Chapter 6
“Ok everyone!” Dorcas called over the large plates of breakfast pastries. Her voice was commanding and loud enough to have Lily regretting that last martini. “The tour officially starts in one week. Last night you all hugged and sang kumbaya but today we get to work. Lily you have one week to teach Marlene’s band a killer thirty minute set that if it goes well could kickstart an amazing career for you with Phoenix and if it goes poorly could propel you back into relative obscurity.”
Lily winced in response to the harsh words turning to Marlene to whisper “Is she always this intense?”
Marlene nodded, smiling like a smitten idiot. “Yeah, it's so sexy.”
“Marlene” Dorcas turned to face the blonde, voice stern. “You won’t have as much time to rehearse with your band because they’ll be working with Lily for most of the week so when you do have time to rehearse don’t fuck around. I know you think because you’re sexy and talented you don’t have to work hard but you do.”
“Did you hear that? She called me sexy!” Marlene whispered giddily as Dorcas kept talking and Lily rolled her eyes smiling at her new friend.
“Sirius, this is the biggest tour you’ve done to date. You’ve been working your ass off and It’s paying off.” Dorcas inhaled sharply, looking as if what she was about to say caused her physical pain. “I’m proud of you”
“Aww Dorky you’re going soft on me!” Sirius exclaimed, throwing a hand dramatically over his heart.
Dorcas raised her voice and continued sternly “BUT this is a big departure for you from the music you usually make. Minnie Poppy and I went out on a limb for you with Albus and if this album and tour aren’t massive successes he’s not going to let you have this kind of creative control over your album concepts again. We need to make sure the costumes, production value, and choreography are all up to snuff. This isn’t your usual small venue coffee house show with just you and your guitar, this is an arena tour. You wanted to put out an eighties dance music inspired record that means an eighties dance music inspired show. Choreography, costume changes, crowd work it’s all as important as the music if not more. I know you can make this tour unforgettable but it’s gonna be hard work. You ready?”
Sirius smiled that smile that had made teenage girls the world over fall madly in love with him “I was born ready Meadowes”
The corners of Dorcas’s lips twitched up ever so slightly into the barest hint of a smile. “Let’s get to work then. Lily, you're my first priority today. As soon as breakfast is over I’ll show you to the ballroom we’re using as a rehearsal space and get you acquainted with your band alright?”
Lily nodded nervously and Dorcas gave her an encouraging half smile. Marlene looked so jealous Lily thought she might actually turn green with envy. “She smiled at you! You’ve known her for a day! I’ve known her for years and the most I’ve ever gotten is a slightly amused eye roll!” Lily laughed but as Dorcas sat down to eat she couldn’t help but notice the way her eyes kept drifting towards Marlene. Lily thought the manager might like the musician more than she let on.
———
Once Lily had eaten enough croissants and greasy bacon to make her head stop pounding she rose to find Dorcas. She walked around the table with no sign of her. Finally she spotted the woman leaning her back against the bar cellphone in her hand thumbs moving frantically. Her eyebrows were furrowed and lines creased her forehead and for the first time Lily realized how hard touring must be from the administrative end. She’d only ever considered how difficult it was to rehearse everyday and perform every night but Dorcas had to book hotels, arrange venues, promote the tour, coordinate with the merch teams and handle all the different and often difficult personalities that made up a tour. Dorcas couldn’t have been much older than Lily herself but her eyes looked so tired and her shoulders slumped as if exhausted from carrying the weight of the entire tour on her back.
When Dorcas looked up and saw Lily staring at her she startled, nearly dropping her phone. “Shit Lily, I didn't hear you come up, sorry. I was just emailing with the managers of the Houston venue they’re being dicks about the merch. Apparently since it’s an arena owned by a college with a religious affiliation we’re not allowed to sell our “I Found Heaven At A Sirius Black Concert” shirts I mean if you’re so uptight about wholesome Christian Imagery why even ask Sirius to perform”
Lily cringed. Growing up in a small town in rural texas she knew all too well the restrictions placed on queer identity. She was excited for the Houston show, she’d never played in her home state outside of her high school talent show, but she wasn’t yearning to go back to the place that had made her hide who she was her entire life. Texas wasn’t all bad, her parents who she loved and had been super supportive of her pursuing music and coming out were still there and were planning on coming to the show and she still had some friends there. She paused. She still had some friends there.
“What’s the college that owns the arena?” she asked Dorcas, aiming for a casual tone. There were so many universities in Texas the odds were incredibly slim her connection would be of any use and she didn’t want to get Dorcas’s hopes up for nothing.
“It’s Hogwarts College pretty small school but they reached out to us so I didn’t have to hunt down a suitable Houston venue”
Lily smiled broadly “No way! I actually know the dean of Hogwarts I’m friends with his son I can reach out get him to talk to the arena managers about how censorship is against the university code of conduct”
Dorcas’s eyes brightened “You could? Oh my god that’s amazing I was stressing about having to find a new venue in less than two weeks.”
“Yeah I’ll text Remus right now!” Lily said, excited that she could help and get into Dorcas’s good books at the same time.
“Remus?” Dorcas questioned, raising her eyebrows “Why does that name sound so familiar?”
Lily laughed “Probably because you heard it in an ancient history class. His parents are total mythology nerds.”
Dorcas shakes her head “No that can’t be it. I failed history” Lily laughed “Hey I was a business major for a reason” Dorcas said but her voice was light.
“Well he’s also a fellow queer singer songwriter, maybe he’s been on the labels radar too” Lily hoped this was the case. Remus was extraordinarily talented. His songs were so real and raw encompassing so much of the queer teen experience. She had a few more monthly listeners on spotify then he did but not by much. Thinking of Remus filled Lily with imposter syndrome. It could’ve just as easily been him on this tour. Maybe it should’ve been.
