The small pocketwatch propped up on the nightstand continued to click in his ear. Other than his eyes weighted down by the bags beneath them, his entire body was enveloped in crimson-red blankets, hugging him tightly as the watch announced a new day had begun with another click. He didn't have the energy to roll over, nor did he want to risk waking the three others in the dorm, but he could picture the window behind him perfectly: a darkened sky filled with small cumulus clouds, the main attraction being the low-hanging moon amongst the beaming stars. Such beauty yet such horror. It was nearly full.
He looked back to the source of the noise politely ticking beside his bed. One minute past twelve. Remus shut his eyes and groaned, tossing the rest of himself into the mountain of blankets. Why today? Why did it have to be today? He really didn't ask for much. All he wanted was to spend his one special day with his friends and go partying in the great outdoors surrounding Hogwarts, staying up to watch Sirius's (surprisingly restrained) underage drinking unfold, and maybe even stealing a dance from that Hufflepuff gal. But now, thanks to the beauty his window now framed, it was all falling apart. He had to decline his own birthday party that year.
It was about another hour before he could fall asleep again. Remus learned that stress was not the easiest companion to sleep with long ago but still couldn't shake it from his mind. The date March 10th rang in his head, the one the watch had just introduced to him, and the one marking the start of his life 16 years ago. His muscles tensed and it took a good second to get himself to ease his nerves. It was honestly almost as bad as the full moon's effects, Remus could argue. The night before was one of chaos, grief, and undeniable anticipation. He struggled but eventually rolled over to see another bed, about ten feet from his own, where another boy with dark hair slept peacefully. He couldn't help but smile and feel his emotions numb for a quiet moment. What would he do without his ridiculous friends?
*****
A full plate was outcasted from the devoured meals around him. Remus couldn't eat that morning, and the three others forming a square with him at one of the Great Hall's tables knew why. The square's upper corner wearing glasses decided that just letting his friend mope wasn't going to do them any good.
"How ya holding up, Moony?" James asked, cautiously. Remus flinched. He hated that he was the only one with a nickname.
"As well as I usually do, I guess." He mumbled in response while stirring his food around with his fork. The others picked up on the fact he was getting weaker.
"If you want I could sneak one of the cakes up to the dorms," He motioned to the gallery of food yet to be scooped up by students, "We could celebrate earlier if that would be better!" Sirius said. He was definitely the most hopeful of the four... maybe a bit too much given the circumstances.
"No that's…that's okay. I'm just trying to get through the day as it comes. Maybe we can do something in a few days if you're that concerned." The other three boys looked at each other and then back to Remus.
"But aren't you going to get lonely? It's p-probably dark in there-" Peter began before James nudged him hard in the side to get him to stop. Sirius rolled his eyes at Peter's lack of awareness. Remus sighed and everyone turned their attention back to him.
"Look, I know you guys are just looking out for me, and I… I can't tell you how much that means, but I don't think there's much you can do to keep me company this time," he said, chuckling hopelessly. "I really don't mind skipping a party this year. I'll just be in a terrible mood if we do anything today." Remus hoped his soft smile would fool them. It didn't; the other boys looked just as hopeless. He rubbed his forehead which was starting to get a small headache. His voice weakened and he practically whispered. "I'm sorry. You guys shouldn't have gotten involved at all." He wouldn't cry, he promised himself, but he certainly wanted to. Years of the same thing at the same time, and he still had no way of coping with it.
"That's not true, Moony! If it weren't for you we'd have no one to cheat off of in Potions!" Sirius rebutted. Remus opened his mouth to speak but closed it. He let himself chuckle. "True, true."
"Or make Severus late to class with the sleep charm we made!" Peter added upon seeing Remus's positive reaction. He could already see his paleness start to retreat from his face.
"You're our friend, and cursed or not, we care about you! We'll figure something out, we promise! You won't be as alone as you think." James added. He then looked over to Sirus and nodded ever so slightly so Remus didn't see. Sirius returned the nod.
Remus smiled. "Thanks, guys."
