Icarian

Regulus woke to the sound of raindrops pattering in the balcony.

He lifted his neck a bit, trying to figure out where he was, but moving seemed to be, not the greatest idea, his entire body hurt.

Regulus looked to his side, only to find James Potter asleep on the chair next to his bed. 

Oh no.

He tried to recall how he ended up here but all he could remember was getting the fuck out of that cave and trying to apparate to somewhere safe. This somewhere safe was apparently his brother's best mate’s house.

Regulus looked at the clock which marked 7:00 am.

He tried to get up, and audibly groaned, everything hurt even more. So, he sat right back down on the bed. 

James’ eyes snapped open. Damnit.

He looked over at Regulus. “Regulus”, he breathed, he sat up and asked, “ how are you doing? what hurts?” already opening his medical kit. “Since when did you become a doctor, Potter?”, Regulus said snarkily.

“I’m trying to help you here”, James answered, “I don’t need help”, Regulus said, as he made an attempt to get up again, and did his best to stifle a groan. 

“See”, James said, “you can’t even get up, Regulus” 

Regulus would’ve retorted with a smart comeback, but he just felt so so tired, he just wanted to rest. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to stay for a bit , he thought.

“Fine, but I’m leaving the moment I can get up”, Regulus replied. “In your condition, I don’t think that’s going to be very soon”, James said, with a light chuckle. 

“We’ll see about that, Potter”, Regulus said sleepily. James hummed in response.

Regulus didn’t want to go to sleep again , he feared that the Inferi from the cave would follow him in his dreams, that he would have to face them all over again, but his eyes closed automatically and he fell into a deep slumber. 

************

There was a Death Eater in James' house. 

There was a Death Eater in his own house. 

James was freaking out, he doesn’t know how he managed to stay calm these past few hours, but now that his mind was actually completely present, he was totally freaking out. 

What was he so supposed to do now? Should he call Sirius? But he didn’t know how Sirius would react, and he would probably go completely bonkers about this. 

So telling Sirius was off the table, at least until he figured things out. Regulus could be very useful to the order, with the information he has on Voldemort.

Maybe The Order could be able to get Regulus on their side. But first, Regulus, had to heal a bit, he literally couldn’t even get up. 

James ate his pancakes while reading the morning newspaper, he was trying to distract himself from this entire situation. But the newspaper certainly wasn’t helping.

A few hours passed, and James decided he should go check on Regulus, he took a plate of pancakes with him and walked upstairs. Regulus lay wide awake on the bed. “Morning Baby Black”, James greeted him. 

“Potter”, Regulus replied, rolling his eyes. “Here”, James said as he placed the plate of pancakes on the bedside table. 

“What’s that?”, Regulus asked, turning his head a little bit. “Your breakfast”, James answered, getting a chair to sit next to Regulus.

Regulus looked like he was going to refuse, but really, who could say no to James Potter’s amazing and delicious pancakes?

Regulus’ face was stern, and he had that look of determination and stubbornness on his face. “I’m not hungry”, he said stubbornly. His stomach growled in protest. 

James raised an eyebrow. 

“Fine”, Regulus sighed. 

He proceeded trying to get up to reach the plate of pancakes. He cursed under his breath. 

“Yeah, I thought that would be an issue”, James stated, sitting down on the chair next to Regulus’ bed. 

He picked up the fork and knife and calmly cut the pancake. He brought the fork to Regulus’ mouth. 

Regulus immediately shut his mouth, and gave James the most stubborn look he could muster at the moment. 

“Oh c’mon”, James sighed, “Just eat it Regulus, it’d be much easier than this.” 

“Nuh uh”, Regulus mumbled, his lips still shut tight. His stomach growled in protest, causing James to look at him with a smug look. 

“Fuck you”, Regulus breathed, but opened his mouth to eat the pancake. 

After he was done, James picked up the now empty plate and went downstairs to put it inside the sink. 

After a while he went back to check on Regulus, who was staring at the ceiling emptily. 

“Got lonely while I was gone, Black?”, he said as he pulled up a chair. 

“Shut up Potter”, Regulus replied, rolling his eyes, but James only laughed ,“So that’s a yes.”

Regulus did not reply. James thought about asking him what had happened last night, but he figured Regulus wouldn’t want to talk about it, especially not to him.

