Defence Against a Dark Past
Dazai smiled, having just successfully slipped a small bowl of rat spleens into his cauldron. He watched happily as it began to bubble, its colour slipping from a nice orange to a bright, almost neon yellow. Draco – who had done everything in his power to prevent this exact thing from happening – slumped, letting out a defeated groan.
Unfortunately for him, Snape had been forced to leave his post watching over their cauldron to talk to Nevile, who’s potion looked to be an acidy green. Despite Draco’s struggling, there was little he could do against someone who just wanted to knock something, anything, into the almost-complete potion.
Within two minutes, Dazai had successfully ruined around two hours of perfect work. He couldn’t be happier. When Snape returned to check on them, his expression soured. Well, he was already looking sour after talking with Nevile, but he became more so after seeing the newly-ruined potion.
Dazai almost felt bad for the boy on the other side of the room, he looked like he’d just had his worst fear come to life to torment him. He still didn’t understand how Nevile could possibly be afraid of Snape of all people, though.
“Malfoy,” Snape started. “Care to explain how you managed to allow Mr. Dazai here to ruin this potion in the few minutes I wasn’t watching?”
“He put up a good fight, Professor! I was worried he might actually stop those spleens from falling in!” Dazai chirped.
Draco let out another defeated groan.
“Mr. Dazai, detention. Malfoy, do try harder to keep your partner from failing you both,” Snape told them. It’d been hardly over a week since school went back, and he already looked so tired of Dazai’s antics.
Potions was dismissed, and Dazai followed his friends to Defence Against the Dark Arts. It was impressive that it’d taken this long for them to have their first lesson of the subject. Hermione was happily rattling on about how exited she was to meet the new teacher properly, and her book bag looked ready to burst with all the books she had crammed in it.
Dazai had no idea why she needed so many books, they didn’t have that many classes on. Maybe it was related to her other strange behaviour? He didn’t know. She’d done something strange again just after potions, she had been right behind the rest of the group, then she’d appeared at the bottom of a staircase.
“Why’ve you got so many books?” Draco asked, noticing the loaded bag, which had recently endured a torn seam.
“You all know how many classes I’m taking,” she told him.
“All we have today was potions earlier and now Defence Against the Dark Arts, though,” Ron said, confused.
“Oh, yes,” Hermione said vaguely. Dazai could tell she was hiding something and was quite sure it had something to do with the body doubles he was sure she had. He was fairly sure everyone else had their suspicions by now too.
They soon arrived at the classroom. For once, Dazai had arrived before the teacher. The group had just sat down when Lupin entered the room, announcing that they would be having a practical lesson and would need only their wands.
“Right then, if you’d follow me,” he instructed once everyone had gathered their things. The class followed, curious, out of the classroom. They soon found a ghost stuffing gum into a keyhole. Dazai was confused for a moment, he didn’t think ghosts were able to touch anything.
Upon the group’s arrival, the ghost looked toward the back of the group, almost nervously, to where Dazai was. He clearly decided that he wasn’t enough of a threat to worry though, because he began mocking the professor after a short glance.
“Loony loopy Lupin, loony loopy Lupin,” the ghost sang.
“I’d take that gum out of the keyhole, if I were you, Peeves,” Lupin told the ghost, Peeves, politely. “Mr. Filch won’t be able to get to his brooms.”
“Or what?” Peeves retorted, though he cast a wary look in Dazai’s direction. Dazai glared at him, he didn’t need this stupid ghost revealing No Longer Human.
Lupin gave both Peeves and Dazai an odd look before sighing and taking out his wand. “This is a useful little spell, please watch closely,” he told the class. “Waddiwasi!”
The class looked on in interest as the gum removed itself from the keyhole and shot straight up Peeves’ nose. A few people commented on how cool they thought the spell was, never having seen a professor use magic that way before. Many students looked at Professor Lupin with new respect as they continued into another room.
Inside, they met Snape, who remarked on Nevile’s less-than-spectacular abilities. Lupin tried to defend him, but Dazai was pretty sure that only embarrassed Nevile further, judging by the way he went bright red.
“You’re going to be dealing with the Boggart, aren’t you?” Snape asked suddenly. The sneer in his voice had left, but Lupin didn’t seem to notice.
“That was what I had planned for the lesson, yes,” Lupin replied.
“I don’t think it would be wise to allow Mr. Dazai to participate in this lesson,” Snape told him. Lupin looked somewhat taken aback by this. Dazai stood, wondering why exactly it would be a problem for him to participate. He was actually quite good with magic now. He tried to remember what a Boggart was, but he unfortunately hadn’t bothered reading the new Defence textbook, and thus drew a blank.
