Draco was drunk in jealousy. And also, booze. But mostly jealousy.
He was doing just fine; he had a great day at work (not really), he had two almost complete meals (no he didn't), and he was going to a party (Pansy threatened him to go). He wanted to be a semi-responsible adult and get shitfaced with his friends while staring (creepily) at the love of his life/ childhood nemesis/ Boy who lived and was prepared to drink exactly two beers and one tequila shot to gain the courage to speak to Potter, and maybe finally kiss his stupid face., but then...
She walked in. And took a seat behind Potter. And kissed his cheek.
Fuck.
Fuck.
That had been two hours ago, and while Potter had said Hi to him and stayed for a minute and a half, his stupidly good-looking, smartly dressed, polished, and annoying girlfriend took his arm and dragged him to the dance floor. And what did Draco do? Oh, nothing. He watched as she put her arms around Potter's neck and started swaying. He almost felt bad for her, she apparently didn't know that Potter had two left feet and when he tried to dance his movements were stiff and offbeat. But he didn't feel sorry for her, no. He wanted to rip her away from Potter and be the one whose toes were in danger of being stepped on.
"Darling, I think you should slow down with your drinking, this is your fifth pint." Pansy stood next to him, her short hair was put behind her ears, and holding a martini with an elegance that was certainly not necessary in Ganger's party. Still, Pansy had never believed in something such as overdressing so it was what was expected in any event she was invited to. "And stop that frown, there's no amount of revitalizing serum that getting those wrinkles out."
"I am not frowning, thank you very much." He sipped his beer, to spite her, and also to give himself time. "Also, may I remind you that I came here under threats and the promise of unlimited alcohol? No, I don't think I need to, seeing as you were the one that dragged me here." Pansy nudged his shoulder and put a hand on his forearm.
"We can leave if you want to, I'm pretty sure Blaise is dying to go sleep with whoever he's being eyefucking from the bar and you and I can have a sleepover in my flat." He was tempted to accept, but the masochist part of him wanted to stay and watch Potter a little longer. He was just happy to see him, as much as it pained him, to see him smile with someone else, he also loved the way his green eyes sparkled. After what Harry had suffered for years, after dying for all of them, Draco couldn't help but cherish every second of that smile, even if it was with a common blond.
"Why would I want to go?" Another sip. "I don't have anything else to do, anyway."
"Darling, I don't think is healthy that you watch Potter dancing with a feminine version of you." He gasped, offended.
"How dare you? I am much more sophisticated, my hair is..."
"Platinum blond, you have pale skin, rosy cheeks, pale silver eyes, sharp features, a slim waist, and long legs. Did I cover everything?" He... couldn't day a certain resemblance, but he didn't have to be happy about it.
"I am way better looking than her." He finished his beer and slammed the bottle on the table. "Also, why, if we look so alike, Potter is dancing with her and not me?" He grabbed Pansy's martini and finished it too. He had the right to be petty, he had come here with a plan, and now he had to settle for staring from afar as Potter was with someone else.
"Potter has been trying to come here, but your expression is not welcoming. Hence, why I told you to stop frowning." She put her head on his shoulder. "And if you think hard enough, is as if both of you were with the feminine version of each other." He looked at the girl who was now talking to Harry and sipping a pink drink at the bar stools. "Well, I guess we are the fanciest version of the deal, but still, my point stands."
"No, he hasn't. If he wanted to be here he would be." Draco stood up and stared at the bar. "I'm going to the restroom, darling. Can you grab me another drink? Thank you, Darling." He didn't wait for a response and walked toward the end of the dance floor. Thankfully there wasn't a line outside, so he just opened the door and walked to the sinks. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. He was tired of this game, of chasing after Potter and leaning just close enough to what he wanted, but never fully grasping it. He had been trying for months to finally take the last step, to confess that he was in love with him, and just as he felt brave (deserving) enough to even ask... He was too late.
