erised

Harry got lost. He got so lost in his thoughts that he must have turned a wrong way, except he realised too late and now he has no idea where he is and how he got there.

He starts to turn to walk the other way rather than get even more lost, because clearly this hallway has no end, but there's a sound of footsteps and the voice of Filch from the direction he came from.

Harry has no idea what time is it, but the sun is already setting and he has no idea if this part of the castle isn't restricted like the 3rd floor, so Harry hurries into the closest door and slips inside.

It's a classroom, clearly unused, with all the desks moved to the side. The chairs are stacked one on the other and on the board, there's a smudged text. On the other side, in the corner, is a mirror. It's magnificent, as high as the ceiling, with an ornate gold frame, standing on two clawed feet. It looks so out of space in the dusty classroom that Harry steps closer.

There's an inscription carved around the top: Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi. Harry furrows his eyebrows and reads it again. It doesn't suddenly start making any sense, like he hoped it would.

Harry hears Filch walks by, but the handle doesn't move. Harry breaths out the air he was holding in and looks at the mirror.

He yelps out loud and immediately claps his hand on his mouth. Turns around and looks everywhere frantically but no, there's no one. He looks back, at the group of people standing behind him but when he whirls around and moves his hand, it doesn't touch anything.

He looks in the mirror again.

There's a woman on his right side and a man on his left and Harry's heart feels like it will jump from his chest as he takes them in. The woman is so beautiful, red hair, bright eyes and smile so soft it squeezes Harry's chest. The man is - he looks just like Harry. Messy hair and glasses the exact same shape and the his skin just a tad darker. He's smiling wide, hand on Harry's shoulder and Harry can feel how tight his throat is when he speaks up.

„Mom? Dad?”

They don't answer, just keep smiling and Harry takes a look at the rest of the people. There's so many of them and it must mean that - that this is Harry's family.

Harry walks closer, reaches his hand out and watches as his mom smiles and reaches her hand too. Harry touches the cold glass.

The room spins and it feels as if Harry's getting sucked in and before he can even panic, all he knows is blackness.

He wakes up in the same room. It's much darker and it takes Harry a moment to realise where he is or what happened. Was it a magic that made him black out? Should he not have touched the mirror? Everything looks the same though. The only different thing is the sky outside. Sun is long time gone and it would be pitch dark, if it wasn't for the bright moonlight. He should hurry back. He will be lucky if he doesn't get caught. Or, if he even finds his way to the Gryffindor tower, really.

Harry looks at the mirror again. His parents, his whole family, is still there. Harry promises both, himself and the people in the mirror, that he will come back.

The hallway is scarily quiet and much darker than the classroom. Harry's already holding his wand out to cast lumos, when he realises that's probably the quickest way to get himself caught. He swallows and nervously looks over his shoulder. Unknown, empty and dark hallways make a shiver run down his spine.

He reminds himself that you're a Gryffindor and with that, he walks in what he hopes is the right direction.

He shuffles, trying to make as little noise as possible and to his own surprise, soon he's standing in front of the library door and there's no cat nor any teacher at his heels. So now, when he can't even properly see, he finds the way easily. He rolls his eyes at himself.

Harry's so busy making sure to not make any noise and to walk where he thinks is the right direction that he doesn't realise there's a person with a lit up wand right in front of him until he quite literally stumbles into them.

The person's lit up wand is so close to Harry's face that it blinds him for a second; he can't see who's holding it even as his eyes adjusts though.

„I'm sorry, I-”

„Who the fuck are you?” says the person instead. It's a guy, based on his voice, and he doesn't sound like an adult - a prefect then. Maybe that could be easier to explain.

„Harry Potter, I'm-”

The man doesn't let him finish. He moves the wand even closer to his face, right under his chin. Harry, who never had a wand turned on him this way swallows harshly. He won't hex him, will he?

The light not being right in his eyes helps Harry see better. It's a guy, as Harry thought, with black hair and a Slytherin tie. He looks familiar, so Harry probably saw him in a hallway sometime. He's frowning down at Harry with eyes scarily dark and if Harry guess right, with anger - it makes Harry shivers a little. He might be getting hexed tonight, after all.

„Funny,” he says. „I asked, what's your name?”

It's Harry who frowns. He hates the unexplained fame that the Hogwarts brought after going to school for several years where even his classmates sometimes called him wrong name. In Hogwarts, everyone suddenly knew his name before Harry even looked at them, everyone eagerly greeted him once they just laid eyes on him and he couldn't do a single step without eyes following him. It was weird and uncomfortable and Harry would like it much better if he was getting misnamed, but there was not much to do with that.

It was both a relief and incredibly weird that the guy looked like he actually didn't believe Harry's name was Harry and like he saw Harry for the first time ever.

„Harry Potter.”

„There's not a single Potter attending Hogwarts right now.”

Harry gasps at the guy - he's literally standing in front of him in the Hogwarts robes? What's his problem?

Stupid Slytherins, thinks Harry.

„I'm standing right here.”

