The Patronus
Harry trudged slowly along the corridor towards the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom; after what had happened at the Quidditch match Harry had decided to accept the lessons offered by Lupin. Although, it had hardly been a choice; Professor Dumbledore was adamant it had to be Lupin who taught Harry.
Naturally, Harry would have preferred to learn from Severus but he was too Slytherin to refuse to learn magic like the Patronus charm simply because he would rather have another teacher.
Professor Lupin was a good defence teacher, he was certainly the best they had so far; although the bar was quite low. He could still discuss what he learned with Severus, and it was probably best not to draw too much of Dumbledore's attention to his relationship with Severus; on the whole, it was best the old fool thought Harry was doing what he was told.
Harry had been researching the charm and he knew a lot about it now, it was essentially pure light magic which often took a specific form though that was not always the case. A properly cast patronus would protect you against dark creatures such as dementors; according to a book he had found it also defended against lethifolds, though there was only one known instance of that occurring.
The magic was fascinating and Harry was confident it would not take him long to master it. However, he would not master it too quickly, it would not be wise to draw anyone's attention to his power; Harry intended to fly right under the radar this year. Tom was busy doing whatever he was doing so hopefully he would stay away from Hogwarts this year and Harry wanted a nice quiet year.
The door to the Defence classroom was open but Harry knocked anyway and waited for his teacher to appear.
“Good evening Harry,” Professor Lupin said warmly, he was looking much healthier Harry noted.
“Good evening sir, I hope you're feeling better,” Harry replied.
“Ahh yes, I am feeling much better thank you,” Lupin replied.
Harry nodded and said nothing more.
“Right, well then we should get started, what do you know about the Patronus charm?” Lupin asked in his usual teacher tone.
Harry sat at one of the front desks and thought about his answer. “Well,” he began slowly. “According to Miranda Goshawk, it is a projection of positive feeling, when it is properly cast it takes the form of something you share an affinity with usually an animal. There is no way to to know what it will be until you cast it, it is difficult to cast and many people never manage to cast a fully corporeal Patronus. Harry recited from what he had read in the Standard Book of Spells.
“Yes, essentially you are correct, many people find the spell difficult and that is why I do not want you to be worried if nothing happens tonight,” Lupin told him a huge smile on his face.
“I know, I need to find the right memory,” Harry told him, a frown creasing his brow.
Lupin nodded cautiously. “That is a big part of it. You need a good strong happy memory, the happier the memory the stronger the magic. So take a moment and think of a few memories you want to try. They should make you feel happy and warm inside.” he explained.
“I have been thinking about it and I have a list of memories I plan to try,” he informed the teacher. He had spent quite some time thinking of memories and he had even ranked them in order of least likely to succeed to most likely. He was going to start with the least likely first.
Severus had told him that this was not a spell people could cast on their first try. “Everyone struggles with this spell Harry,” Severus had warned him. “I don't know if it is possible to cast this spell without a strong happy memory but if anyone could it would be you,” Severus had told him.
Harry sat back in his chair and closed his eyes as sorted through his list. He finally settled on the day he got his Hogwarts letter as the one he would try first. It was good memory but it had been tainted by Harry’s own scepticism. Opening his eyes he nodded at his teacher. “Ok, let's try it,” he said determinedly.
“Alright then, I will demonstrate the wand movement and I want you to copy it without the incantation,” Lupin instructed
Harry nodded and took out his wand.
Lupin made a circle starting at the bottom and moving anticlockwise with a flick of his wrist, Harry copied the movement and they repeated the action several times before Lupin was happy with his movement.
“Good,” he said. “Now you've got the hang on the movement, let's add the incantation,” he said. “It's simple but as with all spells, pronunciation is important. I want to repeat it after me, ex - PEK - troh - pa - TRO - num.” Lupin said breaking the spell down phonetically.
“Ok,” Harry said. And put his wand on the desk he looked at Lupin as he repeated “expectro patronum.”
Lupin nodded with a pleased smile. “Excellent Harry. Now put it together, wand movement and the spell but while you do that you must be completely focused on your happy memory and how you felt in that moment then you push all that happy, positive energy into your spell.”
