Anything
Remus could only ever have dreamt of performing on a big stage some day back in his youth. Although he had broken the strings on his mother guitar whilst trying to play a c major chord whilst only ever having been able to play a stupid tumbling elephant tune on the piano in his youngest years, remus eventually found his way towards the melodies that had been calling him since he was only five. But the true turning point of his life had to have been the truly devastating yet overwhelming moment that he was placed in the same music class that contained not only one James potter but additionally the one and only woman ever that was Lily Evans in year 8, and Remus had never wanted to go back to his miserable life before the music took over. Ever since madam Pomfrey personally tutored little R.J.Lupin in piano and guitar every afternoon of year 8, from 15:00 until the ungodly hour of 18:00. Ever since he was forced to perform in the school band for the winter musicals of year 9, 10 and 11, which was also an insane amount of rehearsals for literal children but blame the drama department as well as the fact that the shows his first time really performing for people (even if it was in the cover of darkness off the side of the stage). Ever since he wrote his first song and madam Pomfrey looked at him with pure adoration, congratulating him for being a pure ball of possibilities and potential, Remus knew that up on the big stage with a microphone in front of him and flashing lights encompassing the room was exactly where he always wanted to end up.
Ever since that first day of year 8 Remus had found not only his calling but also his people. James and Lily, although they didn’t get along originally due to James’ overwhelming and extreme need to woo her, were both the best things to happen to Remus. If music was one thing that he never wanted to loose, James and lily were the thing he would live for. During his relentless rehearsals over secondary they were always there bringing him snacks or a portion of chips from the white shops down the road of the school, during the troubling period where Remus’ mother was in and out of hospital for a multitude of illnesses they always held his hand in the hardest of times and helped distract or comfort him when his mind wanted to play endless tricks on him. They all revised for their GCSEs and a-levels together, going to the same sixth form just cause they were absolutely inseparable from the moment they met (‘we can’t be apart Remus you’re my one and only true love, as well as the fact that my lily flower could never love such a beauty among men like myself.’ James had begged him when they were forced to apply for colleges in year 11, what a coincidence that Lily said the same thing to him two days prior (different wording of course)). Since parting ways after college their little trio may have drifted apart slightly, but due to Lily finally agreeing to hear James out with the whole dating thing they have actually been together for nearly 6 years, since they were 17. Now at 23 they had been married for 2 years and were just waiting for the right moment in their lives to properly settle down, however the time never seemed to arise. James was on constant business trips due to his job in the BBC as a reporter. He managed to go basically anywhere and everywhere one could dream of: from festivals to political debates, the depths of London to the marvels of Japan. He loved his job, the only downside being how often he felt he was abandoning Lily back at their inherited london home, one of the many that the potter family actually owned across the country. Lily on the other hand was a jack of all trades. Anything you needed she was happy to manage and sort it all out. She actually ran her own shop and bakery in the town centre of Finchley. Remus always thought she made the most banging sugar cookies and cupcakes of London, and her mochas were only a close second to his very own. However, all this was not enough for the only Lily evans, she also had to be remus’ music manager. This position she held is what lead Remus back to the potter’s grand home in north London - an emergency business meeting with miss Evans.
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“I don’t wanna be the owner of your fantasy, I just wanna be apart of your family.”
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“Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love the song Remus but are you sure you’re doing the right thing by submitting such a raw and emotional song for Eurovision. I love it and think it’s one of your best but I just want to look out for you. I just want to know why you would submit this instead of songs such as ‘the view between villages’ or even ‘going postal at the party’.”
See even though Remus valued lily’s opinions and criticisms more than anything, especially in this line of work, he couldn’t help but feel some resentment towards the open hatred she seemed to hold towards his latest song. He knows how sensitive it can be but that’s what metaphors are for aren’t they? Mask the sad emotions with word play and a catchy beat, voila, an amazing a worthy song for anyone to enjoy. Not just this latest song but his whole discovery from the last few months meant so much to Remus that it was the only songs of his that he could see as worth for Eurovision. Each song had such a deep meaning towards his past wether it was his experiences with uni and deep need to escape the depressing tone of his horrendous home country or his struggles with mental health which led him nearly to the end, these songs told his story and he wanted to put them on blast (it didn’t help that they were some of the most catchy British indie songs Remus had ever heard let alone compose himself). The truth was, Remus needed these songs. He knew that he couldn’t use one of his older, more positive songs all because he would never feel while performing one of those. He needed this.
“Lily, please. I need to play this for such a big event in my life. If it was any other song I’m afraid it wouldn’t feel right for me. Not a single other song I’ve made is worthy of competing, let alone winning.”
“I’m just trying to look out for you yeah. I know how much it means to you I just want it to be the right fit and if you are saying it is then who am I to judge.”
“Thank you really, and anyway, I submitted it to the BBC just over a month ago so there isn’t much we could do to change it at this point.”
