to be loved is to be changed

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
M/M
G
to be loved is to be changed
Summary
"Sorry- I'm nervous." Sirius says just as Regulus starts to formulate what he wants to say. "I just wanted to make sure you were still there and-""I'm pregnant." Regulus blurts, expecting the following stunned silence. "I'm pregnant and I'm scared. I'm scared because my husband is- my husband he- he h- he's not kind. I can't tell him. I can't be here when he gets home. I don't- I don't know where you are, if you're even still in London, but I really need your help. And I know you aren't obligated to help me, and you probably don't even want to because I was- I was terrible to you after you left, but you're my only chance and I- you're the only person I want right now. You're the only person I can think of and feel safe."He didn't mean to start crying, and he especially didn't want to start sobbing so hard that his breath catches every time he tries to breath out, but for some god forsaken reason trying to explain how much he still needs his big brother to save him from his own mistakes is causing a mental breakdown. Sirius doesn't say anything for a few moments, and Regulus's sensitivity to rejection decides to take that as a hard no, which results in harder crying. 
Note
do you guys ever think that when Hailee is upset, she plays Mockingbird in her headphones and just lets the love imbued into every vowel, bridge and verse of that song by her father wash over her soul?

escape in escaping

Regulus stares at the two pink lines on the little plastic stick clutched between his fingers like he could set it on fire if he glares hard enough.

He'd done everything in his power to make sure this didn't happen; he'd eaten all of the foods they tell you not to- really just a shit ton of carbo-loading which in retrospect probably had the opposite effect from the one he desired since he was originally skinnier than a Victoria's Secret model thanks to his mother- and he'd forced Lucious to stay away from him during his heats as best he could.

The one time he slips up and doesn't get himself locked away fast enough, Lucious's idiotic dick gets him pregnant.

He lifts his eyes to the mirror, staring into the deep grey of his irises before trailing over the dark purple and blue of his cheek, the splotch of yellowing black on his jaw. Regulus had known before he agreed to the marriage that Lucious wasn't a kind man to those he didn't favor. Somehow, he'd just fooled himself into believing he was someone Lucious favored.

He snorts and stand to his full height, pressing his fingers into the bruised skin of his collar bone. Yeah, he knows better now than to believe something that stupid ever again. 

He also knows that raising a child in this house would mean raising his baby the same way he was raised; by parents who never loved each other and let it consume them so violently that they never bothered to love their children either.

Regulus doesn't want that. He doesn't want to languish in a loveless marriage until his death, he doesn't want to feel so full of hatred and resentment that his own child sees him as nothing but a spiteful glacier taking up space in their living room.

No, he'd rather die than become that.

Living this life of cold pressure from all sides has taught Regulus that when he believes in something he needs to believe in it with his entire soul or he's not going to make it.

Previously, he'd believed in fulfilling his duty as the last eligible Black sibling by marrying a rich man that his mother approved of and producing an alpha heir to take over the company when his spouse was ready to retire. He was so sure that was what he wanted that he'd turned his brother away when Sirius suggested they run away, and he'd fooled himself into believing he didn't regret it.

The pregnancy test gets set on the counter, traded out for his phone that only has five contacts in it.

Barty. Evan. Pandora. Lucious.

Sirius.

He hesitates for a long time; it's been years since he'd talked to his brother. 

They'd been inseparable as kids. Sirius was always climbing the tallest trees while Regulus worried from the bottom and hoped to God his big brother didn't fall and get hurt. Walburga and Orion Black weren't very affectionate parents, so all of the physical affection he got was from Sirius late at night when they'd crawl into each other's beds and hide under the covers with flashlights and books, limbs tangled together as they giggled over Sirius's extravagant stories.

Sirius was his favorite person in the world up until he turned 18 and left a fourteen-year-old Regulus alone even after he'd promised not to.

But Sirius had promised him time and time again that if he ever needed anything, all he had to do was reach out. Regulus has about twenty text messages to prove it, so he presses that little green call button and puts the phone to his ear with the hope in his heart that Sirius won't hang up before hearing him out.

