Their marriage is over. Addison knows it. Derek knows it. Hell, the whole hospital knows. And yet they’re still together. Derek is still doing his whole obligation thing and Addison is too scared to pull the plug.
She wants to. She doesn’t love him, in fact she’s completely fallen for someone else. But that’s precisely the problem. If she ends things with Derek he’ll be free. Free to take her for himself. And as painful as it is to be in this marriage, she doesn’t think she could bear to see them together. It would break her.
After Addison and Meredith got over their initial impulse to hate each other, they actually realized that they really like each other. They have a lot in common and they get along extremely well. Almost too well. She’s not sure when it happened, but now the redhead is in too deep. They spend all their free time with each other, and even when they’re not together, they’re constantly texting the other little updates about their day.
Addison never stops thinking of the intern. Her hair, her smile, her little giggle when the redhead says something that’s objectively not even that funny. The thought of losing that if she goes back to him sends her into a whirlwind of emotions. Its precisely when she hits the full breakdown stage of this whirlwind that Meredith finds her in a supply closet, fists clenched, tears running down her face, and practically hyperventilating.
The intern immediately rushes to envelope her friend in a comforting embrace. She holds her tight and begins rubbing her back. “It’s okay, Addie. I’m here. What’s wrong?”
Addison finally caves. She doesn’t have it in her to fight against it anymore. She pulls back from the blonde’s arms and starts speaking before she has time to second guess it.
“I want to leave Derek.”
Meredith is unphased, “okay. And?”
“I want to leave Derek, but I’m scared. Not scared to leave him, I know it’s what I want and it’s what’s best. But I’m terrified of what will happen next. I don’t think I can watch you two get back together. Meredith, every morning when I wake up the very first thing I do is check my phone, specifically for messages from you. When I have those little good morning texts my heart beats out of my chest. Every moment we’re not together I’m busy thinking about when we’ll be together next. Thinking about where we might go to lunch or dinner, or what kinds of things we’ll talk about until 2am, just hoping we’ll accidentally fall asleep together on the couch. The first time we did that and I woke up in your arms, fuck Mer, everything just fell into place. It felt like that’s where I was always meant to be. In your arms. When you look at me, everything around us stops. It’s just you and me. And when you smile, god I could faint. I am so hopelessly in love with you that I can’t leave my fucking husband. I cannot watch you be in love with him, Meredith, I just can’t.”
Addison finally paused, taking deep breaths after her unexpected monologue. She’s waiting for Meredith to respond, to reject her, to turn around and leave. Instead she’s met with that laugh she loves so much. Except right now it’s only inducing anxiety for her.
“What’s so funny, Meredith?”
“You.”
“Me?” Addison asks, immediately getting defensive, ready to go all satan at any moment.
“Yes you. You are so blind, it’s hilarious. Leave your damn husband, Addie. You have nothing to be scared of.”
“What do you mean?”
Meredith doesn’t bother with a response this time. Instead she leans in and gently presses her lips against the older woman’s, before pulling back and resting their foreheads together.
“I don’t want him. I haven’t wanted him since the moment you waltz in here and told me I was sleeping with your husband. I wanted to hate you, but you made it so impossible with all your kindness and empathy and compassion. And all those times we’ve ‘accidentally’ fallen asleep together? I’ve simply refused to stop talking until you physically couldn’t keep your eyes open. Just to have you in my arms for a few hours. Fuck, I never thought you would want me, but I am madly in love with you, Addie. Now would you fucking be with me already?”
Addison immediately kisses the blonde again and again. They’re so wrapped up in each other, they don’t hear the door open. They jump at Cristina’s voice, “fucking finally! I thought I was gonna have to trap you two in an elevator to make this happen, Jesus Christ. Now move, I need gauze.”