A change of circumstances (part 4)
It is dark. His eyes are closed. Again smooth fabric touches his small hands. With a sudden movement he is up again. Everything feels wrong again. He doesn’t understand it. Riz wants to scream, to cry or simply to act out. Just what is going on? Why does he constantly black out? That is not normal, so much he remembers. It never happened in the past. So what is it. His face contorts into rage, some tears even shed from his eyes. He just wants to understand. Ever since he came here nothing makes sense, he knows nothing about this world, about it’s magic and people, it‘s treasures and dangers or it‘s past or future.
But one thought keeps his mind captivated: „Does this world really hate my mother?“ he whispers inaudible to himself. Fortuna spoke so hateful about her, it could simply be a coincidence. But it wouldn’t make sense. A person hated by the world, she is bearing his mother‘s name and appearance. A logical part of his mind wants to call out: „But many beings share a face or name, just look at Fortuna‘s appearance.“ But at the same time it is almost desperate to keep up this thought, desperate to ignore the question why he came to this world, desperate not to question why the person who probably brought him to this world looks like his mother.
But he cannot deny it. It was his mother he saw. She was there. In all this disturbing sea of worries this realization is the only positive aspect. She came for him. She loves him, he knows that, he could feel it. He wasn’t abandoned. She cares for him, she loves him. He can feel it, he is sure he can feel it. Because his mother always was special, for him she is the most magnificent being in the world, nothing like his scumbag of a father. He didn’t deserve her, his greedy mean-looking eyes should have never been allowed to even grace her magical lilac ones.
He starts shaking. He is angry. Because now not only his father shamed his mother simply by existing and forcing her to disappear, no an even grater sin was committed. This world hats her. And therefore he hates this world. It doesn’t matter how astonishing this world is - if it cannot even fathom the greatness of his mother, does it really deserve to exist? His eyes turn into dark shade. He knows that the world is unjust, he felt it in the old one, he endured it, but he certainly will net let this one cross the boundary of hurting his mother. Should he destroy it? With his powers it wouldn’t be impossible, but first he would have to learn more about the people of this world - about their powers.
Suddenly a worried voice interrupts his line of thought: „Is everything alright, Riz?“asks Fortuna. He wants to be angry at her.
„He spoke ill of his mother, she should be punished, she is a ghost, controlling ghost is part of your being“ a voice reminding him of the Corpse God hollows through his mind.
„She looks like mother, she helped us, we should be nice to her.“ a more childlike voice counters.
He grits his teeth. Being in the coal mine for so long really wasn’t so good for his psyche. But both speak the truth. He wants to be angry at Fortuna for speaking hateful about his mother. But he also wants to be nice to her foe helping him. He wants to understand it - why Fortuna, why the world hates her. He sighs and decides.
Slowly his head turns torwards the ghost: „ I had a nightmare.“ he starts.
The worry on Fortuna‘s face only increases: „Oh no, I hope you are not to scarred. Do you need anything? You know as a ghost I cannot help you with much, but I am here to listen if you need me.“ She tries to smile at him assuringly and squeezes his hand.
A darker part of him would probably have said: „You could never comprehend what I could make a ghost be able to do.“ but instead he only sighs heavy - it isn’t a players one, it is a true reflection of his feelings - exhaustion.
„ It was about the witch.“ He whispers.
At that Fortuna‘s face almost turns vile: „You shouldn’t worry about her, she is sealed and can’t hurt you.“ She tries to soothe him.
Riz gulps. He is afraid of the next answer - afraid that he has to hate somebody for it he likes. With stammering voice he answers: „N-No it-t i-isn’t l-like t-that.“ He takes a small break. He is to aggravated. He inhales sharply and breathes out to calm himself down. After some seconds he continues: „I-I simply doesn’t understand it. Whatever the witch did.“
Fortuna blinks at him. She nervously bites her lip. It feels like she doesn’t know what to answer. Seemingly decided how to continue she speaks in a careful, but at the same clearly tense tone: „ Well, even after all this time it still is a mystery why she did what she did. I’m surprised you parents did never tell you something as important as that. About 400 years ago the witch destroyed half of the world and only 4 countries remain up to this date. Remember Riz, destruction is bad. It makes people angry, weary and fearful. This negativity extends even onto others. Humans hate those of elven heritage - they hate us. We never did anything, but we do remind humans of what the once last- of what they could loose. You have to be careful in this world, humans and demi-humans are prejudiced. They will hate you simply for existing. It is the reason why elves tend to stay in their own communities or at least try to. So for us you could say the witch cursed us as the outcasts of this world.“
„But she didn’t plan that, did she. It sounds like she never planned for everybody hating on elves.“ he tries to defend her.