Harry gripped his wand tighter, this was it. The spell was quite complex with three very distinct parts and from what Harry had read, it seemed the power of the spell was directly related to the happiness created by the memory. So it was likely he could not do it with his power alone but still, he had to keep tight control of it. He couldn't have Lupin running to Dumbldore telling tales of his power.
Closing his eyes he took a deep breath and thought about his Hogwarts letter; then he cast the spell speaking the incantation. Nothing happened. Harry breathed a sigh of relief which Lupin took to be a disappointment.
“Not to worry, remember this is a very difficult charm, all three parts have to be right for it to work. Come on, try again,” he said
Harry tried, and tried again; he tried a good half a dozen times with three different memories before he finally he managed a wisp of silver using the memory of riding his new broom on Christmas morning. He grinned like the Cheshire cat when he saw the mist and he looked at Lupin. “It’s working,” he whispered.
“It, is! Well done Harry,” Lupin enthused. “That is a very good start. However, I think that will do for tonight, it's almost curfew so you should head back to your dorm. I’ll see you again on Saturday.”
Harry had not realised they had been going for so long, he was stunned when Lupin told him it was almost curfew. “Really? It doesn't feel like it's been three hours,” he said his eyes wide in surprise.
Lupin smiled. “Time flies when you are having fun, or working hard,” he said gently. “You have been using a lot of magic, Harry. You should get some rest now.”
Harry felt fine, in fact, he felt better than he had when he came in, perhaps it was relieving all those memories. Still, it was best not to push. “Right, ok well, I’ll see you Saturday then,” he said and he took his leave.
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Augustus Rookwood was sitting in his office scanning the newspaper. The Daily Prophet was a sensationalist rag but it was still how the Wizarding public preferred to get their news. There really was no accounting for people’s stupidity; still, at least a newspaper was less annoying than those talking boxes muggles had in their homes.
The paper he was studying was not the most recent issue; it was several months old and it was the paper which Barty Crouch had given to Sirius Black it was the very copy Black had been given. The Guards had retrieved the paper from the man’s cell when the escape was discovered that evening.
There was something in this paper which had triggered Black’s escape, Augustus was certain of that; Black had been in Azkaban for twelve years and he had never attempted to escape, which was odd if he had retained his sanity.
Black's mental state was yet another thing which worried Augustus. How was it possible for Black to remain sane, in an environment, which was known to cause the most hardened criminals to cry for their mothers within weeks of being locked in there?
He had read the paper back to front several times and found nothing, there were several dirty fingermarks over the front page of the paper but that could be explained by the way Black had held it as he read. Sighing in frustration he put the paper down and checked the time. His Lord should be arriving soon. This would be the first test of his new identity and Augustus really needed to be close just in case something went wrong.
Leaving the problem of Black's escape for the moment, he cast a spell on himself; it was one only unspeakables and undercover aurors were able to cast. It enabled them to move around the ministry without being noticed and without setting off the Ministry's concealment sensors. He made his way to the wand weighing station to wait.
He waited silently, standing with his back to the wall behind the wand weighing station. After several long minutes, the man he knew to be the Dark Lord approached the desk. Augustus was relieved when he saw him and realised that no alarms had been triggered by his Lord's arrival. Still, he held his breath as Maël Rideau handed his wand over to Eric Munch.
Munch was not a fool for all his genial nature might suggest otherwise. He smiled gormlessly and was always far too cheerful for Augustus’ taste but nothing got past him. Augustus stood stock still, his wand drawn and ready to defend his Lord until he heard Munch say cheerily. “That’s all done, welcome to the Ministry Monsieur Rideau.”
Augustus let go of his held breath and melted away into the crowds of people; he needed to be in his office when Olivia called him in to meet with his friend Mssr Maël Rideau, scrying expert and the rest of the new task force.
Augustus regarded divination with a cautious scepticism; he had worked in the Department of Mysteries for too long to discount something simply because he didn't know how it worked. His Lord on the other hand was very interested in it. He had not studied it at school preferring to stick to more traditionally credible classes but he had self-studied and he practised the art frequently.