“I believe all of my students should be taught defence against such creatures, even if they do not perform as well in other classes,” Lupin replied as politely as he could, but he made it clear that he would now like Snape to leave.
The potions professor looked as though he wanted to say more but left regardless after glancing at the rest of the class standing around.
Lupin then approached a wardrobe, which seemed like an odd thing to do, until it jerked suddenly. About half of the class jumped at the sudden movement.
“Nothing to worry about,” Lupin told them. “There’s a Boggart in there.”
Most people clearly disagreed with the professor’s first statement, as that definitely sounded like something one should worry about.
“Boggarts like dark, enclosed spaces, Wardrobes, the gap beneath beds, the cupboards under sinks – I once met one that had lodged itself in a grandfather clock. This one moved in yesterday afternoon, and I asked the Headmistress if the staff would leave it alone to give my third-years some practice,” Lupin told them. A few whispers broke out among the students. None of them had ever delt with anything like this before.
“So, the first question we must ask ourselves is, what is a Boggart?” he asked the class. Unsurprisingly, Hermione’s hand raised almost immediately.
“A shapeshifter. It can take the form of whatever it thinks will frighten us most,” she told them.
“I couldn’t have put it better myself. The Boggart sitting in the darkness within has not yet assumed a form. He does not yet know what will frighten the person on the other side of the door. Nobody knows what a Boggart looks like when he is alone, but when I let him out, he will immediately become whatever each of us most fears.” Lupin explained.
This was not good for Dazai. At all. He would never admit to having any fears if asked, but there were a few things that could happen if he was faced with one of these things, and none of them were good. On the contrary, most possible outcomes looked very bad as far as Dazai could tell. Blaise seemed to share his concern, as he glanced over at Dazai with a worried look.
“This means that we have a huge advantage against the Boggart before we begin. Has anyone spotted it?” Lupin asked.
He went on to explain that because there were so many of them, it would be easier to confuse the Boggart, as it would not know which form to take on.
“The charm that repels a Boggart is simple, yet it requires force of mind,” Lupin told them. “You see, the thing that really finishes a Boggart is laughter. What you need to do is force it to assume a shape that you find amusing.
“We will practice the charm without wand first. After me, please… Ridikulus!”
“Ridikulus!” the class repeated.
“Good. That was the easy part, I’m afraid. Everyone, please line up,” he asked. He then proceeded to walk Nevile through the process of successfully casting the Ridikulus charm as an example for the class.
Somehow, much to Dazai’s dismay, he was placed third in the line, after Nevile and Ron. He tried to move to a spot further back, but Lupin caught him.
“This is a learning experience, you’ll all have to face your fears, it’ll be ok,” he told him. Not wanting to show weakness, Dazai couldn’t make another attempt to move. It was bad enough that he’d been caught the first time. Mori would tell him how sloppy he was getting. Blaise stood behind Dazai and gave him the most comforting look he could.
Blaise stood behind Dazai in line to face the Boggart. He wouldn’t have been so concerned if it were anyone else, but after seeing Dazai’s reaction to the three-headed dog in first year, on top of the way he froze up whenever someone touched him unexpectedly, he didn’t think he wanted to see how Dazai would react to the Boggart.
Blaise also knew he was in the Mafia. He understood the kinds of things he probably faced at home, hell, he’d killed people without flinching. Whatever that Boggart turned into, Dazai would have had to have had a lot of horrible experiences with it. Blaise didn’t want to see Dazai made so vulnerable in front of so many people.
He was horrified to find that they had ended up with Dazai only third in line. He’d wanted to help Dazai get further back, but Professor Lupin was adamant that they all should face it, and therefore that there was no reason to change places.
Dazai tried to mask his growing sense of unease as his turn came up. Nevile had made quick work of the Boggart, who had turned into Snape. Dazai would have found this amusing under different circumstances, but all he could feel was his turn growing closer.
Ron’s Boggart was a spider, which soon lost its legs under the ridikulus charm. Then it was Dazai’s turn. He looked into the closet, his wand at the ready.
Immediately, the thing’s form shifted from a spider to that of a dog. He recognised that dog. It wasn’t the only one, Dazai froze up as two more familiar dogs took their forms, followed by a human shape. His Father.
I’m at Hogwarts. I’m not there. Dazai thought desperately. But his mind wouldn’t listen. His senses were filled with the panting of dogs. He suddenly became all too aware of his old wounds, and he subconsciously reached for his missing eye.
