Regulus Black is in love with James Potter.
That’s it, that is probably all you need to know about him.
He fell in love when he was eleven years old, as Sirius introduced them and James looked at Regulus with a smile that could light up the world, Regulus’ first thought was “you’re the sun” instead of saying that, because he was kind of a brat at eleven, he said
“Your hair is a mess” turned around and left, and to be fair, James’ hair was a mess, it just wasn’t a bad thing, like his tone had suggested, Regulus loved it.
After that, well, James tried everything to make Regulus like him, he would talk to him, hug him, insist, try and try and try, and well, what could Regulus do but fall into his charms?
The thing is, James was in love with Lily Evans, and Regulus world crashed.
He would propose to her almost every day in school, he would give her flowers and letters and serenade and do everything in his power to make the read-headed fall in love with him.
And that was the difference, he tried for so long to make Regulus like him but wanted Evans to love him. As most things happen with love, James didn’t quite get what he wanted, Regulus didn’t either, and Evans, well, Regulus didn’t actually care, wasn’t her fault, but also, he considered she was kind of stupid for not wanting what he would die for having.
Years passed, Regulus was no longer that eleven-year-old kid, but now was a 19-year-old teenager who was, still, irrevocable and pathetically in love with James Potter.
Lily Evans was now one of his best friends, with Remus who brought her to the library in one of their study sessions a few years ago, apparently, she was the best at her year in chemistry, Regulus’ favourite subject, he was suspicious of her, but quickly realized that she wasn’t at fault for James not corresponding his feelings, or for her not being in love with James, and she was actually really smart and funny. Remus, Lily and he fell into a friendship that started with books and deepened with sharing the fact that they were all queer, Remus being gay, Lily bisexual, and Regulus trans, before figuring out that he was also gay.
They were at a party now, Sirius 20th birthday, and Regulus was intending to drown in liquor because when you’re in love with James Potter and he is your brother’s best friend, and your best friend is in love with your brother, well, there is not much you can do to avoid him.
“Heyyy, Reggie, what’s up? Enjoying the party?” James put his arms around his shoulders, squeezing him tight, Regulus wanted to die.
“Potter. To what do I owe the pleasure of you talking to me?” He said with sarcasm, well, the tone was sarcastic, he was panicking internally, but James didn’t need to know that.
“Reeeg, why are you so mean? And why do I love it?” James said, pulling him closer, he wasn’t drunk, didn’t even smell like it, that was just his personality, apparently.
“You have problems, we all know that; actually, Lily and I have a bet, how long ‘til you end in a Psych Ward” He said pushing James to the side, he didn’t need the proximity, he was drinking, being close to James and drunk was a recipe for disaster.
“Oh, so she gets to be Lily while I’m just Potter” he said pouting and damn it, why was he so cute? He had to leave before kissing him. “Anyways how is she? Haven’t talk to her in a while” And now the moment was ruined, Regulus no longer wanted to kiss him, now he wanted to punch him and, well, also kiss him, but mainly punch his stupid face with his stupid eyes and his stupid nose.
“Potter, get over her, she is not interested, she hasn’t been in eight years, and she is not starting now, please have some self-respect.” Regulus turned around and walked out, leaving him there, standing, shit, why was he so stupid? Of course, fucking Potter hadn’t got over Lily, and what was that? ‘Have some respect’, as if he wasn’t also pining for an idiot who just didn’t like him back
“Wait, mierda, Regulus!” He stopped as James jogged over to him “I was just making conversation, I don’t fancy her anymore, just genuinely wanted to know how was she, I heard she got an apartment with Pandora, right? I’m happy for them, I gave up on all that years ago” Regulus just raise an eyebrow “Okay, well, maybe not years ago as in a lot of years ago, but yeah, it’s been a while, even before she and Pandora started, I swear”
“You don’t need to justify yourself to me, I don’t care” He lied, of course he cared, did James liked someone else? Was he sleeping around now that he wasn’t in love? Was he casually dating?
“Well, yeah, but you’re her and Pandora’s friend, I wouldn’t want you thinking I’m a homewrecker or that I stopped liking her just because she fell in love with Pandora, it’s really not that” Oh, he only told him so he wouldn’t go into protective friend mode, not because he wanted to clarify to him anything, yeah, that made more sense.
“Well, I don’t think that, and if you’re finished, I must go find Remus before he throws himself at my brother and make me embarrassed” James laughed and damn him if that wasn’t the best sound Regulus has ever heard.