„But it happened.“ She argues: „Nobody knows why she did what she did. The only thing that is clear for me is that she is the reason why we are treated this way. It doesn’t matter whether it was intentional or not, because it caused this. Sometimes I feel not only angry because of her, I am simply angry because of how this world is. It is not fair to my little Emilia and not fair to you - the world should simply hate you for existing.“
He wants to be angry at her but he couldn’t. He could understand her line of thought. But her certainly doesn’t like it. He just couldn’t accept anyone hating his mother, but he will try to bear it. She helped him - and he isn’t ungrateful. With an almost neutral expression he gets up
„Well I should eat something.“ Riz says carefully.
Fortuna smiles at him, reaches out her hand and ruffles his hair: „You know Riz, I only have known you since yesterday, but I can already see what an intelligent young elf you are.“
A knot reappears in his stomach: „Y-yesterday?“ he asks weakly. He gulps. There it is, a confirmation of what is wrong. But why does it happen? He blacks out suddenly at night, wakes up in the bed. He looks down. He is still wearing the clothes in which he arrived here. He cannot feel the contract with Fortuna, he cannot even detect any kind of sign that she ever entered one.
His lips are dry. He couldn’t deny it any longer, as he is sure that his second day wasn’t a dream. Archie’s existence is proof of that, because his mind certainly couldn’t make up a person existing exactly the way he imagined him. He also never possessed any skills regarding future sight. Only one explanation remains.
Slowly, he turns torwards Fortuna: „I t-think I traveled trough ti-“
But before he could finish, a now almost familiar feeling returns.
Everything turns dark.
He loses consciousness.
„What's the matter, boy? You look like you saw a ghost. "
Subaru wants to ignore the voice. His body is overflowing with pain. His head filled with one instruction: Run!
But he is unable to do anything. He doesn’t know what is going on anymore. Nothing makes sense.
He blinks and breathes out. He regains consciousness to some degree and looks around. He is in front of the fruit stand with the same merchant saying the same thing.
His eyes blinking in confusion - was he losing his mind? Did he make up this entire world, but his pathetic mind is unable to make it large enough so he replays just this scene. He wants to vomit. Everything hurts. He is still cold even in the warm sunshine. He probably lost his marbles. Subaru's frozen face only shows bewilderment towards nothing at all. He chuckles. He should have known, like he would be good enough to be chosen as an isekai hero.
„Boy? You okay?“ The merchant asks worried.
" Oh… " The boy utters: „I have no idea what's going on anymore." He loses consciousness again.
Subaru just wants to disappear in the sweet nothingness of darkness. Nothing makes sense, but yet again if this world really is simply a construct of his mind it not making sense makes perfect sense. He wants to stay this way - the sweet obviousness of nothingness. But the world wouldn’t let him.
Subaru is splashed with water in the face. He quickly opens his eyes.
„Are you okay, boy? Here, take this, don’t worry about paying me for it.“ the green-haired man looks worried at Subaru. He hands him an apple and water.
Subaru was about to take them but then he sees someone walking behind the man.
It is a silver-haired girl. Without realizing it he stands up, but he almost falls over and needs to support himself an o wall. His eyes wisen. He takes a deep breath, bounces of the wall and runs, even though he feels like he shouldn’t. The merchant calls after him, but Subaru ignores it.
Subaru shouts: „Wait! P-Please wait!“ he runs after her. He tries again: „Wait, Satella!“ Without realizing it many people start paying attention to him, their expression turn full of anger and shock.
„I just don’t understand what is going on anymore!“ he crys out desperate.
Finally, the silver-haired girl stops walking, but she keeps her head down. Subaru caught his breath and continued to ramble.
"I was at the loot house and suddenly it wasn’t dark anymore and I was in the marketplace"
Everyone is looking at the pair, the girl still hasn’t turned around.
„ I just don’t understand anything, why everything got cold, how I ended up here again.“Subaru says full of confusion
Then he tries to smile sincerely at her realizing something: „I'm glad you're all right and I found you, Satella." Subaru spoke softly with a happy tone. Finally she turns around. Seeing her expression his face fell.
The silver-haired elf just stares him down hatefully: „What are you thinking?“ she asks clearly with an almost hateful voice. She is completely furious. Subaru just doesn’t understand why.
He looks around. Everyone is looking at them.
„ I don't know who you are but don't call me by the name of the jealous Witch! What are you thinking?“ She spats at him full of fury.
Subaru just looks confused now.
„I'll ask you once more. Why did you call me by that name?“ She glares at him coldly.
Subaru just face only speaks of bewilderment and confusion, he weakly tries to justify it by stammering: „Because you told me to.“
The elven girl turns even angrier, her face reaches a more visible red tint drawing a clear contrast to her other lighter features: „I don't know who told you that, but they have terrible taste. That name simply is a taboo and you call me by her name which most dare not even say!“
Still in all his confusion, Subaru starts to look around. It is only now that he realizes that the other people surrounding them seem to share the girls opinion. Multiple voices overlap, but all together they reprimand him.
