Accismus

It was starting to make more sense why exactly Dorcas had gotten the sudden burst of courage to want to go to a Gryffindor party of all places.

“It’s this thing they’re doing, I guess as a way to “let the students express themselves without fear of ridicule”, I think Remus said?” Dorcas imitated Lupins rough voice, rummaging through the heap of clothes on Regulus’s bed as she spoke. They ultimately decided to get ready together, while Dorcas and Evan explained the supposed theme of the party. This, of course, meant Dorcas had demanded asked them to empty all their clothes into a combined pile so they wouldn’t “limit [themselves] to [their] constricting wardrobes” or “let [their] unwillingness to buy better clothes ruin a potentially amazing outfit”. 

Evan, Barty, and Regulus would not be allowed in any of the girls' rooms because of the enchantments on the entrances to the girl's dormitories, so Regulus’s bed - being the cleanest out of the three boys - had become the designated destination for the monstrosity they created with Evan’s, Barty’s, Dorcas’s, Pandora’s, and his clothes.

Quizzically looking at the green miniskirt he had just pulled from the pile, Evan continued, “They’re promoting it by telling everyone to wear a mask and not to disclose or wear anything with their house sigil on it to conceal their identities and avoid unnecessary quarrels between houses.”

“The same group of Gryffindors who have despised Slytherin since first year are willingly letting us into their common room for a whole weekend?” Barty gasped, having then dramatically thrown himself onto the floor, placing the back of his hand against his forehead, imitating the fainting damsels in those muggle movies that were trapped inside their small black prisons Pandora had smuggled into Hogwarts and watched with them after their productive group study. (Code for: They had an intense gossip session and ended it with a movie marathon sleepover) 

“I must be dying,” Barty let out with a gasp. “Reg, please tell my mother I love her and I’ll miss her dearly, and Ev tell my father-” he let out dramatized choking noises between his sentences. Pandora’s cackling on the other side of the room egging him on. “Tell him he can- can choke to death on Salazar’s balls.” 

Barty’s choking had subsided and he appeared dead on the floor for about twelve seconds before he was instantaneously resurrected and his ‘zombie’ (as the muggles called it) had decided its theories were even remotely of value to their conversation. “I bet they are planning to seduce us and slowly drain our beauty and youth for themselves through sex, I mean you know how greedy those damn Gryffindors can be. But Hey, at least Dorcas and Reg over there will actually enjoy that party.       

Pandora had perked up, raising her hand into the air, waving it back and forth - as she always did before giving her opinion - and using her knowledge of parties portrayed in muggle films to supply a more plausible outcome for the night. “Or perhaps it’s a ploy to lure as many Slytherins as humanly possible into one confined space and then they’ll kidnap, drug, and force you to kill each other for entertainment.”

‘Or not’

Stepping over Barty’s limp form still haphazardly posed on the carpet to assist a determined Dorcas in her mission to find everyone clothes to wear for the night.

“So if everyone there is going to be in masks, why do you need our help with McKinnon?” Regulus finally asked what had been on his mind since he learned what the theme of this party was, because if the girl she was trying to… avoid, talk to, fight, snog? Wouldn’t know it was Dorcas, what was the issue exactly? 

Regulus would kill for the chance to have a conversation with James that wasn’t tarnished by everything the older Gryffindor seemed to deem ‘wrong’ with him. His family, the house he was sorted in, his rocky relationship with Sirius, his friends that - for some reason - James didn’t like, which was odd because James liked almost everyone. (Except Severus’s equally idiotic group of assholes and well– Regulus)

Regulus could understand if James found Barty slightly annoying, I mean everyone who knew the Slytherin found him irritating to an extent (except Mrs.Crouch, of course), but Barty hardly spoke to his brother's gaggle of idiots much less Potter himself. It also wasn’t just Barty, he had always been weird and standoffish toward the twins and Dorcas too. 

This would - in any other situation - be enough for Regulus to hate a person and despite what everyone in school assumes Regulus doesn’t hate people very often. 

