No Choice

She was avoiding him. He was certain of it. She hadn’t looked at him during breakfast, hadn’t looked at him during any of their classes and when he attempted to go up to her during lunch, she had promptly turned around and walked in the other direction.

He had no clue what was going on. Had he done something wrong? No, that couldn’t be it. They hadn’t even interacted since he left last night, and she was smiling when he did. She had been happy when he left her and had complained about the fact that he couldn't stay any longer. They had talked about making plans and her staying over in his dorm again on Friday night. He shook his head, utterly confused.

Fortunately, their next class was Potions, which meant she couldn’t avoid him any longer with them working together this entire year.

He made his way to the dungeons and into the Potions classroom. He made sure to be early, knowing that Hermione was always early too and it would be easier to talk when there was no one around. Hermione was still adamant about keeping their relationship a secret and he would not betray her trust in any way. When he walked into the classroom, however, it was completely empty. No Hermione. That was okay, he was half an hour too early, so she had plenty of time to get there.

He went over to their cauldron and put his bag down. A few moments later, Professor Slughorn walked in. The professor gave him a surprised look. “Early, Mister Malfoy? That’s not like you.”

Draco cleared his throat. “Yeah, I was done early with lunch and had nothing else to do.” And I’m waiting for my girlfriend, becauseshe has been ignoring me, but he didn’t say that.

He watched as the other students slowly filtered into the classroom, but still no sign of Hermione. She might have been caught up in some Head Girl thing, he thought to himself. Yes, that must be it.

When Slughorn began the class and the time ticked on, unease started to creep in. That unease dropped as a stone in his stomach when Slughorn came up to him after his introductory part of the class.

“Mister Malfoy, you’re going to have to work alone today, I’m afraid. Miss Granger will be unable to attend. She has already requested for me to send the notes and she has promised to do her part of the work on her own before the next class,” the professor said in a low voice.

“Where is she?” Draco couldn’t help but ask.

“I’m afraid that I can’t divulge any information about students, Mister Malfoy. I’m sure that Miss Granger will be back with us for the next class, so you don’t have to worry,” Slughorn tried to reassure him, and he nodded.

It was probably nothing. She could just be ill or have those Head Girl responsibilities. He really shouldn’t worry without a decent reason. Right? Right.

He would just give her time to do something about or overcome whatever was going on at the moment and then everything would be fine. She hadn’t given him any reason to doubt her. She wasn’t like his parents, she wouldn’t shut him out if he had something wrong.

Everything was fine.

Two days later, he had ultimately decided that everything was in fact not fine. He still hadn’t seen her, nor heard from her. His anxiety had been on full blast the past few days, so he made the decision to go to the Head dorm. He’d thought of the perfect cover story, as to make sure that Scarhead wouldn’t suspect anything.

He knocked on the portrait and waited. A few minutes later, the portrait opened and – sadly – it was Potter that was on the other side scowling at him.

“What do you want, Malfoy?” He sneered at Draco.

“Is Granger here? She’s missed two Potions classes already and I’m fed up with doing everything by myself,” he replied in a bored voice.

“’Mione hasn’t been feeling well and she said that she’s doing her work from her dorm room, so you have nothing to worry about.” Draco didn’t care much for the aggressive tone he had adopted.

“No need to be snippy, Potter. We have a practicum next week and if Granger isn’t going to be there, I want to know, so I can get another partner.” He tried to look passed Scarhead, but the stupid git moved with him and blocked his view.

“Just get me Granger, so I can talk to her myself, yeah?” He said offhandedly.

“She has nothing to-”

“It’s fine, Harry. I’ll talk to him for a second,” a soft voice came from somewhere in the common room. A moment later, Hermione stepped around Scarhead and motioned for Draco to follow her.

When they came to a stop a few meters into the hallway and Draco could finally get a good look at her, his heart broke. She looked awful. Well, not awful, she was still as beautiful as always. But her eyes were puffy and they had a hollow look to them. She looked utterly broken.

“Hermione, what’s going on?” Draco whispered. “Are you okay? Are you ill? Have you been eating enough?”

She shook her head as she looked at the ground. “I’m just a little under the weather.” He didn’t believe it for a second.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Sent me a note or something? I was going out of my mind with worry, Hermione. Nobody knew where you were.” He had to do everything for his voice to not break.

“I… Draco, I think we need to talk.”

What?

“What do you mean? Is everything okay?” Why was she being so vague. She knew how important communication was to him and she was giving him nothing.

“I’m really sorry,” Hermione whispered, her voice breaking.

His heart picked up and he could feel an anxiety attack brewing. “Sorry for what?”

She was quiet for a moment.

“I want to break up.” His heart dropped.

“No.” He shook his head. “No, you don’t mean that. Why would you say that? Whatever it is, we can work it out. I promise, we can work it out,” he frantically pleaded.

She just shook her head, not even looking at him.

“I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time, Draco.” Quite some time? “And I’m just not happy anymore. I don’t-” A single sob left her mouth. “I don’t want to be with you anymore. It’s not fair to you when I’m just pretending.”

Pretending?

“Pretending?” Tears burned in his eyes and his head was spinning. “Pretending to what? Be happy? Hermione, I don't understand. I… I thought we were happy.” She wasn't happy? What had he done wrong? What had he done to make her unhappy?

“If something changed, why didn’t you tell me? You know how important communication is to me.” She had given him the silent treatment, just like his parents. And she was still saying nothing. Why wasn't she just talking with him?

“Hermione, please. Please look at me.” She ignored his plea and the tears fell from his eyes.

“Don’t do this,” he whispered.

“It’s better like this.”

“No, it’s not. Nothing is better without you.” His heart was racing, and he was feeling nauseous and dizzy. “Why didn’t you tell me before?” Before you had made this final decision… for the both of us. I could have fixed this.

That thought was squashed immediately, however.

“I was afraid to tell you,” she confessed.

“Afraid to tell me,” he parroted and then it hit him. He felt like he was going to be sick.

She was afraid. Of him.

He needed to get out of there. He needed to get out of the castle. He needed a breath of fresh air. He needed her. Her comfort, her peace, her mind. She was his breath of fresh air. But that had all been taken away from him and it was his fault. She had ripped his heart from his chest and stomped all over it and he had only himself to blame.

Because he made her afraid of him. Because he was unlovable. He’d been told from a young age that he was worthless and not lovable, just like he’d been told that he was a monster years later.

She couldn’t love him, like he loved her, because she finally saw him for who he really was.