It was Christmas Day of their last year at Hogwarts and Sirius was finishing to get ready for the party the Potter’s hosted every year.
-Are you ready Pads? -James asked, entering the room.
-Almost. I just can’t get my hair right!
-It’s perfect like that!
-No it’s not!
-Come on, we’re gonna be late and mum hates when we’re late.
-Easy for you, your hair is perfect. -he answered, looking at his friend.
James looked at him in disbelief pointing at his rebel locks.
-This is perfect? Pads I knew you were stupid but I didn’t know to what extent.
-Oh shut up. -he continued torturing his curls.
-Sirius.
-Yes?
-Are you doing this because of Moony?
Black let his hair go and looked James in the eyes.
-No. I’m not.
-If it makes you uncomfortable we can just-
-No. I have to go. I’m not going to hide just because he decided he didn’t need me anymore. Now let’s go.
-Finally!
-What should I do? -Sirius asked James after a few drinks.
-Avoid him. Don’t talk to him.
-But he’s still hot!
-No! Remember, last Christmas you gave him your heart, but the very next day, he gave it away.
-This year, to save me some tears, I’ll give it to someone special.
-Good -James hands another drink to Sirius, who gulps it in a shot.
-Oh, will you look at that… Hold this Jamsie, I’m going to have some fun.
He walked through the crowd to a beautiful young lady with short frizzy black hair gathered in a low ponytail and gold eyeshadow.
-Hi Mary!
-Oh Sirius!
-Good to see you here! I didn't know the Potter's knew you!
-I’m here as Lily's plus one but she's too busy with her boyfriend.
They both looked at the couple who were laughing. James tucked Lily’s hair behind her ear.
-Huugh -Mary pretended to throw up- can you believe that she abandoned me, her best friend, for a man?
-Looks like you need someone to distract you.
She looked at him flirtily.
-Hm yes. You could probably help.
* * *
Remus didn’t even want to go to the party in the first place. Sure, he loved the Potters and their Christmas party. But the problem was the memories.
The year before he had kissed Sirius at that same party. He had finally kissed him after years of silently crushing on him, and that night he had let hope win for once. He shouldn’t have. The next morning, when he woke up with Sirius cuddled around him, when, after waking up, Sirius called him “love” and kissed his neck lovingly, he got scared, pretended to only want to sleep with Sirius and nothing else. And he ran away. Because how could Sirius ever like him, love him? Remus didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve to be loved and taken care of, to be hugged and kissed and especially not by someone as amazing as Sirius Black. It was better for him anyway. Sirius loved girls. He loved talking to them, flirting with them, kissing them. Who was Remus to take that away from him?
But then, he thought about Sirius’ face when he told him the horrible lie. You’re just a good ass, nothing more. Remus felt terrible. No one deserved to be told that. He wanted to run to him and tell him that he didn’t mean it. He almost did it several times during the year.
Things were tense between the Marauders ever since. Of course Sirius had told James, who was extremely cold with Remus. He couldn't blame him. And poor clueless Peter just kept asking if everything was okay. So Remus spent most of his time with the girls, waking up early and going to bed late to avoid his guilt, Sirius’ pained looks and James’ death stare.
Now Sirius was chatting with Mary. They’ve been flirting for years, kissing at parties, and being constantly on and off. It infuriated him to see his man with someone else. Sirius shot a quick glance at Remus from the corner of his eye. That was too much. He walked aggressively towards them.
* * *
-Sirius.
-... Remus.
-Oh hi Rem!
-Hi Mary. Do you mind? I need to talk to Sirius.
-Yeah sure, I’ll just go steal Lily from James.
-What do you want? -he looked at Remus with the coldest stare he could do.
-What were you doing with her?
-Excuse me?
-I said, what-
-I heard you. What the fuck Remus? You don’t have anything to say about who I talk to. Last time I checked, you are the one who didn’t want to have anything to do with me. Now leave me alone.
-Padfoot wait!
-Oh now I’m Padfoot! No, I don’t want to do this again. If you want some platonic booty call go find someone else!
-Pads please. Just listen to me.
-No!
He turned around and walked out of the reception room, and up the stairs to his room. But of course Remus followed him.
-Sirius please! I just need a moment. Just let me apologise.
-Oh now you want to apologise? After a whole year? After having let me cry myself to sleep for months, thinking I’m not good enough? I gave you everything! I gave you my body, my mind, I gave you control over me! Now I don’t want to give you anything.
He tried to open his bedroom door, but Remus was quicker. He grabbed Sirius by the shoulder and pushed him against the wall.
-Listen. To. Me. -he growled
Sirius gulped.
-Yes.
Moony let him go and looked him in the eyes.
-Look, I know I acted like shit and that I’ve been a prick to you for the last year, and I am so so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, I’m just so scared because you’re one of the best people I know and you deserve so much better than me and when I realised what had happened I… I thought that you were better off without me.
-So you do have feelings for me?
-Oh Sirius if you knew. I’ve had feelings for you for years.
-Really?
-Really.
-What about me being just a good ass?
-Bullshit.
Sirius stared at him, in disbelief.
-And -Remus continued- I know I’ve hurt you and I don’t expect you to forgive me but I just wanted to set things clear and apologise. Enjoy the rest of your night.
He turned around and started to walk away. But before he could go very far, Sirius grabbed him by the arm.
-Moony wait. I… stay with me.
-But… the party… You love parties.
-Well maybe I love you more.