Chapter 8
Sirius never tends to wake up in the same position. Even if it’s only been three hours, he’s managed to completely mess up his hair, take off his socks, and steal both his and Remus’ blanket.
“Stop moving,” comes a muffled voice from behind him and Sirius grins, stilling. He decides he’ll never bully James and Reg for cuddling ever again, it’s probably the best feeling in the fucking world.
Sirius buries his nose a little deeper into the pillow, his hands resting over Remus’, which are around his waist, pulling him into Remus’ chest.
“Sirius, you hair is everywhere”
“No one can control my hair, Remus”
“I’m going to chop off your hair, how’s that for control?”
Sirius genuinely can’t help the startled laugh that escapes him.
“Stop it”
“Stop what?”
“Laughing. It’s too nice to hear in the morning, give me a chance to fucking wake up before you start making me all dizzy again”
Sirius’ smile promptly falls off his face.
“What?”
“I’m not repeating all that, tough luck if you didn’t hear it.”
“No- I… yeah, I didn’t hear it, never mind” Sirius doesn’t think he’s ever blushed harder than right now.
“What time is it?”
“I dunno”
“Let’s not live today”
“Beg your pardon?”
“Let’s just sleep and play dead if they try to make us get up.”
“Alright”
“Yeah?”
“Sure. Fuck knows I need some sleep”
“Cool. You’re really warm”
“You too,” Sirius whispers back.
“I like this”
“Yeah”
“Much better than sitting in a bathtub all night”
“What!?”
“Nothing”
“No- wait, is that what you were doing?”
Sirius pushes himself up and turns around, hovering over Remus to look him in the eyes.
“I… maybe”
“You had a fucking bath for 9 hours?”
“What- no, I was just sitting in the bathtub, it was empty”
“But why?”
“...I don’t know”
Sirius scans Remus’ face for something, anything, but he finds nothing except… sorrow.
Remus sniffles, and Sirius gently, carefully, places a hand on his cheek. “Don’t cry again,” he whispers, and Remus laughs wetly. “Sorry”
“Don’t say sorry”
“Okay”
His cheek fits perfectly in Sirius’ hand, and Sirius runs his thumb up and down, before sighing and laying back down. “Don’t do that again, okay? If… if you wanna sit in a fucking bath tub, then we can do it together, yeah?”
Remus presses his nose into Sirius’ hair and nods. “Okay”
They barely move for the next hour, just sort of… hug. It’s not until Sirius hears his brother’s distinct rapid knocks on the door that he gets up with a groan.
Regulus doesn’t say a word to him and squeezes past, walzing into the room and grabbing Sirius’ leather jacket.
“I’m taking this.”
“What? Why?”
“Because you woke me up twice last night, you bitch”
“James woke you up, too!”
“Who’s jumper do you think I’m wearing? Bye, Remus.”
He slips back out with a nod to Remus and shuts the door in Sirius’ face.
“He’s brilliant”
Sirius whips around to glare at Remus. “He’s fucking annoying, that’s what he is”
He stalks back over to the bed and throws himself onto it, tangling one leg with Remus’.
“I wish I had siblings”
“Oh, Remus, you really don’t, trust me. I may make it seem effortless, but it’s no fun when you have to change their nappies”
“Why did you change his nappies?” Remus’ brow is furrowed and Sirius pauses.
“Well, I- only sometimes, but still. He’d follow me around everywhere, he always wanted to play, he’d sneak into my room and make me tell him all these silly little stories and he wanted to know all about my friends and the school, and when he finally came, too, he just wouldn’t leave me alone, and then he stole my best friend, making me the forever-third wheel.”
“You’d have a point, if you weren’t smiling so fondly it’s making me a bit sick. Doesn’t seem like you minded doing any of that at all”
Sirius meets Remus’ eyes and nods, “No, I really didn’t to be honest. When my parents came back from the hospital with him, I thought he was like a new toy for me to play with”
Remus laughs and Sirius can’t take his eyes off of him. “Have you ever told him that?”
“Nah”
“You should”
God, his eyes are literally sparkling. “Alright”
“Well, now I definitely wish I had siblings”
“Hmm. Don’t people say only children are more depressed than siblings?”
“Yeah, that sounds fairly accurate to be honest”
Sirius tries to meet his gaze, but Remus stubbornly stares at the ceiling. “I honestly can’t imagine being alone with my parents. I think I would’ve…”
“Would’ve…?”
“Died, to be honest”
Now Remus finally looks at him. He looks a bit like a kicked puppy, his big eyes glistening slightly. “Did they-” he swallows and Sirius feels his breath hitch a little. “-did they hurt you?”
“Sometimes,” Sirius whispers and Remus can’t seem to hold his tears back anymore.
“I’m sorry,” Remus sniffles, voice cracking horribly and pulls Sirius right into his chest.
“It’s okay, Remus,” he says, mostly because he can’t stand the sound of Remus crying again.
“Nothing about that is okay, Sirius. I can’t fucking- do you still live with them?” he asks it with such urgency, looking Sirius right in the eyes.
“Wh- no, no, we don’t live there anymore. Haven’t even spoken to them since we left.”
“Good. They don’t fucking deserve you.” He pulls Sirius closer again, which Sirius is glad for because it hides his blush.