The guy rises his eyebrow.

„I'm literally in first year in Gryffindor, you can ask professor Mcgonagall! Everyone knows!”

The guy lifts both his eyebrows, unimpressed, all the anger gone and instead he looks annoyed.

„Who sent you? Who thought of this? Some first years? Was it Barty? Don’t tell me Sirius somehow found a way to still play these stupid pranks.”

„It’s not a prank!“ yelps Harry. "I don't know any Barty."

The guy rolls his eyes. „You know what, I couldn’t care less. 15 points from Gryffindor for wandering around halls after curfew and another 15 for playing stupid pranks,” the guy stops but before Harry can protest, he adds; „and 10 points for pretending to be someone who doesn’t exist.”

Harry gasps, watching the guy unbelievably. What is he thinking!?

„What!” yelps Harry loudly. „But I’m not playing any pranks or pretending! I am Harry Potter!”

The guy just stares at Harry with a blank expression and eyebrows still lightly raised.

„I’ll make sure you’re going right into your room” says the guy before he turns on his heel and starts walking down the corridor. Harry would stay standing there just to be annoying, but he has a point to prove. He rushes right behind.

„You can take me to professor Mcgonagall, or Dumbledore! They know I’m real. I'm in first year. And I’m not wandering around, i got lost and then..“ Can Harry say he passed out because he touched a magic mirror? What if the guy tells someone and they take it away? „and I couldn’t find my way back till now.”

The guy doesn’t even slow down his pace.

He’s a Slytherin, no?

„Or even professor Snape, he knows I’m very real, even though I bet he would-"

This stops him.

The guy stop so suddenly Harry almost crushes into his back. He turns around, the dark angry look in his eyes again. Except this time, it looks much more darker. It makes Harry shrinks into himself.

„What did you just say?“

„Take me to professor Sna-”

Harry can’t even finish before the wand is back under his chin. Except this time, the threat of it feels too real. Harry can feel the end of the wand poking into his skin and if that’s not just his imagination, he can feel the slight buzzing energy in its end. It’s scary and it makes Harry’s shoulders curl inwards. The hallway is dark, but the moon is shining brightly through the window, so Harry sees how furious the guy looks (he really hopes that the shadows are just making him look scarier, rather than him actually looking at Harry like that).

„Who the fuck sent you?” he spits. „And what do you want?”

Harry swallows, all too much aware of the want poking into his chin even more. Why did no one teach them what to do in a situation like this?

Harry thinks of the wand in his back pocket, but all he knows is a few hexes that he and the boys thought themselves in the late evenings, that are more funny than harmful. If he even managed to get his wand without the Slytherin noticing, it would still not help him at all.

He tries anyway.

He manages to hold the wand in his hand before the guy in front of him does.. nothing, really, except the wand is suddenly not in Harry’s hand but in his and he’s rising his eyebrows and he didn’t even move the wand that’s holding his head in the place.

„That’s not helping your case actually.”

Harry doesn’t listen, too busy gaping with his mouth open at him. How did he do that? Harry doesn’t know if he’s more impressed or even more scared than before.

You’re a Gryffindor he reminds himself. You fought a troll!What's some older Slytherin against that?

Harry steps on the guy's toes with all the strength he can find.

The Slytherin's face furrows in pain and he steps back a little. Harry was bullied most of his childhood, so he doesn't hesitate and starts running as fast he can. By some miracle, Harry doesn't get lost - he finds himself on the familiar stairs leading up to the Gryffindor soon enough and because he doesn't hear any steps following him, he slows down his pace a little.

The Fat Lady is asleep when Harry gets there. „Caput Draconis,” breaths Harry out. His lungs are on fire, but he can breathe properly when he's safely in the common room.

The Lady stirs, blinks her eyes and without raising her head mumbles; „Wrong password.”

Harry gasps at her. It was Caput Draconis this afternoon when he left! Did it get changed suddenly?

He tries to remember the next one on the list.

„Wattlebird.”

The Fat Lady shakes her head without even opening her eyes.

„Grata Domum?”

The Fat Lady opens her eyes this time.

„What do you think you're doing, trying to get into the tower at the night?”

„I just want to go to my room and sleep!”

The Fat Lady looks at him properly and her eyes widen.

„Who are you?”

Harry will scream. He genuinely feels like he will do it right here, without caring who he will wake up and what punishment he will get. What in Merlin's head is happening here?

There’s steps behind Harry and before he can turn around, the person speaks.

„Excuse us, Lady. You can go back to sleep.”

The Fat Lady doesn’t seem concerned as she closes her eyes and lays back down on her hands.

Regulus takes the boy to the closest classroom. He lights up the few candles on the walls and turns back to him.

The boy seems to shrink even more into himself.

The thing is, Regulus has actually no idea how do the first years look and he definitely has no idea what's their names. He couldn't care less about them. He might recognise a few, because he does pay attention and looks at people around him, but honestly, first years are the last ones who he will be aware of. If it was absolutely anyone else, he wouldn't glance at them twice - just take the points and tell them to go back to their dorm, not caring at all what they were up to or what year are they. He did his fair bit of sneaking around, still does, and he really doesn't give a fuck about what's the first years up to.

