March 11, 1975
“Remus?” James asks late one night.
“Yeah, James?” Remus responds. That’s all the confirmation James needs before he silently walks over to Remus’ bed, getting in under the covers and making himself comfortable. Remus lifts his arm to make room for James. James cuddles into Remus’ chest.
“Can I tell you something? It’s a secret you can’t tell anyone” James finally says once he’s fully situated.
“Of course Prongs, I’ll take it to my grave” Remus responds with a smile he hopes James can see despite the darkness enveloping the room.
“I’m in love,” James tells Remus with a love-sick expression clear on his face even in the dead of night.
Remus chuckles. “Yes, I know Prongs. You’ve been in love with Lily since before you even knew her name” He responds poking James’ shoulder.
“Not Lily” James responds furrowing his eyebrows. At the confused look on Remus’ face, James continues his thought. “Not like that Moony. I still love Lily so so much. So much that I think my heart's gonna beat out of my chest” James sighs and continues. “I mean that I’m in love with a second person” He explains whispering it so softly that had it not been for their proximity Remus would not have heard.
“…Does anyone else know?” Remus asked after the silence stretched on for far too long.
“No. I really only realized yesterday” James informs Remus. “I had to tell somebody ” he adds before Remus can ask anything else.
“You know it’s okay if you don’t like Lily anymore Prongs,” Remus told James.
“No I still love her, but I love this person just as much” James responded.
“So who is she?” Remus asks. James’ eyes look around the dark room as if searching for something. Remus can sense the uncertainty and it suddenly dawns on him. They’re not a she. “Prongs you know it’s ok to like boys right?” Remus asks. James nods, but he’s still shifting his eyes around nervously.
“That’s not really the problem Moony” James finally says breaking the silence. “The problem is who he is” he elaborates. Remus eyes James curiously because he can’t think of any blokes James could realistically like that are bad.
“You can tell me Prongs or you can not tell me,” Remus says, noticing just how nervous telling him who made James.
James swallows. “Promise me you won’t say a word to Sirius,” James says more as a statement than a question.
“It’s not Sirius is it?” Remus asks his brain unable to supply a reason why James might be telling him and not Sirius.
James burst out laughing and shook his head. Remus absently wondered if he should’ve cast a silencing charm, but then he remembered that someone could blow up Gryffindor tower, and Sirius and Peter would still be asleep.
“Merlin no Moony. Even if it was why would I tell you, his boyfriend?” James adds once his laughter stops.
“If you don’t want to name names how about you tell me about him?” Remus asks after a moment of consideration.
James nods and takes a deep breath. “Loving him was as easy as flying for me. Before I knew it I was properly in love. I only realized yesterday even though I’ve been feeling it for a long time.” He says. Remus allows James an opportunity to collect his thoughts. “He reminds me of the stars. Always there looking so close you think you can touch. But when you reach out all you feel is air. I’ve always loved the stars. It’s easy to love the stars they’re always there waiting at the end of a long day offering comfort” James elaborates. “Merlin Remus I am so far gone for this boy. He’s so beautiful, whenever I see him his curls are in his eyes and all I want to do is reach out and tuck it behind his ear” He adds. “Fuck I love Regulus so damn much it hurts” James slips up and reveals who it is he loves.
Remus gasps at the mention of Regulus. “James… Sirius is gonna kill you” Remus says simply being in too much shock to think of much else. Suddenly James realizes he slips up and his fond smile fades.
“Crap. I shouldn’t have said his name” James mutters to himself and averts his gaze away from Remus’.
“Prongs it’s okay. I’m not saying Sirius won’t try and kill you but it seems like you really love him.” Remus tells James trying to calm him down from his panic. James bites his lip. “I’m not joking James. Honestly. I think if you tell Sirius all this he’ll understand.” Remus adds. James sniffs. And with horror, Remus realizes that tears are starting to run down James’ face. Remus squeezes James tighter.
“What am I gonna to Moony?” James asks hopelessly.
“You’ll do what us Marauders do. We’ll get through it together” Remus responds. James nods.
“What if neither of them ever love me?” James asks quietly still crying equally as quiet as his words.
“You have people who love you more than Regulus or Lily ever could. Don’t worry James” Remus answers becoming fiercely protective of his best friend. “James you will always have me and Sirius and Pete. I could never stop loving you.” He adds.