As in every instance in his life, he was too late. It felt like the fourth year all over again, it took him a while to realize why every day after Potter had been proclaimed the fourth champion in the Triwizard tournament he felt his chest tighten. He remembered how scared he was at the first task, he should have been excited, he should be celebrating as most of the Slytherins around him, but he just felt dread. When it was over, he ran to the first broom closet he found and threw up. It just went downhill from there. Then, after his pity party, he just went on with his life as if he hadn't just discovered he was doomed to moon over someone who had only ever looked at him with disdain at best.
He confessed to Pansy and Blaise how he felt after the Yule ball, he smuggled fire whiskey in a flask. After watching Potter with one of the Patil sisters, he drank the whole thing and they had to bring him to his room. They had been there for him ever since. When Potter returned from the maze, saying The Dark lord was back, Draco knew it was over for him.
Now, almost seven years later, the dark mark, death, war, and eight-year's forceful reconciliation, they were here. Draco felt a spark of hope when Potter and the Weasley girl broke up, and more so when Harry had a very public fling with a male quidditch player. Draco had seen many people come and go from Potter's arms; now, he was late again.
He opened the faucet, washed his face, and heard the door open. He kept his eyes closed and poured fresh water on his face again.
"Are you okay?" Draco straightened abruptly at the sound of Potter's voice.
"I am fine, Potter." He grabbed a paper towel and patted his face gently to dry it off. "I was about to leave."
"No need, I came here to talk to you." Draco found his eyes in the mirror. Potter had a look on his face that Draco didn't know how to read.
"And why would you do that?" We've been in the same room for hours and you haven't approached me, was left unsaid.
"I didn't want to leave Luna alone, she gets anxious near alcohol." He hesitated for a moment. "And I wasn't sure if I... if you wanted to speak to me." Something passed through his eyes. "And maybe coming after you wasn't such a great idea. Sorry, I'll leave you alone now." He turned to leave.
"No!" Draco turned around to face him. Shit, he was too drunk, but he was still too weak. "I mean, you don't have to. I did want to... talk." He cleared his throat. "But I didn't want to... intrude."
"You wouldn't have," Potter reassured him. "I think Luna and you would get along well, actually." Draco let out a bitter laugh, not a trace of humor in it. Potter looked at him, surprised. Draco had to admit he also surprised himself. Maybe he did need to sober up.
"I don't want to be third-wheeling with your girlfriend, Potter." Potter looked at him with surprise. Draco didn't want to, but drunken as he was he couldn't stop himself. "Who would want that? You seem to be having such a lovely evening, I didn't want to disrupt that." He humorlessly laughed, again. "She seems delightful, don't get me wrong. Certainly, you don't waste your time from one person to another. I mean, who was the last one? That medi witch, from St. Mungo? Or was it one of the Aurors from Weasley's division? I mean who wouldn't want to be with you? You are the savior of the wizarding world, of course, you are drowning in propositions and why would you turn them down? You are attractive, young, and certainly available. But I don't want to witness you flirting with anyone, let alone a female version of me. Like, seriously, why flirt with someone who's almost a clone of me? Are you that desperate? I can bear it when they are a redhead or if they are short or if they are opposite to me, but she looks so much like me. Maybe that's it, you go around and sleep with whoever is available, anything that moves, right? And it's the turn of my lookalike... She's just the taste of the week." Draco didn't know when he started to cry, but he was full-on sobbing now. He was so overwhelmed that he hadn't noticed that he was being... held.
Draco was against Potter's chest, he was cradling his head and his other hand was on his back, making comforting circles against it. Draco was taller than Potter, but he was hunched in such a way that he felt a few centimeters smaller. He couldn't stop, his breathing was getting faster and he was no longer able to form words and he started shaking.
"Draco, hey..." A hand under his chin, he was looking at green irises. "Can you breathe with me, darling? Just follow me, yes?" Potter placed Draco's hands on his chest and breathed slowly. It took a few tries, but Draco was able to stabilize his breathing. He was hiper-conscious of his body now. His eyes were still focused on Potter's, and Draco was a weak, weak man. He didn't want to move away.
