Happiness

18th December, 2022.

Regulus knows he tends to be dramatic, alright? 

He knows that the penchant for exaggerating and overthinking is practically in his blood. It is a simple fact that he accepts, but refuses to acknowledge, simply for moments such as now, when it could be used against him. 

Because he knows for a fact he is not being ‘overdramatic’ as his so-called ‘friends' claim. Most of the time, he is rather quiet about his misery. It is the way he was raised, after all. But, because he is supposed to practice ‘speaking up’ around people he deems ‘safe’ (sometimes he wishes he could hex his Mind Healer to convey how he truly feels about the ridiculous 'homework' she assigns him) he has decided to be as outspoken about his pain as possible. 

Still, he would not consider his whining- because he is aware that he is, in fact, whining at the moment- disproportionate to the agony he is experiencing. He has been plagued by some Muggle atrocity that has deemed him a worthy host for their leeching and has made his life miserable. He can barely go two hours before throwing up the little food he can bear to eat. He is simultaneously starving and disgusted at the mere thought of eating. He has to trudge to the bathroom time and time again to hurl, and his back has been cramping so much that he is getting flashbacks to the terrifying crimson scourge he experienced before his transition. 

It's not like Regulus is unfamiliar with being ill, either. He was a rather sickly child growing up with stubborn bouts of dragon pox and other illnesses weakening his frail body- and had been written off by most Healers as unlikely to reach his eighth birthday. But his stubborn body and petty soul had ventured to prove them wrong and he had somehow made it to twenty-three. A shame considering he probably won't see the sun on his twenty-fourth birthday. 

Evan was perplexed when he first started showing symptoms three days ago. There wasn’t anything wrong with him that any of his detection charms could pick up, so he had easily deemed it a muggle ailment. He had been treating his symptoms with a plethora of potions that Pandora’s little apothecary had graciously provided. Dorcas- the closest source they had to Muggle things, given she was dating a Half-Blood- had diagnosed him with a stomach bug, but with each passing moment of agony, he was willing to risk a Muggle Hospital to find some answers just to get rid of this nightmare.

At this point, he didn’t even care what this sickness was, as long as he could get a single moment of reprieve. Whatever soul-sucking malady that had plagued him made the painful boils of dragon-pox feel like a vacation that he would accept without hesitation. With every bout of nausea that overcame him, he wished the earth would open its maw and swallow him whole. Or the sky would erupt and strike him down and free him from his aching body. Or the Gods would take mercy on his sinful soul and-

“Oh, stop groaning, you big baby. So, you have a stomach bug, you're acting as though someone impaled you with the Sword of Godric fucking Gryffindor.”, Evan snapped, clearly unconcerned about the brink of death Regulus was standing on. Merlin, why did he have such uncaring heathens for friends?!

“It's been three fucking days, Ev! Hasn't this stupid bug had its fill? What's it eating away at even? I can barely keep a sip of water down, can't it find a better host to leech off?”, Regulus whined, from where he was sprawled on the couch with a warm heating pad on his abdomen. His voice cracked as he spoke- the result of throwing up stomach acid and partially digested food so many times. 

“You know absolutely nothing about maladies- not magical and certainly not muggle. You're following the dosage for the potions I told you and it's just a mild infection, you'll be fine in a few days.”, he replied, rolling his eyes before stepping back into the kitchen to drop his plate in the sink and finally leave for work. He was already dressed in his Medi-wizard robes with the St. Mungo’s emblem stitched on the breast pocket, his blonde braids tied back in a small bun at the base of his skull.

“You think he's a baby now, you don't even have to spend the whole day with him.”, Barty intervened from where he was scarfing down his cereal from the armchair opposite Regulus, who scowled. “Don’t glare at me, I’m the one who has to babysit you. Be grateful I don’t spike your tea with a sleeping potion and rid myself of your bitching.”

As painful as the act was- both physically and figuratively- Regulus swallowed the retort on the tip of his tongue because it was nonetheless true. He had already been crashing at Barty and Evan’s flat for weeks now and since Barty was unemployed and enjoying the privilege of being Evan’s ‘Stay-at-Home Trophy Husband’ (and skating by with the inheritance his father left him when he ‘sadly’ passed away two years ago), he was burdened with ensuring Regulus was up-to-date on his potions and didn’t die by choking on his own vomit in his sleep. Merlin, the embarrassment of such a death- his friends would spend eternity ridiculing him.

“Well, if I’m such a burden, I’ll get out of your hair. Wouldn't want to inconvenience Bartemius Crouch Jr., would we?”, he lamented, groaning as he shifted to get off the couch. He untangled his body where he had flung his legs over the back of the couch and twisted his torso to comfortably settle in without feeling the full force of his cramps. 

“Merlin, my back hurts looking at you.”, Barty muttered under his breath, as Evan piped up, “Off to see Narcissa then?”

“Yes, I need to get up now, or I never will”, He nodded despite his wishes. Honestly, Regulus would rather bite his fingers off than get dressed and leave the apartment, but unfortunately, he did have to go see Narcissa. They had a tradition to meet every month for Brunch and had already been forced to reschedule twice as she had been visiting her in-laws in France after Madam Malfoy had caught a case of Spattergroit. She had floo-ed him a few days before he fell ill and had requested his presence at her favourite Muggle restaurant, saying she had some news to tell them.