Subaru starts shaking, he feels singled out and doesn’t like the kind of attention given to him.
The girl starts turning around clearly upset: „you have nothing else to say, I'm leaving. Don’t bother speaking to me again.“
In this exact moment a figure jumps down from a building navigating through the cloud with ease. Subaru blinks slightly still trying to escape this situation, but if it wasn’t for the need of searching for a distraction in this situation, he probably would have missed the blur of a girl sprinting around him. She smiles wildly and Subaru recognizes her, it was the girl he saw before, the one he believed to be his summoner.
Just then he realizes that this must be the thief. In an instant he starts running after her calling out: „Wait!“ He sees as the blonde girl runs through the crowds and passes right by not-Satella. The elven girl then starts gaping at the little girl running away from her. Then she slowly reaches inside her pocket seemingly looking for something. First her face turns confused, after some seconds she comes to realize what has happened.
After that she turns back to glare at Subaru: „Were you stalking me? Are you working with her?“ she accuses him furiously. Then as if deciding that he isn’t worth it she bolts after the thief into an alley.
Subaru breathes out: „No I am not.“ he answers to himself. He taps his foot nervously on the ground and after some seconds nervously also enters the alleyway. His bag is gripped strongly. As he walks further into the alley he realizes that both girls have already left it. Subaru gulps, because he starts to recognize where he exactly is.
Suddenly, a ruff voice calls from behind: „If you don't wanna get hurt, cough up whatever you've got!“
Subaru turns around and finds the same three thieves blocking his way who beat him up here already. In clear frustration and tiredness he complains: „Would you stop it already?! No one is this damn persistent!“
„You think you can get smart with us?" one of the thugs brings out his blades and glares at Subaru.
„You're in my way! I have somewhere I need to go!" Subaru dismisses the obvious danger and simply tries towalks past the blade-wielding thief. But then Subaru suddenly stops with his eyes wide in shock as he falls over with the three thieves looking at him with wide eyes.
„Man, now you've done it." the little thug says in a shaken voice.
Subaru looks at his back. It hurts. Blood flows out of the wound caused by the knive sticking in his ribcage. He starts struggling to breath
„You stabbed him?“ the other thug shouts out frightened.
„N-No! He walked right into my blade!“ the knive-wielding one defends himself.
As the shock leaves his body, Subaru can only exhibit the pain. The thugs continue arguing with each other, but he cannot understand everything in his pain. Then the shorter thug pulls the knive out Subaru‘s body.
„What're you doing?“ One asks.
„No sense in wasting it," the short guy replies as if he is talking about the wheater and not murder.
Subaru can start tasting blood in his mouth and feels it coming out of his mouth.
„Whoa! Wait, guards will arrive here soon." One thug says worried.
Subaru is struggling to stay awake as he looks up from the puddle of blood forming around him
He looks up in confusion as he cries tears of pain: „Just what is going on?“ And why does it feel so familiar. The last thing he can make out is the steps of the fleeing thighs before darkness devours his vision
And then silence.
A familiar veiled figure sits in the darkness of garden made out of shadows. The silhouette of dozen plants of all kind surround her. In the centre a large tree trunk reaches to unknown hight like a pillar holding up the black nothingness. It’s leaves draw a strong contrast to the void sparkling in a mysterious lilac shade, a color reflecting the girls eyes perfectly.
Tears drop from her eyes, despair and frustration hug her like an old friend. Slowly the tears fall down torwards her lap and onto a head of another.
The other starts moving, opens his eyes like after a long nap and starts blinking. Confusion is clearly written over his face as his head finally starts to recognize the unknown place he is in.
The veiled woman smiles at him, carefully strokes his head and pushes his black streak back. With a voice full of love and adoration she fills the nothingness with warmth: „ I love you, I love you my little one.“
Riz face turns into a smile, he pushes his confusion aside and allows himself to marvel in the other‘s presence: „W-wah? M-m-mama?“ In an instant his upper body stands up and his small arms capture the woman into a hug. Tear spill from Riz‘s eyes: „M-mama, it’s really you.“
Satella wears a soft smile onto her face clearly satisfied with the interaction: „There, there my little wondereyes, mama has missed you.“
Riz sobs: Y-you know, m-mama? I was afraid I was getting crazy and all this was a dream, especially the part where I saw and heated about you. Was afraid that I made up everything in my mind after losing, after being so long in the coal mine.“
Satella hums a song, Riz recognizes it as an old nursery rhyme she sung back when he was little: „ I am so glad I can finally see you again, my little treasure. For so long We - I have long to get you back to me. And after all this time waiting - I could finally feel you, I could finally reunite with you both after your soul entered a state of transcendence. You did good Riz, holding so long out. I could gather up enough energy this way.“
Riz smiles and looks his mother in the eyes: „I am clad I could see you again, I can hear you again.“ He pauses and looks around: „But one thing I would like to know, where are we?“
Satella smiles at him encouragingly: „You are always so curious Rizzy, I have hoped you would never lose that trait and I am glad you kept it. This room is a subroom within my seal, it represents a garden, you know it reminds me of the one near our old house. My subconscious probably created it this way.“
Riz tilts his head: „S-seal?“
Satella isn’t deterred by Riz‘s confusion: „Even thought you have been in this world for a short time you definitely must have heard what I have done. This seal acts as some kind of prison or more like restriction for me. It is definitely not strong enough to keep my influence totally inside or otherwise I couldn’t have summoned you both to this world.
