Unknown - Regulus Black
Waist deep in the waters wading my way to find the only person I’ve ever loved. Before the pain and the suffering. Before the story begins, before the story ends. Before everything, there was you turning my grey days into beautiful shades of blue. I never just made due when I was with you. I want to feel your heartbeat but it doesn’t beat anymore. Wading through the frozen water for you. I feel you with me. I need you with me, I don’t know how to go on. How do I go on? You were my star in the night sky guiding me through my path.
Frozen blue water turns shades of crimson, the same shade of rose my cheeks flushed the first night I spent in your dorm. I plunged into the deep end to find you even if it’s so cold I can’t swim. My hands shake as I plunge deeper to find you. My knuckles are the same shade of maroon as the night your wine spilled on my shirt in the astronomy tower. You gave me the shirt off your back even though you were self-conscious and insecure about your body. I told you that you were my beautiful star. When I found out. I ran to the shoreline, looking for any sign of you. The waves lapped at my bare feet. I felt the cold water run up my ankles. And hot tears ran down my face. I remembered that day we ran to the shoreline. Hand in hand, smiles on our faces.
You were scared so I helped you in, you didn’t know how to swim so we didn’t go into the deep end. Yet we still felt free for once. Free from whatever the world had pressure on us. I remember the way he laughed when the small wave crashed and knocked me over on the ground. It didn't hurt, so I laughed too. You helped me up. to that day. I remember he's not standing next to me. I look out at the sunset. My tears have come to a point where I've cried enough none can fall. I felt as if I stood at the shoreline any longer he would be next to me. Maybe if I stepped further in. Maybe if the water was up to my thighs. Maybe… if he wasn't dead. I wanted the water to swallow me whole. He was dead and I was half the person I was with him.
The water was cold and the sunset was a mixed hue of purples and pinks. With splashes of a fiery orange. Reflecting in the water. I took in a bated breath. Smelling the salt in the air. Even if the water was frozen I heard your voice telling me it was fine. It didn’t feel real, we had plans. Paranoid and petrified, I don’t sleep anymore. I guess I could say the same about you. I don’t blame you, I don’t hate you. I wish I could save you. I should’ve saved you, now I stand in the frigid water to my thighs. My knuckles were the same shade of rose they were waist-deep in the water. Being pulled out by some force of wind. I want to go home now, but without you there it isn’t home. You were my home, you are my stars. You weren’t given a chance in this world. Born a little after sunset, always destined to miss the sun by a little bit. So you were my stars and you called me your sunset.
You said it was so you could always experience a sunset in your lifetime. The waves crash to my ankles the further I’m dragged out. When I found out about you I punched a hole in the wall that separated the dining room. My knuckles now bruised a shade of purple the same shade you made me. That night you placed a daisy in my hair, you said roses were cliche. I vowed to not cry anymore as I read the last letter you wrote. Your initials are written on my wrist forever. You drank the poison alone, drawing the curtains closed so I wouldn’t see you.
You told me you’d let me teach you to swim when the war was over. I scream your name to the now-graying sky. My empty promises to not cry are now lost in the sea. Now you scream at me to stop crying that you’re okay from the crypt. Telling me how you were punished for things you never did. You told me your past thinking our future was forever. I watch my back, keeping my eyes open. I’m paranoid. I want the waves to swallow me whole like they did you. I found myself in the same crimson shade you were blinded by. Everyone is watching me, I feel their eyes on me. Waiting for me to break down without you. Here you are on guard, I never knew why but now I know. Nobody came to save you. Everyone's watching to see my fallout.
One more step into the frigid unknown. Keeping my heartbeast steady I take in a bated breath. My eyes closed, maybe you see I will be here to save you. A soldier is down on the icy ground. The force pulling me back from the freezing shoreline lost its grip on my shirt. I was in too deep, I wasn’t worth saving anymore. I was in your clothes. I walk deeper into the water, your name forever the name on my lips. I felt your hand grasp mine, broken and blue. I drank my poison the same as you. Drew my curtains closed. My stars aligned after sunset. The waters froze above us, but I was swimming home. The night sky shines above us. Your hand reached for mine. You pulled me into the unknown, even though it felt like home.