human behaviour

Regulus Black hates his job at Chipotle. He needs the money, of course, he does – but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s still terrible. His shift isn’t too long, which mildly keeps him going, but he still hates it here. The floor is disgustingly sticky, along with the countertops, and he just knows all the ingredients get mixed up with each other, giving people things they didn’t ask for, in some horrid mix of red cabbage and guacamole, and if you’re lucky, a strand of mozzarella. After working at Chipotle for one (1) day, Regulus decided that he would only cook for himself for the rest of his life. He can trust no one else. Technically, he’ll let his closest friends – Remus, Pandora, Dorcas, Barty, and Evan (not really counting his brother, since their relationship can be rocky, even though they love each other, and won’t admit it in public; thank you childhood trauma)– cook for him, if they feel so inclined – but they usually don’t, which is surprising to no one. Pandora makes sinfully good beignets, but Regulus refuses to let her cook for him, usually, since he claims that he’s a burden, no matter how many times she’ll laugh, shaking her head. I want to cook for you, Reggie, she’ll say to him. Regulus rolls his eyes, every time. It’s fine! Really, it is. He’s fine.

So, anyway, he hates Chipotle. He needs to save up money, so he can make it into culinary school, and then he’ll be able to live the life he’s always wanted. But right now, he can’t decide if he would take Chipotle any day over the man standing in front of him right now. James Potter– said man that hasn’t left him alone for the past week and a half. Not harassment, of course. James is nice, and that’s the problem. He’s too nice to Regulus, and that’s not something that Regulus thinks he can deal with. In fact, he knows he can’t deal with it. If he’s, in turn, nice to James, then he’ll get involved. Too involved, and it’ll end up terribly for him. He’ll probably even let James cook for him.

It doesn’t help that he wants James to cook for him. Like, really badly.

He also wants to cook for James, and he doesn’t even know the man. He’s never made anyone else food. Ever. Oh, Regulus is so far gone.

Three seconds later, James smiles after finally taking his place in the line. Business has been a lot today, since apparently, there’s some sort of convention going on in the building across the street. Regulus couldn’t care less, of course, it’s not his problem, so he pays no attention to it.

James is in a suit – not his usual – accompanied by red, beat-up Converse. This man is going to be the death of him. Good lord.

“Regulus, love,” James beams, quite excited, apparently. “It’s good to see you. I was worried I was too late today!”

“Well,” Regulus huffs, rolling his eyes. “You weren’t,” he sighs, as he begins to make James’ usual. He’s memorized it, at this point, what with James being here, like, every day, and also ordering the same thing. Regulus would ask how he doesn’t get sick of it, but it also looks… really good. The man has taste, apparently. This is the first day he’s started making James’ order, unprompted, and, this is supposedly a big deal, according to James.

“You’re,” he starts, laughing. “You’re making my order. I haven’t even – I haven’t even told you what I want, yet!” Regulus swears under his breath after wanting to hear James laugh again.

“I am,” he looks up, raising an eyebrow. “You’re here every day, so, of course I’d know it by this point. Would you like to tell me your order?”

“No,” James blurts out, a little too quickly. “That’s, that’s alright,” he clears his throat.

“Oh, great,” Regulus drawls, faking enthusiasm, needing James to leave, or he’ll do something he’ll regret, very, very much. He eventually finishes scooping an aggressive amount of cheese into the cardboard bowl, and looks back up at James. “Is this correct?” he sighs again, and begins to list off the 10+ ingredients that James has gotten every day for almost the past two weeks. James smiles, nodding along, positively gleeful, as Regulus is only more and more pissed off.

“Oh,” James says, right as Regulus finishes, saying yeah? “No, er, you’ve forgotten one thing.”

“One thing,” Regulus repeats. He couldn’t have possibly forgotten something. He knows this order, even if he hates that he does. Probably knows it like the back of his hand. He could have dreams about it. He knows it well, and now James claims that he’s forgotten something in it? That simply will not do. He’s gone too far, now. “And what is that, James?” As soon as he says it, he knows what’s about to come next, and curses himself for being so stupid.

“See, dear Regulus, you’ve forgotten to provide me with your phone number,” he smiles, batting his eyelashes at Regulus. Regulus hates it, of course, it’s not like he feels mildly endeared, or anything.