Once Potter considered Draco was stable enough, he took a step back. Now that Draco wasn't panicking, he could see a look of hurt on Potter's face.
"I didn't know you had such a low opinion of me." Potter took a step back, his arms were still extended in case Draco needed the support. When he saw he could stand on his own, he retracted them. "I will not bother you again." And walked out the door.
Draco took a few seconds to process what had just happened. He was no longer drunk, or at least, he didn't feel that way. All he could feel was shame, scalding embarrassment was burning through his body. He was still mortified until something clicked in his brain.
I will not bother you again.
Shit.
Draco walked out, panicking. He searched for Potter frantically but he wasn't anywhere in sight. He walked towards Pansy but felt more distraught when he saw her shaking her head. She made a gesture with her chin toward the door.
Fuck.
He walked to Granger, she surely would know where Potter would be. He was about to reach her, but a redhead intercepted him.
"Don't you dare spoil her night, you've done enough as it is." Weaslette was red in the face, a finger pointed at Draco menacingly. "One would think you outgrew bullying Harry, but it seems he was too generous with you. You are lucky he stood by you." Her voice was low, but she exuded violence.
"It wasn't... I didn't..." He saw Potter's girlfriend (Luna, Potter said) walk up to them. She took Weaslette's hand but looked at Draco.
"Hello, Draco. Your aura seems perturbed, are you well?" She was soft-spoken, her voice firm but gentle. He nodded. "Please excuse my girlfriend, she's rather protective of Harry, they're good friends." Draco's brain short-circuited.
"Girlfriend?!"
"Of fucking course you'd be homophobic!" Luna was unperturbed, but Weaslette was fuming. She looked at him like she used to when they went to school. "You said something to Harry, didn't you? That's why he left like that." She started to roll up her sleeves. "You absolute fucker, I knew it was a bad idea, I told Harry he should just move on..."
"Draco is not homophobic, darling," Luna spoke gently. "He's just presumptuous." She looked directly at Draco. "Harry is in Grimmauld Place. You should go find him."
"Thank you." Draco ran out the door. He felt bad for causing a scene, but there would be time for apologies later. He would send Granger a big pack of first editions and the most expensive bottle of fire whiskey to Weasley.
He ran outside and went to the apparition point. The world shifted on its axis and he landed in front of Potter's house. As he'd been previously invited, the guards revealed the building as he took the first step.
He went to the door, skipping a few steps from the stairs, and knocked on the door desperately. He waited a few seconds and knocked again.
"I'm fine, Ginny, go..." He opened the door, a hand under his glasses, massaging his eyes. When he noticed who was at the door he froze. Draco looked at him for a few seconds until Potter cleared his throat. "I wasn't expecting you."
"I know." Draco didn't exercise much, so he was still breathing hard. Potter was still looking at him, but his face was blank. It was such an unnatural look for him, he always used his heart on his sleeve, and the fact that he was hiding behind a mask told everything that Draco needed to know. "Please, don't... please don't close the door. I know I don't deserve it, but please let me talk." Harry still looked at him, then at the street, and moved to the side.
"You can come in." Draco straightened up for the second time in the same night and walked through the door. "Do you want anything to drink?"
"No." Too sharp. "I mean, no, thank you." Potter nodded and made a gesture indicating for Draco to take a seat. He chose the armchair as opposed to where Potter was seated.
They sat in front of each other, looking anywhere but at each other, but Potter had always been the brave one out of them.
"Listen, Draco." He took a breath. "You don't have to... I don't know. Be here?" For a moment Draco glanced at Potter and saw a much older man, a tired man. "There is no need, really. I thought that we were... that maybe..." He shook his head. "It doesn't matter what I thought. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, as I said before, I won't bother you again." He was looking at Draco, defeated. "I understand that now that our friend groups have merged you'd want to... set boundaries...? We can be civil to each other, just like at the beginning of eight year and..."