Now, Regulus had gone back and forth on the idea of postponing again- but next Sunday would be Yule, and her news seemed important. The sole purpose of their brunches was to a) explore as many new restaurants as possible, and b) catch the other up on their lives. So if she was requesting to repeat a restaurant and felt the need to go out of her way to mention that she had news to share- then it was either a source of great excitement for her or of great stress. If it had been negative or urgent she would have elaborated, so Regulus at least knew it was good news. So, as much as it quite literally pained him, he downed the anti-nausea and strengthening potions Evan handed him and made his way to the guest room he had hijacked for the past month.

The potions quickly worked their magic as it didn’t tire Regulus out as much to get showered, dressed, and make his way out of the door within the hour. Even with the potion, he couldn’t bring himself to put as much effort into himself as he would have. Usually, he would’ve spent a good while styling his curls into ‘effortlessly’ framing his face and putting an effort into accessorizing. But today, he simply pulled on a pair of straight-legged black pants and an indigo jumper that he wouldn’t be too upset to throw up on, in case of a mishap. His nausea always returned with a vengeance after taking a potion for it, but he just had to make it through Brunch. He would deal with the consequences when he faced them. He wore the first rings his eyes landed on, not caring about them matching his outfit, and put on his Black Docs over the candy cane socks Pandora had gifted him last year (“I don’t need thirty-one Christmas socks, Dora.” “Nonsense! You love cute socks, so I got you one for every day of December!”)- and made his way out the door. 

Apparating to the alley down the Block from the restaurant, Regulus had to brace himself against the wall to ensure he didn’t fall over with the Dizzy spell that overtook him. After a few minutes of deep breathing, when he was sure he wouldn’t vomit his insides out behind a garbage can, he finally made his way out of the alley and walked the short distance to the restaurant. The insides were lit in soft, yellow lights, emanating from low-hanging lamps that hung from the ceiling with plants and posters covering the exposed brick walls. The place wasn’t his style, though he liked the food well enough- but for some reason, Narcissa had been obsessed with this restaurant since they had first visited it, a year and a half ago. There was a decent enough crowd, and he quickly made his way to the corner booth Narcissa favoured sitting in, her inky curls pushed back into a braid. Instead of robes, she was wearing jeans and a flowy blouse and looked nothing like the Black daughter and future Malfoy matriarch she was raised to be. One could still find the traces of her strict upbringing in her easily though, just like one could with Regulus too, but here she was at ease in a way that they were never allowed to be as kids. 

It often shocked Regulus- the fact that a few years could change so much. He was in Hogwarts a mere seven years ago. Forced to don skirts and wear makeup and dread the day he would be forced to wed an old, ‘grieving’ Pureblood wizard looking for a young body for sex, with deep enough pockets to buy his hand in marriage or a young fanatic Death Eater who would reduce his worth to that of a glorified house-elf.

Either way- he was supposed to end up with a life that he would rather die than live. In a body that he would wish to carve out until it became familiar. He was supposed to slog through every moment realizing that he had peaked as a child- when he had a brother who would rather bleed than see his tears; when he had friends who held him and saw him as the boy he was rather than the girl he was forced to be; when the only time he had to remember what a monster he was, was for eight weeks in a long, peaceful year. He was supposed to slowly die inside every day he woke up to hear the people he hates, fears, and loathes, call him a name that made his skin crawl until he would pray to bleed out and die trying to push out a child to a legacy that cursed his soul beyond redemption.

But he wasn’t.

Every morning Regulus dreads waking up in the fear that the life he has made for himself was just an illusion his mind made for him to cope. That it was all a mirage that kept him sane. And if he opened his eyes, he would realize he was still on the floor of a drawing room in a cursed mansion, his blood seeping into every nook and grit of the wooden boards, as his sadistic cousin cursed, burned, and maimed him for ‘his benefit’. Or on his knees in front of a Lord who wished to see for himself if he was worthy of being wed to a soldier in his army. That the door to Lestrange Mansion was never broken down. No one had come to his rescue, and he was still stuck in the dark, grimy walls of a house he once foolishly called Home. That his life stopped at sixteen. 

But it hadn’t. He wasn’t sixteen anymore. He was twenty-three. He wasn't married off but was an accomplished Seeker in a League team and had been deemed the best player of the last League Championship Games as he brought victory to his team. He still had his friends. His body didn’t feel completely his yet, but it didn’t feel alien anymore. He didn’t struggle to get through the day and even looked forward to the coming morning rather than wishing to pass away in his sleep. His life wasn’t perfect, and of course, the scars of sixteen were still on his skin, mind, and soul. He didn’t have all that he had hoped to have, but he hasn’t lost all the things that matter either.

He was brought out of his spiral when a fair hand gripped him by the elbow and a periwinkle gaze bore into his grey eyes. For a moment their heart thundered and he felt his body stiffen- alert and rigid, ready to bear the pain he associates with those eyes. But then he realized that the hold on his arm was gentle, the eyes were kind and concerned rather than crazed and the curls he was looking at were weaved rather than left loose and wild. That he would never again have to feel the clawing grip of a woman he had once hidden behind and then hidden from. That this was his cousin, yes. But the one he was related to not just by blood, but by choice too. 

He looked around and realized that he had frozen just by their booth and was still standing up, garnering odd looks from the surrounding tables and staff. He quickly shot his cousin a reassuring smile and took a seat.

Narcissa retook her seat as well, looking thoroughly unconvinced at his attempt at reassurance, and shot him a look he had become all too familiar with. Her face tilted down, and her right eyebrow raised as if to ask, Should I be concerned?