"Regulus?" The phone clicks after three rings, and he almost weeps at the sound of his brother's voice. "Is that- is that you?"

"Yeah." He chokes out, swallowing harshly and putting his head in his free hand. "Yeah, it's me."

"Are you- I mean, how are you?" Sirius asks quickly, shuffling coming from the other end like he's standing up from a bed or pacing around a room. "How have you been?"

"Yeah, I mean... not great." Regulus clears his throat and pounds his fist against his forehead lightly, he really should have prepared a speech or something. "I... shit. I know you don't- I know we haven't talked in a long time-"

"I'm really happy you called." Sirius interrupts. "I've missed you so much and I- I left you a whole bunch of messages, but I didn't want to bother you anymore since you weren't responding. I mean- did you- did you get them?"

"Uh, yeah." Regulus sinks to the floor and turns so his back is pressed uncomfortably against the cabinets, closing his eyes and letting Sirius's ramblings sooth his frayed nerves.

"Okay, good." Sirius seems to fumble with the phone for a moment before he's talking again. "I mean, I'd always kind of hoped you'd call me even if it was to yell at me or something. I just missed your voice you know. Is that cheesy? I feel like that's really cheesy- fuck! Please don't hang up, Reggie, I swear I can- can I just start over, please?"

Regulus makes an affirmative noise in his throat and leans his head on the cabinets, getting any kind of word in when Sirius is this hyped up is going to be impossible so there's not really a point in trying.

"Thank you." The older boy says gratefully, his voice a little crackly through the phone. "I just wanted to say that I've missed you a lot, you're my brother and I really, really, want you back in my life however it is you want to be here. If that's just like- some guy you text when you need a ride somewhere or when you need money, then I'll be that, but I want you to know that I want- I want my little brother back. I want you to call me when work is stressful just to talk, I want to know about your pets and your plants and whatever. I just want to know you again."

He isn't quite sure how to respond to that yet, his mind still reeling from learning that he's pregnant, and then having Sirius answer the phone after expecting to go straight to voice mail.

"But like, no pressure." Sirius assures him carefully. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to, and you can totally hang up right now if you want- fuck, that was so fucked up of me to tell you not to right? Really, Reg, you can hang up any time you want and I-"

"Sirius." Regulus says quickly, talking over more rambling. "Sirius, I'm not hanging up."

"You're- you aren't?" His big brother squeaks and it almost makes Regulus smile.

"No, I'm not."

"Oh. Okay."

Finally, Regulus gets a few moments to think in silence- almost silence, Sirius is fidgeting with something on the other end but that's ignorable- and he goes over all of the important points in his head before formulating a response.

Number one, he's very pregnant according to the three positive pregnancy tests.

Number two, he can't be in this house when Lucious gets home because the beating that ensues his husband coming home late could hurt his baby beyond recovery.

Number three, Sirius is currently his only option out of the house unless he made a run for it by himself with whatever money Lucious keeps in the safe. Barty and Evan are on their honeymoon in America, and Pandora is God knows where doing God knows what. 

Number four, Sirius picked up the phone. Regulus really didn't expect to get this far in plan A.

Number five, Sirius is being... sweet. He wants a relationship with Regulus, he wants to be a part of Regulus's life.

"Sorry- I'm nervous." Sirius says just as Regulus starts to formulate what he wants to say. "I just wanted to make sure you were still there and-"

"I'm pregnant." Regulus blurts, expecting the following stunned silence. "I'm pregnant and I'm scared. I'm scared because my husband is- my husband he- he h- he's not kind. I can't tell him. I can't be here when he gets home. I don't- I don't know where you are, if you're even still in London, but I really need your help. And I know you aren't obligated to help me, and you probably don't even want to because I was- I was terrible to you after you left, but you're my only chance and I- you're the only person I want right now. You're the only person I can think of and feel safe."

