(Cover by the incredible Kim! @knickersandkneazles on AO3 and Instagram - go check out all the amazing covers she creates!)
The Gryffindor annual reunion ran late into the night. Hermione and Ron were the last ones remaining, they found themselves tucked into the quiet corner booth, while the rest of the pub faded into the background.
Their relationship after the Battle of Hogwarts was short lived, rather than pursuing a committed partnership, Hermione decided the occasional one-night stand - fueled by intoxicated desires - was enough to satisfy her while she focused on her career goals.
Ron, desperate to grab onto any lingering feelings, learned early on that Elderflower wine was Hermione's unspoken drink of choice, a subtle hint she was open to his advances. It was also the drink that got her most thoroughly smashed.
Ron leant in first, his lips met Hermiones with a sloppy wet kiss. His hands snaked around her waist.
“Oh Lav,” Ron moaned into her lips.
Hermione’s eyes widened as she pulled back abruptly. “Did you just call me Lav? ”she asked.
Ron blinked in confusion. “Lav? What? No, I didn't -” He trailed off, realization dawning on him as he looked into Hermione's eyes.
“I’m so sorry, I’ve had too much to drink!” He tried to reason.
“I can’t believe I let this carry on for so long. I’m going home.” Hermione began to gather her belongings, hurrying towards the exit.
Her intoxicated state was clear as she wobbled to the exit, Ron closely behind.
“Let me get you home safe!” Ron reached forward, grabbing Hermione's bag. His sudden movement caught her off guard, she fell into his grip, her arms flung around him to steady herself.
Ron held her upright, walking them outside. A tap on Ron’s shoulder turned him back to the pub. An unknown fist collided with his face. Ron dropped his grip and Hermione tumbled to the floor.
“Actually she’s coming with us.” The voice of Pansy Parkinson rang out, Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott ran to Hermione's side, pulling her up and dusting her off.
“Leave and don’t look back.” Daphne Greengrass spoke, her usual soft gentle voice was replaced with a sinister, commanding tone.
“Episkey,” Draco Malfoy spoke, his wand pointed directly at Ron’s face. “Go home and clean yourself up. I’ll let Potter know when she’s home safe.”
Ron pulled himself to his feet, staring in disbelief at the situation unfolding. “You're ditching me?” Ron asked in shock, “for some
Death Eater scum?” He looked up and down at the group in front of him.
“Yeah…I guess I am.” Hermione replied softly, her arms still supported by the two men holding her.
The door was closed in Ron’s face and Hermione was directed back to the Slytherin's table.
“Maybe we should switch you to water,” Draco forcefully suggested, conjuring an empty glass and filling it with a quick aguamenti.
Hermione violently hiccupped in response, pushing the glass away with both hands like a stubborn child.
The empty space where the glass had been was promptly replaced with another clear liquid.
“Bitch, you thought - ” Pansy laughed, encouraging Hermione to finish the drink she had already started chugging. Pansy held the bottom of the cup high until Hermione had the last drop.
She smiled proudly as she finished.
“To friendships,” Blaise raised his glass in a toast. “New and old!”
“And to Drunk Hermione!” Theo added, clinking the last of the glasses.
_____________________________
“No fucking way can Muggles use magic!” Theo exclaimed, their drunken ramblings had turned to Hermione’s first encounter with magic.
“They do!” Hermione shouted with glee. “Magicians! They pull rabbits out of hats and make things disappear!” Hermione slurred.
Theo raised an eyebrow, still skeptical. “Well, prove it!”
“They use spells!” Hermione stumbled the words out.
“I consider that rather unlikely.” Draco droned on, his skepticism apparent. “Most spells have Latin origins and require some sort of conductor. How in Merlin's name would a Muggle be able to perform magic?”
In her tipsy state, Hermione giggled mischievously, pulling her wand out.
“Let's put it to the test then!” Her wand aimed directly at Draco’s forehead.
A smug grin spread across Draco's face as he leaned back in his seat. "Prove me right, I dare you."