*****
Luckily for the rest of the Marauders, Remus had already been excused from his classes for the day. They didn't, but Sirius assured the others that he would make up a casual excuse for why they weren't in class so Remus never found out. They were instead gathered in a circle up in the dorms, a chair propped up against the door in case someone tried to walk in, even though James pointed out the unlikeliness of that (but went along with it so he didn't have to hear any more of Peter's whining). Various potions, pots, books, and messy notes surrounded the triangle of students on the red carpet. James was taking the most initiative with progress, while the other two were fiddling around with whatever they were supposed to be working on.
James sighed. "Do you guys wanna do this or not?" That snapped Peter awake. James could be scary when he was frustrated.
"Yeah, but we've been working on this for months and now we're trying to cram it all in at the last second! This isn't one of Flitwick's essays!" Sirius snapped back, irritated with the mess surrounding him. "You know we've all agreed to the risks and we've been putting in the effort," he grabbed a stack of the notes he had written and waved it around, "But this is dangerous magic! Don't we deserve a five-minute break?"
"Normally, yes. But does Moony have a 'five-minute break' tonight? No! Which is why we need to hurry if we're gonna get this done in time!" James was able to spark a bit of incentive into the other two. All three knew this was more important than any other birthday in the past, and they were going to make it worth Remus's pain. And with that, they got to work. No more breaks from then on, they agreed.
Hours passed, and the sun began to set. Light still shone into the room which was now even more cluttered with notes and unorganized vials with mysterious liquids inside. James had to get extra strong coffee for them when they all agreed it had been too long without rest. But finally, after months of hard work, they were ready to test their magic.
Three blood-red potions stored in miniature glasses now shimmered in the center of the triangle.
Peter was the only one who was hesitant to pick his potion up. The other two were by no means confident, but they were brave. He watched the other two pluck out a single one of their hairs and dip it into the potion. James eyed Peter, who had yet to pick one up.
"C'mon Peter. For Remus." Peter gulped and grabbed one before he could talk himself out of it. He pushed away any thoughts of what horrible things might happen should this potion fail and dropped in a hair of his own.
"Well," Sirius raised his glass to the others, "To the Marauders."
The three boys clinked their glasses and drank their respective potions.
*****
Remus was surprisingly awake for 8:00 PM on a full moon. He had gotten in about 20 minutes of pacing on the creaky wood floors before he resigned to the bed upstairs. The sheets were freezing and he knew there was no way he'd be able to fall asleep at this point, so he had just thrown himself onto the mattress and tried counting the cracks on the wall to pass the time. It didn't help. All he could think about was what his friends were probably up to. They were probably having just as much fun without him; pulling a prank on Severus or sharing happy memories without him. He hugged a pillow and tried reassuring himself they wouldn't do that. It was because of them that he wasn't alone anymore, and they still stuck around after finding out about everything.
His spine was tingling. The heart in his chest couldn't help but pound in response. It was the first sign that he was about to transform. He groaned and held the pillow tighter. Wishing nothing would happen was out of the question. The hope that he wouldn't turn if he wasn't in direct contact with moonlight was long gone after he came to Hogwarts. Some nights a cloud or two could stall him, but nothing ever prevented it in the end.
A single tear soaked into the pillowcase as his spine tensed more. He groaned softly even though there was no point hiding his pain. He was completely alone, not that it made him feel any better. But at the same time, anyone stupid enough to come down here would only-
Whispers broke his thought. Even with his heightened hearing, they were rather soft. He struggled to sit up on the bed and concentrated on the sound of movement from the Whomping Willow, but he heard nothing. And yet, there were still voices. Why wasn't the tree stopping them?
Footsteps. They came crashing down the staircases like a storm. But a storm led to leaks dripping on him from the unstable shack's poor design. He looked over to the open doorway, where three figures peaked their heads in one by one.
Remus's heart dropped as he quickly swiped away his tears. "Wha- guys! What the bloody hell are you doing here?! Are you insane?!" None of them were off-put by his shaken yelling. Sirius walked forward first.
He chuckled as he plopped himself on the foot of the bed where Remus stared at him, shaking. He held out his hands as if to ease a hippogriff. "Calm down, Moony. Everything's fine." He was remarkably relaxed in contrast to Remus.