“Sure Reggie, although I think Sirius is going to launch at Remus first, so let’s see whose best friend loses the ‘I don’t give a fuck war’ first” he winked at Regulus and left, not caring about how Regulus’ heart stopped and the panic he produced.
-
A few hours passed and yeah, he was drunk as fuck and Remus was nowhere to be seen, presumably snogging the shit out of his brother, and that thought alone made Regulus sick, no, it was not the amount of alcohol, it was definitely thinking about his best friend making out with Sirius.
He ran into the closest bathroom and opened the door, not even knocking, when he crashed straight into James, shit, not now, please not now.
“Well, well, we have to stop meeting like this, estrellita” James said with a smirk, not knowing what him speaking spanish caused on him.
“Not now James, I think I’m going to throw up, go, please” Regulus never said please, but he was not going to vomit in front of James, he wouldn’t allow it. He sat on the toiled as the room was spinning
“Damn it you called me James, this is serious” James frowned as he crouched onto the level of regulus
“No, my brother is” And fuck, he was really drunk if he made that stupid joke “Please go”
“There is no way I’m leaving you like this Reggie, let me take you to one of the bedrooms upstairs, to rest, it has a bathroom if you need it” Regulus just nodded and let himself be carried to James’ bedroom, that wasn’t really strange, James knew that drunk Regulus was calmer than normal, mean, impenetrable Regulus.
“Here” he said, placing him kindly in the bed, passing him a glass of water, and how could Regulus not love him? “Now, you still want to throw up?” Regulus shook his head after drinking a sip “Okay, I’m gonna leave now, you just get yourself comfortable and rest” James turned around and started walking, but he didn’t want to let him go, not now, not ever.
“Jamie, wait” He looked at him like he had grown a second head, and well, maybe Regulus hadn’t call James ‘Jamie’ in a long time (seven years, two hundred and six days), but it wasn’t that weird, right? “Don’t go, what- what if I do something stupid like call Barty?” That was a lame excuse, he was the one who ended things with Barty because he was stupidly in love with the blind idiot standing in front of him, Barty and him were really good friends now, actually, if Regulus did call him, he would probably just make a joke of how irresistible he is if his ex can’t get over him, and nothing even slightly severe would happen.
“Yeah, you’re right, I better stay with you” James said nodding to himself and approaching the bed “Move aside estrellita, I don’t want to crush you” Regulus bit his tongue as he did just that, he did not need to say that he would be blessed to be crushed by the older one, James did not need to know that
“You are warm” He said instead, James chuckled and put Regulus’ head in his shoulder, as he would often do when they were younger, when Regulus allowed himself to be James’ friend, and how he missed those days, they hurt, but it was the best kind of hurting that he had experienced.
“Yeah, I get that a lot, actually” Regulus frowned, who were they? Who else was casually feeling James’ warmth?
“I never want to let go” The truth simply came out as he was so relaxed being next to James, as if nothing could ever go wrong, as if this was his spot in life, next to him.
“Don’t, just sleep” James said patting his head affectively.
“I like you James, I really like you”
“You’re too drunk Reg, sober up or go to sleep” But why would Regulus lie? It’s so clear he is in love with him.
“No, James, I like you, I’m in love with you, I have been for years” He felt James tensing at that, shit, what did he do, shit shit shit.
“Reg, I- you are really important to me, and you’re Sirius’ little brother, you know I care for you a lot, but I- I like someone else, we are kind of dating now, I-” And just like that Regulus was stone cold sober
“Shit, sorry, James, I am really sorry I don’t know what I was thinking, fuck” He stood up and was planning to run as fast as he could but James hand wrapped his wrist and didn’t let go
“No, wait, Regulus, I just, I want to talk properly, I don’t think you should leave like this”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right, sorry, I really shouldn’t have said that, I don’t even know why I said it, it just slipped, I’m really sorry” Regulus was so embarrassed, why would he do this to himself? He needed Lily, she held him when he cried for James every single time, she knew every detail of his not-so-little crush, and always knew what to say
“No, it’s okay, I-I guess you are really good at hiding it, I would never have guessed” That hurt like hell, yes, he was good at hiding it, he had been doing it for eight fucking years and it was eating him alive
“Yeah, so, you are dating someone, cool, who is she?” Regulus asked flatly, just to deflect the conversation from his feelings
“Uhm, he is actually Gideon? Prewett? You know, the one who was a year above mine?” What. The. Fuck. One of Regulus’ comfort thoughts was always ‘he is straight so its better that he doesn’t like you because it means he doesn’t see you as a girl’ and now his saying he is not straight? He has never been?
