If there was anyone to ever get through this life with their heart still intact, they didn’t do it right.
Amidst the silence of the world around me, time stood still, and in that fleeting moment, our eyes met. A silent exchange, a glimpse of something profound, and then it vanished like a whisper in the wind
You faded away, or did you? It's a puzzle, a memory muddled by time and trying to forget. Yet, it lingers, as vivid as yesterday, your presence dissipating into the veil, leaving me suspended in a moment where everything shifted once more.
Harry stood there, teetering on the brink from losing his godfather, perhaps the person who showed the closest resemblance to the love Lily and James once showered upon him.
Without hesitation, I enveloped him in a tight embrace, his heart-wrenching cries filling the room, drowning out everything. But then, amidst the tumult, Bellatrix’s eyes locked with mine—a wicked grin dancing upon her lips. Harry must have caught sight of it too, for he wrenched himself from my grasp, determination flickering in his eyes as he ran after her.
I was left standing there, the echoes of his desperate pursuit mingling with the chilling declaration that reverberated through the corridors of the Ministry : "I killed Sirius Black, I killed Sirius Black."
In the chaos that engulfed the department of mysteries, my heart raced as I desperately searched for Harry amidst the swirling frenzy of Death Eaters and spells flying everywhere. Each corner turned, revealed yet another clash with the dark hooded figures, locked in what seemed to be and endless battle.
Determination surged through me as I continued, I couldn’t stop now, I couldn’t stand to face the reality of my shattered heart, so I pressed on, refusing to think about what had happened just a moment ago.
As I rounded one corner and then another, the chaotic scene around me faded, leaving me alone in a dimly lit room. Suddenly, a dark, hooded figure appeared before me. Without a moment's hesitation, instinct took over, and I launched a punch at the figure's face. As my fist connected, the hood fell back, revealing the sinister face of Antonin Dolohov. His gaze cold and unforgiving as he lifted his wand, his lips forming the words of the dreaded Killing Curse.
Panic threatened to consume me, but before his curse could find its mark, a voice echoed from behind me, filled with determination “Oi, Dolohov! Did you raid a Dementor's closet for that outfit? Your fashion sense is as ugly as your soul!" Neville's voice rang out, dripping with sarcasm, before he flung a dungbomb at the Death Eater.
Caught of guard by Neville's ridiculous remark, Dolohov's hood slipped even lower over his eyes as he blinked in confusion. Seizing the opportunity, I swiftly cast a stunning spell, knocking the death eater to the ground. With Dolohov momentarily incapacitated, I grabbed Neville's arm, and together we made a hasty retreat from the scene, leaving the bewildered Death Eater sprawled on the floor behind us.
Finally, we found ourselves in the Atrium, where the scene before us was surreal. Harry lay on the floor in a trance-like state, Dumbledore standing before him, his stance protective, his presence commanding. But as my eyes fell upon the sight, a surge of resentment coursed through me, a bitter internal monologue echoing within, "I should be the one protecting Harry when Sirius wasn’t here to do it." The words dripped with pent-up frustration as they escaped my thoughts. "I was supposed to be next, the only one left." My accusatory gaze bore into Dumbledore, silently conveying my inner hatred for the man. “I’m sorry, I failed you, Lily.”
The memories of past betrayals and shattered promises bubbled to the surface, fueling my resentment towards the man who had once seemed to be our beacon of hope. As I stood amidst the chaos of the Ministry, my faith in Dumbledore wavered, overshadowed by the weight of my own perceived failure.
Amidst the chaos, witches and wizards began arriving for their day of work, emerging from the fireplaces in droves. Their eyes widened with disbelief as they bore witness to the unthinkable.
The Dark Lord was alive and Harry Potter hadn’t told any lies.
And then, as if the world itself held its breath, everything plunged into darkness, leaving me adrift in an abyss of uncertainty, with no sense of how much time had passed.
Sirius's death struck me like a physical blow, shattering the fragile semblance of peace I had painstakingly stitched together in the aftermath of the first war's turmoil. The pain was visceral, a relentless ache that gnawed at my soul, leaving behind an emptiness no words could articulate.
"Darling, there's a part of me / I'm afraid will always be / Trapped within an abstract from a moment of my life"
In the days that followed, I found myself adrift in a world devoid of color and warmth, where every corner echoed with the remnants of Sirius's presence. His absence was a gaping void, a constant reminder of everything that had been lost. Amidst the suffocating darkness, a simmering anger came to the surface—a fiery indignation at the cruel twist of fate that had robbed Sirius of his hard-won freedom, just as he had begun to reclaim his life.
Beneath the layers of resentment lay a heavy burden of guilt—a whisper that taunted me with missed opportunities, of moments when I could have been there for him, but wasn't. It felt like carrying the entirety of the Hogwarts library and the Black family library at Grimmauld Place in my chest, each step weighted by the memories of what could have been different.
As I stood amidst the wreckage of my own shattered heart, I made a solemn vow—to try to honor Sirius's memory, to fight for a world where no one else would suffer the same cruel fate as he had. It was the least I could do for the man who had given everything to me, only to be torn away when he had just begun to live his life again.
Sirius's absence left a void that could never be filled, yet his legacy shone brighter than the star he was named after. With every breath, I carried his memory, forging ahead with a determination fueled by love and loss. For in the depths of despair, I found a reason to fight—for him, for us, for a future where his spirit would live on in the hearts of those he left behind.
After June 18th, 1996, my heart was no longer intact.