And that was true. Remus had already had a month with the song completely out of his hands. Now people already said that writing a song was the hard part of being a musician but for Remus the true torture seemed to be just how much waiting there was in the industry. Every little change had to be triple checked over and the smallest things could take months to go through and get confirmed. Such a huge decision as choosing one song out of possibly thousands was starting to feel like years of his life were wizzing by in a blink. All his hopes and dreams were left to the stupid bloody BBC and he had the smallest chances of success. He didn’t really know how things worked on the inside and he hated thinking about what could be going on inside the company walls. Remus was just left to sit behind the coffee counter making drink and humming stupid tunes whilst his whole future was in the hands of someone whose name he didn’t even know.
After the initial afternoon tea they had planned ended lily and Remus ended up cracking open a bottle of wine and enjoy the quite evening lounging around the fire pit in the potter home garden whilst some classic British music was running out and around the flower garden. The fire was crackling away with its humming calming the duo whilst they were seemingly un their own worlds whilst its amber aura encompassed the garden’s furniture in a soft yet warm glow. The flora wind that swayed through the garden mixed with the new aromas of firewood and red wine to create a homely feel that the two very much appreciated. It was obvious how much wine they had ended up consuming due to Remus and Lily snuggling under the large blanket on the garden sofa, giggling away at anything and anything (due to the wine or sheer exhaustion they felt we will never know), and that is the exact view and feel that one James potter came home to that night; his two favourite people in his favourite place.
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The next morning Remus awoke to an incredibly cozy bed that was absolutely stacked with pillows and cushions even though he was laying in said bed. Whilst he was lounging in the early morning air, there was the fresh smell and light heat of food subtlety climbing up the stairs from the potters kitchen: crispy pan fried bacon, fresh and fluffy pancakes, scrambled eggs with plenty of pepper alongside the sickeningly sweet accompaniment of syrup filled the house. This all could only mean one thing to a freshly awake Remus lupin; motherly james potter had prepared breakfast. Although it also meant that he had drank a little too much with Lily last night and they had both probably ended up crashed out in the garden somewhere whilst mumbling nonsense, Remus found he couldn’t care less as he hauled himself up and outta the sweet comfort of the potters spare bedroom (or one of them at least). And as he made his way down the staircase and along the house’s opening corridor he became aware of the soft voices of his best mates whilst cooking in the kitchen,
“No I mean the meeting was incredible and I’m so excited to go commentate the event but I can’t stand leaving you so soon after I come back from new york. I’m only allowed to be in London for a week before fucking off to Switzerland.”
“James it’s your job and I really don’t mind, we’re use to it by now.”
“I know, but we shouldn’t be. Hey, maybe I could see if you could join me on this trip, it’s not like it’s gonna give away any private information or shit.”
“Yeah maybe, I mean I would love to go, we haven’t gone away together in ages, but Remus would be distraught if we-“ Remus took that as his entrance queue and with a quick knock on the doorframe he entered the kitchen and made his way towards the breakfast bar where there was already a pot of tea ready for him.
“Morning guys. I am so sorry about last night things got out of hand, Lily we can’t drink that much when it’s meant to be a work meeting.”
Lily could only smile at the latter statement, “Oh sorry but I wasn’t aware we were meant to stay sober.”
“Don’t worry about it, I just needed to get my mind off of things to be honest,” and only after pouring himself a handsome cup of tea did Remus feel ready to talk anymore, even though he hadn’t told James about his song submission out of his own free will Remus felt like he was guilty for his withholding of such things with James. They were best mates and yet Remus hadn’t let James in on what was one of the most important things, by a long shot, that he had done recently. After finishing his tea though, Remus went to change the subject, only wishing to let go of some guilt he was holding in, “But James I am sorry that you had to come home to us like well whatever that was last night, but then again you know us. I am sorry though, especially after you had a long shift and that.”
“It’s not problem really, the office was really nice to be in yesterday.”
“Well isn’t that a change.” Lily interjected. It was well known in their group how stressful James’ job could actually be. There was a shit tone of paperwork and even more pressure in how he had to present himself. Lily and Remus knew that neither of them could ever do such a task, sticking to their little yet overrun cafés in the mean time.
