”Too late,” Sirius responds, and Regulus can just hear the stupid smirk that must be on his face, “I already did.”
”Fuck you!” Regulus exclaims lightheartedly, the response coming instinctively. He can’t remember the last time he and Sirius bantered like this, the last time they spat these responses at each other with no malice at all.
“You love me!” Sirius proclaims, causing Regulus to freeze completely. But if Regulus wants to form any sort of a reply before he’s sent spiraling over the statement, he’s too late—James and Sirius have gotten into the car already, disappearing out of Regulus’s view.
Yeah, Regulus thinks to himself as he watches the car back up and drive away, I really do. The walk back to the rink afterward is short, and Regulus smiles through the entirety of it.
As he steps through the door to the lobby, ready to retrieve his skate bag and wait outside for his mother to arrive, his smile quickly falls.
His throat tightens as he lays eyes upon his mother, standing in the middle of the lobby. No, he thinks, freezing up entirely. No. She’s already here.
She’s already here, his own bag slung over her shoulder, and returning his gaze with narrow, seething eyes.
As Regulus attempts to figure out some sort of explanation, remembering every type of way he’s ever learned to apologize, his mother beats him to speaking first. “Have a good time out?”
He knows from the viciousness of her words, of the disgust with which she spits out every syllable, that it’ll be useless to bargain. There’s no point; she already knows. She knows, and Regulus can’t place what he did wrong.
Regulus tries to rationalize it in his brain, tries to figure out how it could’ve happened. I turned my location off, he thinks. She couldn’t have known. So how did she know?
The sound of quickened footsteps at the other end of the lobby catches his attention, and Regulus glances over to the doors of Rink B just in time to catch it—the glimpse of a dark green puffer coat disappearing behind glass doors, the long strands of bright blonde hair that sit in a perfectly tied ponytail. And his question is answered. Lucius.
Before he can respond, before he can say another word, she steps towards him and clutches onto his hand so tightly that his knuckles immediately turn white. And then she begins to walk. “Come on,” she says, “we’re going home.”
Regulus has no choice but to be dragged along with her, silently resigned to the grave he’s dug.