Sure, he tolerates few people and likes even fewer but he doesn’t hate the people he isn’t friends with, that’s absurd. If Regulus Black likes you there's a reason why, and if he hates you then there’s a reason why.

Regulus could count on one hand the people he hates and James Potter falls nowhere on that list.

1. Ms. Morana, who was his and Sirius’s nanny for three years, had gotten fired at twenty-nine, right before Sirius left for Hogwarts. When she wasn’t beating the brothers with yardsticks or asking Sirius perverted questions about how he’d treat his “extremely lucky future wife” or making revolting and presumptuous claims that Sirius was “such a flirtatious young man,” She was spending her free time bent over their father's office desk.     

2. Mulciber ll, one of Snape’s close friends, was known for his frequent harassment of Mary Macdonald and his part in creating Levicorpus with Severus, Avery, and Zambini. (this jinx hung the victim upside in the air by the ankle) That Mulciber had used on occasion to hoist unsuspecting girls in their year into the air, allowing gravity to do the rest of his dirty work.

3. Bartemius Crouch Sr, Who’s crime is being Barty’s cruel, negligent father.

4. Albus Dumbledore, who, even after having been informed about Mulciber’s actions several times didn’t expel him or ban the use of Levicorpus, until last year when Potter had used it against the creator, Severus Snape during a duel that ended in Potter getting quite an attractive apparent scar across his jaw. 

As you can see James Potter’s name doesn’t appear on this list because even though he behaves oddly around his group of friends, they have reassured him multiple times it’s not an issue and Regulus is greedy - and selfish - and he just wants so bad. 

Evan had made a joke once during a rewatch of the film Double Indemnity (1944), that a distant Aunt of Pandora’s (who moved to the States before the twins were born) had mailed her as an apology for missing their birthday. He said that if James was ever put behind bars in Azkaban, Regulus would rather become a hybristophiliac (someone attracted to criminals) or his partner in crime than let go of his feelings for the extroverted Gryffindor and Regulus couldn’t find it within himself to refute the accusation.      

He had tried to keep his voice neutral and non-accusatory when he had asked Dorcas about her reasons for needing her friends ‘emotional support’ for the anonymous encounter. 

He had failed, apparently, because Dorcas’s voice came out high and defensive when she responded “Well you all need to get out of your rooms more often anyways, you’ve all become depressing and quite lame.” She stood from her spot kneeling on his bed, crossing her arms and tilting her chin up looking down at Regulus challengingly.

“We are not!” Barty cried, leaping up from his position on the ground, and placing his hands on his hips before backtracking. “Well, maybe Evan is lame but we love him all the same, don’t we? So there’s no reason to single him out!” 

Pandora began chuckling into her palm, her dumbfounded older brother shaking his head in disbelief, they were on the opposite side of the room sitting on Evan’s bed. An emerald throw blanket spread out on Pandora's lap as Evan sat behind her, expertly twisting her wavy blonde hair into a half ponytail, leaving a few stray pieces to frame her face and grabbing a handful of miscellaneous hair pins to decorate her head.

“It’s true, but who cares if–” Pandora put her finger in the air, popped an apple ring into her mouth, and continued. “None of us have any other friends besides Reg’s house elf pals and the Wildflower sprites that come to see me every now and again?”

Silence…

“Fine, I’ll go socialize with those stupid Gryffindor jocks,” Regulus had muttered, as he tried to sort through the abundance of clothes on his bed for something reasonable to wear as Dorcas cackled in triumph. Evan who had just finished styling his younger sister’s hair shooed her away and padded across the room to join Regulus.

“Meadows, I hope you know, I plan on wearing this to the party tonight,” Evan held up one of Dorcas’s lacy bras against his chest as he snickered.

“Go right ahead Rosier, do you want the matching bottoms too? You know to complete the look?” Dorcas smirked the same glimmer from before present in her brown eyes as she spoke.

