Oh, what a valiant roar
What a bland goodbye
The coward claimed he was a lion
I'm combing through the braids of lies
"I'll never leave" ...
"Never mind"
Our field of dreams, engulfed in fire
Your arson's match your somber eyes
And I'll still see it until I die
You're the loss of my life
🎶LOML - Taylor Swift🎶
March 9th 1977
Remus had finally found peace after a long day of feeling overwhelmed. He had found that peace whilst being sat in Sirius Black’s lap, his long fingers combing through his brown curls. It had been a week since the last moon, but he was still feeling the effects of it- hard. He had scarred himself more than ever, including a big cut that went right down from an eyebrow to his lips. He hated that one, and had spent the entire week trying to forget it existed- which was quite difficult when his boyfriend seemed to like it very much and pointed it out at every given opportunity. Sirius meant no harm, and Remus didn’t assume he was lying, Sirius had expressed his liking for Remus’ scars since day one.
“You look very handsome, Moons.” Sirius’ lips were curled into a small smile. He had smiled more like that recently, not a cocky grin, but a humble and sweet smile. Remus’ ego inflated a little when he realised it was because of him.
Remus scoffed, smirking and opening his eyes to look back up at his boyfriend.
“You always do,” Sirius added “Don’t forget it.”
Remus chuckled, “I don’t think you’d let me.” And he was entirely right, Sirius took any and every chance to compliment Remus, remind him that he found him gorgeous.
“Damn right I won’t.” He bent down and kissed Remus’ forehead, gently. Sirius always was that way with Remus, gentle. Remus could still remember the first full moon when his friends knew, and how Sirius pretended to be sick so he could stay with Remus all day and lather him with more care and kisses than he’d ever had before.
Remus did not quite understand how Sirius, who came from a family of no love or kindness, was the most caring person he knew. He could tell Sirius cared, even when he lied and said he didn’t, because he could see it in his eyes, the concern for everybody- his need to look after everyone. It seemed to go unbeknownst to him, he didn’t even realise how truly lovely he was.
“I love you.” Remus blurted out, mid thought and staring into Sirius’ almost silver eyes. He watched as those eyes widened slightly, but not so wide that Remus felt any worry.
Sirius’ face flushed pink, from his neck up to his forehead, “Um-“ He coughed, Remus could only laugh at how flustered he was. “Really…?” He asked, in a quieter, more unsure tone. As if it was insane for anyone to love him. Lots of people loved him, but Remus liked to think that he loved him the most.
“I share my chocolate with you.” Remus stated, because he did not share with anyone else, not unless it was their birthday- and even that was rare.
Sirius beamed, light growing in his eyes, making them look a remarkable shade of blue. “I love you too, moonshine.” It was Remus’ turn to blush, though he was no where near as pink as Sirius had been a few moments prior.
“I love you more.” Remus smirked, knowing that Sirius would fight him for suggesting such a thing.
“That just isn’t true, I love you so much I could explode, so be quiet Moony.” Sirius huffed, he had taken their love as a contest- like he did with everything. When they first got together, he decided his method of asking Remus out had to be perfect- which explained why he asked Remus to be his boyfriend whilst trying to perform ballet on his broomstick, he had ended up in the hospital wing for two weeks and couldn’t even look at Remus for one of the weeks out of pure embarrassment.
The two boys giggled, Remus laughing at the memory of his favourite idiot and Sirius smiling because his boyfriend’s happiness was so infectious.
The door of their dorm room opened, bringing in the chaos that was their friends. James and Mary were arguing, something to do with who was better at quidditch- him or Marlene. Remus accepted that his peace and quiet was gone, looking up at Sirius who seemed to be equally disappointed to be interrupted before the two could even do anything.
“Ugh, love.” Lily scoffed, upon seeing Remus and Sirius, a smile on her face as she ruffled Sirius’ hair.
“You wish you had it.” Sirius blew a raspberry at her. Remus had never really seen it before, but the two of them really acted like siblings- more than Mary and James did.
Remus decided that he didn’t mind the storm of their friends, not when Peter came and joined the cuddling, humming Bowie quietly in his ear. He didn’t mind that Marlene danced to no music at all, stomping her feet, he didn’t even mind Mary screeching when James pulled her hair mid-argument. He definitely did not mind Sirius peppering kisses all over his face, and he found himself quite enjoying Lily’s hair falling over his face and making him sneeze.
3rd November 1981
In a few years to come, Remus would look back to the first time he said those three words, ‘I love you’, and he would hate himself for it. He would hate the person he said them to more. And he would hate that he didn’t hate Sirius, he couldn’t. Not when he was the only person he had ever loved. He would miss Lily’s hair on his face, Mary and James’ arguments, Marlene’s dancing, Peter’s singing. But he would miss Sirius Black the most.