He didn't mean to start crying, and he especially didn't want to start sobbing so hard that his breath catches every time he tries to breath out, but for some god forsaken reason trying to explain how much he still needs his big brother to save him from his own mistakes is causing a mental breakdown. Sirius doesn't say anything for a few moments, and Regulus's sensitivity to rejection decides to take that as a hard no, which results in harder crying. 

He thinks it has to be the hormones, because he hasn't cried this hard in years and his husband beats him almost daily- that feels like something much more worthy of his tears.

"Reggie, I'm coming to get you, okay?" Sirius says gently into the phone. "I need you to share your location with me and pack a bag of anything that's irreplaceable to you. Do you hear me? I'm coming to get you."

This makes it harder for Regulus to breath and he hiccups twice in the middle of his confirmation but finally they hang up and Regulus sends his location to Sirius with blurry eyes and shaky hands. He tries to take a deep breath and just shudders out more sobs, so he gives himself two minutes to break down.

He sets a timer on his phone and wails into his knees, gripping the fabric of his pants tight enough to cause pain against his calves as he soaks through the plaid print on his silk pajamas. Every time he tries to suck in a deep breath, it stutters like he's just run a marathon and forgot how to breath in for longer than two seconds. He moves a hand from where it clutches his pants to dig into his sternum with a tight fist, trying to ease the tension out of his chest.

"Please." He sobs, not even sure what he's begging for. "Please, please, please."

The timer on his phone goes off loudly enough to scare him into taking a deep breath and pushes him to stand from the floor. He doesn't know how long he has before Sirius gets here and he needs to pack a bag and destroy evidence of his pregnancy.

If Lucious knew, he'd never let Regulus leave.

The Malfoy Manor is bigger than any two people need to themselves; built with three floors, twenty rooms and seven bathrooms on each floor, with four living areas and three playrooms total. Regulus had loved it because there were two kitchens and an already fully stocked art studio, though he'd only ever been allowed to use one of those things.

Lucious had insisted they room on the top floor, so Regulus climbs the steps as fast as possible, stopping on the second floor to tear a sleek black suitcase from one of Lucious's office rooms. He's sure the older man won't even notice it's missing, with the four other identical suitcases packed into the same damn closet collecting dust. He drags the suitcase up an entire flight of stairs and down the hallway to his shared room.

Everything is perfectly clean, the bed is made neatly rather than packed into a nest- Regulus was never taught how to nest, so he never attempts it- every trinket is placed perfectly on the dressers. His vanity has makeup brushes cleaned and set in their respective cups. 

He looks around this room with a stone in his stomach. That bed is where he'd let Lucious take his virginity, it had hurt, no one had told him it was going to hurt so bad. He'd wanted to stop almost as soon as they'd started but Lucious refused to listen, and Regulus had been torn on the inside for weeks. Then, Lucious had the audacity to say that with a body like Regulus's, he'd thought there was no way he was actually a virgin.

The vanity was an apology gift from Lucious after the first time he'd beaten Regulus black and blue. At the time, he'd thought it was sweet, but now he sees it for what it really was: a promise to do it again, and a threat to learn to hide it from prying eyes or suffer the humiliation.

Regulus doesn't feel guilty when he packs his wardrobe into the small suitcase, he doesn't feel guilty when he opens the safe in their closet and takes $50,000 from his husband. He especially doesn't feel guilty when he pushes over the vanity and has to step over the broken shards of the mirror with only socks on as he walks out of the room. He doesn't feel guilty when he accidentally bumps into a table on his way down the hallway, even when a $70,000 vase breaks against the linoleum floor.

Getting the suitcase down the stairs is harder than he'd like it to be, and he has to take multiple breaks before pushing it over the last step.

Once he's on the first floor, there's nothing to do but pace and wait. 

It's a gamble for who gets there first. Lucious technically got off work two hours ago, which means he's gone to the bar after work, so he'll be coming home drunker than a pirate locked in a vault with aged rum. If Sirius gets here, and Lucious already has his hands on Regulus, he isn't sure what might happen.

