Elusive Dreaming

The sun rises and sets the same, and his lips part when he speaks. His hair falls against his face, covering his eyes. You swore that you would never fall in love but he was the only exception. “You are the only exception.” You told him, reminding you to find ways to be alone without him. You weren’t content with loneliness anymore. His hands were calloused and cold. He was always cold. His speech was enchanting, matching his personality. He was like a puppy but only when he had to pretend to be okay. Long walks down the beach to your home away from home. You once used to walk with him. You find yourself wandering back to the spot more often these days. Wishing you could have him back. Although it had been a few months since you were brought back. You remembered the way he tasted like clementines and that late summer night in the middle of June. You saw him as you walked closer to your spot in the summer of your romance. The same jeans and leather jacket with a red ribbon tied to one of his belt loops. Bile began to rise in the back of your throat. Swallowing our pride only lasted for a few steps. You knew that it would be impossible. For a few seconds you froze in your tracks, he must have felt your gaze once again. His head shot over his shoulder to look at you. Before either of you could say anything you ran away. Finding somewhere to exit without him finding you. You didn’t want him to know that you weren’t alive. You opened your eyes to find that you had teleported to Hollywood Boulevard. Another ghost skated through the people as you walked through. You hated the feeling of people walking through you yet you had to escape. Not from the skateboard but from the blonde guy he was talking to. You knew the blonde all too well. Not understanding how or why they were back all you had to do was find the final person of the trio to know if you needed to leave Hollywood. You decided to follow discreetly behind the blonde. From afar you saw them all together. Sat in the old studio was Alex Mercer, Luke Patterson, and lastly Reginald Peters. You swallowed the nausea for so long until you threw up in a random flower bush. You didn’t know a ghost could vomit but you just did.

Another thing you hated to check off of the list. Reggie looked out the studio window to see if your eyes met his. “One second I will be right back guys,” Reggie said as he rushed out of the studio to try and find you. Yet you had already run once again. You wanted to know that they were okay. Since you got your answer you left before any tears and pain could be endured.“You alright bro?” Luke asked the distraught bass player. “I don’t know,” Reggie stammered. A few days pass by and you find yourself back in the spot but this time he joins you. A distinction is kept between the two of you and silence is speaking in color-coded speech. Your minds were somewhere in outer space. Once you had a love-like religion and now you sat with a distance and silent tension so thick. You didn’t breathe but you were holding your breath. You were always told how love is a dangerous game but you never imagined it to be with him. He moved his arm and one of the chains dangling from his jacket hit the rock making an awful noise. Yet it broke the silence. “I missed you.” Reggie admitted, “I missed you every fucking day even if time didn’t pass.” Reggie ranted “I thought by now you would have aged or been married and had kids. Even if it crushed me I want to see you happy.” Reggie continued you acted like you didn’t hear him although you knew he wasn’t stupid by any means. “Even after the shit we put on each other though we were honest in the end. I always wondered if you were doing fine and I guess I made myself believe I was. You were right, love is the devil. And I am such a fool for being a sacrifice.” Reggie ran on letting out a huff, licking his lips, and running his fingers through his jet-black hair as he got up to leave you and said “I know I am unforgiven but let me explain why I didn’t want you to know I died.” You told him he looked at you in sincerity and a bit of rage. “First I want to apologize to you and I am truly sorry.” You started to say his name but as you did no words came out you physically couldn’t say his name. “We became the fools paying a price for something we had no control over. For you, it was street dogs. For me, it was much more that haunts me. After you died I went clean for almost three months until I heard your name muttered in vain. It was all three of you that they were talking about. Falling back into being alone and the late nights seemed to be the only thing to keep the loneliness from changing. I blame myself for being bitter. I started a war between my heart and my mind. One night I went to a party that Bobby was throwing and Bobby had always been very weird towards me as you know. That was the night I died because he laced my drink with something.” You explained some would say you both found yourself in a toxic mess but you still felt like you needed each other.
“Did you know that he planned to steal all of our songs?” Reggie asked, watching your movements as you watched the waves crash. “Not until it was too late.” You reply remembering how you felt the moment you watched Bobby skim through Luke’s old songbook. You tried to scream “Stop” but he couldn’t hear you. No one could hear you anymore, all that was left was the ghost of you. It was getting late and the sunset was turning into a starry night sky. “I told the guys I would be back a while ago so I should probably get going but please meet me here again tomorrow,” Reggie said and with a poof, he was gone into thin air. You sat on the rock a little longer before leaving to wander through the night.

Every day he waited for you and you waited for him. You waited for one another to come back and stay a little longer. You sat in the same place on the rock this time a little closer. “Do you think I could see Alex and Luke again sometime?” You asked, twiddling your thumbs and messing with the rings on your hands. “It might help us all to get the closure that we need,” Reggie replied. “We can go now actually if that is okay with you.” Reggie recommended “Sure.” You obliged, following the raven-haired boy to the old studio. It felt odd to see how the old garage had changed. As you trailed behind Reggie into what was once a safe place that now felt like you were on trial for heinous crimes. Without saying anything Alex ran over to you and engulfed you in a hug. “Hi, Lexie.” You say your voice cracks slightly as you pat him on the back. “Sorry I just missed you is all.” Alex says “It’s okay Lex don’t apologize for anything.” You comfort the anxious boy. “Hey, Luke.” You say giving him a small wave. “Reg why didn’t tell us they died!” Luke said rather loudly, startling Reggie. “It’s not his fault Luke I told him not to.” You stand up for Reggie knowing that if Luke kept going off it wouldn't help Reggie’s mindset. “So you didn’t come to find us.” Luke switched to you berating and rating about how long they had been here and the only person they had was each other and a lifer named Julie. “I did once but you all seemed happy so I left before anything like this could happen.” You tried to reason with Luke but he was never the easiest to reason with; it was something you both had in common. “I am so sorry, I shouldn’t have come here.” You apologize and leave them behind once again going home but this time you couldn’t have your mom hold you as you cried. “Look what you did Luke!” Alex shouted leaving after you. “Reg,” Luke pleaded, his voice cracked as he looked into Reggie’s eyes, seeing tears. “I just got them back Luke. And we made amends and we came to a compromise. I told them this was a good idea but I guess I was fucking wrong.” Reggie ranted tears flowing freely he didn’t know if they were angry tears or tears of losing you again. “I’m sorry Reggie.” Luke apologized muttering a curse under his breath as Reggie walked out of the studio.

Alex was the first to find you sitting outside of the house that you called home as a kid. “Hey,” Alex softly said, coming over to sit next to you. He rubbed your back as you sobbed. “I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have stayed here and hid away.” You told the boy sitting next to you. Reggie found you two sitting on the ground and he sat on the opposite side of you. You get the same deja vu you felt the last time you saw Reggie alive. Night had fallen and Reggie walked you home the moon was as full as your heart. His smile was brighter than the stars. “Thank you for walking me home Reg.” You thanked him and he told you “It’s no problem.”. As you stood in your driveway you smiled. “I love you forever and always Reginald Peters.” In response to you Reggie kissed you and walked down your driveway.