"I don't want that." Narcissa would be very disappointed if she could see how many times he had spoken over Potter in the span of a few hours. Potter just nodded.
"Okay, I will just stay with my friends, we don't have to talk to each other..."
"I want to talk to each other!" Finally, his brain started working. Potter's eyes were on him, he reminded Draco of a deer in the headlights. "I don't want us to be like in eight year, I want to be more... so much more..." He breathed for a moment, and when he saw Potter was about to speak, he started panicking again. "I'm sorry, I'm so, deeply sorry. I was drunk and jealous and I took it out on you. I thought she was your girlfriend, and I freaked out because I had a plan. I had a plan to talk to you and ask you out. But you were dancing with her, and she kissed your cheek and she looked just like me..." Draco was crying, again. "And I wanted it to be me. And you looked so cozy with each other, so familiar. And I drank a lot, and then I went to the restroom to sober up, because I wanted to talk to you, so badly, and..." He was not able to keep talking so he sat there, with his hands against his face and his ragged breathing.
He felt a warm presence in front of him, someone put their hands on Draco's knees.
"Darling, you need to breathe, please." One of the hands moved to his arm, pulling it away from his face, and then the other one did the same. "There you are. Can you breathe for me, sweetheart? Just follow me, like before." Potter Inhaled and exhaled, starting a gentle rhythm. "You are doing so well, Darling, come on."
They breathed for what felt like hours. Draco didn't know when he'd shut his eyes, but he felt exhausted. A hand put his hair behind his ear.
"Are you feeling better?" When Draco opened his eyes he was surprised to find Potter much closer to his face than ever. Draco nodded and Potter moved back; The blonde boy felt the cold instantly and took one of Potter's between his own. "Draco..." He started to pull back.
"Please don't leave... Please..." He could feel fresh tears forming in his eyes. "Potter... Harry..." He let go of his hands and grabbed his cheeks. He leaned his forehead against his and closed his eyes. "Please don't walk away again. I'm sorry." Draco breathed Harry's cologne, a woodsy sent that was making his head hazy.
"I'm not going anywhere."
-
Once Draco calmed down, Harry convinced him to move to the kitchen. Kreatcher wanted to make them something to eat, excited that there was a "True Black" in Grimmauld Place, but Harry needed to do something with his hands.
He started preparing tea and some toast, his movements almost automatic. He glanced at Draco, who kept looking at him as if he would disappear if he didn't. When he finished he put the first plate in front of Draco and grabbed his plate. He sat in front of him and placed a mug beside his plate.
Draco was still looking at him like he was waiting for something. Harry raised an eyebrow and Draco blushed, ducking his head.
"Do you want anything else?" Harry tried to catch Draco's eyes, but he was elusive. Draco took his mug and said something against it. His voice was so quiet Harry could understand what he said. "I didn't hear you, Darling. Could you repeat what you said?" Draco blushed again but looked at him.
"Can you sit beside me? Please?" Harry just nodded and moved his dishes to Draco's left. When he sat down, he noticed Draco's shoulders were less tight.
"Is it better?" Harry couldn't help to ask. He felt a little confused. First, he had waited for months for this party, his best friends were celebrating their engagement and Harry was over the moon for them. But he wanted that, too. When Ginny and him broke up, he saw the dream of a family moving away from him, but he was okay with it at first, He had known that Ginny and him were better off as friends. He saw no harm in getting to know people, mostly as friends. He got to know many who lost someone in the war and they supported each other. As the months went by, he formed a support group of sorts and he was pleasantly surprised as the remaining Slytherins joined. As he got closer to them, he started to spend more time with Draco. At first, they were polite to each other, but then they started opening up.
