Panic! At the Dinner Table
As a reminder, you can find MORE of this on my SubStar (dot adult slash KajaWilder), it's posted up past FWB2 Ch. 30 there.
And if you're just interested in discussing things with other readers, of course, you can go to my DISCORDhere:https://discord.gg/N9yDA8t6Cw
You can also read my ORIGINAL FICTION on Kindle. If you've got Kindle Unlimited, they're all free. Here's my author page, with links to everything published.
ALSO, if you want to readahead:From that Discord, go to the Links in General section and follow those to get 30+ chapters more than what's posted here, with art too!
FINALLY, my Patreon is back up, under a new name (same management)! .com/WildErotica, for all those who would like to support but can't, or won't, use Sub Star for whatever reason. Follow the links there for access. I won't be posting there frequently or directly any more, but the links will take you to the same posts everyone else who has early access sees. :)
Chap. 8: Panic! At the Dinner Table.
Harry was tired, exhausted even, for the first time in what felt like months, even years. The emotional catharsis that had happened as he watched the Gaunt's Hovel burn was close to how he felt in some ways, and physically he felt as worn as after the battle with the monster that had once been Theodore Nott. Before that, the last time he'd felt this tired was after the battle at the Department of Mysteries, and then the night Voldemort had been resurrected.
"I hate paperwork," he grumbled as he walked through the rear main door of his home, leading the way for Sirius and Lilith, who shifted back into his normal preferred form now that they were safe from the public eye. Of course, in deference to Sirius she was still clothed, but Harry could hardly fault her for that. Not everyone shared his tastes, and he didn't want to think about the older wizard being randy, either.
"It is the bane of our existence, I'm afraid," his godfather commiserated, "not just wizardkind, but all of humanity. But at least it's done, right?"
"Not hardly," Harry grumbled as his feet turned him toward the kitchen, where he suspected Winky and perhaps Fleur had been preparing dinner for some time. "We got today's done, but there'll be more. Didn't you hear what Warrington said? There's permitting aplenty, fees, and all number of forms just for the Ministry. Then we'll have to actually create some sort of company to handle all of this... the hiring, the training, the vetting... Just finding the people we need is going to be a very time-consuming process. Then there's the supplies we'll have to find, shop for, and get delivered..."
"But it's worth it, right, Master?" Lilith asked, taking his hand in her smaller one, "For the children?"
"Of course it is," he sighed as he opened the door to the warm, bright kitchen and was confronted with the scent of roast pork and vegetables, "but I've a right to complain. My hand hurts. I lost track of how many papers I'd signed by eighty-six, and that was three hours ago."
"Poor Prongslet," Sirius laughed sardonically, "I counted to one-twenty-seven about the same time ago. You owe me big for this."
"You might actually be done," Lilith reminded him as she accepted Harry pulling out a chair for her at the wood-topped breakfast bar that Fleur was currently sitting at while Winky bustled around the kitchen, cleaning. The witch had a book open before her, some sort of trashy romance novel at first glance, and a bowl of stew half-eaten a little to her side. "You will have to do some more here and there, but at least the Potter Foundation is set up. You just have to keep it going for a couple months and eventually transfer ownership to Master."
"And then my work will double," Harry groaned. "That smells delicious... is there any left?"
"Winky made plenty," the elf replied happily, and as she wiggled her fingers through the air, three streams of the thick substance flew out from a pot on the modern wood stove and fell into bowls that floated toward each of the remaining occupants, "Master Potter Sir came home late, so Winky has already fed Sir's guests and lady-mates."
"Thank you," Harry sighed as he dug in, then immediately began to make sounds of appreciation. "This stew is excellent, thank you, Winky, and Fleur if you helped."
"I didn't," the French woman replied as she tore her eyes away to lean over and kiss Harry's cheek. "I 'elped with lunch, but Winky insisted that this was a speciality of 'ers, and that she did not need assistance. It eez a little greasy for my taste, but I 'ave to admit I enjoy zhe flavor."
"Winky thanks Miss Flower," the elf beamed up at the tall blonde, "Winky thinks Miss Flower is a good cook too, but thinks Master Potter Sir needs more protein in his diet."
"You are not the one who 'as to deal with the after-affects of insufficient fruit, Winky," Fleur teased, "though 'Arry's perfectly tasty."
Winky shuddered, suddenly bright red and almost glowing, and turned away as she resumed her work. Harry's magically-enhanced ears definitely heard her mutter, however, "Winky will take Miss Flower's word for that."
Fleur laughed with Lilith, the tall and short women Harry loved both sharing a knowing glance as they licked their lips. He felt a bit of a blush come on too, but it was quickly quashed by Sirius' groan. "I really don't need to know details like that, you know?"
"Never stopped you from bragging, though," Remus Lupin pointed out as he entered the kitchen. "Harry, Lilith, Fleur, Winky. Good to see you all. Stew left...? Ah, excellent, thank you, Winky."