If it's Sirius who gets here first, then Regulus has to get in the car with his brother without any idea where they're going or how to properly bridge whatever gap they'd created between them with their own lack of communication. He doesn't know anything about Sirius's life now, not what does or where he lives, who he's seeing or if he's single. Now more than ever, Regulus wishes he'd at least kpt up with his brothers' social media.

He'd tried, in the beginning, but seeing Sirius get to live his dreams while Regulus rotted away at a desk made his heart ache so badly that he blocked his brother on everything.

Unfortunately, Regulus didn't consider a secret third option, which was them pulling into the driveway at the same time. Twin doors slam shut, one much more violent than the other and Regulus rushes to grab his suitcase and drag it behind him as he runs out of the house, too terrified to slip shoes onto his feet.

Lucious sways when the Uber pulls out of the driveway, and Sirius- Regulus has to do a double take when he sees Sirius because he'd grown at least a foot taller since they'd last seen each other and tattooed every inch of skin available that wasn't his face, that seemed to only be bare because it was home to multiple kinds of piercings. Regulus's husband looks small and entirely unimpressive next to Sirius, so Regulus could estimate that he maxed out his height at Sirius's collar bone.

When did Sirius get so big?

"Reggie." Sirius calls, despite his new look and his growth spurt, his dark grey eyes are the same kind color Regulus used to find so much comfort in. "Come on."

He glances between Lucious and Sirius; he'd have to dart past his husband to make it to his brothers' car and an irrational part of his mind thinks that if Lucious grabs him that Sirius is going to leave because of the inconvenience.

Lucious scowls at him, but Regulus manages to hype himself up enough to push past him, dodging the hand reaching out to snatch his arm just barely. Sirius puts a gentle hand on his elbow and helps him into the car before throwing his suitcase in the back seat and walking around to the driver's side.

"You can't just take him!" He hears Lucious scream, keeps his eyes trained forward when a fist pounds into the car window even though he jumps, and his hands start to shake. "That's my property! Mine!"

Sirius doesn't give the blonde man the time of day, he just slams to car into reverse and peels out of the driveway with a move that's definitely not taught in driving school. Regulus scrambles to buckle his seat belt and pull his knees to his chest, cursing himself for forgetting to pack any shoes.

Something else nags at the back of his head that he forgot, but he can't pinpoint what it is.

"Did he do that to you?" Sirius questions angrily, gestures to the side of his own face when Regulus gives him a confused look.

"Oh." He presses probing fingers into the bruise at his cheek, wincing at the sting. "Yes, his breakfast was cold."

"So, he fuckin hit you?" The older boys' hands tighten on the steering wheel, though the car doesn't leave the speed limit and actually slows down just a little. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"Um," Regulus swallows and tries to remember where else he'd be hurt. "My- my ribs are bruised too, but that's older- and he broke my collar bone a couple months ago, so it's healed but bruised. And- I- I don't want to talk about it anymore."

He tightens his arms around his legs, pressing his heels into where Lucious was brutal enough to leave a constant ache of pain.

Sirius's leg bounces a couple times, and he takes at least seven deep breaths in a row. Each of them lasts ten seconds total and Regulus tries to match his up with the steady rhythm but can't get his heart to slow down enough to not hiccup and start crying again.

"Fuck- no, Reggie, don't cry." Sirius glances away from the road with a panicked expression. "Shit- please don't cry."

"But you're angry with me." Regulus wails, honest to God wails before face planting into his knees with a sob. "I don't want you to be angry with me."

"No, no I'm not- Regulus." Sirius says adamantly. "Reggie, I'm not mad at you at all. I'm mad at your douche fucking husband, and I'm a little- well, I'm a little confused as to why you married him, honestly."