“Sirius?”
“Yeah?”
“Is that why you freaked out that one breakfast?”
“...yeah. A lady kinda looked like my mum and- and Reg wasn’t there and I just- Like, I’m his big brother and I always protected him, but sometimes there was just nothing I could do and it was the fucking worst feeling in the world. They didn’t beat him that often but they’d starve him or just refuse to acknowledge he was trans. Our mum made him wear all these dresses and wouldn’t let him cut his hair and he was fucking miserable and I couldn’t do anything. And sometimes I still just- sometimes if something sets me off and he’s not there, it’s like I can’t breathe.”
Remus is looking at him with his big eyes again, tears collecting but not quite falling. “Did they ever beat you?” he whispers and Sirius almost wants to say no just so he won’t cry. It seems his silence is enough of an answer because Remus sniffles and then he’s fisting the back of Sirius’ t-shirt, holding him so tightly Sirius briefly wonders if he’ll break a rib.
“I’m so sorry, Sirius, I-”
“Remus, it’s not your fault. It’s okay. We’re out, yeah? I’m okay now”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
Remus sniffles one last time and nods into his hair, before he pulls back and wipes his eyes. “Sorry, I just- I can’t believe people actually do that to their kids. To you. Why would anyone ever hurt you?”
Why do you keep saying stuff like that?
“Honestly, I always did stuff to annoy my parents on purpose. Reg always said to just keep my head down, but I was a bit stubborn. Probably could’ve avoided a lot of what happened.”
“Did you tell the police? Who do you even live with?”
“James’ parents.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It got… bad, one night. Worse than usual and we just… left. James’ parents always said we could come to them so we did and they sorted it all out for us. I don’t know if they told the police or anything, to be honest. But they’re legally our guardians now, so I guess they must’ve.”
“That’s nice. James seems nice.”
“He is, I honestly can’t blame my brother for being so pathetically in love with him.”
“Does it bother you? That they’re together?”
“It did at first, but I’m honestly just glad that they’re both so happy. Even if it means watching James make out with my baby brother every five fucking minutes.”
“They are a bit over the top, aren’t they?” Remus giggles and Sirius smiles.
“Imagine living with them. One time, I wanted to wake James up for his birthday, but he was too busy being fucking sucked off by my innocent baby brother to pay me any attention.”
Remus outwardly laughs, his eyes crinkling wonderfully. “He doesn’t sound too innocent, mate.”
“Excuse you, he used to be the sweetest little nugget known to mankind. He brought me a soggy cupcake with a single candle for my eighth birthday and wouldn’t leave until we’d sung happy birthday eight times, and then he showed me a picture he drew of a donkey with three ears that said ‘Happy Barthday, Siri’”
Remus laughs even harder, “I have a feeling he wouldn’t appreciate you telling me all this.”
“Oh, not at all. He’ll probably hit me with a shoe or something.”
“Why a donkey?”
“His favourite toy was a donkey called Pebbles. We used to sneak onto the roof to find our stars and watch Pebbles fly all the way to the moon.”
“Does he still have Pebbles?”
A sinking feeling takes over and Sirius winces slightly at the memory. Their mother hadn’t liked how ‘childish’ Regulus was and decided to throw away all of their toys. Sirius didn’t really care and neither did Regulus, except for Pebbles. He cried so hard and Walburga threw him in the fireplace, he wouldn’t stop shaking for hours. It broke Sirius’ fucking heart. Sometimes when Regulus was tired he’d still ask for Pebbles, too deep in the haze of sleep to realise that Pebbles was long gone, and then he did realise and Sirius had to watch the heartbreak all over again. If their parents should feel guilty for anything, then it’s for killing Pebbles. Because after Pebbles, Regulus did stop being as childish. He stopped daydreaming about flying to space. He stopped wondering about fairies and pirates. He stopped believing the lies Sirius told him in a desperate effort to make everything seem less horrifying. Santa was no longer an evil mastermind that wanted to poison them so a giant magical cat stopped him and that’s why they didn’t get presents. Birthdays were no longer a secret that parents didn’t know about. Some part of Regulus truly died with Pebbles and Sirius will be damned if he ever forgives his parents for it.
“Sirius?”
“No, he doesn’t have Pebbles anymore”
“Oh”
“Yeah”
“We… we could find him a new Pebbles.”
“What?”
“Tomorrow is that treasure hunt, right? We can just go to a shop or something and try to find a new Pebbles. Call it Gravel, or something”
Sirius blinks at Remus. At his stupidly pretty face and stupid eyelashes and freckles and eyes and fuck.
“You’re fucking brilliant, Remus, you know that?”
A slightly confused look takes over Remus’ face, but his smile is still there and Sirius finds himself smiling back.
“Not so bad yourself, Sirius”
“I’m still pissed that you beat me in physics, though”
“Oh, don’t worry. I can tutor you, if you like” Remus flashes him a cheeky grin and Sirius’ eye twitches.
“You’re a prat”
“You’re a cunt”
“Twat”
“Prick”
“Git”
“Tosser”
“Ninny”
“Slag”
At that, Sirius grins. “Damn right” And they spend the next ten minutes laughing so hard Sirius nearly pees.