Remus Lupin, Regulus’ stupidly smart and observant best friend, who also works at Chipotle, shoves his way next to Regulus within 0.3 seconds after James even says the words, smiling to himself, then shooting a look at Regulus.

“He’d love to give you his number,” Remus says, then grabs a piece of paper out of his pocket, and hands it to James, who laughs softly, beaming. Regulus gapes at the both of them, his gaze going back and forth between them, before he narrows his eyes at Remus.

“No,” he scoffs. “Tell me you didn’t–”

“It’s on the house!” Remus smiles, ushering James out of the building. “He’ll call you. Have a great day, James!”

“Thanks, Remus!” James grins, winking at him, before then glancing over at Regulus, and his face softens. Regulus… oh, well, Regulus melts, a little bit, there. James smiles gently, and Regulus can see the pink during his cheeks as they maintain eye contact, James in his stupidly attractive suit and Converse, and Regulus in his stupid Chipotle trucker hat and apron. The two of them stare at each other, and (not for the first time), Regulus wishes James wouldn’t leave, this time. He does, though.

As James walks out, Remus smiles at Regulus, walking back to the cash register, obviously delighted with himself. Regulus takes his phone out, unsure whether to be enraged or absolutely thanking Remus for everything that’s just happened.

[10:03] regulus: okay what just happened

Remus snorts, 10 feet away, amused.

[10:04] remus: i gave ur dream man ur number

[10:04] remus: say thank u remus

[10:05] regulus: why would i ever say that

[10:05] remus: bc you love me and you would also bury a body for me

[10:05] regulus: ok but i don’t like that you’re right

[10:06] remus: go out w james!!!!!!

[10:06] remus: we all know he’s gonna text you in like three seconds

[10:06] remus: so go out with him! like tomorrow

Regulus rolls his eyes, about to respond, when the man standing in line clears his throat loudly, crossing his arms.

“Happy Pride month,” he scowls. “The rest of us have been waiting.” Regulus looks for a line behind the man, but it’s just him.

“You’re the only person here,” Regulus snorts. “Late for whatever convention is going on?”

The man scowls. “No. More like that guy, James Potter, was late.”

“James? What–what do you mean?”
“He runs that company,” the man sighs, rolling his eyes, like Regulus is incredibly stupid for not knowing. “The convention is about him.”

“You’re telling me that James Potter is the CEO of that building, like, right over there?”
“Yeah,” the guy scoffs. “I’m also telling you to make my burrito bowl now.”

“Jesus,” Regulus smirks. “Sorry.”

He makes the random guy’s burrito bowl, as demanded, and he can’t help but think that it’s way more bland than James’ order, and Regulus kind of hates himself for having that thought. It’s not like he’s into James. Of course not. James is nice to him, nicer than anyone’s ever been to him, and he’s smart, apparently – he’s got good fashion sense, and looks weirdly good in red shoes, and – well, he has a lot of money, if what that random guy said was right. Of course, that’s not all that matters to Regulus – he’s never been with people for their money. If he was with James, he’d be with him because he’s all around a good person, and the way his glasses fall down his nose is weirdly cute, and his hair is always messed up, so he runs his hands through it, only further messing it up – and he knows all this about him from a week and a half. Jesus. Maybe Regulus is the one obsessed with James, not the other way around. 

Even so. He refuses to admit this. At least, he refuses to admit it before he leaves his shift that day, heading back to his flat.

Opening the door to his relatively new flat, he feels a little more at peace than he has all day, feeling a little better knowing that Barty and Evan are home, as he sees their shoes kicked off next to the door. 

“I’m home,” he calls, rather monotone, and is only met with an “oh!” as Barty runs out from the small kitchen, enveloping Regulus in his arms.

“Hey,” he smiles. “How was work? Terrible? Yeah, sounds about right,” Barty laughs, having a conversation with only himself, as Regulus walks along with him, back to the kitchen, too flustered to respond. “I’m kidding,” Barty finally snorts, as Evan waves at Regulus, smiling at him. “How was it? Really.”

“Oh. It was fine,” he shrugs. “You–you both know that guy, the one that has been asking for my number, for, like, a week?”