“No, keep those to yourself please” Evan responded with a grimace, putting the undergarment back into the pile as he continued his search for an outfit for him and Barty, who clearly wasn’t planning on picking out clothes for himself, as he laid on his mattress opposite Regulus’s. His head hanging upside down off the foot of his bed, making eye contact with Evan before breaking out into a face-splitting grin that had Evan looking away and covering his ears, which were quickly turning a rosy scarlet.

 ***

“I look stupid, I’m changing.” 

“No!” Pandora and Dorcas had shouted at the same time looking at Regulus’ outfit in the mirror. His reflection was nearly unrecognizable, the black wooden crow mask he wore was Pandora’s idea. As it turns out there was a catch to the party - albeit not quite as dramatic as Pandora or Barty had guessed - but a catch nonetheless, the self-proclaimed Marauders had created a way to differentiate Slytherins from any of the other houses. Evan had a rat on the inside, which informed them, all the other houses were told by his brother's band of morons that were spreading the word about the party to attend wearing a specifically themed mask. Once it came time to tell the Slytherins, they had - essentially lied -  about the dress code and not told them the masks were supposed to be of an animal or other magical creature. So when the party started and students were to walk in wearing typical masquerade masks it would alert his brother’s friends they were from Slytherin and as a bonus would make them look slightly foolish. 

The informant had also reassured them there were charms in place to prevent any unwarranted fighting and that only the Gryffindors knew of the masks, so if any of the other houses did see a Slytherin student they would just assume they had broken the dress code and not that they were a Slytherin.

Regulus gave his clothes a reluctant glance in the mirror, the cropped cauldron-colored tank top Dorcas had forced him into was snug and stopped short just below his ribs, showing off his shiny piercing. Barty’s black low-rise jeans which he grew out of after he had hit his growth spurt in fourth year, had now hugged Regulus’s legs uncomfortably and displayed the stupid stick and poke tattoo of the Canis Major constellation he was peer pressured into letting Barty give him on his hip. He had borrowed some rings from Dorcas and slipped on a green pair of Evan’s Doc Martens that he never wore. (They were his apology gift from the twin's Aunt in the States) it wasn’t exactly him but it wasn’t Regulus Arcturus Black, Heir to the Noble House of Black either, and that was enough, even for just one night.   

Pandora stood beside him in the mirror, hair done by Evan, white owl mask in tow. The blue and white floral dress hung over her slim figure, slightly brushing the tips of her flats. It was so strikingly Pandora to wear a dress you’d put on to have tea with your mother, to a party full of pissed teenagers it was almost heartwarming in an odd way.

Barty and Evan's outfits were suspiciously quite similar; they were both wearing trousers with Muggle trainers and mostly unbuttoned button-up shirts to go with them.

Which heavily irritated Regulus when he first saw them walk out in their bear (Evan) and dragon (Barty) masks considering Dorcas wouldn’t let him change into an actual shirt. He’s sure this is just her punishing him for interrupting her earlier when she had initially asked them to come to the party. But it still felt cruel and unjust considering he had changed his mind after giving it a second thought.

“Alright people let’s hurry this up please, we have a party to attend,” Dorcas grumbled impatiently, eyes narrowed behind her white tiger mask with her arms crossed over her red low v-neck top that showed a sliver of her stomach. Pandora’s mid-rise bell bottoms that she had borrowed complimented her dark skin tone immensely and fit her perfectly due to the magic alterations she had made. She was even more intimidating with the three-inch wedges she had slipped on at the last minute, making her even taller than she naturally was, and was now practically towering over Regulus.

As they were all slipping out of the dorm, Regulus grabbed his knitted green jumper off the bed and threw it over the minuscule piece of fabric his friends had forced him into and claimed was a decent excuse of a shirt.

And before Regulus knew it, they were inside the Gryffindor common room. Luckily the colorful decorations hid some of the awful red wallpaper. There was a large wooden table near the back stock full of drinks and food for the guests, the room was warmly lit with floating candles and makeshift lanterns made from multi-colored paper. Plus the music wasn’t terrible, so there was that.

“Psst! Reg, Help me find McKinnon, please!” Dorcas begged into his ear, her eyes pleading from behind her mask as she worried a red-painted lip in between her teeth.

