Water and Waiting
The three arrived at the hall at sundown, the sun laid over a field that was next to the building, Regulus saw Remus pulled his brother closer to him, wrapping an arm around Sirius' waist. Regulus took this as a cue to leave the two alone for a moment alone and went inside the great hall. The inside was decorated in deep reds and golds, there were some flowers and other arrangements that added pops of color spread around. but Regulus assumed the red was for romance for the new soon to be married couple.
There were a few other guests who had arrived already. Regulus recognized a few people as Remus's friends. a blonde boy, a girl with black hair, and another tall, handsome boy with curly brown hair and glasses. The last person made him freeze, but only for a second. He took a deep breath and turned his back.
He felt his heart racing and his body was warm. He couldn't understand why the sight of James Potter made him so nervous, and yet excited at the same time. He wanted to go up to him but he didn't.
he couldn't.
James looked different, not bad, but his hair was shorter and his jawline had been more defined, and his shoulders were wider, Regulus had not realized how long it had been since they last saw each other. or maybe if it had been like that and Regulus just ever had taken or had the time to study him. He was always too afraid to look at him before. because of his parents and Luicius. and the guilt and shame he felt.
but now.
Now it was different.
He had a chance, and he could not mess it up.
he could not keep running, he needed to face this.
So after pretending to look at the decorations and ignoring everyone in the room for another few minutes he grabbed a drink and walked over to james. it was almost as if the man was waiting for him, from the second he walked in through the door. He smiled, that bright and annoying smile that Regulus had to admit he missed seeing.
"Hello, James." Regulus greeted him,
"hey" James replied,
The two of them stared at each other not knowing what to say.
"How have you been"
"I've been well, and you."
"Good. Good"
"I'm glad to hear that."
"Yeah"
Regulus was not sure what else to say. James seemed to be at a loss as well. so they sat in silence for a few minutes, Remus and Sirius finally made their way inside at this point and the party officially came to a start. people had started talking, laughing, and dancing. Regulus could see Remus and Sirius laughing and talking with the others, they had a few drinks, and the mood was light.
"Do you want to dance?" James asked him.
Regulus was surprised by the offer. but he offered his hand to the older man and they took to the floor. A few others joined them in this, James squeezed Regulus hand and bowed to him as the music started. They danced for a few moments in silence. Neither of them knew what to say.
"I'm sorry." James said after a few more seconds.
Regulus was not expecting him to apologize. James put his arm around his waist as the two of them began to turn a gentle grip, it was firm but not tight, and his hand was warm.
"What are you apologizing for." Regulus asked him, James grabbed his other hand as they moved into the next dance move. "I shouldn't have kissed you in the greenhouse that night, I was drunk, and not myself in the slightest."
"I kissed you back." Regulus said.
"it was still not okay."
"I'm sorry too"
"for what?"
"running away, leaving you, and not responding to your letters. Right away at least. "
James looked at him, his hazel eyes filled with emotion, and Regulus wanted to know what it was. He could not understand what the other man was thinking. or feeling. "You do not have to apologize for that, I know you had your reasons.'' James said. he knew that Regulus would never run away unless he felt as if he had to. It was an awkwards spot between the two of them after it.
Regulus wanted to apologize to him, tell him how much he had missed him. and tell him how stupid his brother was, and tell him how he loved him. and how scared he was, and how much he just wanted to hold him, and kiss him, and never let go. but he did not, the words stuck in his throat and all he could say was "Thank you"
"For what?"
"for being here, for waiting, and understanding."
James pulled him close, and held him tightly. Regulus liked the feeling, they moved together for a few more minutes of the dance and once it had ended they bowed to each other. James looked Regulus up and down and smiled.
They sat down together, and had a few drinks. Regulus was not very used to drinking but the party was small and it was only wine. They talked about their time apart. Regulus hadn't seen him for so long he felt like he had so much to say, and he could not express any of it. he could not form the words properly.
James told him about a few more of the discoveries he had with his plants, Regulus liked watchig him talk. he told him more about fencing, James even asked him for another proper match. Regulus agreed. the two of them continued talking. and remus and sirius would interupt them every now and then asking about the night but eventually being swept away by another guest wanting to wish their congratulations to the couple. and Regulus could not help the feeling of happiness that bubbled inside him as the night continued on.
It was a nice and relaxing evening. and for the first time in a long time, eventually as the night sped on and the moon became higher and higher in the sky guests began to leave. The party was winding down and Regulus was standing by the open window looking out into the garden. The moon was reflecting off the pond and it was beautiful.
he didn't hear the footsteps behind him.