"Not that I'm complaining," Harry said as he finished swallowing, his other uncle-figure sitting across from Sirius, "But what are you doing here? I thought it was the full moon last night, figured you'd be at home. Oh, and hello, Moony."
Remus gave a wistful little smile, and nodded before wolfing down a bite. Once he'd finished, a look of tired contentment stole over him, "It was, and I was... at first. You know Wolfsbane doesn't stop the transformation, only makes it a little less painful and allows me to keep control, right? I stay more or less myself, if a bit more... quick to anger."
Harry nodded along with Sirius. Fleur and Lilith had not seemed to know that, but both took it in stride. "Well, Dora- Tonks- seemed to think it was a good idea to stop by and give me 'scritches'. After I'd basically chased her off the property, her laughing, I... wandered a bit. I don't think I got into any trouble, there's no blood or dirt, but it took me a bit to get my bearings to Apparate home."
"And... why're you here, then?"
"Hiding," Sirius answered Harry's question sagely, "from my so scary cousin. Merlin forbid she actually get to pet the werewolf on the safest day of the cycle, while on wolfsbane, and him in a cage and all that. You... will be in a cage, right?"
Remus grimaced, "I wasn't. I mean, I have one at home, of course, but if Dora thinks I'm there, then... I'd probably be safer here. There's a place in the basement, Harry. Fleur and Lilith set it up for me."
"Eet was no problem," the half-Veela answered for both of them, "we 'ad to use the space for zomething, and a zafe place for you to transform was a good purpoze."
"And ultimately cheaper than the first idea I had," Lilith giggled, "which would've been... well, a lot. Enough to even make Master's finances feel it."
All three men in the room looked at the petite rosette, but it was Harry who asked, "And what would that have been, Pet?"
She mumbled something, and if Harry didn't know better, he would've thought she was shy about it, whatever she was not quite saying. The petite Succubus even looked away! For a moment, he applauded her acting as he'd done often in the past. At least, he did until Remus, his ears even sharper than Harry's thanks to his curse and the tail-end of the full moon, cocked his head to the side as he looked up from his stew, "It's embarrassing? What would've been embarrassing about it?"
Lilith sent strangely pleading eyes toward Harry, but no words came through their Bond. There were several emotions, however. Confusion, a little bit of anxiety, even fear. Worry. Love. A dozen others, more mild but still definitely present, all in a strange tangle Harry couldn't make head or tails of. Along with one that struck him to the core.
Struck at the very fibers of his soul, the deepest parts of himself. Most of the reason he'd even summoned Lilith in the first place. Loneliness.
Strange, just as confusing as the rest, but abiding, and growing as she tried not to show it.
"Drop it," Harry advised, "I'll talk to her about it later."
"Thank you," she whispered, still keeping her eyes averted from everyone but him.
The amount of trust Lilith had shown him with that brief moment of emotional connection floored Harry just as thoroughly as the emotions he had felt from her had, and the young wizard felt himself staggering internally. Perhaps worsened by fatigue and mental strain, yes, but the double-whammy still left him reeling for several seconds as he tried to process what it must have cost her. The whole time he did, however, at the back of his mind was a bit of worry of his own.
What was it that made her lonely? Did she want to return to her world? Was he not enough, and she was simply the first person to realize it? Would the other women who claimed to love him, or at least want to be with him, feel the same soon enough? Did she... want to leave him? Was it something he could fix? With muggle skill, perhaps, or magic? An emotional need he was not fulfilling?
"None of that, Master," she sent reassuringly after several moments, and he felt her little hand squeeze his, even as Fleur, almost as receptive to his state as Lilith was, reached around his waist while turning the corner of her book with another. "Well, I suppose I do miss home... but I like it here, and I love you. I don't want to leave you. I promise, I swear... I swear on our Bond, on our Contract, that it's true. I cannot make a more powerful Oath, Master. Please believe me."
Her words reassured him, as did her touch, and that of Fleur. Still, it took a long time for the growing panic within Harry to subside, quick as its onrush had been. He had thought he'd been doing so well! Stable emotionally, with support seeming to come from all sides...
And all it had taken was a brief hint, brought up by his own anxieties, to rip it all away, expose just how fragile he was.
"The fact that you can see that, Master, means you are wrong. Acknowledging your vulnerabilities is the first step to correcting them. Yes, you had a moment of weakness... but that's all it was. You will recover, as will I. You are strong, the strongest man I know in either world."
Harry swallowed, and only realized his heart was racing, his hands were trembling with stew sloshed from his spoon onto the wooden bar-top, and everyone in the room was looking at him with concern. Everyone except Lilith and Fleur. The former was eating, though she didn't need to, and the latter was slowly chewing on a bite herself while she continued to read with one arm around his waist.
Somehow, both of those were more comforting than the worried looks of Winky, Remus, and Sirius, though he knew each showed care in their own way. Harry swallowed, and forced his hands to be still. Slowly, they settled, but his heartbeat took longer. "I'm alright," he said quietly. "I... I don't know what..."