“Eight days, if I remember correctly,” Evan laughs. “You can’t shut up about him.”

“Shut up,” Regulus scoffs. “Remus–”

“Oh, he didn’t!” Evan cackles, apparently already in the know about what’s happened, finding the whole affair very amusing.

“What?” Barty looks confused, raising an eyebrow. “What. What did Remus do?”

“He gave the guy Reggie’s phone number!”

“James,” Regulus clears his throat, his voice barely above a whisper. “His name’s James.”

“Ooh, James,” Evan and Barty say, in sync, finding each other absolutely hysterical. Regulus disagrees.

“I’m moving out,” he calls, no fire in his voice, over his shoulder, leaving the kitchen as he retreats to his room. In all honesty, he could never really leave Evan and Barty, no matter how annoying or loud they are. They’re, quite frankly, a really good couple together, and Regulus would be lying if he said he wasn’t jealous. He so is.

Barty has offered, multiple times, for Regulus to join the two of them, and every time, Regulus snorts, leaves the apartment, and doesn’t come back for a good four hours.

He checks his phone for the first time in an hour, and sees three messages from an unknown number. He names the contact james before even reading the messages.

[14:38] james: hey it’s james :)

[14:40] james: first things first i do want to say that i’m sorry if i made you uncomfortable and you felt like you couldn’t say it – i don’t want to do that, of course, and just because i like you, doesn’t mean you have to feel the same in return. i don’t want you to be pressured, like, at all !! please pLEASE tell me if you want to, like, block me, or if you don’t want me to come back to chipotle, like, ever again. bc i will absolutely listen

[14:40] james: um but however if that doesn’t apply i would love to see you outside of your work, and i’m free next wednesday if you wanted to have dinner? no pressure of course!!!!!!!!!! like none at all. <3 x

Regulus is smiling so wide his face hurts. That only happened the first time he looked at his bare chest, post-top surgery, three years ago, finally the way he’d always pictured it; he wasn’t even binding, he felt… free, for the first time.

It’s been three years since he’s been that gleeful. That’s problematic in a lot of ways, but also, it’s really good, since –

If James can make him this happy with three texts, god only knows how happy he could make Regulus if they went on a few dates, or maybe were actually together. 

[16:09] regulus: hi james

[16:09] regulus: in simple terms, you didn’t make me uncomfortable

[16:10] regulus: i’m free next wednesday too

[16:10] regulus: what time

Regulus doesn’t know whether to slam his head into the wall or shriek with joy. Of course, James responds almost immediately.

[16:12] james: oH you have no idea how glad i am to hear that <3 <3

[16:12] james: does like. 11 work

[16:13] regulus: oh i’ve got my shift

[16:13] regulus: i end like three hours later though

[16:13] james: oh yeah you do

[16:14] regulus: why do you know that.

[16:14] james: cool so after ur shift on wednesday??

[16:15] regulus: that did NOT answer my question

[16:15] regulus: oh oh also after you left this one guy said that you were like a ceo or whatever is he fucking with me or are you actually the ceo. of that huge ass building.

[16:16] james: yes lol

[16:16] james: the convention today was for my building i had a new pitch for my team
[16:16] james: think it went well actually

[16:16] regulus: jesus christ don’t make me regret this

[16:17] james: wouldn’t dream of it love

Regulus, is, unfortunately, rather infatuated with James at this point. He won’t admit it, of course. Not to James’ face.

This is why, at dinner, they order takeout Chinese, and around a mouthful of rice, Barty says,

“Reg, what ever happened with James?”
“Nothing,” he coughs, shaking his head. “No.” Regulus tries not to smile – or choke on his food, really. Of course, both of these things happen. The world hates Regulus.

“Christ, your pale ass is so red right now,” Evan snorts, rolling his eyes. “Did you text him? Are you guys, like, dating, now?”

“James was probably nice to him,” Barty wheezes, really amusing himself by now. “We both know Regulus can’t handle that.”

“No,” Regulus sputters, mildly outraged, but also completely backed into a mental corner – that he absolutely cannot get out of. “I can handle people being nice to me,” he shakes his head.