"You're not angry?" Regulus sniffles, holding back more tears, he can feel his lips pulled down into a frown and his eyebrows pinched up tightly. When Sirius looks at him it triggers the most heartbroken, pitiful expression to take over his sharp pale face.

"No, no, never at you." Sirius assure. "I swear, never at you."

"Okay." Regulus says shakily, trying to drag in better breaths as he rubs the tears out of his eyes. "I don't want you to be mad."

"I'll be calm." The oldest Black brother says with a soothing rumble. "I'll be calm."

"Okay." Regulus repeats, keeping his arms tight and his tears at bay as best he can.

The car goes silent with the exception of the A/C, so Regulus takes to looking out the window as they speed past all kinds of buildings. Some are tall and modern, with floor to ceiling windows and reflective technology to keep the sun bouncing off the glass. Others are quaint and older, with red brick and railings that look like they'd been pulled right out of an old book on Victorian architecture- Regulus decides he likes these buildings the best.

It'd been so long since Lucious had allowed him to parade around London, even longer since Walburga had allowed him out of her sight, she'd been so frightened he'd end up just like his brother. She must be rolling in her grave right now, watching her youngest son, her protegee, her pride and joy sat next to the biggest disappointment of her life feeling safer than he'd felt in years.

Sirius's car smells like an interesting combination, mostly it scents like him, peppermint and tobacco. A deeper breath in also reveals hints of milk chocolate and eucalyptus with honey, it smells good, but it's not Sirius.

"I need to... prepare you, I guess." Sirius says slowly. "I'm taking you back to where I live, but I, uh... I live with two other people."

Regulus's mind finally catches up with his nose, and he's very proud to say that he keeps his panic contained until he can rationalize with himself that if Sirius feels safe around these two people then they can't be bad. Sirius has always been an amazing judge of character; he'd picked the best friends throughout elementary school- they'd all stuck together like birds of a feather. Inseparable and undivided against the world, though he can't for the life of him remember what they called themselves.

He just nods, assuming it's probably the same two boys he'd spent every second of high school with. Remus and James. James and Remus.

He'd used to be so jealous of them, that Sirius wanted to be around them so much more than he wanted to be at home with his annoying baby brother, but now he's almost excited to meet them again. Remus had been a bookworm, kind and quietly confident, sure of himself but not overly cocky or bold.

And James. James had made Regulus want to be bold, had made him wish for Sirius's ability to take that risk no matter what was on the line. Even before they'd presented, Regulus had an embarrassing crush on James Potter- which he hopes has worn off.

He needs time to adjust to society, to get his handle on being a mother before he brings anyone else into the mix.

Sirius pulls the car into an apartment building parking lot; he tells Regulus to wait where he is and jogs around to the passenger side of the car. The alpha pulls the suitcase out of the back seat and then opens the passenger door.

"The grounds wet, I can carry you in." Sirius offers, holding his arm out. "I don't want you to catch a cold, especially pregnant."

Regulus hesitates, but ultimately Sirius is right, catching a cold while carrying a baby isn't a good idea and it's only a little bit humiliating to have his older brother carry him across the parking lot like a child so he stands up on the little ledge between the door and the car seat. Sirius steps closer and Regulus wraps his arms around his brother's neck, pulling himself up and crossing his legs over a firm waist as a muscular arm holds him up by the waist.

Every shifting movement aggravates his torn-up vagina and makes him wince, he finds comfort in burying his nose into Sirius's scent gland as they walk, inhaling peppermint and cigarettes like a dying man with his last meal. 

He slides down Sirius's body as soon as they step into the lobby, attempting to take his suitcase but the taller man pulls the meanest trick in the book and holds it above his head with a clicking noise, assuring Regulus that he's 'got' it. 

They take the elevator after Regulus points out that he really can't walk up a bunch of stairs without passing out and the ride up is awkwardly quiet. A piano version of 'You Are My Sunshine' plays over the speakers and the two brothers avoid looking directly at each other for the duration of the ride up to the 26th floor.