It wasn’t uncommon for Regulus to lose himself in his head. He doesn’t remember when he started doing it, but he knows he was young- way before his first year at Hogwarts. His therapist tells him it was his way to escape his surroundings and to find safety in the only place he could- his mind. Whenever Sirius was around he would break through the fog that Regulus would hide in but when he was away- for his duties as Heir before Hogwarts, or when he refused to even speak to Regulus after his second year- he would lose himself in his funny little fantasies when he was alone or punished. Sometimes both, if his mother chose to lock him away in a coat closet. He draws a lot of blanks because of this habit- many of his memories are locked away out of his grasp. He would hear his friends or cousins fondly refer to a memory many years ago and would struggle to remember if he was there at all. He still slips away sometimes, even when he is safe and especially when he feels disturbed but his friends and family have become familiar with these manners and know when to be concerned and not. 

So, Regulus gently shakes his head and settles in with a deep breath. The anti-nausea potion seems to be holding because he doesn’t feel the need to hurl when the myriad of smells that are to be expected from a bustling restaurant fills his nose- he feels pretty hungry, actually, and moves to grab the menu as both the cousins settle in for another meal and lengthy conversation.

They talk about the things they always do. Regulus asks her about Lucius and his mother’s health, which has improved. About his work at the Wizengamot and her work at the Department of International Magical Cooperation. She asks him questions about his upcoming plans given they’re on a break between Quidditch seasons. If he has any Bills he was planning on proposing in the Wizengamot next year using his seat for the House of Black, and if he was still planning to visit Grandfather Arcturus and Grandmother Melania for Christmas just like every year. 

By the time their meals arrive, they’ve covered all of the topics for small talk. He talks about how Dorcas was waiting on a promotion at work that would let her lead her very own team of curse breakers to Japan for an excavation by the banks of Shinano River and Narcissa tells him Nymphadora or ‘Dora’ as she prefers being referred to, has been begging for him to visit soon. 

“I swear, if she could, that girl would stuff herself in your bag after every visit just so she didn’t have to be away from you.”, she laughs, taking a sip of her drink. “Andy was telling me how she wouldn’t shut up about you last time Sirius visited. She was scared he was going to pop the vein in his forehead.”

Regulus sighs but stays quiet, choosing to take a bite of his pasta rather than comment on his brother. He has found out the hard way that it was pointless to try and ignore the fact that some of the most important people in his life were also involved with his brother- who refused to acknowledge him whatsoever. 

Ever since he and Remus crossed the barrier that was ‘Maybe-a-Boyfriend’s sibling and Brother’s least-obnoxious-Friend’, not long after- what Remus very inappropriately calls- ‘The Prank’, Regulus had realized two things. One, that he had unintentionally made a friend that he’d fight tooth and nail to keep. And two, that his brother would never be completely rid of him in this life. 

The first epiphany hadn’t come too long after they had their first actual conversation in his fourth year, but the second wasn’t one he had ever expected to have. He had thought that whatever the fight between the so-called ‘Marauders’, it would someday come to an end and Remus would return to his group of righteous Gryffindors and forget that he had ever had to lower himself to the level of being in the presence of a bunch of Slimy Slytherins. But he was pleasantly surprised when Remus not only continued to stay friends with them but even went against Sirius’ wishes to remain so. Even when they had begun dating, and his friendship with Remus was a point of contention, Remus had defended Regulus and stated very clearly that the brothers didn’t have to be “Buddy-Buddy”, but he wasn’t willing to trade one for the other. 

The couple hadn’t spoken for a week until Sirius had caved and Regulus had realized that Remus Lupin was one stubborn bastard and Regulus adored him from the bottom of his heart. 

After the war, when Regulus and Narcissa had connected with Andromeda and been ignored by Sirius, Andy made it clear that she wanted them all in her and Dora’s life. They never had family dinners of course, but it wasn’t uncommon for Regulus to hear snippets of Sirius from Dora, and even though once it would have felt like a stab in his gut, Regulus now knew that it was pointless. Sirius was everywhere in his life, despite being nowhere. 

He was in Dora’s drawings stuck on the fridge every time he visited. In the horrifyingly large hickeys that marked Rem’s neck and the paw tattoos that were inked on his forearm. In the eyeliner, Regulus would find lost between the cushions and the myriad of hair ties at J- his ex’s place.

So, he was immune to hearing his brother’s name in everyday conversations.

Did it still hurt to think of him after the disaster that was their last interaction? Like a bitch. 

Was he going to make a big deal about it? Fuck no.

“Speaking of Sirius being upset," she continued. “How’s single life treating you?”

Regulus groaned. Of course, she would ask. “You know I hate the fact that you and Pandora are friends.”

“Come on, she’s worried about you. As am I for that matter.”, she said, her piercing gaze set on him. “How have you been doing?”

Regulus took a sip of his water to buy himself time. How was he supposed to answer this question? 

Just Peachy. I haven’t returned to my apartment since the night I broke up with him and have been holed up in my friend's apartment like a cheap recreation of our school days. I see his broken face every time I close my eyes. I feel like I’m dying because it has been thirty-four days since I’ve held him, seen his smile, felt his touch and without it everything feels worthless and I feel so stupid because what was it all for? Self-worth? Self-respect? All of it was a waste because I have never felt more pathetic in my life and I would rather spend my entire existence hidden away like his mistress than never be loved by him again. I would rather never be loved by him if only to have his touch one last time. I can’t imagine how I am supposed to see him and work with him in as little as a month and pretend that we were never anything beyond teammates. I don’t know how I will look into his eyes and not fall apart. I feel like I fell apart the moment he vanished from my fireplace and nothing and no one will ever be able to make me whole again.