He flinched immediately, having used his left arm rather than his right. Pain jolted through the still-healing limb and he barely bit back a yelp. He didn’t register that him moving was the cause of the pain, and he became certain that one of the dogs had collided with the throbbing appendage. He was in the kennels.
His face throbbed. He was with Father. He could’ve sworn he saw the glint of a scalpel right above his eye. He felt panic rising past any kind of reason he could muster. His mind flashed through so many situations, so many nights in the kennels as the dogs ripped and pulled at his flesh until it tore. Times Father beat him until he could hardly walk. Times he felt so sure he would finally die after the slash of a blade or a bite from a dog.
“Shuji.”
He felt something collide with him from the back. A jolt went through his arm, and he barely processed that he had fallen to the ground, landing on it. Tears sprung to his eye at the pain, but he didn’t let himself make a noise. He couldn’t show weakness.
Faintly, he heard a call of “ridikulus!” and Father and his dogs disappeared. Someone knelt down next to him, causing him to flinch away, despite his best efforts.
The class watched as one by one, students approached the Boggart until it was Dazai’s turn. Remus could tell many people still considered Dazai to be the Demon Student, even if the Daily Prophet claimed he was reformed.
A few people murmured their curiosity about what someone like Dazai could possibly fear. It seemed none of them could imaging anything fazing the boy.
After Ron had finished with his turn, the spider instantly changed forms. Strangely enough, the Boggart became a man, holding three large dogs on leashes. The form began to ring alarm bells in Remus’ head, though he couldn’t quite put a finger on why. It seemed odd that this was the thing that the infamous Demon Student feared most.
Remus waited for him to cast the charm, forcing a different form on the Boggart and ending his turn, but after a few moments, it became clear that the boy had frozen up. The kid’s hand moved toward his bandaged eye instinctually, and he flinched so badly Remus worried he might fall.
“Shuji,” the Boggart-man called. Remus’ blood went cold at the tone. It was a dark tone, conveying danger even to him, as a wizard.
Remus watched in horror as the bandaged child flinched and fell to the ground. Getting a hold on himself, he moved to stand between the Boggart and the boy shaking on the floor. It soon became the familiar picture of the full moon.
“Ridikulus!” Remus cast, forcing the Boggart to assume a more amusing shape.
He noticed another kid, Blaise hurrying over to comfort the boy. “Hold on, let me handle it. I have a little more experience with these things,” he told Blaise, kneeling down next to Dazai. He did not expect the boy to jump back quite so much as he did.
Blaise looked like he wanted to take over, but begrudgingly allowed Remus to do what he could.
“Dazai, it’s ok. It was just a Boggart,” Remus told him kindly yet firmly. He seemed to react to something in his tone, because he immediately got up, his face going blank. Or, he tried anyway.
His face became a mask, but it took him a few tries to stand, his body betraying any attempt to cover up his fear.
“Hey, hey. You probably shouldn't get up just yet, you’re still shaking.”
Dazai ignored him. “It was just a Boggart. I’m fine,” he said, his tone closed off.
Remus reflected that he really shouldn’t have made the boy participate. He had assumed that Severus’ warning had been another attempt to belittle his students after his jab at Nevile. He now wished he’d listened.
Blaise approached again. “Let me talk to him,” he demanded.
Dazai felt disoriented. He knew he’d fallen, and he knew Father had been there, but now he was gone. He knew his arm hurt. He did not know why someone, Professor Lupin maybe, had just kneeled down next to him, nor did he know what to make of his words.
At first Dazai was sure he was about to be scolded for overreacting and had gotten up quickly. As quickly as he could, anyway. But then he was told he should sit down. Mori wouldn’t have told him to sit down. He didn’t have any wounds to tend to.
Then he saw Blaise. Lupin got up, and stepped back, allowing Blaise to get closer.
“Dazai, let’s move into the hallway, away from the crowd,” Blaise suggested.
Dazai was suddenly very glad he’d chosen such a good Second and followed him out mutely.
Once they were sitting in the hallway, out of earshot from the class, Blaise spoke up.
“You ok?”
“Mhm.”
“Did you hurt yourself when you fell?”
“No.”
Dazai’s voice had a shaky quality to it, though he hid it well. Blaise didn’t ask any more questions, instead opting to just sit with him. Dazai didn’t know why he would do that, but for some reason it made him feel slightly better.
The rest of the class went by as the duo sat on the floor in the corridor silently. Eventually, Lupin came out, approaching Dazai as one would a cornered animal.