“You’re literally our best friend,” Evan deadpans. “We’re kind of terrible, I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” he snorts. Evan lifts one arm up above his head, apparently stretching it as he stands up from the couch, and walks back into the kitchen – revealing the apparent carving of Barty’s initials on his back, revealed by his bunched-up muscle tank, letting everyone see the upper part of his back.

Regulus does not miss how Barty’s eyes latch onto the scar – BCJ, in shaky handwriting, has sat there for god knows how long. Regulus forgets that he lives with two insane people, sometimes.

“Oh, it’s not just him, Reggie,” Barty laughs, lifting up his old, beaten-up band t-shirt. ER sits directly under his left pec, and for some reason, Regulus isn’t surprised.

“Don’t worry, Reg. You and James will be just like us one day. What’s his last name?”

“I’m not fucking telling you th–”

“–Potter!” Evan yells from the kitchen, and they can both hear the smile in his voice.

“I hate you, Evan,” Regulus mutters, stabbing his food with chopsticks.

“Anyway, as I was saying,” Barty continues. “One day, you and James will be just as insane, and carve your initials into each other’s skin.”

“That’s not happening,” Regulus shakes his head, taking another drink of whatever the hell’s in his glass. He can’t really remember. “Tattoos, maybe,” he sighs, beginning to think that Evan and Barty are on to something. “I think I’d look great with his initials tattooed. Oh, but…oh, I don’t know his middle name,” he says, sadly, very put off. “Wait. No, why am I listening to you? Jesus, I am not getting James’ name tattooed. I don’t even like him,” Regulus scoffs.

“Oh, yes you do,” Barty smiles. “Anyway, I saw you staring at Evan’s back, and my chest, once you saw them – so, I’m right. Technically,” Barty says to himself, “I’m always right. That’s how it goes.”

“I wasn’t staring,” Regulus murmurs, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, you and me both,” Barty grins, then yells out to the kitchen, apparently needing something. “Evs, baby, do we have vodka?”

“No,” Evan calls back, emerging from the kitchen, a bottle of red wine in his hand. “Cry about it. We have this, though, from your work party, like, three months ago. D’you want it?”

“Yeah, I’ll take anything,” Barty smiles. “Thanks, baby.”

“Mm, ‘s nothing,” Evan shakes his head, padding back over to the couch, sitting in between Barty and Regulus. “Anyway, Regulus Black, if you don’t properly seduce this man when you next see him, I’m gonna be so disappointed.”

“Yeah, I second this.”

“Oh! Oh, Know who else does? Barty, get your – your fucking phone, where is it?”

“I don’t know?” Barty scoffs.

“Fucking get it, we’re calling my sister!”

“Where’s your phone?” Regulus and Barty say in sync, visibly confused.

“Dropped it in the sink,” Evan scoffs, like it’s a normal thing. “Give me your phone,” he says.

“Alright, alright,” Barty sighs, handing it over to Evan.

Thirty seconds later, Pandora is laughing so hard she fell over, on the phone with Evan, Barty, and Regulus.

“He says he’s not into James,” Evan laughs. “That is not true.”

“Liar!” Pandora shrieks, dissolving into a fit of giggles yet again, thoroughly amused. “Oh, you love him so much,” Pandora hiccups, still laughing. “He’s come there, every day, for the past two weeks–well, technically, eight days – and now you have his number, because Remus gave it to him? Oh. Oh, Reggie. Jesus Christ, I love you. You–d’you know what you’re going to do?” Pandora says, finally coming back into the focus of the camera, her white-blonde locs, that match with Evan’s – falling over her face.

“Tell him,” Barty giggles, so delighted with himself.

“You’re going to seduce his CEO ass so hard he can’t go to sleep without thinking about you. Like, oh, my god, that Regulus fellow is so fit, you know what I’m saying? Then–then, oh this is the best part – you’ll be in a relationship! You know something, Regulus?”

“Tell me, Panda,” Regulus smiles, amused.
“James is a good guy, I’m sure of it. Like, really fucking sure.”

Just then, James texts Regulus. He has no idea what it says, but he can feel his face light up.

“Oh, Reggie!” Evan howls with laughter, throwing his head back. “You– I know what you’re doing, it’s the – you’re doing the top surgery, ‘ i just got my tits cut off’ grin. No shame, of course. I know how it is.”