“Been better. Been worse”, he answered curtly instead. “In your letter, you mentioned some news you had to share with me.”

Look, he knows he’s changing the subject, and from the narrowed eyes peering at him unamused, he’s not being very subtle about it. But he would rather eat his arm than talk or even think about James right now because potion or not- he will throw up all over his pasta.

Thankfully, Narcissa wipes her mouth with the napkin on her lap and accepts his poor attempt at diversion. “Well, I didn’t know how to bring it up, but since you asked.”

She digs into her handbag to produce a small box gift wrapped in emerald with a silver bow and hands it over. Regulus doesn’t waste a moment to unwrap the box, beyond curious, and opens the lid, only to freeze in place. 

Because inside the box is a magical polaroid of a sonogram. The black, white, and grey lines quiver side to side, and in the middle is a baby. A full-fledged baby- with a nose and lips and a pair of arms and legs that flail in the photo. Beside that is a muggle pregnancy test, with two pink lines, that indicate it's positive. Of course, it's bloody positive, Regulus can see the damn baby in the photo but his brain might as well be filled with molasses because he can’t seem to make the connection of what this implies. 

Narcissa, who was struggling to hide her grin, had just handed him a box with a sonogram and a positive pregnancy test. 

Narcissa. 

His Cousin. 

His cousin, who was by his side when he was sure to be doomed into servitude by the rest of their cursed family. Who was the only one who wanted to play with dolls with him as a kid. Who was all that he had when his older brother and her oldest sister left them to be sacrificed. 

That cousin was pregnant. Who had wanted kids ever since she was a kid herself. Who had accepted the marriage with Lucius not just because he would make a decent husband but also a good father. Who had been trying for years to no avail. Who was finally carrying a baby that Regulus knew he would love and spoil to no end. 

He didn’t realize when he had started crying, but when he looked up he saw tears on her face too, along with a beaming grin brighter than any star. He didn’t waste a moment, sliding out of the booth and wrapping her in his arms. They were laughing. They were crying.

Regulus was kissing her head and she was laying his palm on the bump that was hidden by her billowy blouse. Both of them were raised to always be aware of their presence. To know the importance of their mannerisms in any and every situation and the impact it holds. They were teachings that they had yet to shed but at that moment neither cared about the glances that were being cast upon them. They were in their little bubble of happiness. 

Because Regulus knew that once upon a time, this news would have meant another innocent soul doomed to be fodder for the unending chasm that was the legacy of the House of Black. But that wouldn’t be the case. This kid would want for nothing. They would be loved, cared for, and nurtured in a way that they were never fated to experience. This baby would have the life they deserve and more, Regulus was sure. They would make sure of it. 

Remus always knew that getting in the middle of the Black brothers was going to bite him in the arse one day.

It's ironic how in his first few years at Hogwarts, he never would've fathomed ending up in such a situation. He had witnessed too many screaming matches in the corridors and seen Sirius rant, curse, and cry over his brother too many times to even think of Regulus as anything less than a heartless product of the Noble House of Black. Remus usually prides himself on his rationality but he can honestly admit that he had been a little unfair towards the younger Black as a kid, despite never even having a conversation with the boy. He had let his love for Sirius blind him to the fact that Regulus was no less helpless in the face of the abuse of their parents than Sirius himself. 

It was when he had been betrayed by the boy he had adored for as long as he had known him, and been adopted by said ‘evil’ little brother, that Remus realized how distorted his thinking had been. 

He remembered the day the younger Black had plopped his little arse next to him in the Library, a notice-me-not, and a Muffliato in place, and had interrogated him on the self-appointed exile Sirius had taken up ever since ‘the Prank’. Remus had been refusing to even look at him, and the suspicious break up of their little ‘band of misfits’ had gotten the younger Black concerned for his brother, despite their perpetually ongoing spats. When he had not been able to answer more than the vague, “He broke my trust”- Regulus had scrutinized him for a solid minute under his terrifying stormy gaze and had bluntly asked if the reason was related to his ‘Werewolf tendencies’. 

Remus had frozen then, so caught off-guard that he was unable to say a single word in his defense. The only thought that he could comprehend in his racing mind was that his life was over. His secret was out, so he would soon be expelled, or worse end up in Azkaban for being an unregistered Werewolf for the past decade. The panic must have been visible on his face because Regulus had immediately clarified- telling him that there was no need to panic because he had known about his condition since his first year at Hogwarts and had never said a word about it to anyone. 

Apparently Regulus, as a new student in an enormous castle, had taken comfort in the only hobby that connected him to his family. As an avid enthusiast in tracking the lunar cycle and the star positions year round, it wasn't long before he connected the absences, scars, and illnesses of his brother’s friend to the pained howls that reached even the top of the Astronomy tower once every month. He had reassured him that he hadn't told anyone and wasn't interested in doing so either. The reason he never liked him was never because of his condition but because he was friends with his idiot brother and was, to Regulus, actually the most palatable member of Sirius’s friend group.

Remus had broken down and confessed what Sirius had done then. There was a sort of comfort in knowing that Regulus would understand his feelings more than anyone possibly could. He would understand what it is to be both loved and hurt by Sirius. Of being reduced to the worst of themselves by him in a moment of blind rage. And the pain of knowing that despite the hurt you still somehow keep on loving him. 

