It had been a rough month for Sirius. Remus and Sirius had broken up the previous week and now he had just found out his little brother, Regulus, was dead. Someone he had spent his whole life trying to protect had died all to protect him. The only thing Sirius could feel was guilt, if he had only stayed, if he had only taken on the dark mark in Regulus’ place, if only…
He had spent the past few days hiding away in his dorm, crying non stop, not eating, not sleeping, just simply existing. His sobs echoed through the walls of his dorm but no one wanted to bother him knowing that he was grieving the loss of his brother, Regulus. His sobs had echoed so much that you could hear him in the common room at. At this point Remus couldn’t take it anymore. Hearing his sobs and him pleading…. Remus sighed and closed the book he was reading, putting his bookmark on the page he was reading and put the book in his bag as he stood up walking towards Sirius’s dorm.
When he reached Sirius’s dorm he knocked on the door softly. “Go away James!” Sirius said through broken sobs.
Remus paused before speaking
“It’s not James…It’s me…” He said softly knowing he was probably the last person Sirius wanted to see but he couldn’t take it anymore. His heart had shattered, shattered in the way a porcelain plate breaks into pieces as it slams against the floor with a crash, hearing Sirius’s broken sobs even though they had broken up.
“Remus…?” Sirius questioned almost as if he didn’t believe that Remus was standing outside his dorm. Not believing that Remus still cared, after all Remus was the one who broke up with him, Not the other way around.
“Open the door please” Remus asked softly, his voice full of care, full of hope and something akin to love.
Sirius paused before answering. “It’s open…” He whispered faintly, only just loud enough for Remus to hear with his advanced werewolf hearing.
Remus slowly stepped inside, closing the door behind him before setting his school bag down and walking over to Sirius. It was the first time Remus had seen Sirius since the break up and Sirius looked teary-eyed and pained, it broke the taller man's heart.
Sirius was lying on the king sized bed, curled up in a ball, covered by the sheets, wearing one of Remus’s old sweaters that he had given him when they were still lovers, but now, all they were was strangers, strangers with memories. Remus could tell he had an article of Regulus’ clothes, his house sweater to be exact. The younger of the black brothers had always been smaller in size, so in no way could Sirius wear it, but it still had his scent, the smell of his cologne and hair product faintly clinging on. Remus felt as though his heart would shatter just at the sight of Sirius like this.
Remus had a melancholy look in his eyes as he sat down on Sirius’s bed, laying down behind him and wrapping one of his arms around the raven haired boys waist, letting the other rest on top of Sirius's head, gently combing his fingers through the long raven hair, cradling him in any way he could right now. Both men needed it yet both denied themselves of it, denied themselves of their one desire, their one hope, their one love. No matter how much they both wanted to deny it it was still there, both could tell yet both ignored.
Sirius' fragmented sobs only grew worse as he turned around clinging to Remus so tightly, it was now as clear as day to Remus that Sirius felt that if he let go then Remus would disappear, would leave him again, this time never coming back. They both knew deep down that he never would, He never would, never could. No matter how much the taller boy wanted to go, how much he desperately wanted to spare the man he loved from his fragmented and beaten boy, he really was not so deep down no matter how hard he tried to hide it. He never really left him. He could never fully leave Sirius, especially right now when Sirius desperately needed him.
“I miss him so much…it’s my fault he’s dead...if only-” Sirius had started to say through cut off and broken sobs before getting cut off by Remus.
“Please don’t think like that Baby, it’s not your fault, it never was and never will be” Remus said softly before pressing his lips to the top of the raven haired boys head, fighting the urge to lean his head down further, to kiss his lips, to express how much he really loved him even though he knew he broke Sirius’ heart just a week ago by leaving him for no reason at all, no reason other than his selfish desire to protect the one boy, the only boy, that he only truly ever loved, from the horrid monster that he knew as himself.
“He called me Baby…” Sirius thought, reminiscing at the nickname, something Remus used to call him when they were still together. This only made him sob harder as he clinged to Remus tighter than he ever had before.
“It will be okay, I promise you that.” Remus comforted the other man.