"There are only 30 floors in the building." Sirius explains as they step out of the elevator. "We're the 26th, but the button for it is broken so you have to press it twice or it'll just take you to the roof."

"That's... an interesting way for it to break." Regulus comments, glancing around the dim hallway, it looks like the kind of place that rich people buy when they want to 'blend in' and pretend they're normal people without losing any of their privilege.

"Yeah, tell me about it." Sirius sighs. "Rem went on a long ass rant about mechanics and how it works or whatever, but I stopped listening almost as soon as it started. Okay- here we are, 267."

Regulus stares at the door, the glinting gold numbers with the seven slightly misplaced, the eggshell white of the wood and the bright blue of the hallway walls. It hits him as Sirius slips his key into the gold doorknob that he really did this. He really abandoned the only life he's ever known to give a child he hasn't even met yet a better one, he'll never have to look Lucious in the eyes and know that his husband wants to hurt him. He'll never have to put up with someone backhanding him across the face because he brewed their coffee just a little too strong.

Finally, his lungs fill deeply with oxygen, and the overwhelming scent of the other three men living in the apartment as Sirius pushes open the door.

"Thank you." He says politely when his brother holds the door open for him to walk through, noting idly that he was right about only measuring up to his collar bone.

"Hey guys, we're home." Sirius calls into the apartment- penthouse, more accurately- and shuts the door with a click.

The room they stepped into is spacious, yet homey. A dark brown L shaped couch is settled in front of light washed wooden furniture, holding a giant TV and strewn about every is brightly colored knitted blankets Regulus imagines must be very nice to curl up with. Pretty immediately he can pick out which blanket belongs to Sirius, a heinously purple and red lump that was thrown on the floor in his quick exit. 

Much like his and Lucious shared bedroom, there are little trinkets everywhere. Unlike his and Lucious's bedroom, there seems to be no real order they're put in- truly there just as display items because the people in the house liked the way they looked.

Regulus hadn't forgotten what Remus and James looked like, but much like Sirius, they'd changed high school.

Remus was always tall- especially for an omega - and he'd only grown taller, looking about the same height as Sirius. He looks comfortable, in fuzzy black pajama pants and a patterned sweater with the sleeves rolled up to expose scars from something Regulus doesn't remember, star tattoos litter the skin around his scars and fine lines follow the empty space of his forearms down to his fingers where an image of the moon rests on his ring finger.

James is, thankfully, shorter than both of them, still a head taller than Regulus but at least he makes it up to just barely above his shoulders. He's also just as brilliantly beautiful as he was in high school, his dark skin practically glows and the mop of dark curls on his head compliments the honey brown of his eyes so well. It's his smile though, that reminds Regulus of why he'd fallen for this boy so hard, his smile radiates the sun itself. Pearly white and perfectly straight teeth, full lips stretched to display them.

He smiles back as best he can with the little energy he has left.

Remus keeps walking forward, even when James hangs back and leans on the door frame. Remus's hair is straight, but fluffy and golden brown- and his green eyes are so warm and welcoming that Regulus drinks in a deeper breath of his chocolaty scent.

"Hi, Regulus." Remus says, his voice a touch deeper than Sirius's and laced with a Welsh accent. "I hope you remember us."

Remus holds out a hand to shake and this, Regulus is familiar with. He could make professional small talk in his sleep with how valiantly Walburga had drilled being polite into his skull.

"Of course." He places his pale hand in Remus's much bigger one, shaking it twice before letting go. "You three were inseparable if I recall correctly. I have to apologize for my appearance, you understand that my circumstances prevented me from getting myself put together."

He almost winces at how he must look to these people, a big ugly bruise marring his usually perfect face, red silk pajama pants with a white top that doesn't even match, standing in their living room with no shoes and fuzzy snowman socks. He must look like an absolute mess.

"Jesus, Reg." Sirius sighs, setting the suitcase down and wrapping one arm around his little brother's head, pressing a quick kiss to the top of his curls. "Relax, we're not going to get on you for not dressing to the nines after escaping your abusive ass husband."