Augustus knew the Dark Lord had been tracking Black for weeks and according to his Lord, the man was currently hiding out in an ancient cave network near Aberdeen. Maël Rideau was a scryer of renown in his home country. However, the Dark Lord had no intentions of helping the Taskforce find Black; he had his own interests in Black remaining free. He would however lead them on a wild goose chase of solid leads, which would always end in them being too slow or not quite in the right place. Divination was not an exact science after all.
Once he was back in his office he sat and waited for the call from Oliva. Picking up the newspaper again, he unfolded it and looked closely at the finger marks on the front page, two of them were clearly where the paper had been held. The others suggested someone had run their fingers over certain places.
There was a mark on the photo right over the youngest son, Ron and another one under the description of the photo where the names of the family were listed and there was one more over the line the Weasley family will be staying in Egypt for two weeks, returning home in time for the four youngest boys to prepare from their return to Hogwarts.
Hogwarts, Augustus mused what could Black want with the Weasly boys? Why would he have run his finger under that sentence? He was so deep in contemplation he did not immediately notice the paper plane hovering in front of him until it started nudging him. He growled in irritation; all the magic in the world and the Ministry still used a child’s game to communicate. The message was from Olivia Green informing him that Maël had arrived and he was required in her office immediately. This would have to wait he shoved the paper into a drawer so no one would see it on his desk and made his way to the Department Head's office.
🐀🐕🐺
Harry made his way back to the defence room for yet another lesson on casting the Patronus charm. He had been attending the lesson twice a week for four weeks and it was time to bring an end to the farce. He had the perfect memory and he knew that tonight he would manage to cast the charm. The only problem was the memory was not one he could share with Professor Lupin when he inevitably asked about the memory he used.
The professor had been very patient as Harry had run through every other happy memory he had; the charm was more difficult than Harry had expected. Every time Harry had failed Lupin had asked him what memory he used and Harry had told him.
While the first couple of memories he used had been deliberately weak; Harry had not expected every one of his memories to fail. He had worked his way through his whole list of prepared memories and if he was honest he was getting a little frustrated.
He had expected to have made better progress by now and he knew it was because he did not have a good enough memory. He had tried the sorting ceremony, then the train ride home after his first year, then he tried the day he found out he never had to go back to the Dursleys, that one had produced the best result so far but still, the silver mist had no shape.
Harry knew that Professor Lupin had been disappointed that Harry had no happy memories of James and Lily to use; it also seemed to bother him that Harry had no happy memories of his childhood with the Dursleys. Lupin had questioned him about his childhood every time he failed to cast the charm and he kept making suggestions about birthday parties and special family celebrations like Christmas with his family. At first, Harry had been polite in his refusals to come up with such a memory, now he just glared at the man but he had refused to give him any information about his life with the Dursleys.
It made Harry uncomfortable knowing that Professor Lupin was judging his memories and he did not want to talk about them, not with someone who had known his parents. Nevertheless, Lupin took it upon himself to tell Harry things about Lily and James, recounting stories of Harry’s first year with his parents. While Harry found them interesting he also found them very depressing and none of them helped because he did not remember any of the events.
All his life Harry had felt like an outsider, he had not been welcome in the Dursley's house, never mind in their family, Hogwarts people had expectations of him because he was ‘the boy who lived’ and the ‘saviour’. So called because of something that had happened when he was a baby.
His new family cared for him, he knew they did, they took care of him, they came to the school when he was injured and they took him to St Mungo's to see a healer and to the Goblins to have his magic unbound. They protected and gave him everything they gave to Draco but he was not their blood and the whole thing with him speaking parseltongue had been quite uncomfortable.
During his last session, he tried using several different memories from his first Christmas with his new family. It was then that it occurred to him, that the happiest memory he had was finding out that Severus was his soulmate.
Knowing he had someone who was just for him, someone who would love him, take care of him and be his family; not because his parents were dead, not because he was ‘the boy who lived,’ but because they were soulmates and they belonged together. Severus saw him just as he was and in the time they had spent together, Harry had learned that he and Severus had a lot in common. They had both grown up lonely, they had both been unloved and wanted, they had both been bullied but now they had each other.