“Abracadabra!”
With a sudden flash of green light, eerily similar to that of the very similar-sounding Avada Kedavra, Draco Malfoy, the epitome of refined aristocracy, transformed into a small, green frog. Gasps and laughter erupted from the onlookers as Hermione's eyes widened in both surprise and delight at her impromptu success.
"OMG, I frogit!" Hermione squealed with excitement.
"You what?" Theo questioned, bewildered. “I don't speak drunk, can someone translate?”
Draco croaked loudly, his amphibian form seemingly protesting his unexpected transformation.
As Hermione's laughter bubbled uncontrollably, she realized the gravity of her accidental magic. "I—I didn't mean to!" she stammered, trying to suppress her amusement.
“Blaise! Pansy!” Theo yelled, trying to gain their attention from the bar. “I think we have a problem!”
Theo gestured wildly towards Hermione, who was still struggling to contain her laughter. "She's cast some kind of muggle spell, and now Dracos -" he exclaimed, gesturing with open arms to the pile of clothes in Dracos now unoccupied seat.
A sad croak followed.
Hermione took a deep breath, attempting to regain her composure. “I’m so - I’m so - so sorry!” She dived into the heap of clothes like a treasure hunter, popping back up triumphantly with a squashed frog in her clenched fist. "Found him!" she announced, grinning as if she'd discovered buried treasure.
Frog Draco looked up at the group, his froggy expression unmistakably sour, as if he had just been forced to eat a particularly bitter fly.
Theo exchanged a glance with Blaise, both trying to stifle their laughter. "Well, this is certainly unexpected," Blaise remarked with a smirk.
“What do we do with him?” Pansy asked, trying to suppress her giggles as she poked her finger into Draco’s squishy body. Frog
Draco let out an indignant squeak in response, his tiny eyes glaring at her with all the froggy fury he could muster.
“We will have to take him to the Ministry, surely?” Blaise suggested, though he didn't sound entirely convinced. “They must be able to do something!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Theo chimed in, nodding eagerly. “The Accidental Magic People! Pomfrey sent me to them in fourth year when I accidentally used Engorgio on myself!”
Pansy shrieked with laughter, “ACCIDENTALLY?!”
“I think we all know it wasn’t an accident, Theo,” Daphne said with a grin, resting a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
Hermione had grown quiet, and sat holding Frog Draco, gently patting his displeased head. “Does Froggy want some whiskey?” She dipped her pinky into the Firewhiskey, wiggling it near Draco's mouth like a boozy worm.
Frog Draco wriggled free from Hermione's grip, his slimy skin slipping through her fingers. With a wet splat, he landed on the table in front of them. He began hopping around in frantic circles, his tiny feet making comical squelching sounds on the sticky surface.
“What do we do with him?” Blaise questioned, staring at the hopping frog, about to make a beeline for the edge of the table, a collision with the floor pending.
Pansy stifled another giggle. "Maybe we should put him under a glass or something?"
Theo nodded thoughtfully, chugging the remainder of his mead. “Good idea!”
“No!” Hermione shouted, “He won’t be able to brave!”
“Brave?” Daphne asked, waiting for clarification.
“Breeth!” Hermione tried again, exasperated.
“I think she means breathe,” Blaise interjected, trying to keep a straight face.
Pansy rolled her eyes, still grinning.
Hermione giggled to herself, kicking her feet under the table. “He’s the Frog Prince!”
The group stared back with blank expressions, then looked between themselves in confusion. Frog Draco stared up at them, his froggy eyes wide and unimpressed, clearly not amused by his new royal title.
“The prince is cursed by a witch and turns into a frog!” She giggled, “the spell is only undone by true love's kiss!”
Pansy burst out laughing. “Oh, this just keeps getting better! Who’s going to volunteer for that?”
Daphne snorted. “Well, I’m not kissing him!”
Blaise shook his head. “Definitely not it. Looks like you’re stuck, Frog Prince!”