Not this one. Because Regulus is positive there's not a single person at Hogwarts who looks like this and if he's even more sure about something, it's that there definitely isn't anyone named Potter at this school.

Regulus would probably let it go too, because he won't became a butt of some prank. That option flew out of the window the moment the boy mentioned Severus Snape.

Severus Snape who isn't at this school and hasn't been in for months and Severus Snape whose arm wears the black mark and who glares at Regulus every single time he comes across him.

Regulus won't became a butt of any plan of Snape's either.

The thought that Snape somehow discovered one of Regulus' deepest secret and now he's using it against him - at school - makes Regulus' hands shake. He doesn't understand why he would do it like this, in such a weird way, sending in a first year who looks like the exact copy of James with the same surname too, but eyes a completely different colour, scarred forehead and different name.. it makes no sense at all (maybe it's a spell gone wrong? Maybe the person hidden under these spells messed up?), but Regulus won't fall for it. Regulus won't risk his safety.

The first spell Regulus uses exposes nothing. Regulus watches the shimmering light run over the boy, from the head to toes, but instead of exposing anything, it just spreads over the floor and vanishes. The second one is just as useless.

„What are you doing!” shrieks the boy. He's looking at Regulus - the wand Regulus holds - with eyes full of fear. He glances over to his arms, the white fog covering his whole body fading, and then back at Regulus.

He looks scared, which makes Regulus think even harder for another spell. If he's scared, that's good. Shows that he's hiding something.

He knew they will do something, test him somehow. Maybe it would be easier if he just went home for Christmas, get the hand marked and he wouldn't have to face.. this. Some stupid test, which really, what the fuck is it supposed to show?

He casts another spell. The boy's skin doesn't move even an inch, doesn't bubble the way it would if he was under poly juice. Regulus furrows his brows. Is he maybe casting them wrongly?

„How do you know Snape?” asks Regulus instead of using more spells. Maybe he can discover who's behind it like this.

„What do you mean how do I know him? He's the head of your house, potions professor and absolutely hates my guts!”

Regulus patience shrinks down. 

For Regulus talent of Occlumency, he isn't the best at Legilimency, still in the process of learning it and mastering it. It doesn't take much for others to block him out, especially if they're at least a little good at Occlumency, but he can try.

The boy doesn't even seem to stop him, his mind open door that seems to be welcoming Regulus in.

It's a process of a few seconds, not more than ten. Regulus searches just for things that might be helpful.

Severus Snape is sitting at the Professor table, much older than the last time Regulus saw him. He's glaring right at Harry (Harry?). There's.. Regulus recognises most of professors, but why would they all look older?

The next memory is Snape in front of the class, taking points from Harry, insulting him and calling him Potter.

Regulus has a feeling he knows what's happening. Except it makes no sense.

He searches for the Dark Lord. There's Hagrid and the it makes no sense, but Regulus listens to it anyway.

„..dad were as good a witch an’ wizard as I ever knew. Head boy an’ girl at Hogwarts in their day! Suppose the myst’ry is why You-Know-Who never tried to get ‘em on his side before…probably knew they were too close ter Dumbledore ter want anythin’ ter do with the Dark Side. Maybe he thought he could persuade ‘em...maybe he just wanted ‘em outta the way. All anyone knows is, he turned up in the village where you was all living, on Halloween ten years ago. You was just a year old. He came ter yer house an’ — an’ —”

Regulus watches Hagrid blow his nose before he continues. „You-Know-Who killed ‘em. An’ then — an’ this is the real myst’ry of the thing — he tried to kill you, too. Wanted ter make a clean job of it, I suppose, or maybe he just liked killin’ by then. But he couldn’t do it. Never wondered how you got that mark on yer forehead? That was no ordinary cut. That’s what yeh get when a powerful, evil curse touches yeh — took care of yer mum an’ dad an’ yer house, even — but it didn’t work on you, an’ that’s why yer famous, Harry. No one ever lived after he decided ter kill ’em, no one except you, an’ he’d killed some o’ the best witches an’ wizards of the age — the McKinnons, the Bones, the Prewetts — an’ you was only a baby, an’ you lived.”

Regulus has a sudden realisation that makes him physically stumble back and out of Harry mind. It was at the back of his head somewhere, deep under the paranoia since the first memory, and ignored because it made no sense at all. It still wouldn't, if in the front on Harry's mind, the freshest memory of them all, wasn't the mirror showing the people who Regulus tries to dig into the deepest hole in his own mind.

James Potter is there at Harry's side, looking just a tad older than Regulus remembers him with circles under his eyes so dark it's worrying but with the smile just as beautiful as before. There's Lily Potter and she looks so sad and her smile is so soft, looking down at the boy. They're both crying too, silently; no red eyes, just tears trucks running down their cheeks. There's people behind them; Sirius - Sirius - in all his beauty and Remus by his side and there's Dorcas and it's just a second but the imagine squeezes Regulus' heart and his lungs so strongly that he's surprised he's breathing honestly.