James put his hand on his waist, and Regulus turned to face him, he debated grabbing his hand and pushing it away from him. but he found the contact nice. unlike when Lucius would grab him. it wasn't as harsh and hard. demanding him to look at him. to listen to him. no. James was gentle, more like he was asking for his presence, and reassuring Regulus that he was there.
"I've missed you," James told him.
"Me too." Regulus admitted.
"you look beautiful"
"Thank you."
James smiled down at him, Regulus smiled back, the younger looked back at the room around them. and James followed suit, "do you want to go somewhere else."
"What do you mean?" Regulus gave the man a look.
James couldn't help but chuckle, "Just walk with me."
Regulus was confused, but he agreed and the two of them left the hall, and started walking into the woods, "so what is the meaning of this."
"I know how much you enjoy nature." James said to him, leading him further and further down the path and away from the party. While there weren't many people there anymore, he supposed it was nice to be alone with the older man.
"and that was all?” Regulus asked him. Knowing there was more, the man was hiding from him.
"Well, it was a nice evening, and I just wanted some fresh air, and the stars are nice, and we can talk." James said.
Regulus nodded, it was natural, he shouldn't be surprised, James of course would want to have an in depth conversation about what it was the two of them had. Regulus wondered if it would be nice to stop avoiding it. The two of them walked and eventually made it to a little pond, the grass was a dark green, and the moon was reflected off of the water perfectly, the sky was a dark blue and the stars were out. Regulus stood back a good distance from it. mental scars still prominent in his mind from his unwanted swim at the last ball he attended.
James must have noticed this because he took Regulus' hand, "come on, I'll protect you."
"I'm not scared." Regulus rolled his eyes at the man.
"Are you sure?" James said.
"I'm fine." Regulus bit.
"You don't have to act brave in front of me. I understand why you would be scared. but I need you to trust me if this has any chance of working." James told him, his brown eyes staring into his own, he looked away.
Regulus knew James was right, he looked up at him, the light of the moon making the older boy look beautiful. and he knew he could not lie to him. "I'm scared," Regulus admitted.
James squeezed his hand, and they moved closer to the edge of the pond. Regulus had been a bit nervous, but the more he was around James, and the more he had been thinking. the less afraid he was. The fear of drowning or being pushed in was always in the back of his mind, and he didn't think that would change for a long time. but he had to know that James would not do that to him.
"what if this feeling never goes away?" Regulus asked, he was talking about the fear, but he was also talking about his feelings.
"Then we take things slow, we do what feels right. we don't have to rush. or feel obligated." James told him.
"but what if when I'm around.. the water. I also want more of it, want to be in it, be around it. what then?"
"Then we go at your pace, I know you are not ready, and I will not force you, not ever, and if one day, when you're ready, and when you want it, I will be there, and we can take that step."
Regulus took a deep breath, "but nothing has to happen now?" he questioned.
James shook his head. "no" he said. "nothing needs to happen before you're ready for it to."
"But what about what I am ready for?" the younger asked him.
"like what?” James pushed.
"well.. I kissed you on the balcony, you did kiss me first that night. and then I kissed you. and well. We are holding hands. and you keep flirting with me. and I know it's not platonic, and well. I don't know." Regulus admitted.
James laughed, and pulled him a little closer, his hand now wrapped around the small of his waist. and with his breath on his cheek, Regulus could feel his heart race, and his body heat up. He was the one who made the move to kiss him, pulling his face to his own. James moved them both so they were not right at the water. Regulus had a hand on his chest. The two of them stayed like that. not moving, just kissing, it was not a heated and rushed kiss, but a gentle and slow one.
There was going to be no more than that, not tonight. Regulus had to admit that the feeling was nice. the kissing, and the hugging, and the hand holding, and the love. and the affection, and the smiles, and the laughter. it was everything Regulus had dreamed about, and never thought he would get.
but he did.
and he wanted more of it.
so the two boys stood there and kissed, not rushing anything, and enjoying the night, and the stars.and the moon, and the water, and each other. They were both content and happy. Regulus rested his head against James' shoulder not wanting to meet his eyes, "I want to see you more" he said.
"Then we will, I want to see you, and I want to do this right. and I want to be with you, and take things slow, and just. I don't want to be with you until we are both ready." James told him.
Regulus could not believe how amazing James was, and how kind and loving, and how patient. and the best part is, regulus knew that he could be himself. and he knew that James would not make him change. and he wouldn't ask him to.
And Regulus did not have to pretend.
Not anymore
They were not the perfect fairy tale, or the love story they wrote about in the stories, they were real, and they were imperfect.
Imperfectly perfect for each other.