Death Note
Grandfather
(“Yuder…” His grandfather once asked him a question. “How long does your grandpa have to live?”)
Yuder remembered feeling very quiet when his grandfather had knelt down before him and gently patted his head to ask that question.
He remembered feeling very reluctant to look up at the numbers only he could see above his grandfather’s head. He remembered sluggishly calculating it to years, days, and even seconds despite how his grandfather would always praise him for his fast mental calculations on days when his grandfather would spontaneously test him.
The numbers made a feeling sink inside of him.
(“Seven months, grandpa.”
“Good. Seven months with my grandson.” His grandfather smiled, hugging Yuder close such that his gristly beard rubbed against Yuder’s soft cheeks. “Better make the most of it then.”)
Yuder didn’t like that feeling.
He didn’t like the feelings he felt when his grandfather died at the exact time he predicted seven months later either, but his grandfather reminded him that all things eventually reach their end, but he hoped his grandson would live long and well after him so Yuder moved on.
-
Yudrein
Since returning from the future, Yuder would sometimes see remnants of his former name in the mirror.
Yudrein Ail, the name above his head read.
It reminded him of how names sometimes fluctuated based on some mental condition.
For example, whenever Katchian locked himself in his room after his policies failed in the first game, his name would change into ‘Little Kitchi’, something sounding unfathomably a lot like the nickname of a commoner.
Kishiar, whenever he brought Yuder with him into the capital under a black cloak and a disguise, would sometimes be named ‘Akit’ above his head.
When Empress ‘Rosa la Orr’ became a simple ‘Faria’ while at the Emperor’s side, Yuder understood a little more. It was how people identified themselves, the names that they internalized and couldn’t give up and also couldn’t help but remember and be when circumstances brought out the truest parts of themselves.
As much as Kishiar would be Duke Peletta and Kishiar la Orr, a member of the Imperial Family, he was also Akit, the free spirit dearly loved by his mother and brother despite all the mischief and trouble he caused.
As much as Her Majesty was Rosa la Orr, the Empress of the great Orr Empire, she was also Faria, the woman who loved His Majesty deeply and was loved back, the countless years of standing at each other’s side and caring for one another – and the day of how they met – never forgotten.
And though he wasn’t in that failed future wherein he lost everything, Yuder also would always have some Yudrein Ail in him. Though maybe one day, he would one day learn to fully appreciate that name without falling into all the associated memories.
-
Lifespans
When Yudrein first felt the impending doom of the world, he began to understand why no one’s numbers were high, not even the few children that were being born in the years of constant disasters.
At the trial, during prison, at his execution, Yudrein looked at the world with his one eye and then closed it.
He contemplated telling everyone how long they would live… but then decided it didn’t matter. No one would believe him anyways.
-
Death Note
Yudrein would sometimes be tempted to use it, but he would always remember his grandfather and Kishiar’s words and close it.
After his capture, the black notebook remained in the old Cavalry Commander’s office in the original, but now abandoned Cavalry Headquarters. Yudrein wondered if someone would walk around and explore the dusty halls or if the black notebook would remain unfound until the abandoned building was finally destroyed for something new.
-
Sentiment
Why won’t you tell me that you are dying?
Why won’t you do anything?
Why won’t you change your fate?
Yudrein frowned as he looked at the numbers above Kishiar’s head, felt the deep, immense pain through their connection, and saw the resigned smile on his dry, cracked lips.
Change it.
They didn’t and ‘Kishiar la Orr’ and the number disappeared altogether.