Chapter 13
James was writing in his journal to Regulus when it happened. Sirius ran right past Lily and he went directly to James who was finishing up his note to Regulus.
I’ll see you tomorrow
James wasn’t even able to sign his name because Sirius crawled into James’s bed and tears were streaming down his face.
James shut the curtains around his bed and cast a silencing spell. He put the journal under his pillow subtly.
“Pads? What happened?”
Sirius hiccuped for air, “James, it’s Reggi- Regulus.”
In that moment, fear took its icy hand and gripped James Potter’s heart, “Take a deep breath and then tell me.”
Sirius took a deep breath, wiped his face, looked James in the eye, “Regulus has the mark. He’s a Death Eater.”
James felt like the world had fallen away from beneath his feet, “What?”
“I overheard him and Snivellous talking and I cornered him and I asked him if he joined them and he showed me his arm- Merlin, James, it’s so bad,” Sirius rambled and sniffled, “He told me that he was everything I was too afraid and that I was just like our family. He said that I left him and that because I left that I trapped him because one of us had to stay. James, he said we weren’t brothers anymore.”
James felt his heart crack. It cracked for Sirius and it cracked for Regulus and it cracked for himself. He didn’t know what to say, so instead he just hugged Sirius. He thought about Regulus in Potter Manor and he thought about when Regulus left. He thought about when Regulus got sick and how he had said Pandora had threatened him. James realized that he must’ve gotten the mark then. James felt sick, but nobody but Pandora knew about his relationship with Regulus Black. Remus knew bits and pieces at this point.
Sirius was devastated over completely losing his brother, but James was devastated over his wonderful, talented Regulus. He knew he would’ve never been willing to take the mark, but something inside him reminded him of how fondly Regulus talked about his family.
“Doesn’t Luna Black have a nice ring to it?”
A tear fell from James’s cheek, but Sirius didn’t notice.
“I smelled you in the amorentia.”
He heard Regulus’s laugh in his mind, he thought about how he had barely heard it the past few months.
“You’re like the sun, Jamie.”
“Since when do you call me Jamie?”
“You call me ‘Reggie’ so now we’re even.”
James and Sirius fell asleep curled up in each other. It was like they used to when they were younger, ike when Sirius ran away from Grimmauld Place.
The next morning, Lily made an excuse for both of them in their classes. Sirius and James didn’t move from James’s bed until dinner. Both of them were devastated, but nobody could ever know the truth of James’s feelings. Nobody could ever know that James Fleamont Potter had fallen in love with Regulus Arcturus Black.
James walked into the room and paused. Regulus was already there. His knees were up to his chest and he had his arms wrapped around them.
“Sirius told you.” It wasn’t a question. Just a fact.
James nodded and sat on the bed across from him, “What happened?”
“It happened the night I got home. When I went to family dinner, everyone was there. Narcissa gave me this sad look and I knew. He was there and he asked me if I was willing. He mentioned that I had to be willing ‘unlike the last son’ and I realized that the night Sirius left they tried to force him to join. I realized why they had used cruciatus on him for almost seven minutes. It was either Walburga or Bellatrix. I knew I couldn’t refuse. They would just kill me and drag Sirius back if I didn’t accept it. Sirius asked me if I wanted it, and I wanted to tell him that I didn’t but he has such a savior complex sometimes, so I said so many cruel things,” Regulus was on the verge of tears, “Jamie, this has to be the last time we see each other.”
James took in a sharp breath, “What? No! Reggie, you didn’t want it. We can find a way out of this.”
A single tear slid down Regulus’s cheek, “You have a savior complex too, Jamie. I won’t let you get hurt. Pandora and I have a plan. I want you to be happy.”
“You make me happy! You deserve to be happy too!”
More tears fell down Regulus’s face, “These past few months with you in my life have been the happiest I’ve ever been, but I don’t belong in the sun. Sirius does. He had to go and I had to stay. Now you have to go. Maybe one day, one day everything will be different. Until then, Jamie, this has to stop.”
James shook his head. He was crying now too, “Reggie, please don’t do this.”
“I won’t write and I won’t talk to you. It will be like I never stayed with you this summer. I just want you to know that when little Luna is born, Pandora wants you to be the godfather. You can always say no, when the time comes, but, maybe by then things will be different.”
“Can we just stay here tonight, and when we leave this room..” James trailed off, but Regulus knew what he meant. He nodded and then crawled into James’s arms. They laid on the bed and Regulus told him about the stars.
“That’s Sirius. It’s the brightest star in the night sky,” He pointed to a different star on the ceiling, “That’s Regulus. It’s part of the Leo constellation.”
They were silent for a while after that. James felt like his heart was in a million tiny pieces.
“Please, stay safe and when this is all over, I’ll find you again,” James whispered softly. Regulus mumbled his agreement and then the two of them drifted to sleep.
When James woke up, Regulus was gone and so were the pictures of them on the wall.