Frog Draco let out a loud croak, his froggy face contorting into what looked like a scowl.
Theo stood up proudly. “I'll take one for the team! Pucker up, froggy!”
The rest of the group erupted into laughter as Theo leaned in dramatically, puckering his lips as if preparing for a great sacrifice. Frog Draco, however, seemed less than impressed, hopping away as fast as his tiny legs could carry him, evading Theo's attempted kiss with impressive agility.
Theo stumbled forward, nearly losing his balance in his attempt to catch the elusive Frog Draco. The tiny amphibian seemed to be enjoying the chase, hopping around the table with surprising speed. Drinks splashed as his little body coincided with half-full glasses, sending ripples of amusement through the group.
Blaise doubled over with laughter, clutching his stomach. "I don't think he's ready to accept your love just yet!"
Theo joined in the laughter, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "I guess not. But I gave it my best shot!"
As the group continued to laugh, Frog Draco finally found refuge under a nearby chair, his froggy eyes watching them warily as if
daring anyone else to try their luck with a kiss.
“I'll do it!” Hermione declared, rummaging in her bag for something. She produced a pink lip gloss and began applying it messily to her lips. Pansy, ever the supportive friend, dotted her face with a semi-clean napkin. Frog Draco blinked slowly from his hidden position under the chair, seeming both amused and wary of the impending kiss.
Hermione took a swig of liquid encouragement, then with determination fueled by the drink, reached with both hands for Frog Draco. The tiny frog squirmed slightly, but Hermione's grip was firm as she gently lifted him up to her face level, her lips puckered in anticipation of the magical kiss.
She missed his lips the first time, her aim slightly off as she leaned in with eager anticipation. The second time, however, there was no mistaking it. With a determined resolve, Hermione planted a firm kiss right on Frog Draco's lips.
For a moment, there was silence as the group held their breath, waiting for some magical transformation. But as seconds passed with no change, they burst into laughter, the absurdity of the situation hitting them all at once.
Frog Draco, meanwhile, seemed utterly unfazed by the whole ordeal, blinking lazily as if to say, "Well, that was interesting."
Hermione huffed in frustration, dropping Frog Draco to the table with a thud.
“I guess I’m not his princess!” Hermione grew gloomy, pouting before she finished another drink. “Theo, you sure you don’t want to try again?”
Frog Draco answered with a concerned croak, darting a glance at Theo as if to say, "Please, no more kissing attempts!"
“Well, there is one more thing I could try -” Hermione hiccuped, her words mumbled from the drinks.
The group leaned in, curious about Hermione's next idea. She pulled out her wand, and for a moment, there was a collective flinch of fear from the others.
“Alakazam!” Hermione exclaimed, waving her wand with an unsure flourish.
A red light shot from Hermione's wand, hitting Frog Draco directly in the chest, he let out a distressed chirp and suddenly began to transform.
His body stretched and shifted, his green slimy skin faded away to reveal smooth, pale flesh. His limbs twisted and contorted, reshaping themselves into those of a human.
For a brief moment his head stayed in its frog-like state, only changing at the very last moment.
The group let out a collective sigh of relief, only to be quickly replaced with uncontrollable laughter as a naked Draco stood adjusting to his surroundings in the crowded pub.
Frog Draco, now Human Draco, took in his surroundings with wide eyes, suddenly grasping at Theo’s cloak off his back. "What... what just happened?" His voice tinged with confusion.
“Hermione turned you into a frog.”
“Then kissed you.”
“Because you were the Frog Prince.”
“Theo attempted to kiss you first.”
“I turned into a -” Draco froze, his face showing his obvious discomfort. He clutched his stomach as if he was about to throw up, but instead of words, a loud “RIBBIT” escaped from his lips.
The group burst into laughter once again, unable to contain their amusement at the unexpected turn of events. Draco himself looked mortified, his cheeks flushing red with embarrassment as he realized the lingering effects of his recent amphibian transformation.
“Well, you were still the best kiss I had tonight.” Hermione smiled at Human Draco.