Regulus' thoughts are running so fast he can barely keep up. Harry - Harry Potter, son of James and Lily, whom are dead, because the Dark Lord killed them, the Dark Lord that is dead because this child in front of Regulus somehow killed him - and Snape is teaching at Hogwarts and Regulus just saw his brother - his brother, his brother who he never thought he will see ever again the same way he never thought he will see James again but he did and - Dorcas, he saw Dorcas with completely different hair and he knew she would never join the Dark Lord but this just proves that their friendship ended somehow, somewhere - and James and Lily are dead - and this child is their child. It's suddenly painful looking at him and how is it possible he got there? What is happening here?

The child - Harry, Harry Potter, is holding his head, looking at Regulus with so many questions. Regulus doesn't realise he's talking at first.

„- you do? Why does it hurt? What spells did you use at me?”

Regulus watches him. He is the splitting imagine of his dad. The same messy hair and the same face, with even his glasses are the same, but there's so much Lily in him. His skin is a little lighter than James' and his nose is definitely Lily's and does he have freckles?

Regulus blinks.

„I'm-” he has to cough, his throat all closed up. How do you even talk to a child? Should he tell him he's at least 10 years back in history? Shit. Shit. This is a time travelling child. What is he supposed to do with him? Should he send him back? Should he tell someone? Should he- Regulus should probably oblivite himself. He should definitely do that. He isn't supposed to know anything about the future. "Sorry. The spells did not hurt you, it was just- I had to make sure you're not pretending you aren't someone else. They would just take off any potions or spells, if you had any on yourself."

„But- but my head. Why is it hurting?”

Right. Because Regulus just used Legilimency on a kid. On James' kid. Sirius'.. something. What is Sirius to him? Uncle? Godfather? Maybe Sirius' isn't in James' life anymore.. yeah no, Sirius is probably his godfather. He probably lives in the same damn house and parents the kid as if he was the one who birthed him.

Except. James is dead. Lily is dead. Maybe Sirius is actually his parent.

In his mind, Regulus crashes all his thoughts under his heel.

Salazar's beard. What is this mess he just got into?

„Yes, um. Do you know what Legilimency is?”

Harry looks at him like Regulus is speaking different language. Regulus rolls his eyes at himself. Obviously he doesn't.

„It's, you probably won't like this, but I looked into your head. I had to search for where you know Snape from.” Regulus feels pretty bad. Bad. Really bad. Horrible, actually He knows what it's like to be used Legilimency on at this age, even younger. He knows how it strips you of any privacy and how it makes you feel all exposed and bare. He knows the dull feeling it leaves behind. He knows it so well yet he just did it just because he was what, paranoid that this child is a polyjuiced Death Eater?

Idiot, that's what Regulus is. He feels horrible, absolutely horrible and disgusted with himself. He tries to force that somewhere deep but he suddenly cannot stop feeling like that, even though usually hiding emotions and running from feelings is as easy as breathing.

Harry looks at him absolutely betrayed with hands still on his head.

It tugs at Regulus' heart.

What the fuck?

„Into my head!?” shrinks Harry. He seems like he cannot even believe something like that is possible.

„Um-”

„But- but that's my head,” whines Harry. Regulus isn't sure if Harry looks more angry or like he will start crying. He sounds confused and so lost and like Regulus just took something precious and destroyed it right before his eyes.

(Regulus did. Isn't privacy the most precious thing you have?)

„I'm truly sorry.” Will that fix anything? Should Regulus like, buy him a chocolate frog? „I saw barely anything. I saw your first feast at Hogwarts, first potion lesson, you talking to Hagrid and-” Regulus swallows. Harry looks at him, waiting for his answer. Should he even mention it? It seemed really personal, the memory full of grief and hurt. (Obviously. He just saw his dead parents. Regulus rolls his eyes at himself in his mind again.) „I didn't mean to, but strong memories are sometimes on surface," Regulus probably doesn't have to explain it. From Harry's look he guess it's just confusing. „I had a glimpse of you looking into that mirror.”

At this, Harry's face shows variety of different emotions. There's the betrayal and then, because he probably realises what was in the mirror, his face crumbles. It switches into anger rather quickly.

It shows how much of James he is, showing emotions so clearly.

Before Regulus can say one more sorry or explain himself, Harry's expression changes again. He glances into Regulus' eyes and then away and Regulus realises that's fear.

„I swear I didn't mean to. I stumbled across the class and there was this mirror and I didn't mean to touch it, I didn't do anything other than touch it, really!”

Regulus is proper confused.

„You touched it.. and something happened?”asks Regulus. Is this how he got here?

Harry still won't look at Regulus as he picks at his fingers nervously.

„Um, yeah, I.. passed out? I dunno.”