Speaking to Regulus that day unlocked a side of the young Black that Remus had never expected to witness. He was practically adopted by the boy after they parted ways that day in the library. He was welcomed into their group of Snakes and surprisingly had fit right in. Even months after ‘The Prank’, when he had forgiven Sirius and had begun hanging out with the Marauders once again, he did not stop being friends with the Slytherins, much to the shock (Regulus) and disappointment (Sirius) of the brothers.

He had had a huge fight with Sirius over his friendship with his brother after they had made up. Hell, it was a point of contention in their relationship to this day. Sirius didn't trust his brother in the slightest and would often warn Remus to keep his distance and never trust him. He was sure that Regulus would be joining the cult that had been slowly gaining news headlines back then- The Death Eaters, under their leader- a man named Voldemort. Even after their downfall when they were in their last year, Sirius would always make jibes and comments over his brother's loyalty to the group that Remus had never been witness to. It wasn't until the death of his father, and his mother's subsequent arrest for the use of an Unforgivable, did Sirius stop talking about his sibling. 

In the beginning, he had tried his hardest to convince Sirius to give his brother a chance, but his boyfriend had one condition and that was to never talk about Regulus in front of him. Ever. Even when Regulus had publicly come out to the world after their parent's death and his transition, he had only asked if Remus had known and had remained silent after hearing him hum in agreement. Eventually, Remus figured out a way to handle his friendships with the Snakes along with his relationship with Sirius and despite the occasional bit of friction, they didn't let his friendship with them be a hurdle. 

Now though, that delicate balance had been derailed with all the grace of a bull let loose in a china shop. Remus had been unfortunate enough to walk in on James and Regulus going at it on Reg's couch. After the initial shock had worn off and he had been delicately talked down from the ledge of insanity he had climbed on, he could see that they were a good match. James, for all his sunny disposition and merriment, often let himself be pushed around, with his own happiness taking the backseat for someone else’s. He needed a person who would open him up and make him talk about the hurt that he hid from everyone else, and Regulus needed someone who would have the patience to understand the way he loved. 

In the past decade of friendship, if there was one thing Remus had learned, it was that Regulus had a lot of love to give. He acted cold and cut off and he definitely wasn't afraid to be rude to the people he didn't care about, but for the people he loved, Regulus would bend over backward to help them. 

He still remembered when Dorcas’ mother had taken ill with dragon pox and could not afford treatment- Regulus had been the one to sit out of a semi-final match to get her admitted and personally guarantee that only the best care was provided for her and all expenses were taken out of the Black family accounts. How he had taken Barty in when he had finally been kicked out by his father despite not having access to the Black family funds yet and living out of the scraps he had managed to piece together. How he had been more stressed for his role as Gentleman of Honour for Dora's wedding than she was. How he always had a meal ready for Evan after each grueling shift at Mungo’s, no matter that he had long, tiring practices and matches six days a week too. 

Not to forget the lengths he’s gone to give Remus a life as comfortable as he could have with his Lycanthropy. How he had pushed every resource into getting Remus into the Wolfsbane trials and making sure that after its approval he had every dose he needed irrespective of the price. How Regulus had spent eight months preparing a proposal to get a bill on Lycanthropic care passed in the Wizengamot to ensure that they could be looked after by trained, professional healers who understood Werewolf biology and physiology. He still felt choked up every time he remembered the grin on the shorter man's face as he had told him the news at a surprise party. 

Remus often felt that of all of his friends, Regulus was the most safe to touch. All of his friends were safe for him, and Remus knew that well, but Regulus had this sense of fragility to him that Remus had spent his whole life feeling. Like a touch too rough or a hold too weak would shatter his whole being- mind, body, and soul. It was so similar that he often felt as though Regulus’ skin was just the same as him- like they were just as much soulmates as Sirius and James. 

So, when Sirius had confronted him about James and Reg's relationship, and told him what had transpired, Remus had quite obviously taken to defending the younger boy over his boyfriend. He was furious with Sirius for trying to get in the middle of their relationship, and even worse at James for giving up someone who loved him the way James deserved.

He had refused to speak with either of them and had rushed to Reg's house, only to discover a destroyed living room with glass on the floor, sofa cushions torn and the drapes hanging by a thread. It was not unknown for accidental magic to occur in moments of distress for adults, but the magnitude had rightly worried Remus. 

He had found Reg curled up in his bed, sobbing and wailing and it had broken his heart clean in two. Barty and Evan had tried to soothe or console him but had given up and just held him- Remus hadn't hesitated for a second before joining the pile. And when Cas and Dora were informed, they hadn’t taken long to Floo over to help hold together the friend who always did the same for them.

He had not forgiven, but at least softened on his stance over James eventually because the man was hell-bent on getting Regulus back. A week after their break up James had shown up at his flat in the middle of the night, eyes red-rimmed and hair sticking up as though he’d stuck his finger in a socket. He had fought with Sirius because he had tried to get James to delete his chats with Regulus, claiming he was tired of missing Regulus and was willing to do anything to get him back. It had infuriated Remus at the start but he couldn't help but melt with every following word James said. He had sobbed and snotted all over Remus’s cushions as he vented about fucking things up with Regulus and wanting to be better. Wanting to be the boyfriend Regulus deserved, not the kind he settled for. He had eventually agreed to help the man out. He was, after all, the only friend of Reg's who would not hex him immediately- though he had thoroughly threatened him if he made things any worse.

As for Sirius, his boyfriend was too stubborn to even try to hear him out. Even though Sirius officially lived with James in their apartment, he would spend more nights in Remus’s bed than his own, but because of this stupid fight, Sirius hadn't set foot in his apartment since that night, at least until the full moon where he had spent the whole day making sure Remus was healing fine. 

