"Thats what we do!"
I screamed at him.
"I use you for your money, you use me for my body.
We use and betray each other over and over again. "
I looked at him tears running down my eyes.
"We work. Okay? We ruin each other, we tear each other down, but we still stay."
He just looks at me as I fall apart.
"Say something god damn it!"
"Im sorry."
I'm sorry? That's all he can say? I'm sorry?
I take a deep breath.
"..You'll come back."
"..What?"
He will, he will come back.
"You'll come back."
We hate each other but we need each other too.
"I wont."
He's lying, he's lying just like always.
This is what we do isn't it?
I turn around to leave the room,
"You'll come back."
Xoxoxoxo
He didn't come back.
He walked out the door and left.
It's been 2 years
I don't know how to cope.
He is all I know.
We were horrible together but we were safe.
The 7 years we had been together, we fought and screamed.
But we knew neither would leave, we knew as fucked up as we were, we had found someone who wouldn't abandon us.
..at least I thought so.
Being with him was safe.
I knew what to expect.
It gave me clarity and security.
It was toxic..
But at least I knew it.
Xoxoxox
I laugh at Cedrics lively story, he always knows how to make me laugh.
It took me a while to grow.
It's been 7 years since he left.
I started going to therapy, and that's where I met Cedric.
His fiance, Cho, had died in a car accident and his trauma prevented him from driving.
We healed each other, Cedric more than me.
We do fight now and then, but I know that we'll stay.
I know we'll work it out.
Because we want to.
I remember how it felt when Cedric asked me to be his girlfriend.
How the word 'choose' just rolled wonderfully in my mouth.
Because I did not need Cedric.
I wanted him, I chose him and he chose me.
Cedric has gone to take a quick call, and that's when I see him.
He looks good, happy.
Our eyes meet.
There are so many words to explain us.
We built each other up to tear each other down.
We know each other's flaws, weaknesses.
We know exactly where to attack.
But we also know how to patch each other up.
We used to be each others reason to live.
So many words to explain us, but we both say none.
He's holding a little boys hand, I see him eye my engagement ring.
We both nod in acknowledgment before turning away.
An acknowledgment to our past.
An acknowledgment to each other.
And an acknowledgment towards our separate futures.