“I mean I shouldn’t really be saying this but then again it is only you two, but we were taken into a private meeting yesterday, well only a select few of us but it was kinda off putting in the moment.” James started explaining his day as Lily plated up the bacon and scrambled eggs. She set them down at the bar as the couple sat down with Remus and poured their own drinks, Remus took the opportunity to refill his own cup, ready to enjoy the story James was sharing. “And well they pitched to us how now that September has passed we have a few things we need to decide. It’s nothing serious in comparison to something’s that I’ve had to report on but instead it’s actually for the Eurovision song contest.” Remus and Lily both took in such a deep breath that Remus was sure they scared James a little bit. Remus felt the colour drain from his face and his stomach started to twist around into nots. If he was standing when he heard the name of the stupid song contest that he dreamed about come out of James’ mouth he was certain he would have fainted right in the middle of the potter kitchen. “Yeah so we spent most of the day listening to the submissions that got past the first stage, before it came to us they narrowed down the thousands they originally had to only about 50 or 60 songs. It felt so weird listening to all these songs but I mean you could tell wether they were good or not, no need for a musical insight, sorry Remus, but I mean I relied on the feeling they gave me. Others in the room were all about how it represents our country or if it would look good on the main stage, but the emotions behind the songs and what they showed of the artist surely mean more than that, or at least it did to me.” Remus was so scared right now he didn’t know what to do anymore. What was his luck that the one thing he hadn’t told James was the only thing in his life that seemed to be fully in James’ hands. His future could be over right now and he wouldn’t know, did they hear his song once and immediately binned the thing or was it possible that James had listened to it, probably thought it was shit and tossed it out. “And to be fair I thought I was like completely off the rail with that whole ‘feelings behind a song’ nonsense but there was this one song, only one out of the 50, probably out of the thousands that were submitted, that just felt so raw. The music, which was basically rock, hardly matched the lyrical undertones, which were all emotional and vulnerable, but it all came together so beautifully, I had to choose that one to go forward. It spoke to me so much and when i discussed it it’s the group even Fabian said that it seemed so quintessentially british that it was nearly impossible to miss or skim pass. It was such an interesting meeting and overall day, I honestly loved it so much and I really hope that the final choice is as good as that one.”
Remus didn’t know what to think. Nothing James had said could indicate that the song was his, that any of the songs they had listened to were of his own work, and yet Remus felt a thrill ride through him. There was this gut feeling that maybe his dreams weren’t over and he knew for a fact that right now he definitely didn’t feel the need to drink away any of the worry he had whilst with Lily, just like he had done last night. Speaking of Lily, he looked over to where she was sat in the other side of the breakfast bar only to meet her own green eyes. As they shared the look remus wasn’t exactly sure what she was thinking, that was the thing with Lily, she was the opposite of an open book. She told you only what she wanted to and anything else was closed off info. It made it really annoying to try and figure out what she was trying to explain to him seemingly just through her eyes. Evident that remus wasn’t getting her message though, she started to speak into the silence that James seemed oblivious to, “That’s amazing James. I thought that you were only going to be the in-person reported for the event, I didn’t realise you had any say in who was sent to perform for us.”
“WAIT.” Remus needed things explained to him. “Since when was james the reported for the UK’s Eurovision broadcast?”
“Oh yeah sorry mate but I’m going to Switzerland to do the official press for the event. I’m looking forward to it and am hoping I can take Lils with me this time around, could be a nice trip even if I am working.”
“Oh fucking hell.”
“What? Remus are you alright?” As Remus was seemingly having a mental breakdown to such big information, not that James noticed, he turned to his wife and could only raise an eyebrow.
“Look James, it’s kinda complicated but-“ she then turned to Remus only to see him head in hands and eyes darting about the counter top, “Okay Remus is it alright if I tell him why this is such a big deal yeah?” At least she knew that Remus could hear and understand her during his minor panic, because answering her question he slowly nodded his head and looked up towards her. “Okay. Well James you know how our dear friend over here is an aspiring musician and he has watched Eurovision with us every year since we were in year 10?” James made a quick bit and encouraged his wife to continue, “Well we made the decision to submit a song this year, one that means a lot to Remus, i told him not to send that one in but anyway, so he is currently freaking out that you, yeah you James, have a say in who gets to go to Switzerland and perform, who exactly gets his dream since we were teens.”
James was utterly speechless and as Remus came out of his mini panic he looked up at James to only get tackled into a mamma bear hug. Remus knew then that he should have told James about the song and everything but he also knew that he couldn’t feel guilty about it. James accepted everything with a positive overview, it was made him such a great reported, nothing ever brought him down. Remus could only laugh at what his mate said next, “Oh Remus if I would have know I could have rigged the whole thing for you to win”
“It’s fine James. I felt terrible about telling you but i’m kind of glad i didn’t now.” James pulled away from him with a small pout on his face, making Remus laugh even more before sitting up and saying “If you had known then the whole system wouldn’t have been fair, I only want to get through if I deserve it, it’s the only way.”
James and Lily both grinned at him after his response and after the two boys settled back up at the breakfast bar they started to eat, lucky that the food hadn’t gone stone cold cause to be honest they were all starved. once they were done eating and nearly finished with the tidying up James turned to him whilst Lily was in the main room and was only happy to say “I’m glad your chasing this, and Remus, I promise that it will stay fair but I can also promise that the best song will be chosen meaning I am almost certain that you will get the best outcome from all this.” So with that James clapped him on the back and started to walk over to the living room, “Now come on we have some movies we need to go and watch before my darling Lils throws a fit that we are too slow.”
Remus was so glad he had found a family that had stuck with him for a decade and although he had everything he could ever want in the room with him Remus still felt that something unnamed was missing, especially when he watched the domestic actions of James and Lily Potter. There was something missing in his life but he hoped this feeling would pass, what more did he need?
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And without Remus’ awareness, there was a beautiful man somewhere across the English Channel going but the name Sirius Black that had decidedly just put the finishing touches on what he was sure was his new favourite song, a song that was inspired by his own life in London, particularly this adorable and memorable café but especially the adorably hot barista that gave Sirius the exact same longing that said barista had.