“I am not doing the top surgery grin, that is not happening,” Regulus scoffs, attempting to play it off. It doesn’t work. Curse the three of them for being right all the time.

“Top surgery grin,” Evan hums, smiling.

“Babe, what’s the top surgery grin?”

Evan opens Barty’s camera roll, and finds a mirror selfie of Regulus, a month post-op, grinning wider than either of them have seen in a while.

“Top surgery grin,” Evan repeats.

“Oh, shit, that is the top surgery grin.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Regulus laughs, weakly throwing a pillow in their general direction. “I’m going to bed,” he sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face before getting up off the couch, leaving Barty and Evan sprawled out across each other as Pandora still laughs to herself.

“Sweet dreams, Reggie!” Pandora calls. “Maybe they’ll be of James, and his endless charms!”

[22:48] james: goodnight reg x

Top surgery grin, top surgery grin, topsurgerygrintopsurgerygrin –

He’s gonna regret this so much if James turns out to be an asshole.

Wednesday, does indeed, arrive.

Regulus is, to put it lightly, mildly stressed out. James hasn’t been to Chipotle in five days. In turn, Regulus hasn’t seen James in five days. In Regulus’ mind, there’s a large possibility that James will immediately hate him at the sight of him. Oh well. They had a good run.

“Regulus,” Barty calls through his bedroom door. “If you’re not looking positively sexy by the time you emerge from your room, I’m gonna be pissed, and I’m gonna make Evan dress you up. Or me.”

“Not happening,” Regulus scoffs, calling right back to Barty. “I look fine,” he says, not sure if he’s telling himself that, or Barty.

“Come here!”

“Fine,” Regulus huffs, opening the door. He’s in a sheer mesh shirt, with tight black jeans, and smudged eyeliner that he’d forgotten to take off from the night before, when Sirius forced him to go clubbing for their ‘brotherly experiences together, and also, I miss you, Reggie’ couple hours together. It doesn’t look bad. Probably. He’s got rings on most of his fingers, and is really considering painting his fingernails for tonight.

“Okay, well, shit,” Evan whistles lowly, raising his eyebrows. Barty’s jaw drops, and he only stares. Pandora cackles as she runs up to him, attempting to smack his ass.

“You look great, really,” she smiles. Regulus knows she means it.

“And you’re sure you want to do this?” Barty asks, now apparently being serious. “Call us, if you need absolutely anything.”

“Like, anything,” Evan nods, smiling at Regulus.

“Oh, group hug,” Pandora grins, grabbing the other three, and shoving Regulus in the middle as they all wrap their arms around him, mildly suffocating him.

Regulus’ phone buzzes.

[13:03] james: here btw but no rush

“Oh,” Regulus breathes. “He’s here.”

“Go!” Pandora and Evan shout, both delighted. Barty shrieks with glee, hugs Regulus one last time, and says,

“Do you have everything?”

“Oh. Yeah,” Regulus smiles.

“Good!” Barty laughs, pushing Regulus out the door.

[13:05] barty: ok seriously i love you call me if you need anything but GO GET YOUR MAN

[13:05] regulus: love you x <3

James is, in fact, in his car, outside the building, and waves, sticking out the window when he sees Regulus, who laughs, waving back. He feels stupid, but it feels strangely right, like this is what they’re meant to do.

Jesus, when did he become such a sap? This can't be a weird, universal human thing.

“Good to see you, love,” James smiles.

“Hey,” Regulus smiles, leaning down near the car window. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Oh, I know, I’m sorry! I kept meaning to visit! Can I – Jesus, can I tell you something?”

“Yeah,” Regulus scoffs, opening the car door, and sitting in the passenger seat.

“You remember the first day that I came in, I had sat there for about five minutes, not even in line, since I ‘had no idea what I wanted?’”

“Yes,” Regulus nods.

“I fucking hate Chipotle. Like, really, I need to get you out of there as soon as possible. Anyway, I kept coming back, to see you. I knew I wanted to get to know you, even if it wasn’t romantic – but, of course, I had hoped it’d be romantic – you’re unreasonably handsome, you know,” James mutters, and Regulus struggles to contain himself. “Anyway, all this to say that you’re the reason I kept going back.”