Regulus closes his eyes. Time traveling. Right. How do you explain in to a child? Should he even tell him? Is this something they learn in first year? „Okay. What day is it?”

„21st of December, 1991.”Right, so Harry just travelled back a few years, to the same day. How is that even possible?

"Right. Do you know what time travelling is?"

Harry finally looks at him, eyes wide. „Travelling through the time? Did I travel to the future?”

„To the past actually. It's December 21, but year 1978.”

There's a look on Harry's face that clearly says he has no idea if he should be excited or concerned. Regulus is definitely concerned. He has absolutely no idea what to do. He wants to pinch himself and maybe bump his head against wall, hard, because surely this isn't possible? Why couldn't it be some professor that would find him?

Regulus tries to remember everything he knows about time travelling, except when he does, he realises he already fucked up. He looked into Harry's mind and learned that the Dark Lord is dead, as well as James and Lily and Snape is teaching at Hogwarts and Regulus is nowhere to be seen. Isn't the first rule of timetravelling to not learn anything about the other time?

Should Regulus even mention Harry's parents? They're not at school anymore, both already graduated and working - or, well, both fighting the war. It seems cruel, because from what Regulus gathered, Harry never met them, but also..

Yeah, Regulus is lost.

There's a sudden look of realisation on Harry's face and the hopefulness filling his eyes and Regulus thanks Merlin that Harry is so easy to read, because he can speak before Harry does.

„I'll take you to my dorm and we'll figure out what to do tomorrow,” says Regulus.

„Like, into the Slytherin?”

No? Into the Hufflepuff because Regulus is clearly wearing the green tie just for fashion. Regulus rolls his eyes.

„Obviously.”

„But.. I'm a Gryffindor.”

„And 13 years into the past. Your dorm is occupied by someone else and you don't know the password.”

Harry's shoulders slumps and he mumbles an okay. He looks like it pains him to just think about walking into the Slytherin.

They get on walking down the stairs. The halls are dark and quiet and the further downstairs they go, the closer Harry gets to Regulus. His shoulders are tense and he keeps glancing everywhere around.

„You still have my wand,” is the first thing said between them, once they're walking down the last staircase.

Right.

Regulus didn't even realise. He takes it out of his pocket and gives it back. Harry looks a little calmer holding it.

„And you didn't tell me your name,” he speaks up again, tone full of accusation.

„Regulus,” he answers. Harry doesn't look up or anything. So, it's definitely the first time hearing the name. Regulus ignores the way his heart squeezes a little. He doesn't give a fuck about James or Sirius, so why would he care if they never mentioned him?

It makes him wonder who even is raising Harry. He guesses Sirius, but then why would it be Hagrid explaining how James and Lily died? Surely Sirius would tell him. Or maybe not?

„That's a weird name,” says Harry instead. Regulus can't help the small short laugh that escapes his lip. „All the wizards have weird names though.”

„Guess that's true,” answers Regulus, even though he never gave it a second thought. All of his family have, as Harry said, weird names. Does his friends have weird names too? What even classifies as weird name?

Harry interrupts his thoughts. „Do you believe that I'm Harry Potter now?”

It makes Regulus' lip curl up. He frowns the moment he feels it.

„Yeah, sorry about that,” says Regulus. „There's just no Potter attending Hogwarts now, 's why I didn't believe you.”

Regulus realises he probably shouldn't have said that the moment Harry says a quiet „Oh.”

They're luckily standing at the entrance, so Regulus says the passwords and gets in. No one is in the common room, so Regulus rushes them to his dorm.

When they get in, it's quiet.

Both Evan and Barty are asleep, thanks Salazar. Regulus' doesn't have the strength to explain now and thinking about it, they probably shouldn't even know Harry is here.

That's problem of Regulus future self.

Barty and Evan sharing one bed has been annoying Regulus since the beginning of the year, but now he's grateful for that, as it leaves one bed empty.

Regulus casts a spell on their bed, just so they don't hear a thing if they wake up.

„You'll sleep in my bed. Don't touch anything and don't leave the bed till I tell you in the morning.”

Harry looks lost. He's had the same look on his face ever since he learned he's in the past, but Regulus doesn't pry on that.

Harry doesn't say anything either. He looks around the dorm, unsure as what to do and then he takes a few steps to Regulus' bed. His shoulders are tense again, even more than they were before, and he looks at the bed as if it's gonna eat him.

Regulus rolls his eyes.

„It won't do anything. Really, as long as you stay in there till i tell you in the morning, you're safe here. I'm not planning to fuck with the future.”

Harry doesn't look any calmer, but he nods and gets into the bed. Regulus walks to Evan's bed. He can feel Harry's eyes on him and once he looks back, Harry looks away.

„Right. Good night. Close the curtains and don't get out till I tell you.”

Harry nods. „Good night.”

Regulus watches him close the curtains and only then does he sit on the bed.

Regulus doesn't go to sleep.

He sits on the sheets, still in his robes, which he would find disgusting normally but since it's not his sheets, he doesn't really give a fuck.