“Yes, I remember him” he said way more calmly than he felt “so you’re bi?” James looked genuinely scared to answer that, as if regulus could kill him right then and there, and well, fair, regulus could do that
“Pan, actually” James said shrugging and scratching the back of his head
“Well, cool, good, I will, yeah, you’re pan, that’s great, I have to go” He was going to leave, but then he stopped, because if he had already embarrassed himself, why not just end? “James?” and he answered with a ‘hm?’ “If I waited, could that maybe help?” James looked heartbroken at that question, and it was dumb, really, because he was the one breaking Regulus’ cold heart, he flew too close to the sun, and he realized that just as soon as the words left his mouth.
“Regulus, like I said, I care for you, but, well, I don’t think patience will change how I feel for you, I’m sorry”
“Right.” Regulus did leave then, he did not run, he just walked, his heart staying behind.
-
On the way to the door, he saw Remus and Sirius but didn’t acknowledge them
“Reggie? What’s wrong?” His brother asked, Regulus just ignored him and kept walking, he opened the door, and stopped as he heard a quiet ‘shit’ from Remus and a ‘gotta go pads, sorry’ there was a muffled kiss and then Remus was hugging him, so he let all his feelings flow, and he cried, he cried on his brother’s apartment entrance clinging to his best friend like it was the only thing keeping him alive.
-
The next day Lily, Pandora and Remus were in his flat, they even wanted to call Barty and Evan, but Regulus told them not to disturb them, because they were on the honeymoon phase, and he didn’t need them rubbing their love in his face.
He told them once again everything that he felt for James, hoping to end things to his feelings, he cried about how much he loved every part of him, inside out, how he could take anything from him, and regulus would gladly give it.
He told them how there was one time they had a dinner with Sirius, but he was running late so he insisted on them ordering something, how the host said they were cute, they thought they were a couple, so they shared a glass of wine, and James laughed, while internally Regulus was hoping, maybe it was a sign.
And why did everyone else see what James never saw? Effie, Monty, Marlene, Dorcas, Mary, even Peter, they all thought there was something going on with him, because they’re perfect together, but Regulus will never be the one.
“I just stay a footnote in his life, maybe someday I will fall in love, maybe someday I’ll get over him” Regulus sighed as his friends cuddled him “I just wish he wasn’t Sirius’ best friend, then I wouldn’t have to see him nearly every day”
“Honey, he is also one of Remus’ best friends, it’s not like you can run from him in any way” Lily said, not really helping
“Remus would choose me, wouldn’t you Rem?”
“Of course I’d choose you seren llew” Regulus hummed in acceptance “But, I am also Sirius’ boyfriend, so either way you would see him often” Regulus didn’t seem so pleased at this, so he groaned once again and covered his eyes like he wanted to cry again
“That’s it Reg, you’re done moping for that idiot who doesn’t see what he has in front of him, you have to enter your slut era” Lily said
“Love, I don’t think that would be really healthy” Pandora tried to protest, but the idea was already in Regulus’ mind, and it wouldn’t go anywhere
“No, Dora, Lily is right, nothing else is working, I need to get laid to get over him”
“Well, if you must” Pandora said hesitantly
“I will get over James Potter, it is decided”
-
He did not get over James.
It had been one month since “The incident” as Regulus liked to call it, he had slept with various men, all of them fairly nice, but none was doing it. They were okay, but they just weren’t James, and if one of them fucked him good enough that he forgot him for a second, he just needed to see James the next day, laughing and being his stupid self, and everything would fall apart again.
They didn’t talk. Sometimes James tried but as soon as he approached, Regulus would leave the room. Sirius didn’t know, and every time he asked something on the subject, Remus distracted him, both James and Regulus were grateful for that.
Today they were at another party, no special occasion, it was in the daytime, not that much alcohol, just close friends, a barbecue in the Potter’s garden, and funny stories.
“… and then, Lily grabbed the book from Moony’s hands and hit me in the arm over and over again!” Everyone laughed, Regulus didn’t know exactly what the story was, to be fair, Lily hit Sirius almost all the time, so it wasn’t that rare. He stood up from his chair quietly and made his way to the house, he wanted something to drink and the only thing on the cooler was beer, he hated beer. He opened the fridge and he bended down a little to grab a coke when a voice startled him
“Hey Reggie” As soon as he heard James, he tried to stand up so quickly that he hit his head, damn it, so much for keeping it cool, and there he was, James Potter, leaning over the wall of the kitchen, as beautiful as ever.