„B-but you certainly would have never done the things Fortuna accused you of! You are kind. You are nice. You are Mama!“ Riz cries out. He doesn’t want to believe it.
„I love it how I am seen as such a nice being in your eyes, it is such a nice contrast to what the others see me as. And you are partially right, I haven’t done it, but I also have.“
Riz wipes the tears from his eyes, finally he lets go of his mother and takes a step back: „What did you mean by both?“
Satella hums again: „You are always so sharp. I am so glad that you are here, that finally the two most important people in my life are here.“
Riz‘s eyes narrows: „But who is the other one, c-certainly you would bring that man here?!“
„Of course I didn’t bring your biological father here, but I wouldn’t mind if someday you would call him father. He certainly would make a great one.“ She smiles to herself.
Riz wants to argue, he doesn’t need a father, but before he could a loud voice hallows through the void: „I love you.“
Satella‘s smile disappears: „Seems like we are nearly out of time, I wished we had longer.“ She turns to Riz who is clearly confused by the voice, it sounded exactly like his mother‘s: „Bringing you here was sadly not only for a nice reunion, We-I need your help. You have to help him, the other one I brought here. We- I simply cannot endure it seeing him die, having to rewind the time whenever he finds his demise. He cannot escape it, as it is now he always finds his demise.“
Riz looks shaken: „So that is why the last day simply repeated?“ Hw marvels at his mother‘s power, but also is a bit wary.
“I cannot lose you both again, so a bestowed you a part of my authority. I know you could return as an undead, but I will make sure you don’t have to, for every time one of you should demise, both of you will return back in time. It is for your survival, never tell this to someone who is not part of our power. She- I don’t like it, it’s for your own safety.“
Another shout of: „I love you“, halls through the void.
„I hate to ask this of you, but you have to help him. I wanted to ease you into this world far away from its dangers, but know you are my only option. I will reset the world so that you will appear in the capital near him. I will send you back a day further, so it will be like you never entered Elior forest. I don’t want Fortuna to worry so much after being so nice to you. And remember, when you see a girl resembling me be careful, danger follows her. And be careful of beings who can smell miasma, most do not react calmly to it.“ The last part sounded to Riz almost like a scold to watch out for what is going on before crossing the street.
Before Riz can say anything else his eyes turn heavy. The only thing he can still exhibit is constant stream of the phrase: „I love you.“ in his ears.
„Well, boy? You want this appa?“ A gruff voice asks impatiently.
Subaru founds himself right back where he was, in front of the salesmen. He blinks still a bit in denial, but beginning to realize that it is no simple deja-vu occurring. Thoughtful he stares at the ground before deciding to try his luck to confirm his assumption.
He clears his throat „Hey mister, how many times have you seen me now?"
„What do you mean? I've never seen you before. Well? Are you buying it or not?“ the merchant replies annoyed.
Subaru breathes out like a great load has been taken from his shoulders. After a second he regains his composure, smiles at the man and points at him almost proudly: „Sorry, but I'm broke beyond compare!“
„Get the hell outta here!“ the man nearly throws the apple at him.
Subaru rushes away to be alone, he comes to a stop at a deserted corner and sits on an abandoned box. He lifts his bag and empties it and his pockets: „Wallet, phone and food, everything is still here So at least I didn’t loose anything important.“
He looks down onto himself: „My tracksuit and sneakers are intact.“
Subaru raises his shirt and inspects his back where he was stabbed: „And nothing here. Thank god. A wound to the back is a warrior's greatest shame.“ he tries to lighten his mood.
Subaru looks up at the sky: „Well, there's no denying it. It's hard to believe but this has to be some kind of time leap. And each time, I return to my check point if it happens. I think I will call it-."
Subaru holds his breath before shouting out to seemingly no one: „Return by Death."
Subaru grins. He is special! But his strain of happiness is instantly interrupted by an annoyed complain: „Ugh, would you keep it down, I try to sleep here, it is quiet difficult!“
Subaru turns around. Behind him between boxes a child with white hair and blue eyes stares him down.