Professor Lupin, however, could not know any of that, Harry knew that he would not like it and probably he would go straight to Dumbledore and tell him everything. So Harry made a plan, he would tell Lupin that it was the memory of finding his familiar. It wasn't entirely a lie; finding Bindi was part of his happiest memory. However, Harry would let Lupin assume that he was talking about Hedwig.
Harry stopped outside the defence classroom and took a deep breath before he knocked on the door; today would be the day he cast his Patronus. He had dragged it out for weeks and he was losing his patience it was time to just cast the damn charm and bring an end to these lessons.
“Alright ready Harry?” Lupin asked after they had once again talked through the theory behind the charm. Harry nodded and he drew his wand and let his mind drift to his first Christmas with the Malfoys and he let the happiness of that day fill him. Then he thought about Severus and focused on his presence there and the way he had helped Harry understand what was expected.
“Expecto patronum,” he said and for the first time a shadow of a large animal appeared.
A huge smile broke out over the defence teacher's face. “Well done, Harry! Try again,” he encouraged.
Harry focused his mind again on Severus, this time he thought about receiving Bindi and giving Aspen to Severus and he cast again. The animal was clearer now. It was big and had antlers but that was all Harry could make out; Lupin however seemed ridiculously overexcited.
“One more time Harry, you’ve almost got it,” he said excitedly.
Harry narrowed the memory again this time he focused on the feeling of learning he had a soulmate. “Expecto patronum,” he said firmly.
A huge fully formed stag sprang from his wand and shifted nervously on its hooves, Harry stood still and then slowly he smiled as he looked at his patronus it glowed a silver blue and looked to be made of pure light, yet it also looked solid. Harry walked towards it and held out his hand and the huge beast nuzzled his hand.
Harry turned to look at Lupin who was smiling but it was a wistful smile mixed with awe and wonder and did not quite fit the situation.
“Professor? Is everything alright?” Harry asked.
“Prongs,” Lupin breathed.
“What?” Harry, asked. “It's what?” he frowned as he looked at the stag who was now standing still and observing Harry and Remus with some interest.
“Prongs,” Lupin whispered almost reverently. “This is prongs, Harry. James was an animagus this is his form - Prongs,” Lupin said, his face now alight with joy. “You’re his son, Harry, it makes sense he is part of you.”
Harry ended the spell instantly and the stag vanished. He remembered now what Petunia had said about his father turning into a stag after boasting about being an animagus. Severus had not known until then James had been an animagus and he had snorted in annoyed disbelief on hearing Petunia’s story.
Harry’s face contorted in anger as he turned on Lupin. “James,” he spat, "that was James?”
“Yes, Prongs was his animagus and his patronus,” Lupin said his smile fading and a look of confusion on his face.
Harry looked mutinous. “There has to be a way to change it,” he said stubbornly.
Lupin looked taken aback, but he answered. “Sometimes a patronus can change if we get a new wand or some say our patronus will change to match our soulmate. Harry, why are you so upset? I would have thought you would be pleased to have part of your father…”
“He’s not my father,” Harry yelled. “Lucius is my father.”
“Harry…” Lupin started soothingly.
“No, no I know about James, he was a bully so was Sirius. Severus told me about them when Black escaped from Azkaban,” Harry said crossly.
“Harry I don't know what Severus told you…” Lupin said slowly.
Harry however was not in the mood for lies or excuses. “Look me in the eye professor and tell me my father did not bully Severus,” Harry demanded.
The man hesitated for just a moment before he said in his most soothing tone. “Harry it wasn't like that, we were children…”.
Harry raised his eyebrow and Lupin flushed. “You were part of it,” he accused quietly. “It wasn't just two on one it was three,” Harry said, his expression furious.
“Harry, it wasn't so simple, Severus gave as good as he got,” Lupin said more firmly.
“He had two people with him did he? It was even numbers? Three on three?” Harry demanded. Somehow he knew Lupin would not dare lie to him.
The teacher looked devastated but he said nothing.
“That's what I thought, my dad was no better than Dudley. Did you know that he had a gang as well? It was always four on one. They had this game they played called ‘Harry Hunting,’ they chased me until I couldn't run any more and then they beat me where I fell. Sound familiar at all, Professor,” Harry hissed the final word.
Lupin looked ashen as he opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out.