His mind is at twenty places at the same time. It runs everywhere and nowhere and he overthinks every decisions he ever made.

He looks at his arm and touches the bare shin. He imagines the mark that will be there, soon.

He was supposed to get marked this Christmas. No one told him, but he gathered that and he did everything in his power to stay at Hogwarts this Christmas.

He didn't really understand why he did that. He wanted the mark, no? He attended the Dark Lord's meeting last summer holiday. Sat at the same table with him and attended more than one ball and dinner where there was a Death Eater in every corner. There was always someone in his house with their arm marked, lurking around in his father's office or in the drawing room with his mother.

It was just as amazing as it was terrifying. It became real so suddenly it startled Regulus.

He knew about the Dark Lord, about Death Eaters and who they were and what they did. Regulus used to eat the articles in newspaper with his eyes every morning. He loved listening to the quiet gossip in the common room and the panicked gossip in the classroom before class started.

It might be sick to admit, but Regulus was fascinated with the fear of people and what a few people could do.   

Except, that was newspaper. That was gossip. That was a text on a paper and a photo of the Dark Mark and that was his mother and father talking about these people after dinner. That was something out of reach that was fascinating because it wasn't real.

It wasn't real until it suddenly was and Regulus was sitting between two people that actually did these horrible things, at a table with people that did even more horrible things and he went to school and it didn't take even two days of classes before a girl gasped so loudly at breakfast that everyone looked up. It was the moment when Regulus was reading the newspaper with the picture of the Dark Mark in the clouds in a corner about the raid last night,

He figure the girl's family died that afternoon.

He sat between the two Death Eaters a few weeks before and listened to them talking. He felt the fear himself, not the fascinating kind that made his blood pump and made him want more, not the one that filled him with fear but the real fear that this wasn't good.

He didn't admit things to himself much. He ignored the fact that he didn't want the mark until now, even though he thought about it instantly.

He did admit to himself that he let others options, his parents especially, grow into and over his head. He never gave a second thought to them, because why should he? Everyone in his family, everyone in his house stood behind these options.

He knew they weren't his options when he was supposed to argue about it. Because what arguments you have for something you don't stand for?

It made him sick to realise and it made him even sicker to think about his future. What is he supposed to do now? Take the mark? Be a Death Eater? Be a reason people die? Be a reason James dies?

Regulus closes his eyes. He bends his legs and lays his head on his knees and takes a deep breath. Fists at the Evan's sheets and tries so hard to think about anything else.

Regulus does fall asleep at some point. He doesn't even lay down, climbing off half sitting, leaning against the wall and he stirs awake when he hears shuffling from his bed.

The room is quiet and dark and it's probably still night. There's more shuffling. Is Harry awake?

Regulus gets up, but before he can take more than two steps, there's a gasp and then the shuffling stops.

He takes the few more steps. „Harry? Alright?”

Harry doesn't respond immediately. „Yeah.”

Should he leave it be? Was it a nightmare or does Harry just move a lot in his sleep? Maybe he was awake the whole time.

„It's okay if I open the curtains?”

Harry shuffles and makes a „Mhm,” sound. Regulus takes it as yes. Before he does open them, he lights up his wand. The light is dim, barely there, but it helps to see a little.

The boy in his bed is sitting curled up in the blanket, in the corner, the pillow pushed next to him. His hair is a mess and he looks a little naked without his glasses. Even with the light so dim, Regulus can see the wetness under his eyes.

„Bad dream?”

Harry nods. He looks really small curling his shoulders inwards, even younger than he is. It squeezes something in Regulus chest.

And what the fuck do you do with a sad child? Regulus has a half mind to leave him alone, because he for sure wouldn't like a stranger comforting him after a dream. Then though, it always felt nice being comforted after a nightmare as a child. Made Regulus feel less alone.

„Is it okay if I sit?”

„It's your bed.”

„You're the one sleeping in it tonight.”

Harry drags the blanket closer to himself and seems to lean even further into the corner to make more space, as if he's not taking up the smallest space possible.

Regulus sits down.

„Do you remember what you dreamt of?”

Harry nods again.

„Do you want to tell me?”

„Is there really not any Potter at Hogwarts?” blurts Harry before Regulus can even finish his question. He's looking at Regulus now, though without his glasses, he's more like squinting at him.

Regulus winces. Of course.

„No.”

„But there.. shouldn't there be?”

There's at least three voices fighting in Regulus' head. Should he tell him? Or should he pretend he doesn't know James? Does Harry have any idea when his parents attended Hogwarts and when they had him? He must be 11, maybe 12 now and from year 1991 which means he had to be born.. oh.

Oh.

James must have been what, 20? 19, or 21 already when they had him. That's.. that's so soon.

It pangs in Regulus' chest. Hard and painful and spreading all over Regulus inside.

„He graduated already,” is what Regulus answers.

Harry makes a soft „oh”. It sounds just as hopeful as it sounds heartbreaking. He looks away and Regulus sees the blanket curling as Harry probably squeezes it into his fists. He's quiet for a while. Regulus looks away from him because it's honestly breaking his heart a little.