"F-Fine?! How is this fine?! All of you need to leave now you're gonna get hurt!" He yelled through clenched teeth which he felt start to shift ever so slightly.
"We will if you want, but you should really hear us out on something." James said, also walking towards Remus and leaning on one of the bedposts.
"Uhh, in case you've still got a functioning brain up there, I'm not gonna be able to 'hear you out' in like five minutes! What do you want?!" Remus asked, panic in his voice.
Peter crept up between James and Sirius who were grinning like madmen at each other. All three looked at the other Marauder and smiled. Remus inched back, completely lost with what was happening. Of course they picked this day to stress him out with their stupidity. The three boys backed away from the bed and spread out on the wood floor, Peter and Sirius looking towards James at the center of the line. Remus was still beyond confused.
"Remember when I said I had that extra-credit assignment from a few weeks ago?" James asked. "And when I said I had detention for swapping McGonagall's wand for a cat toy?" Sirius added. "And the time I said I had a date with Angela from Ravenclaw? Well guess what, Moony, it was a lie!" Peter said proudly.
Sirius scoffed and folded his arms, "Yeah, but he probably knew you were lying already. We all knew you couldn't pull that off." Peter scowled in response. Remus got them back on track despite the growing pain in his back.
"What do you mean you were lying? W-What's going on?" Again, the boys smiled in response, a bit creepy with how identical they looked in expression.
"Well, it was actually so we could work on some… experiments. It was a bit risky and the staff doesn't exactly…know, so we've had to do this in secret for months. Only fitting we show you on your special day!" Remus blinked a few times, still in shock more than anything. But then he watched the unthinkable happen.
James closed his eyes and looked as if he were in deep meditation. His arms lengthened. Then his legs. Dark soft fur covered him as he grew and twisted, like a lighthearted version of Remus's own transformations. He watched in utter disbelief as giant antlers sprouted from James's head and he landed on his front legs with a giant thud! Remus's whole body was shaking as he saw the head of a stag lift itself to his eye level. He wanted to scream or react in any way, but he saw James's eyes. They, and the other two who seemed like this was completely normal, told him not to lose his mind like he was planning on doing.
"J-James?" Remus whispered. The stag nodded. He seemed just as interested in his new form as the rest of them. He pranced around the room, appearing more like a young foal on new legs than the confident beast he took the shape of. A bit of dust fell onto Remus from the ceiling from James's clumsy movements but he was too frozen to brush it off. He looked to Peter and Sirius, who had also shut their eyes.
Both sprouted fur like James, and like him, the fur matched their hair. However, instead of growing like him, they shrank. Remus cautiously crept towards the edge of the bed and gripped the bedpost to hold him up. At his feet were a small rat and a large black dog, both of which looked up at him upon their transformations being complete. The dog shook out his long black fur, identical to the way Sirius did when he brushed his hair. Remus raised a hand to his forehead and let himself lean into the post. "I'm going mad."
The black dog that now replaced Sirius jumped up on the bed with the rat gently held in his mouth, which he put down beside Remus. He hesitantly raised a hand to the rat, who grabbed a finger with his small paws. "Peter?" He said, hopelessly as the rat nodded in response.
"What have you done?" His eyes darted between the three animals that had replaced his friends. "You're not…animag…" His hand went back to his forehead as he felt a strong headache coming on. He had only a moment of purely conscious thought before pain struck him. It sprung throughout him like one massive cramp, clamping his body and causing him to fall back onto the mattress, shaking violently and tears rolling out much faster than before. He made soft cries of pain and the three other animals looked at each other with panicked and concerned expressions. Peter tucked himself underneath one of Sirius's paws out of fear, who was whimpering from seeing his friend in such agony and not being able to stop it.
Remus got his own coat of light brown fur shortly after, and his figure started contorting. Giant fangs and pointed ears sprung from Remus's head as he felt the first thought of the night that wasn't his. It was a hungry voice that would soon control everything about him. Remus felt his mind being drowned out by his werewolf counterpart. He lost control of his breathing. Something else was doing it for him, taking in fast, forced breaths. This was it. He finally gave in, knowing this was a battle even the strongest of wizards could never win.