Hermione confronted him one night, but it wasn't necessary. He already knew what he had denied himself for years, he knew he was in love with him. But he didn't want to disrupt the dynamic they built with so much care. And the years went by, and Harry went out with friends, maybe a few dates, but his heart wasn't on it. He wanted to be with Draco, he dreamed of him waking up on his chest, of them holding each other, kissing, dancing, and spending every day with each other. Ron told him that Blaise was sure Draco preferred the company of men, but Harry didn't want to assume. So he went on with his life, cherishing every moment he got to spend with him until Pansy approached him at one of her parties. Stop dancing around, you are supposed to be the brave one.
That had been a month ago, and Harry hadn't slept all that time. He Asked Hermione and Ron for advice and they both told him that he deserved to be happy, that they both did. So he made up his mind, he was telling Draco how he felt, he just needed to work up to it, Luna was giving him suggestions, and she even tried to teach him how to dance (unsuccessfully) so he could have an excuse to talk privately to Draco without ditching their friends altogether. And then...
You go around and sleep with whoever is available, anything that moves, right? And it's the turn of my lookalike... She's just the taste of the week.
He just had time to tell Hermione he was leaving as Ginny walked through the door. She asked him how it went, but he had a lump in his throat and just shook his head. He made it to Grimmauld's place and just sat on his couch, staring ahead. And then someone banged on his door. And now... they were here.
"Thank you." Draco glanced at him, then at his tea. "Not only for this but for... helping me... and hearing me out." Harry wasn't used to seeing Draco hunched, it was disturbing for him. "I'm really sorry for what I said in the bathroom. I didn't mean it."
"And you meant what you said later?" Harry felt his heart on his throat, but he needed to know.
"Yes. I even had a speech prepared and all." Draco was blushing again, Harry found him adorable. "I... still, I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did. I understand if you don't want to see me again..." Harry could hear the tears in his voice, and his heart broke for him.
"I had a plan too, you know." Draco turned to him, his eyes shining with tears. "I wanted to ask you to dance, Luna was trying to teach me," He saw tears falling, leaving a trace on his cheeks. "She was unsuccessful, but still. I was going to ask you, and then I was telling you how I've been wanting to get you alone, and..."
"Show me," Draco said, his voice hopeful. "Please, show me." So Harry stood up and extended his hand to Draco. He didn't have any music, but they didn't need to. They just needed each other. Draco took his hand and put the other ever Harry's shoulder. They started swaying gently, enjoying the feeling for a moment.
"Draco, I wanted to talk to you about something." Harry braced himself, his heart was trying to get out of his chest, but he kept going. "I love you." He heard Draco holding his breath at this. "I think I've been in love with you forever, but things were complicated back in the day. I was always looking for you, always aware of you and there was a war and I still was focused on you." Harry took a breath. "But the war ended, and I died, and everything seemed so big and uncertain... I thought I wasn't making it out alive, I didn't expect to survive, but I did and you did too. And then we came back to school, and we got to know each other and I started to realize... all those years of watching you were not because I was suspicious of you, but because I was enthralled by you. And I realized I was in love with you. Every moment from then on I just fell deeper and deeper, but I didn't think you'd feel the same..."
"I do!" Draco was looking at him with adoration, he was blushing like crazy. He looked like Harry's dreams, and sounded like them, too. "I feel the same, I've loved you since fourth year." Draco's hands held his cheeks and made Harry look at him, he cringed a little. "I'm sorry for interrupting you, I've been doing it all night, please go on..."
"It doesn't matter anymore." And Harry kissed him, and kissed him, and kissed him again...
-
"Does this mean we are... like... like a couple?" Draco was on Harry's chest, just above his heart. They had kissed each other for hours until both of them were too tired to keep going and Harry took Draco's hand and showed him to his bed. Neither of them felt the need to do anything else, they just wanted to enjoy each other's company most innocently. Now they were ready to go to sleep, cuddling each other, Draco wearing spare clothes that were too short on him, but they smelled like Harry, so he didn't care.
"If that's what you want." Harry kissed Draco's forehead.
"I do."
"Then we are."
-
Draco sent Luna a bouquet and a note.
Thank you, for teaching Harry how to dance.
DLM.