„And when did he..” he trails off.

„Last year.”

Harry is quiet after that for even longer. He's no longer crushing the blanket in his fists and he's staring into the closed curtains.

Regulus can't read his expression this time and he doesn't even want to. He looks away from Harry, closes his fists and digs his nails into his skin. He's not the best at comforting people. Horrible actually. If he sees a sad person, he changes his route just to avoid them and if it's one of his friends, he usually just prays some other person will appear and do the comforting. He's not good with words and not good with touches and so he usually just listens to the people ramblings and hope it's enough.

Pandora does ramble a lot when she's sad and she's a really touchy person generally, so she searches for it herself - hugs Regulus first or grabs his hand to find the comfort she needs. She cries or just lets herself be held and then she talks about what's on her mind and finds the solutions herself. She asks a lots of questions and doesn't even need an answer to them. It's perfect for Regulus, because he doesn't have to overthink if holding her hand will be enough or if he needs to hug her and he doesn't have to think too much about what to say. Not that it's a problem; he usually finds words easy with Pandora.

With Evan and Barty, they used to comfort each other a lot when they were younger. It usually happened in the darkness of the night and they never acknowledged it, but there was more nights when they held each other than the ones when they didn't in their 1st and 2nd year. These days, they usually hid it.

Dorcas, when she was still in school, never needed comforting. She was all for communication and how important it is to show your emotions and talk about your problems, but she herself never came to them with her problems. She did, when she was angry and needed to get it out of her chest, but since he knew her, Regulus only saw her crying probably once. She was perfect at doing the comforting though. Always knew what to say and what to do and it felt like she could read others mind with how she always predicted if they wanted a hug or if it was better to distract them. She didn't have any siblings but it felt like she was the perfect big sister to all of them.

(Regulus never gave a second thought to this, but he knew that especially during his first years, Dorcas was a lot like Sirius to him. Sirius, who didn't even need to see Regulus face to know he's upset. Sirius who always gave the best hugs and who knew what to say and what to not say and who knew when to ask questions and what questions and who knew if Regulus wanted to talk or not.)

Regulus looks back at Harry.

Should he say something?

He thinks about what he would want if he was in Harry's place. (He doesn't do a good job at it because he can't even imagine his parents being dead. Would his life be better? Isn't it horrible for a thought like that to even pass through your head?)

„I never met him,” mumbles Harry quietly. It takes a second for Regulus' brain to catch and process what he said and it sends a shiver down his spine when he does.

Regulus doesn't have time to think of a fitting answer before Harry speaks again. „Did you know him?”

Oh. Did he?

He would like to think so, but that would probably be like lying to himself.

Regulus nods anyway. Then, before Harry can ask anything else, he adds, just because he selfishly doesn't want to think about it more and because he thinks Harry might appreciate it, he adds; „I knew your mom a little too.”

(He knew her just as well as probably any other person at Hogwarts did. He doesn't think he ever even talked to her directly but he was a prefect when she was a Head Girl and in library, he sometimes sat and the table next to the one where she and her friends did).

Harry's eyes widen.

„Really?” he asks a little breathlessly.

Regulus nods. „They were a year above me. You probably know, but they were a Head boy and Head girl and I was a prefect. Being just a captain wasn't enough for James, apparently.”

„My dad was a captain?” asks Harry. Regulus notices he's no longer curling the furthest into the corner he can get, but he seems to be leaning forward, swallowing Regulus words and wanting to hear more, more, more.

„Yeah. Since his fifth year.”

„What position did he play?” asks Harry eagerly.

Regulus furrows his brows. Really, did Sirius stop talking about James the moment he died?

"„Chaser,” answers Regulus. „They won the cup every year when he was a captain.”

Harry breathes out, eyes wide and full of amazement. „I play Seeker.”

„Oh? What year are you in?” asks Regulus. He thought Harry was a first year, but apparently not?

„First,” says Harry. „McGonagall saw me flying and thought I'm talented,” he adds. He looks just as proud as he looks bashful. Regulus, on the other hand, is quite speechless.

„Well you must be! I don't think that ever happened before.”

Harry nods with red cheeks, looking away.

„James would love that,” says Regulus softly, without thinking. It's not a lie though; James would be absolutely delighted to hear that.

Harry looks back at Regulus, eyes even wider than they were before. It makes Regulus shift in his seat. „And a Seeker too? You must be amazing on a broom. I got on the team to play seeker in my third year.”

Harry's eyes lights up with a new interest. He, unintentionally most likely, scooped even closer to Regulus during the talk, now sitting almost in the middle. „You're a seeker?”

Regulus nods.

„That's so cool! I've only played one match so far, but I've caught the snitch in my mouth and we won!”

Regulus looks at Harry, eyebrows raised. „In your mouth?”