For once, he remembered the blackness his mind had been forced into, a void of nothing but fear and anxiety about what he was: a monster. He knew enough from…experience that werewolves were not a danger to other mammals outside of humans, and he hoped his friends had either left or stayed in those impossible animal forms. Or at least, he wanted to think that. This void only showed him graphic images of slit bodies and dripping blood, a voice telling him it was all his fault and that his friends would die because of his curse. All he could feel was pain.
"Moony!"
The voice was soft and familiar. He tried listening again, forgetting his state.
"Moony, I know you're in there. It's us!"
A different voice, but still familiar. He walked towards the voices.
It was strange. The voice wasn't stopping him; it wasn't turning his thoughts into twisted nightmares like it usually did. It was so much easier to fight for his consciousness. He felt his senses come back to him and the sound of his heartbeat came back to him, a feeling so unnatural during this time as if he were a corpse suddenly reanimated.
The stag, dog, and rat watched as the wolf, curled into a tight and shaking ball, slowly started to stretch out its front legs. Sirius's ears perked up as two blue eyes opened through weak eyelids. The other two animals leaned in closer. Remus, now in the form of a large, brown, and slightly humanoid wolf, finally stood up on all fours, paws sinking slightly into the mattress.
He was able to barely open his eyes, still plagued with tiredness and the soreness that quickly rushed throughout his body that made him wince and lay back down. He tried breathing but something was off. His eyes slowly trailed down, overlooking the three animals in front of him, and landed on the muzzle taking up a portion of his view. The fur covering his body stood straight up. Remus whimpered and instinctively tucked his long bushy tail, backing away into the bedpost. His breathing quickened as he was taking everything in and he had to shut his eyes before he went crazy.
No. NO WAY.
He wasn't supposed to be conscious. He was supposed to be either passed out until Moony took over or prowling the room until sunrise. He was dreaming, surely. This was a vision his mind was playing on him. Any minute now, the room would twist into the stuff of nightmares and he'd be back to square one. He had never truly felt full control of this form before, and it was anything but right. The paws weren't his. The muzzle was uncomfortable. Just the mere fact of what happened to his spine made him want to scream. He collapsed back into the mattress, curling his tail around himself, begging his mind to just let him rest. All he wanted was a month off, away from this madness that had gone so far as to take him away from his 16th birthday, as well as a good idea of a future. Who would want him? No one would ever love him as long as Moony existed.
Moony. God he hated that name. He would have felt better about it if it meant something other than a monster related to the moon, but it wasn't. It wasn't the first time he felt like punching his friends for attaching that name to him, and he was sure it wouldn't be the last.
"Woah, Moony, calm down! It's okay, it's okay, just breathe. We're here for you." He opened his eyes again, slowly. His vision, now cursed with color blindness, slowly brought itself out of blurriness and focused on the others in the room. He lifted his head to meet the black dog sitting beside him. Remus's heart was still pounding, still desperately trying to figure out this new form, but he still felt the urge for answers. He opened his muzzle, completely unsure if he could even talk.
"S…Sirius?" He said weakly and with a slightly deeper voice. The dog perked up and the rat that had scurried to the top of his head leaned in along with the stag. Remus took a minute to fully wake up before hesitantly trying to stand. He was just a bit taller than Sirius's dog form, whose tail was wagging excitedly. The werewolf looked at the three, much less timid than before, and completely lost the fear and pain he had just been enduring. His mind felt more human than it had the entire day. It was strange, they had human intelligence, but he didn't feel the normal urge to attack them, as if his senses still recognized them as his friends.
The stag chuckled, "Happy birthday, Remus! You don't look too shabby for 16, ya know?" The werewolf was still trying to process the image of a talking stag rather than the remark itself.
"B-But…but how-?"
"Ow! Wormtail, quit digging your nails into my head! He knows it's us just stop looking at the fangs!" Remus looked over to the bickering pair. "Y-Yeah I know I know, forgive me for not being totally secure around a WEREWOLF." Said the rat in Peter's slightly raised voice. Sirius barked at him and Peter squealed before he recoiled back into the dark fur he stood on.
