Shadows of the Past (and What Could’ve Been).
March 1980.
SIRIUS' POV:
Sirius glanced at the other Order members on this mission, each taking on at least two Death-Eaters at a time. They were immensely outnumbered and it scared the shit out of Sirius, he would never let anyone know this, of course. He wanted to rush over to Remus and fight for him, but he could not, as he was fighting some Death-Eaters. Today’s mission was to acquire the prophecy before Voldemort could grab ahold of it to solidify his suspicions about what, or who could deprive him of his power. Moody had greatly underestimated how many Death-Eaters would be here, which would most likely result in plenty more arguments among the Order members.
A curse was thrown at him, startling him out of his thought train. In retaliation, Sirius cast a counter-curse, striking his opponent to the ground. He then began stunning the other one. He was unaware of who was behind him, lurking in the shadows and waiting for the perfect opportunity to cast a hex on him. The moment he faltered slightly, Sirius heard the mutter of an incantation and spun on his heels to swiftly put up a shield charm. He missed the charm by mere seconds and felt a crushing weight on his chest as he was thrown into the wall. All Sirius could hear was a loud ringing in his ears, his vision blurry with bright colors of spells thrown around. Remembering what Alastor had warned them to do in this situation, Sirius pried his eyes open, despite the growing pain behind them. He needed to stay conscious. The only thought on his mind was begging for Remus to be okay.
—
“Sirius, Can you hear me?” Came the faint voice being spoken into his ear, the same voice brushed a lock of his hair out of his face, he could feel the delicacy as the fingertips brushed against his temple. Stirring slightly, he blinked to see a tanned face hovering over him with wild curls falling past his concerned eyes.
Croaking, Sirius responded with an attempt of a grin, “Hey there Moony, fancy seeing you here.” He winced slightly at the pain in his stomach after attempting to prop himself on his elbows and failing miserably. “Merlin, it feels like the time James’ accidentally stabbed me with an antler.”
With a roll of his eyes, Remus commented, “It wasn't an accident, you dipshit. You ratted him out to McGonagall, his queen.” He lifted Sirius’ cloak to get a better look at his chest. The bruising was a mix of blues and purples that mixed like watercolors. Remus looked at it with a frown tugging on his lip.
Recalling some of the other experiences from their Hogwarts days, Sirius smirked, “Remember that time he serenaded Regulus in the great hall? It was brilliant!” Thinking it over, his face contorted into slight confusion, “Although I never understood why he chose to sing Songbird.”
This made Remus chuckle softly, leaning back on the armchair propped close to the bed Sirius was lying on, “I have no clue, you should ask James about it next time you two use the mirrors.” After a few minutes, he added, “I miss those times, you know? Not being in a fucking war and always being scared shitless one of you are going to get hurt. James and Lily are on house arrest because of how unsafe it is.”
Attempting once again, Sirius managed to sit up properly. Looking into Remus’ eyes he agreed with him, “I know, but what other choice do we have?” Silence fell over them, which was something he hated. One thing that he hates more than his brother would probably be quiet after something bad has happened. Even then, he didn’t know what he thought of his brother. Hadn’t seen or heard from him since he left Hogwarts. According to the Daily Prophet, Regulus had died due to unknown circumstances. Sirius refused to talk to anyone when he found out. Mostly drank fire whiskey to drown out anything he could be feeling about it. Mostly, he just didn’t want to talk about it. James had seemed distraught and Sirius couldn't figure out why, although he didn’t try very well.
It had taken Remus a few moments to find the words to respond, “We could always find a cozy cottage to live in, far away from all of this.” Trailing on, he continued with a small smile, “Get ourselves some cats and you could name them.” Sirius broke out into a grin, they had talked about this before; what life would be like if there hadn't been a war. So far, they’d planned out a small two-bedroom, two-bath cottage out in the woods. They would only connect the floo to James and Lily’s place and Pete’s place. Oh, and honeydukes.
Despite not enjoying the quiet much, it feels right when it’s with Remus. “I’d name one of them Romolus.” This earned him an eye roll from Remus, which was an attempt at masking a smile.
—
REMUS' POV:
Remus swiftly grabbed a small tin from the table next to their bed and began applying a generous amount of dittany on Sirius’ chest. He ignored Sirius’ protests claiming he’s fine and it doesn't hurt. Once he was satisfied with his work, he set the tin aside and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead, which resulted in immediate silence from Sirius. Sirius shuffled to the middle of the bed and Remus understood what he wanted and rose from the chair, pulling aside the covers so he could join under them. Wrapping an arm around Sirius who had his back now pressed to Remus’ chest.
He waited until he heard slow and even breathing from Sirius to even think about what had happened earlier that day. Remus wanted to fucking punch Alastor for not having more members on the mission. He didn’t even send out a patronus to anyone for backup and left whoever was there in the lurch. Tightening his hold on Sirius, he felt immense guilt for not protecting him. It was his responsibility to ensure his safety. When he caught a glimpse of the streaking light towards Sirius, his heart dropped. Without a second thought, Remus knocked every Death Eater in his way aside, even punching one into the wall. The moment he reached Sirius, he had gripped his upper arm and hauled him up, apparating away. This earned him a stern lecture from Alastor, but Remus didn’t care as long as it meant Sirius was okay.
They’ve been friends since their first year when they met on the train. Remus was a scrawny eleven-year-old who hadn’t grown into his height. There was a full moon coming up later that week and he had been exhausted. At that age, he didn’t know how to preserve his energy well and had spent the morning rushing around his bedroom, packing his belongings. By the time he’d found a compartment, he was exhausted. Entering the compartment, three young boys had grinned upon his arrival. That was probably his favorite memory from Hogarts, but if someone were to ask him about it he would deny it profusely. So instead he tells everyone it was the time that pranked James and Sirius. Peter had made an offhanded comment about how attached the two were to their hair. For the prank, Remus orchestrated a series of events. To begin with, he poured oil into their shampoos and moouse. A bad hair day, subtle enough but it created a hilarious reaction. Once they found the root of the problem and replaced the shampoos, Remus applied a charm to their hair while they slept. Making it an emerald green, one of the Slytherin colors.
Anyways, he holds Sirius close to him. Always had and always will. One of Remus’ biggest regrets is all the moments he hasn't told Sirius how much he likes him. For instance, that time that they had drunkenly kissed and Sirius forgot about it the morning afterwards. Remus chose not to tell him, he believed it wouldn't have meant anything to Sirius anyway. Or all of the late-night talks they had, cuddled in Remus’ bed. And nowadays, they’ve bought a small apartment together. Decided on a one-bedroom because they practically shared a bed for the last couple of years of Hogwarts anyway. As far as Remus knows, Sirius hasn't been with anyone since they finished school. He has so many opportunities to tell him how much he adores him. Merlin, they're spooning right now. He won't do anything about though, they're in a fucking war. It's too late. It’s nearly two in the morning and Remus’ thoughts won’t stop flooding his mind, driving him mad. Giving it a shot, he inhaled deeply, smelling the soft scent of lilac from the shampoo Sirius had used for years. This pretty much does it, feeling the heaviness and weight on his eyelids, Remus soon drifted off to sleep.
He dreams of how their lives could've turned out.