“Thanks, Moony. I’m sorry I bothered you I’ll go back to my bed now” James says, though he makes no attempts to actually get up.
“James you are not bothering me in the slightest. If you don’t wanna leave don’t leave. You will never be able to bother me” Remus whispers passionately. James nods.
Eventually, James says something after a very long silence. “I love you too Moony,” he says quietly.
“Always James, always” Remus responds. The two go to sleep in silence.
✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮
May 26, 1977
“Remus? Do you think Lily will be mad if I tell her I’m in love with Regulus too” James asks while he and Remus are sitting near the Great Lake under a tree. James has his head in Remus’ lap while Remus cards through his hair.
“No” Remus responds simply, while taking out a cigarette and lighting it.
“You shouldn’t smoke Moony it’s not good,” James tells him. Remus hums taking a drag of his cigarette. “Seriously though. What if she thinks that I’m using her as a substitute for Regulus?” James asks again.
“She won’t” Remus responds just as simply as his prior response.
“How can you know that!” James says throwing his hands up almost hitting Remus.
“I just do” Remus responds with a smirk.
“You know something don’t you?” James all but accuses Remus. Remus hums noncommittedly. “Mooony just tell me” James whines.
“I won’t tell you because it’s not my business to tell, but that being said you should tell Lily. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.” Remus says confusing James further, but he trusts Remus’ judgment.
✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮
January 8, 1978
“Moony?” James asks quietly since they’re in the library.
“Yeah, Prongs?” Remus responds.
“Did I fuck things up with Reggie?” James asks.
“Why do you ask?” Remus asks curiously.
“Because of that stupid party. Me and Lils were finally getting somewhere with Reggie and then we snogged at the party and he’s ignoring us” James responds miserably. He’d been moping a lot this last week.
“You didn’t fuck things up James” Remus tells him.
“But what if we forced it onto him? Reg was drunker than everybody at that party” James asks each question making him sound more and more miserable.
“Prongs if Regulus didn’t want to be snogged by you two he wouldn’t have let it happen you know that” Remus responds.
“But he was totally fucking smashed Moony, how could he have any inhibitions while in that state?” James asks determined to make himself worry more than he needs to be.
“James even while Regulus is drunk he, wouldn’t let that happen, and if he was uncomfortable he would've already hexed you and Lily into next Tuesday” Remus responded closing the book he had been reading.
“You're probably right Moony thanks you always know just what to say to make me feel better” James responds hugging his best friend. James still isn’t fully convinced but he feels much better already.
✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮☆✮
June 1, 1978
“Remus, do you think Sirius is gonna forgive me?” James asks on the train ride home.
“Yes of course James” Remus responds immediately.
“I really fucked up though Remus,” James says burying his face in his hands.
“James you have nothing to worry about Sirius just needs to sulk a bit,” Remus tells James with a smile James can’t see.
“Remus I fucked up so bad I got his fucking little brother pregnant” James groans.
“James, it’s okay, Sirius is gonna come around and if he doesn’t I’ll slap him,” Remus tells James with a grave look on his face. James finally looks up from where he has his face in his hands. “Reg and Lily are talking to Sirius right now trying to get him to stop being petty” Remus adds as an afterthought.
After a long silence, James finally says something. “What if I’m a shit dad?” James asks quietly as if he feels ridiculous for asking.
“James you could never be a shit dad, don’t even give that any more thought,” Remus says firmly and passionately. James nods.
“Merlin, what are my parents gonna think? What are Lily’s parents gonna think? This kind of relationship is frowned upon with muggles” James said as if he just thought about that. “We haven‘t even been together for a year” He added miserably.
“James your parents love Reg and Lily, and Lily’s parents will support her if they love her. I know for a fact that you, Lily, and Regulus are in this so don’t worry about how long it’s been” Remus told James putting a hand on his shoulder. James nods feeling so much better already.
“I can do this,” James says mostly to himself, and for the first time, he truly believes that he can.
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December 19, 1978
“Moony?” James asks holding his newborn daughter while Regulus sleeps.
“Yeah, Prongs?” Remus responds.
“Thanks,” James says simply.
“For what?” Remus asks confused.
“Everything. I couldn’t have gotten here without you” James responds smiling.
“Anytime Prongs, I’ll always be here for you” Remus responds with a smile just as bright as James’.