"Wormtail?" Remus decided to answer rather than focusing on ANYTHING else. The three animals looked at the werewolf and smiled.
"Well, yeah!" James answered. He lifted a hoof to his chest, "I'm Prongs, he's Wormtail, and Sirius is Padfoot! Now that we're all shapeshifters I thought Moony would get tiring without some proper companion names for us all!" Remus was shaking. Partially still from the adjusting muscles, but mostly from his heartbeat, pounding strong. He wasn't alone. If this was a dream, he'd never be more frustrated, but it all felt so real. The three still carried their same scents, the same voices, and the same energy. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. A happy conclusion, but he was still about to explode from his lack of answers.
"You- but-... how did you guys do this?! The Aminagus process is extremely dangerous you could've blown the bloody school up! The environmental factors ALONE could've-!"
"Yeesh!" Sirius cut in, laying back down on the bed, "You just got all your bones rearranged and you're still a nerd?! Ever consider taking a day off, Moony?" The other three laughed, including Remus, who missed the charm more than anything. He decided what was done was done. They had risked their lives for his, practiced magic in secret that could've gotten them all expelled, and above anything else, they actually did it. The number of registered Animagi was very small due to the rarity of natural powers and the dangers of trying to manually gain them, and yet three Hogwarts students had done it without the aid of any professors. It was brilliant!
He snapped out of his thoughts as the dog and rat hopped down from the bed, followed by the stag as he turned to face Remus. "Well? Aren't you gonna join us for your birthday celebration? I feel like a nice run through the Forbidden forest could do us all good." James said, smiling as the werewolf slowly got down, taking a few steps to adjust his perspective to a four-legged beast's. James wasn't worried as he turned back around; Lupin was learning how to balance and walk better with every step.
The Marauders gathered at the base of the Whomping Willow, the last to arrive being Remus, who shyly walked out and cautiously checked their surroundings every other second.
"Moony, we're fine! No one's coming!" The werewolf still had his tail tucked and shivered.
"Yeah, but could you imagine what would happen if we were caught?! We'd all be sleeping in the Black Lake if Severus told on us!"
Peter ran to Remus's side, "Yeah, he's right guys! M-Maybe we should just go back inside…"
James rolled his eyes, "You do realize there's a way higher chance of getting caught sneaking in because, you know, that's where everyone is? Really, Peter, I think your brain is going rat too." The rat hissed at him. James looked over to Remus. "C'mon, Moony, would ya rather be stuck under the tree all night? Live it up and when you do…" The stag suddenly took off running into the forest, galloping with great strides as if he were truly trying to escape a predator, "Catch me if you can!" He soon disappeared into the sea of dark trees.
Sirius scoffed and took off running towards him, laughing, "You're such a child, Prongs! Wait for us!" Peter scurried as fast as he could, staying close behind the dog. Moony was left alone under the Whomping Willow. He looked up at the tree that had trapped him for so many months, recounting the miserable nights he spent there. He then looked to Hogwarts, faintly illuminated by the outside lanterns and torches. He belonged there, he learned, alongside the three that had changed his life more than anything else. Remus then looked back to the forest where the image of a stag, rat, and dog lay on the horizon. Those ridiculous friends had done the impossible, not only succeeding in one of the most dangerous processes in the Wizarding World, but they had tamed a werewolf, which he was sure had never happened before.
He closed his eyes and let the wind blow in his fur, slightly pushing him toward the forest. Even the Whomping Willow was swaying peacefully, enjoying the clear night under the full moon. Remus opened his eyes to see the grassy hills leading to the forest, his advanced sight letting him take in every detail of the night scenery. He put a paw forward, then another, then another, until soon he was bounding through the field, reaching top speeds. His tail helped him balance as he sped off toward the others. He was so free, so… happy. It was hard to say if he had ever felt this good about life. In just one night, ironically the night of his birthday, a new Remus was born. The Marauders' bond had never been so strong.
Hogwarts was at peace that night. The sky was clear, the moon hung beautifully through the windows, and if a student couldn't sleep that night, they could hear a faint howl sway across the land.