“Potter” he said as a hello and as a goodbye, trying to surround him to get the fuck out of there. But James had other plans, he grabbed his arm and pulled him close “What do you want”
“We need to talk Reg” James’ tone made him shiver, he was begging
“There’s no reason whatsoever for me to want to talk to you, so please, let me go before I break your nose James Fleamont” James smiled at this, shit, why was he smiling at Regulus threatening him? That was not normal
“C’mon estrellita, I need to tell you something” And, well, Regulus was strong, he really was, but that nickname made things to his stomach, and how could he resist James when he was like that?
“Well, I don’t have all the time in the world so, whatever you have to say, just be direct” Regulus said, breaking the grip of James and crossing his arms
“Damn it Reg, with you being like that I don’t know how was I suppose to just know that you were in love with me” And okay, auch, yes, he was mean, but James should know it’s his defence mechanism by now.
“Fuck you, I’m leaving” Regulus tried to leave, but James grabbed him again and looked at him with those fucking deer eyes and the eight years of being in love came back just like that.
“No, Reg, wait, okay, so, direct, yes, I can do that, I can be direct, so, it all started when I was 12…” Regulus rolled his eyes, that was direct? “No, I know what you’re thinking, and yes, this is direct, mierda, bueno, sigamos, so, I was twelve, okay? And I had this amazing best friend called Sirius Black, who would almost always talk about his little brother and how he loved him more than anything, how he was his role model and therefore he had to be the best at everything.
At the time that meant the best at pranks, I know, stupid, and then I met you, and I understood, you were so cute, and I wanted to squeeze you and protect you, and mostly, I wanted you to like me, but you hated my guts so I made you like me, I think I actually did a great job wait that’s not the point, uhm, anyways, I’m rambling, I know, so you were not only his entire world, but you also became mine; and okay, at the time I was a little obsessed with Lily but that passed, I swear, then it was just habit, I guess, I never really loved her, and two years ago I told Sirius that I couldn’t be chasing her anymore because I didn’t even liked her like that, I confessed that I was in love with you, and he loves you, he loves you so much, that he made me promise to never ever tell you, because if things went wrong, well, he just couldn’t choose, I think he thought it was momentary, and you were with Barty at the time so it was kind of okay, and then you broke up and well, I had made a promise, but then, then, estrellita, you got drunk and I almost cried because I needed you to know I loved you too, I love you, but the promise, I never break a promise” Regulus did not know what to think, everything was just happening so fast, just, what. James was gently touching his face, stroking his hair, his eyes still begging for understanding
“So I told you the things I told you, and I watched you leave, and I told Sirius everything, I spent this month trying to convince him that we were going to be okay, that nothing would happen if I could help it, that I love you more than anything I ended things with Gideon, I did everything right to be able to be with you without restrains, and I was going through hell that night because I wanted to dump Gideon in that moment and kiss you, and to be really honest fuck you but I couldn’t because of that promise and…” Wait what the actual fuck “All I could think about was ‘I don’t know if time could change how I feel for you’ which was not really a lie if you think about it because I really love you and time will never change that but-” And Regulus couldn’t take it any longer, nothing else mattered, they loved each other, after eight years of pining there was nothing that Regulus cared about more than that.
So, he kissed James, he kissed him with every cell in his body and every tear and every laugh and he put everything he felt for James in that kiss.
“Fucking finally” Remus said, Dorcas was applauding with Marlene hugging her from behind, everyone was in the kitchen now.
“You owe me 20 bucks Lils” Mary exclaimed while Lily groaned.
“Holy mother of shit, I really thought James was going to give in first” Marlene said not letting go of Dorcas’ waist
“Same” Peter and Pandora answered with amusement in their eyes, Pandora comforting Lily’s lost by rubbing her arm with her hand.
“I’m going to throw up” Sirius claimed, and Regulus almost, almost stops his magnificent kiss with James to strangle his brother because who the hell did he think he was
“Lets go sweetheart” Remus grabbed Sirius by the arm and took him elsewhere, thank god for Remus Lupin, seriously.
“Well,” James said breaking the kiss “I think we need to get out of here”
“Okay” Regulus said, clinging to James, not wanting to look at his friends because he was too ashamed
“Bye guys, sorry we didn’t stay the whole party, see you!” James said, and Regulus could die of love right there
“It’s okay Guys! Enjoy!” Pandora reassured them while everyone gave them thumbs up
“For my sake don’t enjoy too much!” Sirius screamed dramatically from upstairs
James and Regulus laughed as they left to his flat, to talk, or to release tension, who knows, they just lived happily ever after, just like in the novels.
(Well, before the happily ever after Regulus may just have punched Sirius for being in the way of his happiness for two years, but they are brothers, everything was alright, eventually…)