The silence was awkward and painful, yet neither tried to break it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a few days into this whole arrangement, and James had still not dared to ask what happened the night Regulus showed up on his doorstep.

Not when he fed him all his meals, not when he tried his best to tend to his wounds. 

James even had to brush Regulus’ teeth for him the first morning  but afterwards Regulus insisted he’d do it himself. They had a silent agreement to not mention that at all. 

They didn’t really say much to each other, James had too many questions to count, but no courage to ask them. Instead, the only thing that interrupted the silence was the cold air blowing and snarky remarks from either of them. 

But while he sat on the chair in what was now Regulus’s room,  James decided he felt brave enough. 

“Regulus”, he started carefully. 

“Potter”, Regulus answered. 

“What happened that night?”, James asked. 

“It doesn’t matter”, Regulus said. “Considering your current state, it looks like it matters”, James stated. 

“Piss off, if I wanted to tell you, I would”, He said, rolling his eyes. 

“Would you really?”, James asked. He knew Regulus didn’t want to tell him, and he knew that he would probably never find out, but it didn’t hurt to try. 

“Yeah, I would, but I don’t want to tell you shit”, Regulus said angrily. “Merlin, you’re a lot more stubborn than your brother, aren’t you?”, James observed. 

“We’re two very different people, and I think he stopped calling me his brother a long time ago”, Regulus said, his demeanour shifting just enough for James to wish he hadn’t said anything about Sirius at all. It was true though, since sixth year, Sirius pretended like he didn’t have a brother, and in those moments James didn’t really think about how Regulus felt about that and he guessed Sirius didn’t either. 

Sirius was under the impression that Regulus was some monster without feelings, and weirdly enough James had started to believe that. Since James saw the dark mark on Regulus’ arm back in sixth year, he’d started believing that Regulus was everything Sirius said he was. 

But the more time he actually spent with Regulus, the more he was being proved wrong. Of course, James understood that Regulus was still a death eater no matter how beautiful he looked when he smiled, or how his laugh was like music to one’s ears. Well, James was pretty sure he understood that. 

Once the curtain of silence had been drawn, James was left with no choice but to accept the darkness. 

He waited. 

He waited for Regulus to say something, but he didn’t. 

James got up and left. 

                 **********

Regulus didn’t understand why, of all people, he had chosen to come to James. Before this, they’d spoken a limited number of times, but somehow when Regulus thought of something safe, he thought of James. He knew he couldn’t stay here for long, he had to destroy the Horcrux he found, and do his best to destroy voldemort. He had to make up for everything he’d done wrong. 

Comfort was for the good and the cowards. 

James would be looking for answers now, and Regulus didn't know how long he could avoid the questions. He didn’t know how to begin explaining to James everything he’d been doing in an effort to bring down Voldemort, he wasn’t sure if James would even believe him. 

Within the first few days of Regulus being at James’ place, they had fallen into some sort of routine. James would give him all his meals, they’d sit in silence, both too unsure of what to say. Regulus had come to find that James was a world class insomniac. It was nice to have company when he was too shaken by the nightmares to go back to sleep, it was nice to have a cup of hot chocolate, to not be alone. 

Even through the awkwardness of it all, Regulus was glad he hadn’t apparated to Sirius’s house. He knew Sirius had long since unclaimed him as his brother. Now in his brother’s eyes, he was nothing but another death eater, a monster.

A part of him wondered if Sirius would help him at all, the thought alone sank his heart to his stomach. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on his door. 

“Yes?” He answered. 

James opened the door, he was holding a tray with two cups of hot chocolate on it. Regulus couldn’t help smiling. 

“Potter”, Regulus said, “Merlin, do you ever sleep?” he asked with a soft chuckle. James laughed, then asked, “How are you feeling?”

Regulus simply shrugged in response. “Well then, would you like some hot chocolate?” James asked in a playfully formal manner. 

“If I ever say no to that, just know that’s not the Regulus Black you know and love”, Regulus said, in the same tone. “Duly noted”, James said with a laugh as he handed him a cup off the tray. 

Regulus accepted it, his cold hands against the warm cup of hot chocolate. James’ finger brushed against Regulus’s. 

They sat in silence like usual for the next few minutes, the silence grew more and more awkward, James tapped his thumb against the cup handle, making a soft noise.