“What makes you think I’ll be able to find her? Everyone’s wearing masks, remember?” 

“I know, but you're usually so good at this kind of thing, just try please!” She had begged before her expression changed and she began to turn around, calling out to him behind her. “Unless… you don’t think you can do it? Maybe I’ll ask Barty, I sure he could do it.”

His competitive nature (or fear of failing expectations, who knew really) betrayed him and forced his eyes to half-heartedly scan the room in an attempt to find the Gryffindor Beater. He managed to recognize his brother immediately; who hid his annoying face behind a moronic black dog mask no less.

‘So he is self-aware, huh… surprising’

Towering just beside Sirius is no doubt Lupin in a brown wooden rabbit mask that covers the majority of his face, the only features noticeable are the scarred hands clasped tightly around his and (most likely) Sirius’s drinks and his sandy brown hair. That was Sirius alright, gesticulating while he was having a seemingly one-sided conversation with Sybill Trelawney, (a Ravenclaw girl Pandora knew) about her flashy peacock mask he would force his– whatever Lupin was to him, to hold his drink.

A few feet away in matching white and black lion masks was Alice Fortucse lounging in her boyfriend, Frank Longbottom’s lap. Who is currently in a passionate discussion with a masked Evans and Macdonald, the red and curly hair giving them away. Lily’s vibrant green eyes are poking through the holes of her butterfly mask and Mary’s Afro keeps falling over the top of her fox mask as she dramatically nods her head to whatever Longbottom is saying.

At the food table handing out a mysterious bubbling purple-colored punch in a mouse mask is… Patrick?…No! Paul?…no…P,P,P—Pettigrew!

He’s easily recognizable by his short plump figure, brassy blonde hair, and the fact that he tries to sneak another cube of cheddar into his mouth every few seconds before serving the next person only to fail and jut his lip out in disappointment.

In the center of the room, a girl sporting a red phoenix mask is swiveling her hips in time with the music. She dragged her black fingernails up her thin tights and leather shorts, pushing her hands up over the Muggle band T-shirt she wore. Whipping her blonde hair side-to-side as she jumped around the makeshift dance floor.

Marlene!

Regulus turned around to smugly tap Dorcas on the shoulder, only to pause halfway as someone across the room caught his eye.

He stood atop a table near Lupin and his brother, his red Muggle shoes continually stomping against the wooden surface of the truly lucky table. Blue denim jeans hugged his muscular legs in all the right places, practically beckoning Regulus to worship his toned thighs and pray at the alter of such a heavenly man. While he danced he had purposely rucked up the maroon shirt he was wearing, showing off his warm brown skin and toned abdomen as he rolled his hips to the music, a line of dark hair lightly trailing down from his navel to beneath the plaid waistband of his pants peeking out from under his brown leather belt, mocking Regulus for being too cowardly to try and see where it leads. An extravagant grin was slathered on his face, showing off his stark white teeth. As he spun and swayed tipsily he briefly made eye contact with Regulus through his wooden dear mask with large antlers.

James Potter

God, he drove Regulus mad.

His insides coiled around each other at a nauseating pace, his hands were undeniably clammy against his sides, and his entire body tingled and flushed with heat due to the truly salacious performance the older boy chose to perform. It made Regulus want to kick something or better yet kick everyone else out of the room so no one else could lay their unworthy eyes on him. Regulus would look away too, of course, no matter how difficult a feat that would be, he wasn’t delusional to believe he of all people was worthy enough to look at James Potter. 

‘Pfft and to think, a few years ago [he] had ardently denied being attracted to blokes in any capacity.’

 ***

It was during spring at Hogwarts, which meant more students splashing around in the lake on off days and more overzealous jocks tackling each other into the ground than usual.

Regulus - although newly on the quidditch team and quite athletic himself - would rather swallow a live toad than divulge in his brother’s juvenile hobbies of wrestling his quidditch mates.

