the malfoy christmas party
luka stan created a group chat.
luka stan added #1 opp, dazai's favorite, dazai's husband, and old ass gyaru meiko stan.
luka stan renamed the chat "party dwellers".
party dwellers
luka stan: hi party dwellers
dazai's husband: ok bro.
#1 opp: what party
luka stan: the malfoy party duh
#1 opp: whys your husband going
luka stan: pansy
#1 opp: oh right
old ass gyaru meiko stan: wait you told pansy
luka stan: NO
luka stan: pansy knows something else that you and blaise dont know, but she doesnt know what u two know
old ass gyaru meiko: oh ok
#1 opp: HUH??
dazai's husband: dw about it!!
#1 opp: ...
luka stan: anyways reconnaissance what do i wear!!
old ass gyaru meiko stan: just wear what you usually wear
dazai's husband: im scared. im gonna get cancelled at this damn party 💀💀
luka stan: youll be fiiiiiiiine
luka stan: anyways i have this suuuuuper nice formal kimono BUT im sneaking in so theres no point in ruining it
luka stan: i guess ill wear the black one i usually wear...
dazai's husband: im actually off getting my hair done there is someone looking over my shoulder i SWEAR if anyone says something odd
luka stan: omg its my future mother in law (when we get married ofc)
dazai's husband: ok im putting my phone down
luka stan: NOOO
luka stan: ok whatever wheres blaise
#1 opp: getting ready probably
luka stan: boring i miss him
#1 opp: im sure he misses you too...
...
dazai's favorite: Sorry, I was getting ready.
luka stan: omg blaise hi!!1!!!!11!!
dazai's favorite: Hello, Dazai. How are you?
luka stan: epic ^>^
luka stan: just casually pulling up yk. since uh. yk. party starts soon
dazai's husband: i think i forgot to mention i arrived and im being stared at
luka stan: probably because you look like a middle schooler
dazai's husband: hater im literally wearing platforms
luka stan: i hope you trip
dazai's husband: someones angry today...
luka stan: WHAT
dazai's husband: oh i see your teacher
dazai's husband: OH GOD HES STARING AT ME??
luka stan: LMFAOOO
#1 opp: snape?? stare at him back
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...
the newspapers biggest fear x3
dazai's husband: I THINK HE RECOGNIZES ME FROM THE PAPERS OH GODDDD
dazai's husband: i bet im on his hit list for messing with his kid too.
luka stan: DIEEE im up in dracos room with blaise and pansy
luka stan: and draco
luka stan: obviously
#1 opp: tell me if he comes over to u im invested but dont wanna get up
dazai's husband: OH GOD ITS OVER FOR ME ITS OVER
dazai's husband: HES COMING IM PUTTING AWAY MY PHONE.
luka stan: tell him i say hi!!!
...
Chuuya has never felt this awkward in his life.
Actually, that's a lie. Chuuya felt more awkward when he saw Mori doting on Elise (or, worse, Dazai) for the first time. But that was a more disgusted awkward than this.
Chuuya could probably kill Severus Snape by just brushing his fingers against the food table and using his ability to crush him, but... he wasn't sure that would bring him much good. He had tuned Kouyou and Snape out, staring off into space while occasionally shifting his weight. Despite his blatant disinterest in the conversation being held, Snape would not stop looking at him.
He understood what Dazai meant when he had said he "was practically looking into his soul" now.
Speaking of Dazai, he needed to find him later to talk about the next part of their plan. Also speaking of Dazai, he needed to deliver him more cleaning solution for his piercings. Also speaking of Dazai, he needed to make sure he was actually cleaning them properly and not purposefully trying to get them infected so-
He hated how much of his thoughts were taken up by Dazai. It was extremely annoying. He told himself it was mission side effects. It was definitely not the fact they had kissed last week. That was total bullshit.
Chuuya was pulled out of his head by Kouyou patting his back.
"Be polite and introduce yourself, Chuuya," she said, glancing down at him. He fought the urge to scoff. Practically everyone who read The Daily Prophet or was anti-Dazai knew him. Despite this, he still bowed deeply.
"I'm Chuuya Nakahara, student at Beauxbatons. It's nice to meet you, sir."
Snape just stared at him, before nodding his head. "Severus Snape. I'm assuming you're the boy in the newspapers?"
"Yes, I am."
"How lovely."
They stared at each other for a couple of seconds, before Kouyou pulled Snape back into a conversation. Chuuya quietly excused himself with a quiet "Dazai says hello, Professor Snape", before quickly heading off towards the stairs where he would most likely find some privacy. He didn't miss the way Snape stared at him after he said that, his eyes tracking him out of the room.
What an odd man.
...