Remus had hoped when he learned about Reg and James's relationship that maybe that would be the push that would finally lead the Black brothers to reconcile. Remus had seen the moments when Sirius would ask him about his plans with Regulus, if only as an excuse to hear about his brother. He tried to hide it, but Remus had seen how at every Puddlemere match- he was also holding his breath every time Regulus chased a snitch, or screamed with the others when he caught it, or how he froze every time he had a close call with a bludger. He remembers the haunted look on Sirius’ face during the match where Regulus ended up with a broken shoulder blade after a nasty hit and a 200m free-falling drop from the sky.

Still, his boyfriend seemed stubborn and unwilling to fold at the prospect of his brother being a good enough boyfriend for James. He seemed to be ignoring the fact that James was an equal consenting partner in their relationship and was treating him as though he had been ensnared by the younger man. Remus had tried to talk, argue, and yell some logic into his partner's head but he had refused to pay any heed to him, saying Remus was biassed. 

So, he eventually gave up. This led Remus to where he was now- lying in a cold, empty bed in a silent apartment, with only the low, blue light of his laptop as a source of light.

It has been over a month of this madness now. There has not been a moment of peace in weeks for Remus- not even in his own home, but he has formed a routine nonetheless. Every morning he gets up, showers, gets dressed (ignoring the glaring, echoing absence of his partner and the ache in his heart because of it), attends his classes for the day, goes for his shift at Dora’s Potion shop, apparates to Reg's for dinner, checks in on James and then back to an empty apartment for sleep. It's not an efficient schedule in the slightest, but it was enough to keep him sane in this strange limbo. 

He followed his routine the same as any other day. It had been two days since he had visited Regulus so he was extra eager to visit his friend. Regulus had caught a stomach bug and had been throwing up constantly. That, alongside his sharpened senses for the full moon, would not have been a wise combination and so he was warned against visiting by Barty and Evan. Now that his symptoms had gone down a little, he had been cleared to visit today. The digital clock hanging over his closet (he had smashed the analog clock over a fit of pre-moon hormones and been gifted this lovely glow-in-the-dark one by a cautious Peter the next day) showed that it was less than thirty minutes to six, which was when he was supposed to show up, so he finally saved the unfinished document that was supposed to house his research paper on- “The Ethical Considerations and Nature of the Dark Arts: How Difference in Practice Led to the Restriction of Light and Dark Magic”- and finally decided to get dressed for dinner.

It didn't take him long to apparate to the familiar chestnut-colored door that housed the two- and temporarily three- Slytherin men. He let himself in without any preamble, as familiar with the flat as his own, the familiar scent of papyrus, cedarwood and vanilla that he had come to associate with the three chaos goblins hitting him. That, and a subtle hint of something more that had his nose scrunching up. Iron, bergamot, cacao, along with a few more scents that were just familiar enough to tickle his brain but out of his reach to explain what it meant. He shook his head and removed his coat and shoes, walking into the living room to the sight of Regulus stretched on the sofa. Well, half stretched. He was positioned as if he had been sitting on his knees and then face-planted, so his feet were tucked under his butt, and his face was pressed into a pillow. A bucket was placed by his head and the old maroon heating pad- that had been stuffed out of sight a few months into his transition-  was placed on his lower back, probably heated to scorching hot levels to provide him some relief. 

Remus could hear Barty pottering about in the kitchen, cooking up for the last dinner the group would have before Christmas- that too without Pandora and Xeno who were already in Whitby to visit Xeno’s parents for Christmas. He quietly made his way over to the couch, gently crouching by Reg's head so that he could run his fingers through his hair. The only acknowledgment he received was a grunt and push of his head into his palm to keep petting. The Black brothers both loved to have their hair played with, Remus had learned and couldn't help but smile at his friend's actions that weren't dissimilar to that of a cat's. Remus could see how pale and green in the face Regulus looked, not to mention the sweat dampening his forehead and the scent of blood in the air.

“Reg?”, he murmured, keeping his voice low. Regulus merely hummed, not moving an inch. “How bad?”

At that, he finally sighed and lifted his head to look at him and Remus couldn't help but wince in sympathy. Regulus looked exhausted, like he could barely keep his eyes open but he still cracked a smile as he met his eyes. “Hey.” 

“Hey, Reg. You doing ok?”, he asked, continuing to muss with his curls and the other's eyes slipped close.

“I feel as though I was run over by a truck and someone dropped the weight of a hundred boulders on my body. I can't stop throwing up, every smell makes me wanna hurl and I just got my period after like five years so I'm cramping and my lower back hurts. Overall, I'd say I'm doing pretty bad, Rem.”, he croaked out, resting his face back down on the sofa, but facing him now. 

Remus whistled lowly. Well, that explains the smell of blood. “Merlin's balls, that's a lot. Anything I can do?”

“You could get him to go to his doctor.”, Barty said, entering the sitting room, with a plate of crackers in one hand and a cup of ginger tea in the other. He was wearing his apron that had, ‘I rub my meat before I stick it in.’, written on it- a gift from Dorcas that he doubts will ever be topped. “It's not normal for his period to just restart, and he didn't eat anything too different from what we had, he shouldn't have a stomach bug if we don't.”

“I’m fine, I swear. It’s a little worse because I took a potion for the nausea today before meeting Narcissa for brunch.”, he slurred, trying to grab for the plate of crackers that Barty held out of his reach, and whining as he failed. “These crackers are dry as fuck, I'm not letting you choke as well. If you want some you'll have to get up.”

