Pressure Mounting
"did you know that the name Malfoy means bad faith? my father has done many things that I don't want to be associated with" I was speaking to Hermione feeling utterly despondent "do you ever wish you could be someone else? I do". It was after this conversation that Hermione had started making the Polyjuice Potion again in secret.
It was after the holiday's lots of people had gone home me included. The amount of death eaters seemingly living at Malfoy manner were astounding, around every corner there were death eaters. My sense of dread was increasing as I tried to find out what there plans were, but it was hopeless. All I new was that there was a lot of excitement and anticipation surrounding the tournament. The death eaters had a lot of, I guess they'd call it fun, usually at my expense, I wouldn't have called it fun. The worst was Amycus one of the Carrow twins, he was statistic if he found a weakness, and he found mine. He'd lock me in a broom closet or any other enclosed space, It felt like the walls were closing in, not even the happy place helped, I thought I was going to die, especially when he used a spell so that the broom closet filled with water, I'd hear my father's voice booming in my head. I felt like a failure. At least the water hid the fact that I'd wet myself. Not that it was a problem I could use magic, so no one knew about it, that was my secret, but I hated that it happened at all. Claustrophobia has always been a problem for me.
When we went back to school I looked at myself in the mirror, in the disused bathroom, I didn't look like me anymore. Hermione, Ron and Harry entered for the usual catch up. I'm sure they were taken a back by my appearance, but they didn't mention it, for which I was grateful. I said about the number of death eaters that were in Malfoy manner, the renewed sense of excitement surrounding the tournament. I spoke dejectedly "I'm sorry but I dent look for the blood any more". Everyone looked at me with complete understanding, but I still carried on with my explanation "Amycus Carrow enjoys locking me in a broom closet any chance he can get. I'd be in there for hours" I broke down as the tears started, and once they started they didn't stop "I'd feel the walls closing in, the air running out suffocating, I could feel the water rising, and my chest struggling, I thought I was going to die". Hermione looked at me then pulled me into an embrace, I could see her look of shock on her face, even though she tried to hide it, I wasn't sure if she was shocked by my sudden vulnerability or finding out about my fear of enclosed spaces. Before now I'd have been revolted by this, being held by a Muggle born as I cried. She spoke "we'd never expect you to put yourself in danger, you are our friend". I now let myself be held as the tears fell. Letting the relief of being away from it all wash over me.
Hermione had Ron in the library doing research in any free time they had, I'd guess they were looking up about blood magic. She and Ron would come back with harrowing information they'd gleaned from the restricted section in the library. I wished I could take them into the library at Malfoy manner there were thousands of books on the dark arts, and I couldn't look myself incase it attracted the attention of the death eaters. Harry it seemed was often in his happy place. With the mounting pressure I was feeling from my father and at the moment life in general, and my feelings of being an absolute failure, I was also going there more often. Sometimes I'd dream Harry into my happy place. Usually we'd walk or just sit leaning against a tree. I loved that tree it seemed to give off heat. Anything was possible in the happy place. Time didn't matter here. There wasn't much that could get through to me in the happy place. Although the happy place couldn't save me from enclosed spaces, maybe if I'd tried harder, but aside from at home when Amycus Carrow would lock me in any enclosed space there was, when would I need to be in an enclosed space. So I didn't practice that particular scenario, maybe if I had it would have been different, it might have been different for Ron at least, but that's later. Even so Ron wasn't any the worse for wear from his time as my corpse, so I console myself with that fact.
The second task was easier than the first, to save a precious item from the mer people in the black lake, an hour long you'll have to look, to discover what we took. An hour under water. I used the Bubble-Head Charm, which gave me a bubble of fresh air to breathe. Harry used Gillyweed, I've no idea where he got it from. I have to say I thought he looked kinda sexy with the webbed hands and feet, and gills. I wasn't sure what my thing they took was, all my possessions were accounted for that I could see, that was until I saw her, her lifeless form floating in the water, Pansy Parkinson. I thought that she was dead for a moment, she'd always been good to me the nearest thing I had to a friend until I made friends with Harry, Ron and Hermione. Her black hair floated around her face. I had wondered what Harry's possession would be. He didn't have much of value, I thought of the invisibility cloak, but I should have guessed the thing Harry cares about most are his friends. When I saw Ron in the same condition as Pansy, I new that what was important to Harry were his friends. Once I saw that Harry was safely taking Ron back to shore, and Viktor Krum was taking Hermione back. I took Pansy.
Pansy had hugged me tightly, but it was only an acquaintance type of hug, but I was glad that she was ok. What Harry had said came back to me 'Hermione says that people have died in this competition, it's not a game it's life or death'. I sincerely hope that death wouldn't be an outcome in this. Thinking about Hermione I couldn't help but feel sorry for Viktor Krum. Hermione is brilliant the cleverest person I know, but he'd only just met her at the start of the year, in my opinion not long enough to form a proper bond with someone, doesn't he have any one else he cares about. I'd asked Hermione about this, and she'd agreed that it was quite a shock to her that she was his most important thing, although she did mention that "maybe because I didn't act like the others. I didn't follow him around like a love sick puppy. I guess he's use to that with playing for the winning Quidditch team in the Quidditch world cup, he's famous". I guessed that could be true thinking about it. The thing I like about Harry, Ron, and Hermione is the fact that they seem to like me for me, and not for what I have. Before the first task Harry gave up his advantage without any thought, because he didn't want anyone to die, even me who at the time was his enemy. So perhaps I could see why Hermione was so important to Krum, she treated him as a person.