The Hardest Decision

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
F/M
Gen
M/M
Other
G
The Hardest Decision
Summary
James is confused about his sexuality and gets help from Pandora. He becomes more comfortable around his crushes and their friends. James ends up with Ash and Regulus doesn't seem too happy about this
Note
I have absolutely no idea how long this fic will be but I'm excited to write my very first marauders fanfiction and would like to say constructive criticism is encouraged and I hope you enjoy following James along his journey with sexuality
All Chapters

The Advancement

Ash woke up at 9 o'clock in the morning, thanks to the girls in their dorm who opened all the curtains. Ash is glad they're sharing with girls and not some fellas because girls tend to be more accepting. Ash was going to sleep in until at least 10 but Emmeline, their best friend, woke them up at 9 to make sure they were able to get breakfast without having to go to the kitchen, instead of the Great Hall. 

 

Ash spent around 20 minutes in bed until they decided to actually get up and get dressed. They decided to wear a black Iron Maiden t-shirt and black jeans with chains at the loops. Ash brushed their teeth with strawberry flavoured toothpaste, because they can never find cool mint instead of spearmint so kids strawberry toothpaste for them it is. Ash has always been very picky about flavours, nothing could be too sweet, too sour or too spicy, if it was Ash couldn't eat it.

 

*

Ash was sitting at Ravenclaw table, eating lunch with Emmeline, when she told them what she was up to this morning and gave them a flower crown she made with Pandora, their housemate who is a year older than them, until they had to go meet someone. Pandora is the one that helped Ash understand their sexuality and gender. Everyone knows Pandora. Especially if they're in any way queer because people usually go to them for advice on coming out or figuring themselves out, Pandora is a non-binary lesbian so she's been through, both, gender and sexuality confusion. 

 

Pandora had just joined Ash and Emmeline as they were finishing the last bite of their sandwiches. Emmeline didn't want to stay because she had plans with Sybill Trelawney and had to meet her but Ash stayed to chat with Pandora. 

 

“Bye, Em! Hi, Panda, how are you” Ash asked, smiling brightly. “Hello, Ash!” Pandora said, smiling so brightly it could light up the whole room. Pandora and Ash had a chat for a while, talking about school news (gossip but not really) and different hairstyles Pandora learnt that they would love to try on their own hair.

  

The door opened and Ash looked up to see James Potter walking in. By himself? That was odd James was usually followed by his fellow marauders. Ash smiled almost immediately when James walked through the doors. Ash has had a crush on James since 2nd year, 2 years later and they still have a crush on him. “Omg” Pandora whispers, scooting closer to Ash. “You like James Potter” they say looking surprised. “What?” Ash says, whipping they're head around to look at Pandora. “No I don't” they denied looking at the table instead of into Pandora's eyes. “It's completely fine if you do,” they said, comfortingly smiling at Ash. Ash smiles looking at the table again, blushing slightly. “I was talking to him today, you know” Pandora said, staring up at the ceiling, like it was more interesting than usual. The two sat in silence for a moment. “.... Well? What were you talking to him about” Ash said, staring at Pandora. “Hm? Oh it's a secret, sorry.” They said, snapping their head back to Ash. Ash turned their head back to where James usually sits and he wasn't there. James was walking (quite slowly) towards where Ash and Pandora were sitting.

 

Shit, oh shit. I can't talk to him right now, not today. I'm too tired for this! 

 

Ash's brain was going wild with panicked thoughts. Pandora looked up to James and waved, smiling, motioning him to come over. Ash gave Pandora a pointed look, Pandora just shrugged, grinning. “Hi, Panda! Ash” James said, nodding to them James sat down “so what y'all talking about?”. Ash bit their lip, he couldn't tell James that they were talking about their, unbelievably, huge crush on him. “Nothing much,” Pandora says shrugging, “Just what we've done, so far, today”. James' head shoots to Pandora, eyes wide. Pandora raised their eyebrows, as if he was a child, that was being silly. “Right, I'll be off” Pandora said, rising from the bench. “Oh! Uh, bye Panda” Ash said, forcing a smile. Pandora just smiled back reassuringly. Ash turned to James, took a breath and smiled. “Hi. How are you” Ash said calmly, still smiling.

 

***

 

Remus got up from his bed where he was reading a book Regulus, his boyfriend's brother, gave to him. He hadn't left the dorm again since his interaction with James, just before 12. James hadn't come back. Remus wasn't sure whether that was a good or bad thing. He could be out with someone like he said or he could be hiding, on his own, so he wouldn't have to talk with Peter, Sirius or Remus himself.

 

Remus walked down the stairs and went into the common room sitting in one of the armchairs, where he told Sirius he would wait for him before they went to lunch at 2.

 

*

 

 At 20 to 2 Sirius burst through the portrait home, with Marlene. Marlene and Sirius were very close friends. Marlene had shaggy, shoulder length, mullet-like hair while Sirius had thick, shiny, black curls going down to just below his shoulders. Marlene and Sirius were both beaters on the gryffindor quidditch team, both had a very biker kind of style and most importantly they had the same amount of confidence and sense of humour. 

 

“MooooOoooonyyy!” Sirius said, holding out his arms, as soon as he saw Remus. A small smirk grew on Remus’ lips as he also held out one arm to hug Sirius, while still talking to a random first who needed help understanding transfiguration. After Sirius gave him a hug he gave him a kiss on the top of Remus’ head and said, “I'll put my quidditch stuff upstairs and get cleaned up and then I'm all yours, Moons”

 

When Sirius came down the stairs, into the common room Remus immediately stood up and held out his hand. Sirius took it, did a little courtesy and spun into Remus as if ballroom dancing. “Alright come on” Remus huffed softly, twirling Sirius back out of his arms so they were side by side, holding hands.

 

***

“Do you know when the next Hogsmeade weekend is?” James asked even though he knew exactly when it was. It was just an excuse to ask Ash if they'd go with him. “Uh ye, I think it's next week” Ash said, unsure. “Oh great! Would you like to go with me?” James replied, with a big smile on his face. Ash's eyes widened and then narrowed, furrowing his brows, they asked “ What do you mean by go with you?”. Shit James thought what if he doesn't like me. Platonically or romantically. “I don't know? What do you think I mean by it?” James said, dragging out his sentences. “Like a date?” Ash replied, brows still furrowed. James bit his lip and it looked like Ash did the same. “Do you want it to be a date” James asked, crossing his fingers under the table.

 

 

 

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