DMS: dazai's husband -> luka stan
dazai's husband: wya
luka stan: omg wya!!!
dazai's husband: SIGHS
luka stan: im coming..
dazai's husband: im on a staircase...
luka stan: i think draco and blaise are gonna think smth is up...
dazai's husband: dude im heading riiiight back to kouyou after i give you this shit smh
luka stan: back to snape..
dazai's husband: ok stop. bitch probably HATES me
luka stan: LMAOOAOA
Read
...
the newspapers biggest fear x3
dazai's husband: who wants a reenactment
#1 opp: ME ME!!!
luka stan: MEEE
dazai's husband: you both suck
dazai's husband: im was with the DOE head btw
dazai's husband: so he came up and greeted her and then she introduced me and he asked me if i was the newspaper kid and i was like yeah....
dazai's husband: AND HE SIDE EYED ME SO HARD HE DIDNT SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE THE DOE HEAD WAS STARING AT HIM BROOOO HES OUT TO GET ME
dazai's husband: and before i walked away i was like oh btw dazai says hi!!!
dazai's husband: AND HE LOOKED AT ME LIKE I HAD FOUR HEADS???
luka stan: OHHH GOD HES GONNA GET ME NOW TOO
luka stan: we are NOT up rn 😭😭😭
#1 opp: YOU BETTER NOT LET HIM CATCH YOU ALONE 💀💀
dazai's husband: im invested now tho i might get caught alone purposefully
#1 opp: you might be dumber than dazai
luka stan: ok rude hello
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mafia knowers
dazai's husband: this is so stressful.
luka stan: baby's first business party!!
old ass gyaru meiko stan: LMAOOO
old ass gyaru meiko stan: just come up here with us?
dazai's husband: no youd make too many connections and i dont want that also im with my boss
dazai's husband: well my superior
luka stan: come anyways
dazai's husband: NO.
old ass gyaru meiko stan: come onnnn we dont care
dazai's husband: noooo booooooo i have other things to do
dazai's husband: also i cannot be exposed
luka stan: who cares ill tell them
dazai's husband: mori is gonna kill your ass bro 😭🙏
luka stan: lol
luka stan: some1 pls refrain me from making HORRENDOUS jokes about my trauma. im gonna scare all the bitches away
dazai's husband: ...
dazai's husband: dare i ask what u were gonna say...?
luka stan: guess
dazai's husband: um...
dazai's husband: oh
dazai's husband: OSAMU DAZAI.
luka stan: LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (not funny)
luka stan: my lore unironically goes hard
dazai's husband: idk if having mori raise you is "hard lore" but you do you babe
luka stan: he is the provider of hard lore (sadly)
old ass gyaru meiko stan: do i even wanna know
luka stan: no
luka stan: this is SO random but do you guys think snape knows i like men
old ass gyaru meiko stan: yes
dazai's husband: yeahhhh i told him you kiss men in your free time
luka stan: whahaaaaat
dazai's favorite: Wow.
luka stan: i thought you guys had more faith in me
old ass gyaru meiko stan: not really
dazai's husband: dazai
dazai's husband: my name is literally "dazai's husband" in a gc with him in it
dazai's husband: i think he knows.
luka stan: eeeeeeeeeeh i dont think so
dazai's husband: WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ASK IF YOURE JUST GONNA BASH US
luka stan: BLAISE PROTECT MEEEEE WAAAAAAAUGH
dazai's favorite: It's ok, Dazai.
luka stan: IM BEING BULLIED ITS NOT OK.
dazai's husband: random but every single day im grateful i dont have to go to an actual school like can you imagine having to do algebra
luka stan: i would kms
old ass gyaru meiko stan: real
luka stan: noooo but like actual schools get to go on field trips
dazai's favorite: We go to Hogsmade?
luka stan: they get to go on cool field trips. like aquariums and zoos and museums
dazai's husband: you nearly had a stroke when hirotsu took us to that art museum
luka stan: i wanna see cool museums like with guns and giant boats not lamw art 😡😡
dazai's favorite: Art is beautiful, Dazai.
luka stan: i agree wholeheartedly blaise!!! art is great
old ass gyaru meiko stan: ????
dazai's husband: istf
luka stan: OH MY GOD IM SOOOOOO BORED
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party dwellers
#1 opp: feeling very excluded rn... all of you on your phones texting and im not in the chat...
luka stan: its a secret chat be cooler and you can be in it
#1 opp: die
dazai's husband: its ok pansy dazai will never see our dms
luka stan: ...
#1 opp: omg right!!!
luka stan: whats in your dms....
dazai's husband: nothing
# 1 opp: we talk shit about you
dazai's husband: definitely
luka stan: I DONT TRUST YOU GUYS.
luka stan: PANSY GIVE ME YOUR PHONE
#1 opp: THE FUCJKSLF
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