“I’m leaving, Regulus.”
The words are like a slap to the face. Of course, he’s not surprised. Sirius always leaves him halfway through the holidays. He comes home, antagonizes mother for a few days, and then runs off to one of his friend’s houses. “Okay.”
There’s a beat of silence. “For good.”
But I love you, so.
Regulus looks up from his book. That’s when he notices the larger than usual trunk that Sirius has at his feet. “What?”
Sirius wants to take it back. There’s a look in Regulus’ eye. A look that tells Sirius this isn’t going to end how he wants it to. “I’m running away. James’ parents have offered me a room.”
I love you, so.
Regulus feels his words die in his throat. His room suddenly feels much bigger. Sitting at his desk, he feels as though there is an entire world stretching between him and where his brother stands in the doorway.
“They offered you a room too.”
“No.”
Regulus wants to scream. How stupid can Sirius be? It would never work. Right?
I love you, so.
Sirius feels like he’s dying. He won’t stay. He can’t. Not anymore. Staying in this house will kill him. He knows it.
He thinks abandoning his brother will kill him too.
“Reggie, please.”
Regulus almost breaks. It’s so tempting. To get away? A foreign concept. He wants to. They could be safe.
No, they couldn’t. The reminder hits Regulus like a truck. His mother would never allow both of them to get away. She has too many connections. She’d find them. She’d kill them.
Sirius is leaving. There’s no stopping him. If Regulus goes, Sirius will never be safe. Regulus can keep him safe, right? By staying. His mother only needs one heir. Regulus has always been her favorite. She won’t go looking if she still has him.
Regulus stands, and Sirius feels hope rise in his chest.
“You are a fool, Sirius. You really believe I would ever leave with you ?” The words don’t feel right. Regulus wants to cry. He won’t.
Sirius has to get out.
I love you, so.
Please, let me go.
The room falls silent. Regulus is sure Sirius can hear his heartbeat from across the room.
“You don’t mean that.”
Regulus scoffs. He was certain it would come out as more of a sob. When it didn’t, Regulus watched his brother’s heart break in half. “You always have been the family disappointment, Sirius. Maybe mother will finally know peace once you’re gone.”
Sirius looks at him. Studies him. When he speaks, it’s in a voice so small that it reminds Regulus of when they were children, “I’m sorry I couldn’t get you out before they broke you, petit étoile.”
Regulus wants to tear himself apart. He wants to scream at Sirius that it’s not too late. He wants to follow him. But he can’t. So instead, “Get out, Sirius.”
‘Cause you were cruel, and I’m a fool.
Sirius picks up his trunk. He stares at Regulus for a moment longer. Regulus takes it. He takes the moment to memorize the way his brother looks now. He knows this is it.
When Sirius turns away, Regulus almost crumbles. He’s glad he doesn’t when, after taking a few steps, Sirius turns back to say, “I love you.”
Regulus wants him to ask again. If Sirius were to ask one more time, Regulus would go. But Sirius doesn’t.
“Let me go.”
Sirius does.
Later that night, Sirius cries in Euphemia Potter’s arms, begging for his little brother.
When Regulus cries, he does it in his older brother’s abandoned bed.