Dear reader,
Dear Sirius,
After two months without you, you all, I have been driven to insanity.
Grant left a few weeks ago. So now I’m incredibly lonely and have no one to drink with. Which is quite frankly sad. All of my school stuff is locked away, so I can’t study.
So basically I’m drowning in my own thoughts, waiting for school to start again.
I hope you’re doing well, James’s house must be fun. (Can’t relate) I haven’t gotten a letter from wormy all summer. What’s up with that?
Doesn’t really matter because I’ll see all in a few hours anyway.
Yours,
R.J. Lupin.
Remus tucked the thing up and shoved it in the shoe box he kept all his unsent letters in.
He didn’t know when it started.
Some time at the beginning of the summer he’d write them and then forget to send them, or wrote four or five versions and only send one.
Sometimes he wrote them to James or Peter or Lily. Really depending on how he felt. He wrote them as if someone would read it. As if someone would be judging him for any random misspelling, or comment.
“Remus!” Matron shouted and banged on his door. Remus cursed to himself sharply and shoved his trunk closed.
“Coming!” He through on a wooly sweater and ran out the door.
“Who’s driving you!” Matron shouted, her annoyed blue eyes glaring at him as she pushed him through the hall.
“I have a ride I promise” he assured her as he ducked through the hall, holding on to his trunks.
“Well it’s not my fault if you don’t make it then” she shoved him out the dark wooden doors.
Remus leapt out onto the grass, eager and excited as the morning sun beamed down on him.
“New sweater?” Grant asked from his car, a bright smile on the brown haired boys face.
“Nah, old one actually. Haven’t worn it in a while” Remus tossed his trunk onto the dashboard and plopped down on the car.
“Well it’s quite cute” Grant shrugged and passed Remus a cigarette.
“Oh shuddup” Remus mumbled, placing it between his lips.
“Not my fault you’re pretty”
Remus blew smoke in his face and rolled his eyes. Grant was kind, and lovely. And he’s reliable to be that.
Unlike everyone else, ever.
The station made him embarrassingly nervous. Giving Grant a quick, friendly kiss on the cheek when no one was looking and running off through the wall. Shutting his eyes tight, even after so many years he couldn’t dare to actually watch it.
“Never gets better” he groaned as he came out on the other side of the wall.
He brushed himself off and took and deep breath, staring at the scarlet train he knew so well.
“Is that you moony”
Remus turned his attention to a familiar voice. Sirius black, his dark curls tucked loosely in front of his starling gray eyes and high cheek bones, a bright smile splitting across his face.
Remus blinked at him for a second before metaphorical slapping himself in the face. “Yeah it’s me, whatcha gotta say ‘bout it?”
“Oh I’ve missed the accent” Sirius rolled his eyes dramatically and leaned on a pole. Remus drew his eyes up and down. School shirt and tie, muggle jeans, silver ear pins.
“I do not have an accent, you prick” Remus spat.
“Sirius black! Sirius!” Remus heard the loud boom of James voice through the crowd. Sirius turned on his heels and ran towards a hollering James. A giant smile on his face as he shoved his bags in Remus’s hands.
They hugged dramatically, Sirius pretending to fall into his arms and what have you. Peter laughed at them. Remus watched for a few feet away. Smiling at the people gawking at the show.
“Oh moony how’ve you gotten taller?” James shouted. Giving Remus a quick smack on the back.
“Unfair init?” Sirius mumbled and blew a strand of hair out of his face.
“Well it’s not my fucking fault?” He passed Sirius his bags back.
Sirius wasn’t actually all that much shorter than him (He just enjoyed complaining about whatever he could) maybe a few inches shorter, give or take.
James had almost caught up to him over the summer, not quite though. His hair was the same as always, tangled and wild. Matching his always crooked glasses. Peter looked more or less the same. He had always been the shortest out of them, almost neck and neck with Sirius. A bit broader in the shoulders though. Dark blond hair swept to the side.
“Oh moony’s accents back” James nodded.
Sirius gestured aggressively to James, eyes lighting up. “See?”
“Oh fuck you mister “I’m from France and I speak-“ Remus mocked Sirius’ voice and mannerisms.
“If you keep this up we’re going to miss the fucking train” Peter cut him off in a sharp snap. “Let’s go”
James sighed and pushed them onto the crimson train. Remus felt the blood rush through his head, the buzz of the students, smell of chocolates and pumpkin juice through the air. He plopped down in his compartment crossing his legs in front of him. Sirius threw himself right beside him. Throwing his legs up. Remus pulled out a cigarette and placed it between his lips as he rummaged around for his lighter.
“Going to kill you one day” James muttered.
“Yeah?” Remus blew smoke in his face.
“Oi, pass me one” Sirius held his hand out lightly.
“You’re running me dry” Remus muttered as he passed the cigarette.
Sirius rolled his eyes and placed the cigarette between his lips. “Lean forward” he muttered.
Remus stitched his eyebrows and complied. Sirius brush his hair out of his face and placed his hand over remus. Leaning over him as he lit his cigarette with Remus’s.
Remus watched as his lips angled it well. Sirius pulled the newly lit cigarette out of his mouth and smiled at Remus. Still way too close to him.
Remus could feel the blood pumping from his heart at a million miles an hour. Watching as his pale lips curved into a smile.
“Thanks moons”
Remus’ attention turned back to Sirius’s eyes. How long had his mind been lost? Maybe now ever more than a few seconds had passed. It felt like a lifetime. Sirius threw himself back into his seat and blew smoke towards the window.
“Fuck” Remus muttered to himself.
Sirius stitched eyebrows at him. “What?”
“No, nothing” he shrugged
What the hell?
Remus shot him a glance, watching his silver eyes drag along the edge of the window sill.