This is why, when he wasn’t observing the Gryffindor quidditch drills Frank Longbottom made his team practice all year round. He would sit underneath a large tree in the shade reading a book, relishing in the soft blades of grass tickling his skin and the rough bark pushing into his back that prevented him from completely shutting out the crowds of bustling students around him.

Across the lawn sat his older brother Sirius with his goons. Lupin had started arguing with Potter and Sirus had come to his defense. Peter, suddenly shoving his hand into his trouser pocket, had pulled out a few coins and seemingly made a bet on whatever Lupin and James were disagreeing about. Sirius and James nodded their heads in agreement before shooting up from their spots on the grass, placing their palms on the ground, lifting their legs, and falling into handstands.  

Sirius looked extremely stupid with his long black hair that he had pulled into a bun and held in place with his wand. Thankfully, gravity began to slowly unravel it and forced Sirius’s hair to pool beneath him in the grass. Not only was gravity good at making his brother look like a fool but it was also tremendously talented at making Potter's shirt fall over his face to reveal his bare torso. He didn’t seem to care about his shirt all that much, as he was too busy laughing at something Lupin said and trying to kick Sirius out of his handstand.

“We need to have an intervention.” Evan stood in front of him, blocking his view of Potter’s antics. 

“An intervention for whom?” Regulus grumbled in response, snapping his book shut and resting his head against the tree trunk to look up at Evan and Dorcas who was on her way over to them.

“You!” Barty had - as if on cue - jogged up to them before hunching over and taking deep intakes of breath, his face all red and sweaty. 

Raising an eyebrow and fiddling with the ring on his middle finger Regulus began to question their reasons for thinking he needed them to intervene in his life, but before he could finish, Dorcas interrupted his rambling with a hushed whisper.

“Barty likes blokes, you know? He likes them in the same way I like girls.”

“I know–” Regulus started, confusion passing over his young features, “If that’s what this is about you know I don’t care that much right? I mean, do what you want it doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

After quickly casting Muffiato, a spell she stole from Severus’s journal, Dorcas blurted out, “But that’s exactly my point Regulus, it does have something to do with you! That’s why Bartemius and I told you because we knew you of all people - with your family - would understand our situations .” Clenching her fists in frustration, and plopping down next to him Dorcas exhaled deeply.  

Regulus, confused beyond belief about what any of them could be talking about tried to rely on his skill of reading people to find the answer in his friend's expressions. Scanning the reassuring faces of Barty and the twins ( ‘When did Pandora get here?’) realization smacked him hard across the face.

“Oh no, I think you’ve all misunderstood I mean– I’m not– I’m not like you guys!” 

Dorcas began to lovingly rub circles into his back with a grimace as he rambled on, looking between his friends to convince at least one of them that they were all completely wrong about him. Regulus is going to marry a pureblood girl of his Mother’s choosing someday and after a few years of marriage, and a couple of children he will get used to it, his Mother had assured him so. Who knows, maybe he’ll get lucky and Mother will choose a girl who likes to read and make potions!  

“I’m not perverted! I get good grades, I barely complain anymore when I have to go to my Aunt Druella’s matchmaking galas, I–I’m a seeker!” Regulus paused to take a breath of air, “Everyone reads Witch’s Weekly. Everyone looks at other blokes during quidditch all the time! I mean look at Longbottom! It’s practically his job to watch other blokes stretch their muscles and straddle their broomsticks, yet he has a girlfriend.” Regulus finished his argument, chest heaving, cheeks red, and feeling quite proud of his argument.

Pandora had raised her hand then, chiming in, reluctance obvious in her tone.

“But you only assume that Frank and the others are thinking what you’re thinking when they look, but they’re not Reg.”

Silence…

“I’m a homosexual?!” Regulus gasped under his breath, using his hand to cover his mouth as Barty and Evan proudly nodded from their seats opposite him, still blocking his view of James.

James?

Why did he want to look at James so much?

Oh, No.

Oh,No!No!No! 

“Did you guys know I fancied Potter?!” Barty had wrestled him into a hug (breaking his earlier vow of never involving himself in his older brother’s odd hobbies) as the twins and Dorcas broke out into a fit of giggles.