“I hate working there,” Regulus scoffs, rolling his eyes. “I really do need a new job, but I’m saving up for uni.”

“Oh,” James smiles. “Jesus, I should have known you were super fucking brilliant and smart, too,” he laughs, reaching out for Regulus’ hand.

Regulus accepts, holding James’ hand. It’s strange – he doesn’t really do that – hold hands. Weirdly, he trusts James, and decides that maybe he’s not so terrible. “Anyway, love,” James sighs. “Where d’you want to go?”

“I don’t mind,” Regulus immediately says, his automatic answer from so many bad past dates making his way up before he can stop himself.

“That sounded like you mind,” James snorts, beginning to drive away from the apartment complex. “Mm, d’you like books?”

“Love them,” Regulus smiles. “There’s a good bookstore, like, two blocks away, I think.”

“Well, then,” James grins, squeezing Regulus’ hand. “Shall we?”

“We shall,” Regulus laughs, feeling more at ease than a few minutes ago.

They arrive, browse all the shelves, and James, much to his benefit, isn’t all looks – he’s apparently very smart, Regulus muses, as the two of them analyze poetry, just sitting there, enjoying each other’s company. Regulus has to restrain himself from grabbing James’ face and kissing him, like, the entire three hours they’re in the bookstore.

“Have you read Maurice?” Regulus asks, at one point, smiling as he twirls his hair in one hand. It’s shorter – Sirius cut it a week ago, rather haphazardly.

“Maurice,” James echoes. “Er, no, I don’t think I have.”

“Oh, I’m buying it for you,” Regulus says, very certain. “It’s really good,” he smiles. “Written in, er, 1917, I want to say?”

“You don’t have to–”

“--No, I am,” Regulus laughs. “It’s fine!”

He does buy the book for James, of course, uncaring of James’ protests as he giggles his way through paying for the book, repeatedly looking over his shoulder to see James smiling down at him, laughing along. Regulus hands the book to him – after asking the cashier for a piece of paper and a pen.

“Yeah,” he’d said, curiously, apparently appalled that Regulus would even ask such a thing. Rude. 

“Thank you,” Regulus smiled before taking the pen and paper, and hurriedly writing something before placing it in between the cover and the first page of Maurice, then handing it to James. “There you go,” he says, aggressively mildly staring at James’ lips.

James, however, isn’t doing much better – he can’t take his eyes off Regulus.

They stay this way as they walk out of the bookstore, hand in hand.

“Thank you,” James smiles.

“For what?”

“Everything. Saying yes to this, buying me this,” James laughs, holding up Maurice, “making the past three-ish hours so, so good.”

“Do you mean that?”

“I mean everything about you, Regulus,” James smiles.

And, well. That will simply not do.

“Can I kiss you?” Regulus could kick himself for asking, but he doesn’t. He’s asking for what he wants. Cry about it, as Evan might say.

James does not cry about it, but he comes pretty close, beaming until his entire face is a little redder than before, making some sort of excited squeak noise in the back of his throat. He hooks his arms around Regulus’ waist, crashing their lips together, only for Regulus to make an even more excited squeak noise, making James laugh into his lips.

Regulus didn’t see it going this way.

He absolutely did.

The one thing he’s sure of is that he’s happy. That damned top surgery grin is gonna be renamed; the James Potter effect grin.

Jesus Christ, he’s become such a sap.

It’s so worth it, is all Regulus can think as they can’t keep their hands off each other, and some random guy near the bookstore entrance whoops.

James scoffs, finally pulling away from Regulus. “Thanks,” he laughs, shaking his head as he looks over to the guy. “And thank you,” he looks at Regulus, poking his nose. It’s weird. Regulus accepts it.

“Anytime.”

“I gotta see you again, love.”

“Tomorrow,” Regulus smiles.

“Isn’t that in your work hours?”

“I’m quitting my job anyway. This is another reason.”

“Oh, I’m obsessed with you.”

Regulus has never been grateful for a Chipotle in his life, before now. He can successfully say that Chipotle brought two people together.

Oh, he’s going to hell for that. It’s human behaviour.

Whatever. James will be there too.