Just as she was beginning to spiral, Dorcas spoke again. “Yeah that’s probably it.” she said but she still looked skeptical “Anyway if you could text him that would be amazing. Tell him I’ve got a couple of backstage passes in it for him if he can talk to his dad.”
Lily smiled, pulling out her phone to draft a text “Course it’s the least I can do to say thank you for… all of this.” she finished vaguely unable to put into words everything Dorcas had done for her already just by noticing her.
Dorcas’s lips twitched up “Well thank you.” She cleared her throat and wiped the hint of a smile off her face “We should get you to rehearsal.”
Lily pressed send on her text to Remus and pocketed her phone, following Dorcas down the long hotel hall to a large ballroom. Inside were three people, Pandora of course, who had her headphones on and was twirling a pick between her fingers quickly, and two others she’d seen last night but hadn’t spoken to. There was a girl with bronze skin and purple braids, a matching purple guitar draped over her shoulder. Further back in the room behind a drum set sat a tall dark skinned man, his hair in intricate twists and a sleeveless tee showcasing large biceps.
Behind Lily Dorcas cleared her throat “Well Lily, meet your backing band. Despite the lax attitude of their usual front woman they’re pretty incredible. I saw you and Pandora chatting last night so I’m assuming you’ve met” Lily nodded and looked over to Pandora who was nodding too with a large unabashed smile. “Great she’s on bass and then finishing out your rhythm section we’ve got Kingsley. He insists on being one name like Beyoncé.” Dorcas said, rolling her eyes.
The man behind the drum kit chuckled loud and low. “Aye Kingsley just sounds right you know? A surname would feel clunky.”
“Sure whatever.” Dorcas said in a way that implied they’d had this conversation many times before. “And finally on guitar we’ve got Hestia Jones” the girl with the purple braids smiles and waves. “You’ve got a week to learn Lily’s set list. I know it’s tight but I have faith in you especially since Marlene won’t be here to distract you”
“Someone’s got Mckinnon on the brain” Hestia said with a smirk. “That’s the second time you’ve brought her up in the last 5 minutes”. Lily swore she saw a bit of color tinge Dorcas cheeks at that. Hestia turned her attention to Lily then her voice softer “We’ve listened to your EP tried to pick up what we could by ear so we have a baseline understanding. We didn’t want you to be too stressed out trying to teach us everything seeing as it’s your first tour and all.”
Lily was touched that this group of people she’d never met had gone the extra mile to make her life easier. She smiled at Hestia then her eyes moved of their own accord to Pandora who gave her a small thumbs up. “Thanks guys I really appreciate it. We should be good to get started. Dorcas are you staying to watch rehearsal or do you have somewhere to be?” Lily asked hoping Dorcas wouldn’t be able to stay. She knew she’d have to play for an audience of hundreds in a week but for now she’d prefer to not have anyone watching.
“No I should probably check in on Mckinnon, make sure she’s not fucking around”.
“Unh huh sure” Hestia said skeptically and Dorcas flipped her off as she walked out of the room.
———
Lily didn’t play with other people often and when she did it was usually just Mary accompanying her on piano and singing harmonies. She’d had a band for her ep but it was just a group of students from her composition class. This was entirely different, Hestia, Kingsley and Pandora were professionals. Kingsley kept a strong firm beat accompanied by Pandora’s steady bass. Hestia played guitar incredibly, adding little riffs to match Lily’s vocals. She’d never heard her own music sound like this before, so tight and enhanced. Hearing herself like this made her think maybe just maybe she was the right choice for this tour.
They’d played four songs one unreleased and three off of her ep and Lily had never felt so energized. She turned to look at the bands excitedly. They were all smiling broadly at her and she felt truly safe and supported.
“Dorcas might be right.” Hestia said with a small laugh “Marlene is holding us back.”
Lily chuckled but Kingsley nodded eyes sincere. “I think that might be the best we’ve ever played.”
Lily gaped. They couldn’t be serious. Yes they’d sounded great. Lily had never liked the sound of her own music more. But playing better than they did with Marlene? An accomplished musician, someone they’d known for years? Surely they were just stroking her ego. But then her eyes found Pandoras who didn’t speak but simply nodded. She knew Pandora wouldn’t lie. “Yeah we were pretty incredible weren’t we?” They all nodded with beaming smiles on their faces. “Ok we have one last song.” Lily pulled up the tab and lyrics she’d written for Crash Test Dummy, the song that had started this whole wild journey. “I don’t really know what kind of accompaniment I want for this one so can I just play it for you see if you have any ideas?” The group nodded and Lily began to play.
“You cut the breaks
What did you expect
I hit the pedal
Almost broke my neck
All your mistakes
Are my regret
I bend like metal
Haven’t broken yet”
“History seems to repeat
Take one for the team
I guess I’m just a martyr
I say I don’t but I feel everything”
“I throw myself through the windshield
Just because you asked me to
Til you find the thing that feels real
I’ll be your crash test dummy I know this is nothing for you
I’ll let you practice on me before you have something to lose”
She finished the first chorus and looked up to see the whole band staring at her eyes wide. “What?” she asked, suddenly self conscious.
“That was fucking incredible.” Hestia said. “You just had a presence. Just you and your guitar it made me want to stop and listen.”
“Yeah.” Kingsley agreed “I think you should do the whole first verse solo one spotlight right in you” he gestures dramatically and Lily laughs, “And then in the pre chorus Dora can come in with a baseline Hes can add some riffs then I’ll pound us into the chorus.”
Pandora who’d been silent ever since Lily began the song finally spoke. “This song is your moment we’re just here to make you shine.”
Lily smiled. She never really felt like she deserved to shine, to have her moment. But with these three people looking at her, cheering her on, she thought maybe she could do it.