Regulus feels his face heating, Sirius always had a habit of airing his business to the entire room without contemplating how that might affect the people around him. He glances to James, he's still smiling but it's smaller now, sadder.

"Have more tact, Padfoot." Remus scolds, smacking the back of Sirius's head lightly. "Have you eaten yet? I was about to make dinner."

The question is pointed to Regulus, and is considerably gentler than the tone he'd just spoken to Sirius in. Regulus is grateful for that; he doesn't think he could handle someone being mean to him right now, is actually pretty convinced he would just crumble into a ball and cry until he turned into a puddle on the floor. 

"No, I haven't eaten yet." He admits. "Though I- I would like to change first if that's alright?"

He directs the question to Sirius, craning his neck to look his brother in the eyes from under his arm.

"Oh shit! Yeah, let me show you to your room."

"Sirius." Remus says, giving the older man a pointed look. "I can do that."

"Shit- sorry, Reg." Sirius pulls his arm away and gives him an apologetic look. "I'm just used to us- but yeah, Remus can show you."

He thinks that was a very strange reaction, and he doesn't really understand why they both think he'd be more comfortable with Remus escorting him through the house alone than his own brother, but he's not going to voice any of that. They're nice enough to let him stay until he can get on his feet and figure out a place to live alone, so he's going to do things their way without putting up any kind of fight or fuss.

It's that reasoning that has him picking up his suitcase with both arms so that the wheels don't scuff their carpet as he follows Remus down a long hallway filled with pictures and art pieces that don't match. Remus passes two doors before he pushes the third on the right open, revealing a pristinely clean and well-kept guest room, blankets stacked on the be neatly with extra pillows.

The theme for the room seems to be green, the bed sheets, the walls, and even the rug is all a deep emerald green. He glances over the blank walls, envisioning a glinting silver snake painted slithering onto the ceiling. Of course, requesting to paint on their walls is out of the question, but he can't stop the visions he has of how to make the room more him

Silver snakes, a painted ceiling with accurate representation of the stars, black sheets instead of green and of course, an easel set up on the balcony.

He has to pause in his musings and look back to the sliding glass door, because there is a balcony there. Patio furniture is already set up, two chairs, a table and more plants than Regulus has ever been allowed to care for at once. The view is stunning as well, so high up gives him the picture-perfect vision of millions of cars, people coming home from work and just living their lives. Somewhere out there, another soon to be mother is holding her own pregnancy test, someone else is covering up the bruise on their face with shaky hands. 

Looking over the city through his sliding glass window makes him feel less alone, everyone out there has their own issues, their own tribulations and struggles. Some of them even go through the same things he does.

He already knows this is going to be his favorite place in the apartment.

"I gathered some of our extra blankets." Remus says gently, pulling Regulus out of his head and reminding him of his presence. "But you can let me know if you like different ones."

"For what?" There are way more blankets on the bed than one person could possibly sleep under. "Does it get cold at night?"

"Um... well, sometimes, if you leave the windows open." The other omega tilts his head to the side, his eyes flicking over Regulus and reminding him of a wolf assessing its prey. "I meant for your nest."

"Oh." Regulus shrugs. "No, I don't make those."

Remus's tongue makes a clicking noise as his mouth falls open, eyebrows shooting into his hairline. As far as Regulus is aware, that level of surprise is a bit overkill, his own mother never built a nest and never taught her children to build anything of the sort. She'd said nests were a sign of weakness and were unfit for an omega of his status.

"You don't... right." Remus clears his throat. "You're just like your brother, you know."

"We were raised together, you know." Regulus says dryly, he'd always hated being compared to Sirius. As amazing as the alpha is, he lacks a certain kind of intelligence that Regulus possesses in abundance, though no one had ever seemed to care about that.