Regulus whined again, nuzzling his face into the cushion below his face. Remus couldn't help but snort at how pitiful and adorable he looked. “I can't Barty! I just got comfortable. If I move I'll die!” 

“And you'll die if you choke! I know you're in pain, I'll leave you be after this but you need to take your potions before dinner and you can’t do that on an empty stomach. So up and at ‘em. Come on.”, Barty demanded, hands on his hips and everything. For a man who could replace the word ‘Slag' in a muggle dictionary, Barty could very well take up the role of mother-hen. People assume it would be Evan given he quite literally is a Healer, but Barty has always been a bit hyper when it comes to people's health. Remus still chuckles at the memory of him and Evan randomly dropping apples, chocolate fudge, and sandwiches in front of him in the library whenever he missed a meal, choosing to study instead, nagging him until he ate a satisfactory amount. He still wonders how he managed to sneak in food under Madam Pince's nose and not get banned from the library. 

Regulus whined again but pushed himself up and out of his twisted position. As soon as he had sat upright, he was bending over again, grabbing for the bucket by the sofa, and throwing up violently into it. Remus winced in sympathy, helping him hold the bucket steadily and pushing his hair out of his eyes as Barty ran a soothing hand over his back. It doesn't happen for long, but his whole body shakes as he sets the bucket down, the throw-up immediately vanished by Barty, and a glass of water presented for him to rinse his mouth with. Remus gets why they asked him not to visit with his heightened senses now. If it was that easy for Reg to get queasy and throw up, Remus would have joined him from the sound alone. 

Regulus groaned as he finally fell against the back of the sofa. His head hanging limply and held only by his hands. Barty immediately gave him a few crackers to munch on so he could down the ginger tea that he had spiked with his potions. It took a while of coaxing from both of them but eventually, the other boy succumbed and downed everything that was handed to him, not without the occasional wince. 

They ended up leaving Regulus to lay back in his twisted form as they made their way back over to the kitchen. As soon as he stepped in he was hit in the face with the strong aroma of whatever Italian concoction Barty was cooking, and he couldn’t help but groan. Merlin, he could eat a cow.

“Scent-trapping charm?”, Remus asked as he took a seat on the island, and Barty lowered the heat on a pot and stirred the contents, another on the stove beside it. Chicken noodle soup for Reg and Risotto for the rest, if Remus’s nose was right. 

“Yep. Poor kid can't bear to smell a single sniff of anything, he's nauseous all the time, throws up all day, can barely keep anything down and he'd die of dehydration if I didn't have him drinking something or the other and eating little bits and pieces of food every few hours. He's in bad shape, Rem, and even Evan is confused. The disease seems muggle, so we haven't gone to Mungos yet, but I have decided, come hell or high water, I'm taking him to a muggle doctor tomorrow. Pandora gave me a recommendation that she goes to, hopefully, he can help.”, Barty answers. There are dark circles under his eyes and the worry he holds for Regulus is etched in the frown on his face.

“I'll help. I'm sure Kreacher can mind the shop for a few hours, I'll come with you.”, Remus replies. 

They talk more about anything they may have missed in the two days they hadn't seen each other- Remus talks about his dissertation and the midterms he finally got done with a handful of days ago, while Barty catches him up on the new season of Too Hot to Handle that he has been watching with Evan. Soon enough the sound of the door opening and closing is heard, as well as the chatter of Dorcas, Marlene, and Evan in the entryway as they make their way into the apartment. 

He can hear the others greeting the lump of a wizard on the couch before they enter the kitchen, Evan pressing a quick kiss to Barty’s cheek (and a butt-squeeze that has Remus scrunching his nose and turning away), and leaving to wash away the hospital from his body. 

It wasn't long before they were tasked with placing the cutlery around the kitchen island that Barty and Evan use as their dining table. Dorcas helps Regulus make his way over to the table as Evan returns and everyone takes their seat and digs into their meals. Evan, Barty, and Marlene were discussing the muggle band that they had tickets to see in January, while Dorcas vented about her snobby colleague who was up for the same case that she was.

“I mean it is so frustrating. I feel like he is going out of his way to antagonize me! Yesterday, my boss took us aside to ask our opinion on something, and he was SO condescending about it! I mean he looked at me like I was a child, and he just agreed to whatever our boss was saying anyway. Stupid ass-kissing bitch.”, she grumbled, glaring at her plate as if it was her colleague. 

“Wow, what were you discussing?”, Regulus asked.

“...Where to host the Office Christmas party, but still!”, she answered after a moment's pause, raising her voice when both Regulus and Remus snorted. “Look me in the eye and tell me that the Three Broomsticks would be a good option. I mean, yes it is more convenient than a muggle restaurant because it's connected to the Floo network, but it will be so crowded! Our office has like seventy employees and most of them have partners and children. No way is the Three Broomstick going to be large enough to accommodate us all.”

“True, true.”, Remus hummed because he knew Dorcas wasn’t listening to them either way. He shared an amused glance with Regulus who smirked despite the weakness still apparent in his body. At least he was feeling a little better around his people.

The dinner went on like that for a while. Marlene and Regulus were discussing the upcoming Quidditch seasons and her plans to switch teams when Evan asked him the question that would change the tone of the evening. 

“Hey, Reg?”, he asked, getting a hum in response. “How’d lunch with Narcissa go, today? What was the news that she wanted to share?”