“I expect you’ll want to run to Dumbledore and tell him all of this. Well, don't expect anything from him. He will tell you I am lying, that it was not so bad as I say, that I made it up. I don't suppose that’s familiar too?” Harry said his tone pure venom.
Anger flashed across Lupin’s face and for a moment he looked as if he would argue; then something changed and he suddenly looked afraid. “You know about me, Severus told you,” Lupin said tonelessly.
“Daphne figured it out,” Harry deflected. It was true even if had not been Daphne who told him. “Then Severus told me what Sirius did to him, and what Dumbledore did to protect you,” Harry told him.
“My father,” Harry said spitting out the word. “Was just like Dudley wasn't he?”
“Your father saved Snape,” Lupin said looking stricken.
“Yes luckily for you," Harry snarled. "You'd have been put down and Sirius would have been in prison several years earlier if he hadn’t…” he stopped suddenly, the anger disappeared and his face became a blank mask. “...no, of course not,” he whispered dangerously. “Dumbledore would have protected his little pets.”
“That's enough,” Lupin said crossly.
“I agree...” Harry interjected. “...it's quite enough. Thank you for your help, Professor. I will see you in class,” he said and he turned and walked calmly towards the door wrenched it open and walked out, then he slammed the door behind him and ran.
🐀🐕🐺
Harry returned to his dorm and for the next week he said nothing about his success with the Patronus charm; when he was asked about his progress he deflected the questions with non-committal noises. Most Slytherins, knowing how difficult the charm was let it go, assuming he was still yet to master the charm.
Severus however knew better, Harry was hiding something. He did not want to push but he decided that opening the channels of communication would not hurt especially since Harry had not had a lesson with Lupin in over a week; to that end, he invited Harry for a nightcap on Friday night.
Harry accepted the invitation and he arrived promptly at the portrait guarding Severus rooms at 8.55 pm. Severus had early patrol and would likely be a little late as he would need to ensure all students were moving off towards their common rooms before curfew.
Harry entered Snape’s room it was cosy and blissfully silent. Harry sat curled on the sofa with Aspen purring in his lap; he knew Severus was going to expect answers to his odd behaviour but how could he tell his soulmate that his patronus was the image of his father's animagus?
Harry didn’t know exactly what had transpired between his father and Severus but his guesses had made Lupin react with anger and shame. That was as good as confirmation for Harry, Lupin’s argument that they had been children was no argument at all in Harry’s mind.
They had not really been children surely by fifteen people should know right from wrong. If Sirius Black had not known it was wrong to set an unsuspecting person on the path of a werewolf at full moon then he was an idiot and too stupid to be helped in Harry’s mind.
Severus returned to his room at 10 pm and found Harry still curled on his sofa with a grey kitten sleeping in his lap. He walked over to the boy who was staring into the fire and dropped a quick kiss on his head.
“Good evening Harry,” he purred softly, in that deep voice which always made Harry feel safe and protected.
“Hello Severus,” he replied with a smile.
“Would you like some hot chocolate?” He offered, still standing behind the sofa.
Harry nodded and Severus disappeared into his small kitchen to make it. He returned several minutes later with two steaming mugs.
“How have you been Harry? I have not seen much of you these past few weeks,” He observed as he gave Harry his drink and settled himself on the sofa.
Harry hummed as he blew on his chocolate to cool it. “I have been busy, you know with school work such.”
Severus observed Harry’s nonchalant demeanour, his young betrothed wanted to tell him something but he didn’t know how to say it. Most likely it was about the Patronus lessons; perhaps something had gone wrong. Lupin had said nothing but Severus had the distinct impression that the man was avoiding him. “I believe you have stopped attending your lessons with Lupin. We agreed did we not that you would come to me if you found it too difficult to learn from him?” Severus asked.
“No, I don't need to learn anymore,” Harry said in an offhand way.
“Oh, so you succeeded?” Severus asked curiously.
Harry shrugged, giving his full attention to the cup in his hand. “Yeah, I guess.”
Severus tilted his head and considered the boy in front of him. He was hunched over in a way which usually meant he was worried about something or felt guilty about something but Severus could not for the life of him think what Harry would be feeling guilty about.
