I never thought I'd be hiding from my friends. Well, not for an extended time at least.
They were my friends, the people i trusted the most, the people who knew so much about me, so why would I spend days, much less weeks, avoiding them?
Of course, when I first thought this, my life wasn't a living hell hole.
And then it was.
My father died, i got taken in by the boy my best friend was madly in love with. That boy also happened to be my childhood best friend who i also was madly in love with.
Fun times.
I suppose I decided it was too much to explain. I also didn't trust myself to try to explain it without having some sort of breakdown and that was the last thing I wanted or needed.
So i avoided them, spent more time with James than i ever thought was possible now that we were grown up and weren't in forced proximity.
I only planned to do this for a day or two to get my mind straight and figure out what i was going to tell them. You can’t disappear off the face of the Earth for 3 weeks and then come back pretending like nothing happened. But then again, telling them i killed my own father didn't seem like the best idea.
And yeah, there was that.
I killed my father, the late great Bartemious Crouch Sr.
He started it. Came at me with a gun, threatening to shoot me after he found out I befriended someone from the Noble House Of Black though i doubt that was his real reason. He probably got so sick of me that he decided he might as well take me out himself.
And well, I didn't feel like dying, not by his hand. So i took a gun and when he came to my room, i shot first.
I suppose it started as self defense. Still is self defense. But i can't help but to think that maybe when i pulled that trigger my mind was a lot more focused on revenge than self preservation.
This is one of the reasons I decided to avoid everyone. Not only was it going to be really hard to explain, it fucked me up. As much as i would like to joke about or pretend it didn't happen, i took a man's life. And i don't even feel bad about it. So what sort of sicko does that make me?
Now it doesn't matter because now i know I’m insane.
Instead of talking to my friends like a normal person, i have spent weeks dodging them. And now, when they tried to ambush me in my dorm i thought i would be a better idea to sneak in through the window of a Gryfindorr dorm room.
Of course, this wasn't just anyone's dorm but James Potter’s.
One thing about loving James and that it was so fucking easy. Everything about him was so easy to love to the point where it was really inconvenient to have to hide it.
Because that was my problem with being in love with James, there was no way on Earth i could ever tell him.
For one, he was currently my only friend. He was the reason i had pretty much anything. Not only that, he was the reason i had a home to go to during holidays rather than being forced into foster care.
Second, Regulus was madly in love with him. Even though i am avoiding Reggie, it would still be quite the jerk move to try to steal James from him.
So yeah, I was stuck. Still am stuck.
I watched as he opened the window, smiling like an idiot. I feel like i’m the Earth, helplessly revolving around him, my one and only sun.
But i am special. I mean something to him because if i didn't why else would he give so much to me, do so much for me? Right?
..Right?