Oh fucking hell. You’re being ridiculous. He thought to himself.
No, no, no, no- he thought.
He’s kind of cute though… isn’t he?
Remus dared him another look. He’d stricken up a conversation with James out the World Cup over the summer. He grinned and rolled his eyes as he spoke. Abruptly twisting his hair back with his hand.
Holy shit look at his neck-
Will you fucking stop it?He snapped at himself and turned away, his cheeks turning red.
***
He remembered the first few drinks.
He remembered dragging Sirius up the stairs.
He remembered kneeling over the toilet for an hour as he threw up.
He remembered drowsy memories of a girl trying to kiss him, Remus pushing her off politely and Sirius frowning at him.
“What?” Remus hissed.
“Nothing” he shrugged. “I’ve just never really… never mind moons” he smiled and skipped off somewhere.
Remus blinked and smiled, it felt like a life time since he’d seen that silly drunk smile Sirius did.
Until the morning came, and James had to wake up of the crack of ass, dawn to set up the first quidditch practice of the year. Sirius groggily following him around.
“Will you two shut up” Remus hucked a pillow at James, hard. Their ruckus had woken him up a few times as he tried to lull himself back into sleep.
“Can’t moony, just too exited” he shrugged as he smacked the pillow away.
Sirius caught the and buried his head in it, leaning back on the wall as James dug through their bags. “why does it have to be this early?” he groaned.
“Because” James muttered and through a duffle bag at Sirius. “It’s about building character” he gave Sirius a smack on the back and dragged him out of the room.
“Well now I’m awake you fuck nuts” Remus muttered to himself as the door shut behind them.
***
Remus got dressed and decided to watch them. Sleep was touchy around the moons either it was he couldn’t physically wake up or a pin dropped and he was awake.
He shoved on his warmest sweater over his head and dragged himself out into the morning sun, a book tucked under his arm. Peter wanted to stay in, which was unlike him. Remus assumed he drank a bit too much the night before.
To be honest he did too. But after being sure he wasn’t going to throw up anymore, It’d be nice to get some reading in.
Remus flipped the page lazily and gave the team a quick glance, they were down on the field in a circle, talking about what have you. James and Sirius were barely visible. James speaking to the crowed as Sirius stood behind him, shifting his weight.
Remus didn’t read as much as he liked any more. At the moment he was reading a fantasy book about a couple of boys. It was good, great even.
“Hey moony” Sirius came flying over to him hanging upside down off his broom over him. The small curls that didn’t fit in his tight bun hanging down. “Didn’t think you’d come”
“Will you stop that” Remus grimaced at the way Sirius was hanging off him broom upside down. He hated when they would do stupid stuff like that. “If you fall I’m not going to catch you”
“Wanna bet” Sirius raised his eyebrows.
“What-“
Sirius dropped off his broom without hesitation. Remus threw the book and wrapped his arms around Sirius as they clattered to the ground, being thrown away from each other.
“That was a terrible idea”
“No shit” Remus hissed and pulled himself up on his elbows. The foot space in the quidditch bleachers were gross and sticky. “Ow” Remus groaned and rubbed his arm where he’d slammed it. “Why’d you do that!”
Sirius shrugged and pick up his broom. A bright smile splitting over his face as he threw his leg over. “Creative decision” he answered back and kicked off, floating over head. “Anyway, why’d you come” Sirius asked as he flew in circles
“Felt like it” Remus shrugged, picking himself as he brushed dust off his jeans, and pine needles off his sweater.
“Any cute girls on the team do you think” Sirius muttered and flipped over on his broom, staring at Remus upside down.
A cute boy who’s flying over me right now-
Will you stop it!? The sane part in the back of his head shouted.
“I’m not interested”
“Oh come on” Sirius groaned and flew around him upside down, his hair slowly falling out. “Why don’t you get a girlfriend this year, Moony?”
He’s ought to have the worst bloody head ache ever. “Don’t want one”
“Have you ever even kissed a girl ever?” Sirius now stoped in front of him. Hanging upside down, less than a few inches away.
Remus didn’t hear the question, sounds drowning under his slamming heart.
Why is Sirius so close to me?
Remus entertained the thought briefly, a quick image of him kissing the daylights out of an upside down Sirius flashed through his mind.
No no no no no no-
“What?” Remus blinked, snapping out of his trance.
“Have you ever snogged a girl?” Sirius laughed.
Oh, right.
“No” he shrugged and crossed his arm over his chest. He must look like a fucking idiot to Sirius.
Little does Sirius know, I have kissed someone.
Little does Sirius know, I’d had a whole boyfriend.
“You’re missing out” Sirius shrugged and turned back over on his broom. Remus let out a breath he’d been holding for minutes. “It’s fun”
“Fan-fucking-tastic” he shrugged. “Still don’t want a girlfriend”
“Just saying” Sirius shrugged.
“Oi!” James called as he flew past them. “The fuck are you doing!? We’re practicing”
“Then give me my fucking bat!”
“You think I want to take it from you!?” James shouted back “come on, we’re playing”
Remus still, after six years, did not know anything about quidditch.
Sirius rolled his eyes and then gave an are you seeing this shit?Look to Remus. “I’ll see ya later moons” he sighed and flew off.
Though he quite frankly, was not seeing this shit.
Remus was too distracted by his own thoughts, running fast enough to spark.
What was that!? Remus internally scolded himself.
What’s with the Sirius thing? He’s my friend, nothing more, I shouldn’t see him as anything more.
I shouldn’t.
I shouldn’t.
I shouldn’t.
Remus stole a glance at a grinning Sirius, blowing hair out of his face as he laughed at a kid falling off his broom down below.
But look at his smile,
Remus’s heart pounded out of his chest as he shoved his sweater up over his face.
Would it really be so bad if I did?