Dazai’s gaze snapped up at the movement.
“That was pretty intense, are you alright?” Lupin asked.
“Of course!” Dazai replied with the best smile he could force. It felt more like a grimace. Lupin watched with concern.
“You can talk about it if you need. I want you to feel like you have a safe space here at Hogwarts.”
A safe space? There was no such thing for Dazai. It was bad enough that he’d reacted so badly before, that he could still feel the last shreds of panic dying down.
He smiled, though it was thin and brittle.
Lupin sighed, though it was a sigh that did not contain any disappointment in him, only worry. “At least drop by the infirmary at some point, alright?”
“Sure,” Dazai replied, though he had no intentions of following through.
Soon the rest of the class came out, most in relatively good spirits. Dazai didn’t miss the whispers that broke out upon seeing him, though.
“Bloody Hell, mate! You ok? You just collapsed when you saw the Boggart!” Ron exclaimed upon seeing him. Hermione elbowed him in the side as a way of telling him to shut up.
“Dazai, are you ok? You didn’t look so good back there,” she asked, far more delicately than Ron had.
“Eh, I’m fine. Nothing to worry about!” Dazai said as convincingly as he could. He was tired of everyone asking if he was ok. It was getting repetitive.
No one looked convinced. The group walked together awkwardly, no one wanting to make Dazai uncomfortable, yet all thinking about what happened and unsure how they might change the topic.
Hermione and Ron split off to go to the library, something about Hermione wanting to catch up on something. Ron clearly just wanted to give Dazai some space. Blaise led Dazai to the gang room, where they could get a little more privacy.
“Who was that man?” Blaise asked once they had settled. His tone told Dazai that he could get away with not answering, but he remembered what Blaise had asked of him the year prior. Trust. He normally wouldn’t give it to anyone, but Blaise had proven himself to be trustworthy time and time again.
“My father,” Dazai answered. Blaise nodded.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Ok.”
Severus knew he shouldn’t have let Remus go ahead with Dazai in his class. He sought the new professor out almost immediately after his class ended, despite his old dislike of the man.
“Remus,” he greeted upon finding him.
“Severus, do you need anything?” Remus asked.
“The Problem Chil- uh, Dazai,” he corrected. “You didn’t make him face the Boggart, did you?” He could hear the concern bleeding through his voice, but he couldn’t help it.
Guilt flooded the other professor’s face. “I didn’t realise he’d react quite so… badly,” he admitted.
“Is he ok? What happened?” Severus asked.
“I’m not sure I should divulge such things to you, of all people. I’ll let the headmistress know about it,” Remus told him.
Severus sighed. “If it were any other student, I would understand your reluctance. However, I have been on Mr. Dazai’s case for two years now,” he replied.
Remus seemed to reevaluate him. “Let’s find somewhere slightly more private, then. I don’t want other students overhearing and making anymore gossip than they already will.”
The two found a room off to the side, where no nosey kids should be able to eavesdrop on them.
“He completely froze up when he saw it. He wouldn’t calm down until his friend came over,” Remus finally told him.
Severus nodded. “That’s more extreme than I’ve ever seen from him, but I suppose it makes sense. What did the Boggart become for him?”
Remus seemed surprised by his lack of snark towards the kid but continued regardless. “A man and three dogs. The man had a certain energy to him, he seemed dangerous for a muggle.”
A man. It could have been Mori, or perhaps his biological father, but Severus would have no way of identifying whether it was the boy’s father or just another man if that were the case.
“What did the man look like?” he asked finally.
“He appeared to be fairly old, with white hair and a beard,” Remus paused briefly. “He said something to Dazai, though I’m not sure if it has any meaning. Does the word ‘Shuji’ ring any bells?”
“No, unfortunately not.” The man wasn’t Mori then. But now Severus had more questions. Was Shuji a word in Japanese? A name? Why would Dazai see that man, was it his father?
Severus sighed. These questions would get him nowhere. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to sort through it all. “I’ll look into it,” he told Remus.
He left for the library not long after. Maybe there’d be a book on languages in there that he could use to find a translation.
After an hour of searching, Severus was thankful that he didn’t have any more classes to teach that afternoon. He finally found a dictionary of translations and took it from the shelf. He’d received a few odd looks throughout his search, as none of the students were used to seeing him there.
As Severus soon discovered, Shuji was not a word in the Japanese language. He was itching to ask Dazai about it directly but didn’t want the boy to close off and lose trust in him.
He wished Poppy were there to talk to. She had been a good friend to him and was his best ally in his efforts to help Dazai. She would know what to do.