Harry shifts in his seat and nods, raising his shoulders. „Mhm, yeah. Something happened with my broom, Hermione thinks it was cursed by Professor Snape, and when I was falling i caught the snitch in my mouth and chocked on it.”

It feels like Regulus eyebrows are touching his hair. He looks at the boy in front of him unbelievably, who in response just shrugs again, unbothered, like it's not traumatic at all and it's absolutely normal to have your broom cursed, fall of it and choke on a Snitch during just one - and your first! - match. But well, it's a Potter. Doesn't help Regulus' concerns.

„Why would Snape curse your broom?” he asks instead. The fact that Snape is professor sounds mental to him, because isn't he proudly wearing the Dark Mark right now? Regulus can't even imagine Snape willingly spending all days, every days, for a full year, working with children - maybe he has a sudden personality growth? Doesn't sound like it. Maybe Harry travelled not only through time, but through universities as well.

„He hates me. Would be very happy if I died i bet,” says Harry with a roll of eyes, annoyed. He doesn't look too bothered; Regulus is concerned.

„Him and your dad hated each other,” is what Regulus answers.

Harry seems to realise he's not chatting with just anyone, but that he's 13 years in past and talking to someone who knew his parents.

„Can you tell me more about them?” asks Harry.

Regulus thinks. He wants this conversation to stop; it's painful and he's lost in it, has no idea what he can say and what he shouldn't say. Doesn't know how to talk to a child - doesn't know how to talk to a child with dead parents about said parents. Doesn't think he should be the one doing it, not worthy of it. He likes to believe he knew James, at least a little, but Lily? He was jealous of her, fucking hell. Maybe there's a reason why Harry seems to not know anything about them? Surely whoever is raising him would tell him.

But Regulus knows he's fucked already, the words spilling from him without second thought. He doesn't know where to start, so he gasps where they ended. „Well, as i said, James was a quidditch captain. He was quite obsessed with it, always made his team wake up really early and if it was possible, he would book the pitch just for them all day, every day.” It feels freeing, in a sense. Being able to talk about James. They were a secret, one that Regulus kept close to his heart and never shared much of. He liked having it for himself. Still does, but sometimes it feels as if it's suffocating him.

The thing between them.. it was short and probably not even a thing; not for James. For Regulus, it was bigger than anything. It wasn't a relationship or dating and it wasn't a friendship. It was long night spent together and shared thoughts and holding hands under the darkness of night. Regulus never thought he would find talking to people, least of all to James Potter, so easy. Yet he somehow found himself patrolling with James once and suddenly he was asking questions, answering questions, found himself getting excited if they managed to spend time together and disappointed if they didn't. The most surprising of all, was the touches and how Regulus eagerly waited for them, thought about them for hours and days after. A brush of a hand here, shoulders touching there; sitting closer together one time and holding hands the other time; sharing a hug, a quick one that got longer with each night. They never kissed but there was a lot of moments when they could; a lot of times where their faces were so close Regulus felt James' breath and even more moments when they sneaked glances at each other lips. It ended sooner than they could.

Regulus felt a little pathetic to develop such a strong crush on James, but really, it was so easy. James listened and James asked and James made him laugh. He made him frustrated and made him feel so many emotions all at once, one that Regulus couldn't even name.

It might be good that it ended, because Regulus thinks it would be really easy to fall in love with James too. Especially when he was one foot in there already.

„They won the cup every year he was the captain and it was really bloody hard to play against them,” continues Regulus.

Harry is looking at Regulus like he's not real, the centre of his attention. He's swallowing every word Regulus says, listening eagerly. It makes Regulus feel a little awkward, too wary of every movement he makes. He doesn't even look into Harry's eyes, as cowardly as it is.

„I'm not sure if Lily liked quidditch all that much, I've never saw her on a broom and didn't really look into the Gryffindor stands,” admits Regulus, just to not speak only about James.

He's got a lot to say about James, while not being able to say much. What else should he say?

„Don't you want to sleep?” he asks instead. It must be really early in the morning, not even 4, if Regulus had to guess. Harry looks a little tired, with dark circles under his eyes, eyes dropping but not too much to actually fall asleep; he stirs as if to shake off any tiredness that there might be at Regulus' question.

„No, no,” he blurts out, with a little aggressive shake of head to prove the point. „Tell me more.”

„Sure..” trail Regulus off. „I will, but lay down, yeah?”

Harry doesn't protest. He takes the pillow and lays down on it in a matter of seconds, not taking his eyes off Regulus.

„You can continue,” he says once his head hits the pillow.

Regulus has an urge to laugh as well as cry his eyes out. This kid is for sure waking up a lot of emotions inside him.

He takes the blanket Harry dropped somewhere during the conversation and doesn't give it much thought as he pulls it over Harry. Harry doesn't stop him; it's only after Regulus sits back that he realises what he's just done. It makes him feel awkward suddenly, but Harry is still watching him with wide eyes, waiting for him to talk, like he didn't even register Regulus tugging him in as if he was his parent.

Regulus coughs into his fist. „Right. Maybe I can tell you about some of our matches?”