Puzzles

Remus decided that cooping himself up in the dormitory was not a good decision for his mental state; plus, he had some significant revising to do. He hardly bothered to fix his hair and unrumple his clothes before making his way to the library. He set himself up in the back of the cavernous library, giant shelves towering above him and hiding him from prying eyes. Opening up his books and parchment, he let out a great sigh and set to distracting himself from his predicament for a few hours. 

Of course, in a place like Hogwarts, and with friends like his, Remus could never hide himself from anyone for too long. Not twenty minutes passed before he heard a hushed calling for him.

“Reeeeeeemus,” the voice called out, quiet enough so that Madam Pince wouldn’t fuss. 

Raising his head from his History of Magic textbook, he placed a bookmark on the page where he was reading a particularly interesting page on the Third Great Goblin War. He scanned the room for the source of the voice, eyes landing on a head of blazing red hair. Lily. 

She spotted him at the same time and rushed towards him with a fervor that only Lily Evans could have; a true woman on a mission. “There you are,” she said when she reached his workspace, settling down on the ground next to him. She pulled a wrapped object from her bag and handed it to Remus. “I thought you might be hungry, since you weren’t at breakfast or lunch.”

Remus unwrapped the morsel, which turned out to be a chocolate croissant. His favorite. “Thank you, Lily,” he mumbled gratefully as he took a large bite. 

“With that out of the way,” Lily began. “Would you like to explain what’s going on with you?” 

“Mm, rather not,” Remus stated around a bite of the croissant. 

Lily’s eyes bore holes into Remus, begging him to say more. When he didn’t oblige, she carried on. “You’re missing meals, holding yourself up in your room and the library, and you look like a mess.” She gestured to his rough appearance; untucked shirt, wrinkles across all of his articles of clothing, mussed hair, and deep circles under his eyes. She lifted his chin so that his eyes could meet hers. “C’mon, Remus. I’m worried about you.”

Much like Sirius, Lily also had a way of getting whatever she wanted from Remus. Of course, this mostly accounted for emotional discussions and reprimanding his fellow marauders for their antics. Nevertheless, Lily’s words were able to bring out Remus’s own. He sighed and leaned back onto the shelf behind him. “I don’t even know where to begin, Lil.”

Placing her hand over Remus’s own, she calmly said, “you could start with whatever in Godric’s name is going on with you and Sirius.”

Remus’s eyes widened to about three times their normal size. “Y-you know about that?” he stammered. 

“I know that there’s something going on. You’re usually glued to his side, but I haven’t seen you together for days. You weren’t at dinner last night, weren’t hanging with him in the common room yesterday, weren’t at any meals with him today, nor were you in the stands during quidditch practice.” She cocked her head to the side as if to say obviously. 

Remus silently wondered why she knew he wasn’t at practice today… Since when did she go? But, that wasn’t the important part. She had him pinned. 

“I may…” he forced out with great effort and a huff. “I may have some sort of… feelings. For Sirius. Potentially non-platonic feelings. Potentially.” His face grew red at the admission. 

“Potentially,” Lily repeated, and Remus nodded. “Well, at least one of you is emotionally mature enough to admit it. Carry on,” she motioned her hand for him to continue. Remus decided to ignore her insinuation. 

“And I may have overreacted when I heard that he was invited to the Yule Ball by not one but two girls. And with you and James already going together, I just felt so alone. There were so many emotions going on and I didn’t know what to do with them. So I left. For a long time.” Remus struggled to get his anecdote out, but he knew Lily wouldn’t be one to judge him. If anything, she could provide some great advice. Advice beyond his decided never speak to Sirius Black again notion. Lily nodded understandingly, giving Remus space to continue. 

“When I got back, he was waiting for me. Like a dog waiting for his person, he was waiting for me. And he wanted to talk. And good gods, Lily, I can never say no to him. So I told him what I was feeling, minus the ‘I have huge massive feelings for you possibly,’ part. He was just so understanding, and comforting, and it was late, and I was tired, and…” he trailed off, getting to the difficult part of his tale. 

“And?” Lily questioned.

“And I kissed him,” he finished, looking down to his feet. 

“Remus, that’s great!” Lily exclaimed, forgetting what exactly had prompted her here. 

Remus smiled sadly. “I wish. He didn’t kiss me back, though.” Lily pressed her lips together and hummed. “Although, he did try to comfort me after. Pathetic, I know,” Remus chided himself. 

Lily shook her head. “Not at all, Remus,” she said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

“Anyways, here I am. Trying my best to never see or speak to Sirius Black again.” He lifted a thumbs up, poorly displaying how well his plan was going. 

“Boys,” Lily huffed with a roll of her eyes. “Firstly, things are going to get worse for a moment, but I promise they will get better.” She fixed her posture, preparing herself for the bombshell that she was unfortunately tasked with dropping. “Sirius agreed to go with Mary.”

Remus’s heart sank to his toes. He silently nodded his head and gazed at his shoes. 

“But, I will tell you this: Sirius Black does not know what the fuck he is doing.”

Remus looked up, eyes widened by Lily’s confident proclamation and expletive usage. 

“Men are the most emotionally constipated creatures on this green Earth. You’re one of the good ones, and you could hardly bring yourself to admit how you feel.” Once more, Lily did have him pinned. “I mean, for Godric’s sake, James still thinks he’s in love with me after nearly seven years. Find one girl and settle on her for life!” She said as if it were so out of the question that James could actually like her. Remus would have to bring that back up later. 

She continued. “What I can say is that Sirius Black does not know what he is doing with Mary Macdonald. He has even less of an idea what he is doing with you. He looks at you like you are the most beautiful creature he has ever seen. And he’s Sirius Black; his standards are imperceivably high. I don’t know what he is feeling, and I can’t pretend to. But what I think is going on, is that Sirius doesn’t want to admit he has feelings for his best friend. And as boys do, he copes by finding a woman who will have him.” 

Remus was rendered speechless. Everything Lily said made sense, he couldn’t argue that, try as he might. He thought Sirius had the hots for Mary, but now that he was thinking about it, Sirius hardly ever mentioned her. And he does spend a lot of time with Remus, opening up to him in ways that Remus doubted he did to anyone else. He did catch Sirius looking at him in random moments, like when he was reading and Sirius strumming his guitar. Or from across the desks in class. Or when walking through the hidden passages of the school, or when he was just waking up after a full moon, or… okay. Sirius was always looking at him. On the other hand, Remus was somewhat odd-looking. Maybe Sirius was picking apart his appearance; his scars, and crooked nose, and smattering of freckles that leaned more heavily on one side of his face than the other. How could he possibly know?

Lily saw the cogs turning in his mind, and she patted his shoulder firmly. “You need to talk to him, Remus. I’m sure whatever is going on, it is not as bad as you think. And I am going to have a firm talk with Mary.” She stood up and held a hand out to Remus, lifting him up as well. “C’mon, let’s go to the common room.” 

Remus accompanied her, because Lily Evans gets what she wants.