“Harry,” he said softly. “Is there something you wish to tell me?”
“No,” he denied.
“I will not be upset with you,” Severus pressed.
“How do you know? You might hate me!” Harry said unexpectedly and Severus heard the break in the boy's voice, which, told him that whatever this was, it had upset Harry very much.
“I could never hate you love,” Severus reassured him.
“You might when you see this,” Harry said so quietly Severus had to strain to hear. Harry put his drink down and picked up his wand and he stood up. He looked at Severus for a long moment and then cast his Patronus. The massive stag erupted from his wand with little effort now that Harry had the right happy memory.
“Harry, that's incredible,” Severus said in an awed tone. "The clarity and strength of the creature is quite remarkable Harry."
“It’s James,” Harry spat. “You must hate it. I am so sorry.”
Severus was surprised at Harry’s devastated expression, he was unsure for a moment what could have caused it. then it dawned on him. The stag was James’ animagus form and Harry knew that Severus had a troubled relationship with James.
“Harry, do you know that our patrons reflect the personality of the caster? Who they are inside? A stag is perfect for you, Harry. They are strong and independent animals. They indicate strength of character and an ability to respond to life's challenges with strength and grace. I think that matches you perfectly,” Severus said gently.
Harry did not say a word but Severus could tell he was listening and thinking, so he continued to talk.
“Did you know soulmates often have matching patronus?” He asked, watching Harry carefully.
Harry raised his head at that and looked at his Patronus, the stag was still in the room; he was shifting nervously as if waiting for something. Then Severus raised his own wand and summoned his patronus. A beautiful female deer leapt from the tip of his wand and trotted over to Harry’s stag.
The two animals regarded each other with suspicion for a moment before the male stepped forward and lowered his head and the female moved closer to him and rubbed her face against his neck. The two animals stood like that for a few moments before they began to nuzzle against each other.
Harry was transfixed watching the pair get to know each other.
“Albus believes my patronus is a doe because your mother’s patronus was a doe and I thought so too, until now. Now I understand my doe is the mate to your stag Harry.” Severus said softly.
“He…he matches yours,” Harry said softly in awe of the two animals.
“He does,” Severus replied. A stag spirit animal refers to confronting one's inner shadows discovering hidden paths and emerging into the light. Perhaps your father took such a path and that is why he was matched with Lily.
“What does a doe mean?” Harry asked tearing his gaze from the animals to look at Severus.
“It generally means love, unconditional love. As well as strength and protection,” Severus told him.
“Oh,” Harry said softly. “That's perfect. We match,” he said, his eyes lighting up.
“We do,” Severus told him.
Harry smiled and picked up his hot chocolate again as the two patronus faded away and he smiled into his cup.
“I was so worried, that you would be angry or upset," he confessed.
“Yes, I knew you were worrying about something. I am just glad it was so easily resolved. Severus replied.
Harry hummed contentedly “I should have known,” he said ruefully. “You always fix things, whenever I think something is broken beyond repair you fix it,” he said, smiling at Severus with a huge relieved smile.
Severus moved so he could pull Harry into his arms. “I shall always do my best to protect you, Harry, even from yourself,” he said softly, speaking into the dark hair, tucked under his chin.
“I know,” he said, shuffling so he was pressed against the older man’s side. They sat together for several minutes before Harry moved to put his empty cup on the table and Severus moved the conversation on.
“I spoke to your father, and he has sent an official letter to Authur Weasely dissolving the marriage contract with Ginerva and informing them that you are not interested in entering into any new contract,” he informed Harry.
“Brillant,” Harry said with relief in his tone. “That will make Ginny happy. I was wondering if I could get a letter to her somehow, I don't want to get her into trouble with her mother though,” he said.
“Why would you want to contact her?” Severus asked.
“I want her to know I don't blame her or anything. I mean it wasn't her fault was it?” Harry replied.
“No I suppose it was not, I could see if something could be arranged through Gringotts,” Severus told him. “Or you could speak with the twins.”
Harry smiled “Yeah, I will do that, Thanks Sev.”
They spend the rest of the evening talking about Harry’s classes and their plans for Christmas, by the time Harry left he had forgotten all his worries and he managed his first full night's sleep in several weeks.