Remus chuckles in response and leans his elbow on the darkly colored wooden dresser pushed against the wall closest to the door. He seems hesitant to walk too deep into the room, either that or he's very comfortable with where he's standing. 

It could be both.

"That's different." Remus says, a smile still pulling at his lips. "Different from Sirius, I mean. He's not funny like that."

"I wasn't trying to be funny."

"I know."

They stare at each other for a moment, Remus's eyes twinkling with mischief and Regulus's arms crossed over his chest. It only takes a short amount of time before he's smiling back at Remus, allowing the taller man to slide his suitcase towards him.

He lays it down on the floor and kneels to unzip it, propping the lid against the garish sheets.

"I remember, when we were at Hogwarts." Remus starts, but pauses, probably trying to gather his words.

"Mm, congratulations." Regulus shoots back, not very intent on talking about that time. Those were hands down the worst years of his life, on top of being an omega, he'd been forced headfirst into debutante bullshit, then his brother left him in an abusive house alone but continued to try and talk to him at school. Every time of which if his parents got wind of it, he'd be locked in closet sized hole in the wall without any food for however long they decided.

At east that kept him petite and thin, even more so than any of the other omegas were on their fancy diets.

Though, him being so skinny is also the reason Lucious picked him, so he supposes it was a shit thing after all.

"You took art classes every year." Remus says, not acknowledging Regulus's temporary rudeness. "If I remember right, you were really good. Sirius would always point yours out, in the shows."

Regulus remember his art class, and his art teacher. Mrs. Sinistra had taught him everything he knows about brush strokes and horizon lines. She'd taught him the rules of the art world and then encouraged him to break each one of them in a single painting. 

He'd loved her, he'd spend his lunches in her classroom, would use the hours after school his parents didn't expect him home to paint or sculpt in the adjoining art studio. Mrs. Sinistra was the first adult to treat him like a person with real hopes, dreams, goals instead of a tool to be used. She'd encouraged his love of art, was adamant that his passion for art was unmatched to anything she'd seen before.

"I thought maybe you'd like to use our art room." Remus says gently, sensing the shift in the air. "Sirius was... he set it up when we moved in, I think you'd like it."

Regulus swallows against the emotions that push at his throat, it doesn't take a genius to piece together that Sirius had set up that art room for him, and then he'd denied coming to stay with his brother. 

"Thank you, that's very kind." He rasps, smoothing his hand over the soft fabric of his packed clothes. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Okay, good." Remus knocks on the wood of the dresser and pushes himself back up. "I'll leave you to it, then."

And then he does, no awkward silences or waiting for a response of some kind. He just turns around and steps out of the room, closing the door with a soft click and padding back down the hallway silently.

He likes that about Remus, that he doesn't linger or demand Regulus to be something he isn't. He also likes the smell the older omega left in his room, warm chocolate with cinnamon and nutmeg, just like the hot coco Sirius would make them on Christmas Eve. He expects that the two of them make a wonderful smell when they're sitting close to each other. 

Regulus shuts his eyes for a few seconds to gather himself, then rummages through his suitcase for his favorite pajama shirt. It's a Rolling Stones t-shirt that Sirius had left behind a long time ago, it's over sized on him and he pairs it with legging style shorts to balance it out. He tosses the offensive snowman socks in the trash can next to his bed and pulls on mid-calf length black socks, padding around his room and adjusting the seams as necessary. 

He unpacks all of his clothes from the suitcase to the dresser, underwear in the top drawer, shirts in the middle, pants and socks at the bottom organized by occasion and then by color. After he zips up the suitcase he flits about the empty room for a moment, trying to figure out where to put it, settling on the space between the dresser and the door where Remus was standing earlier.

Once he has nothing left to do, he stands in the middle of the room with his hands on his hips.

Slowly, as if he'd be reprimanded if he was caught, he slides his hands over his hip bones to rest against his lower stomach. There isn't a bump yet, and he can't feel any movement but it's knowing that there is a baby in there that brings a short of happiness to his heart that he hasn't felt in a long time.