Immediately, Regulus sat us straight, a bright grin pulling his cheeks up. There was not a smidgeon of restraint or softness that usually lines his smiles. No, this smile was free and uncontrolled and so happy that it seemed to erase all the misery that had been in his body near moments ago and prompted them all to sit upright too. 

“Oh yes! I can’t believe I forgot to tell you. She had some very good news to share actually. Excuse me for a second.”, he said, standing up and speed-walking to his room, leaving his audience at his attention. He returned in seconds, holding an emerald green box, that he held close to his chest like it was his greatest treasure. He bit his lip to try to (unsuccessfully) suppress his grin as he retook his seat, taking out what looked to Remus like a Polaroid and closing the box again. He held the photo against his chest to prevent Barty- who was almost off his chair trying to look over his shoulder- from peeking and took a breath.

“Cissa is Pregnant.”, he said before holding out the photo for everyone to see. It was a moving sonogram that Dorcas immediately grabbed as the table erupted with joy and cheer. 

“Wait, this was planned, right?”, Marlene interrupted. “I’m all for celebrating, but I just want to make sure this is something to celebrate.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, but his smile didn’t dim. “It was. She’s always wanted to be a mother, ever since we were kids. Merlin, you should’ve seen the look on her face when she told me today. They’ve been wanting a child for so long, I can’t believe it’s finally happening.”, he said, his misty gaze fixed on the sonogram as it was passed around for everyone to see. 

“God, you’re going to be an uncle, Regs! I can’t believe it.”, Barty exclaimed, though Evan was weirdly quiet next to him. “I also can’t believe Lucius is going to be a father. Jesus Christ, imagine that hair on a baby.”

He yelped as Regulus threw a fork at his head, whining about attempted murder, although Remus had to hold in his laughter too at the image of a baby with bright blonde hair tied back in a low pony with a ribbon- just as Lucius wears his luscious locks. In the chaos of the table, Evan suddenly broke the havoc with an oddly solemn voice as he cleared his throat and turned to Regulus. 

“Um, Reg can I talk to you for a minute? Over there?”, he asked, nodding his head to the living room as he pushed away his half-full plate. Regulus frowned but followed, glancing at the others as if they’d have an idea about his sudden change in mood. 

“What do you think that’s about?”, Remus asked, his brows furrowed, though it seemed he wasn’t the only one that was confused. They sat in silence for a few minutes before the door to the bathroom was heard opening and closing. Maybe, Regulus needed to throw up again? After a few more minutes of silence, when he was just about to get up to investigate, and by the looks of it so was Barty, the door to the bathroom was thrown open with a bang. 

It didn’t even take a second before all of them were up and running into the living room, just catching the tail end of Regulus slamming the door to his room closed, with tears running down his white face, his mouth open as if gasping for a breath. Evan was trying to talk to him through the locked door, but they all knew it was of no use- there already would’ve been a silencing charm in place. Regulus hated locking his door- said it reminded him of being locked away by his mother as a child. But he still did it sometimes, when he needed a confined space to lose his head in. He didn’t often get like this- feeling the need to lock himself away, being back in that headspace like he was thirteen again, to panic, cry, and release everything that held him together- not anymore at least, but when he did, it could be a matter of hours or even of days. As much as they wished to help him when he was like this, it was a waiting game. 

“What’s going on? What the hell happened, Evan?”, Dorcas asked, her face twisting like it did whenever any of her friends was in pain. 

He was resting his head against the door, fist raised to try and knock again. Breathing heavily, as if he was staving off his own panic, he turned around, opening and closing his mouth as four concerned faces stared back at him. His gaze turned to the bathroom door- still left ajar- and Remus, being the closest, walked in to find anything that could possibly clue them about what the hell was happening. 

At first glance, there didn’t seem to be anything out of place- although he did pick up the stink that confirmed Regulus probably had thrown up before storming out- but then his gaze snagged on a vial of pearlescent white potion that was left on the counter by the sink. He frowned, trying to remember any potions that embodied this iridescent appearance, picking it up and carrying it out. 

“I didn’t see anything except for this.”, he said, exiting the bathroom and gently letting the door close behind him. He raised the vial to the light as he continued inspecting it. “What is th-”

He was interrupted by three sharp inhales from Dorcas, Marlene, and Barty and whipped his head around to see them gaping at the potion with looks of horror. Barty snatched the vial from him and shook it gently as if to check its consistency, holding it to the light and even uncorking it to peer inside. “What is it? What’s going on?”, Remus asked, bewildered being the only one out of the loop. 

“It’s positive?”, Dorcas whispered, her hand covering her mouth, muffling her voice even more, but Evan- to whom the question was directed- heard her, mumbling affirmatively as he stepped forward, gently snatching the vial from Barty who looked just about close to chugging to it test its authenticity. 

“What is positive? What does it mean? Guys, you’re really freaking me out, now.”, Remus asked, a sense of dread rising in his chest the longer the silence remained. 

“It’s a pregnancy potion, Rem.”, Evan sighed, looking as if he'd been aged ten years in mere moments. Remus felt his heart apparate to his mouth. “I’ve been keeping them on hand for Pandora, if she wants to take a test, since Xeno and her are thinking of kids. When Reg told me about Cissa, I realized his symptoms are an awful lot like pregnancy symptoms. I should’ve realized sooner, but honestly, I forgot he even has the equipment for it to be possible. But, yeah, it’s positive.”

Remus had thought this whole complication of Regulus, James, and Sirius couldn’t become worse before the start of this evening. But what Evan concluded made it certain that things right now, might as well have been the calm before the storm.

“Reg’s pregnant.”