"A panic attack," Remus murmured, glancing at Sirius, who shuddered. "We've seen it before... happens to a lot of Order members, actually, myself included. Muggles say it's a symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder; PTSD. Don't think less of yourself, Harry, please. It passed remarkably quickly, to be honest, even if it seemed... intense. Your mother had them too, on occasion, I think."
"She did," Sirius said quietly, "and James, though I don't know if anyone but me ever saw those. I only ever saw a few, he was always so confident. But there were a few."
"My- my parents?" Harry squeaked, and blushed as he heard his voice. No one laughed, though.
The older wizards nodded, sharing a look. Remus spoke up first, "I think I was the one most familiar with Lily's...? I didn't know what they were at the time, I only learned later, after they'd... after they died. In fact, just a couple of years ago, and I caught Padfoot here having one a couple years ago, shortly after the Order started using Grimmauld Place."
"I... I..."
Remus reached across the table and took Harry's free hand in his, "It doesn't make you weak, Harry. It's a moment of emotional vulnerability, but that is not weakness. Your parents were not weak people, and neither were you. James and Lily were the best, strongest, bravest people I ever knew, Dumbledore included. That is, until... well, three and a half years ago. When I met you and your friends."
Harry swallowed.
Then the werewolf let go and straightened back up a bit, took and chewed a bite, drank the rest of his broth, then folded his hands together as he stared into the empty bowl. "When I first saw Lily have one, she w- we were fifteen. She'd lost her best friend earlier that year, and I had sort of replaced that... at least as far as men go. Marlene McKinnon was her closest female friend, but as they were in different Houses their time together was somewhat curtailed. She still wasn't getting along with James or Sirius at all, but somehow my studious nature allowed me in, a bit."
"You're talking about Snape," Harry filled in quietly, "I... I saw a memory, after your- your Defense O.W.L. Under the tree. He- He called her a Mudblood."
Both of the wizards grunted.
Harry sighed, "My father... was a bit of a prat."
"A great prat," Sirius agreed, and Harry received yet another shock as that was the most disparaging thing Sirius had ever said about James in Harry's earshot. "But he really did grow out of it, Harry. We all did, to some extent. Snape, I think, least of all. If old Snivellus would've let bygones actually be bygones, I think even I could've looked the other way about him... eventually. But his treatment of me after the Order was reformed, and what I learned of his treatment of you in particular... I couldn't look the other way."
Harry nodded, and Remus continued his tale, "Anyway, this was a few weeks after that, right at the end of school. She worried that she wouldn't have anyone to talk to, and send letters too, so her owl, Carmine, would be mad at her. That's it, all she was worried about, on the surface: her owl."
"I miss that little shit," Sirius laughed quietly, "she always hated me."
At Harry's questioning look, his godfather clarified, "Lils got Carmine in her fifth year, bit late, but so she could keep up with her friends over the summer, yeah? Normal thing to do if you don't already have one. She'd been using the School's owls to write her parents. But she always hated me, Carmine did, right from the get-go."
"Well, in her defense," Remus chuckled, "you did feed her jalapeno bacon on the first morning."
Sirius blinked, "I did? Huh. I'd completely... no, I do remember that! Hah... that was before she and James were getting along, you see, and she'd said something nasty to him, so I just offered a piece, that's all. To be friendly, of course."
"Don't punish an owl for your friends' bickering," Remus muttered.
"I wouldn't, now, but I was a prat too," Sirius shrugged, "almost as big- maybe bigger- than James. Anyway, Harry, our point stands. It's normal, at least for people with... not issues, as Orla would say, but... things in their past, that are... more. More than most people ever have to deal with, and Moony's right. It doesn't make you weak. Learn to watch for the symptoms, and you can even head them off sometimes. I mean, James... his first panic attack was over Lils. Only thing he ever actually worried about until you came along was getting him to like her. Then, once they started dating, he- get this, Moony, you probably don't know this- their first date? He's panicking about it, hyperventilating and everything, worrying he'll do something, say something, play some prank that annoys her, and he'll lose his first shot. You know where their first date was?"
"Hogsmeade," Moony laughed, "Like you could go wrong there. I seem to recall they ended up in Puddifoot's by the third date."
"Aye," Sirius laughed too, ribbing Lilith with an elbow in lieu of Harry, who was further away, "but I think they just did the usual, you know. Scrivenshaft's for her, Zonko's for him- he came back with nothing, she'd confiscated it all as a Prefect- and the Three Broomstick's, the usual. Boring, if you ask me, but it was their first date. How could've even James screwed it up? Well... he still panicked. Got in a right state, took me like, three hours to calm him down."
By the end of the tale, even Harry was chuckling, but Sirius wasn't done yet.
"The second time, well... I won't talk about that one. It was after his parents died, and that's all you really need to worry about. Taking care of the Estate, things like that. Boring, mostly, but it was something he worried for. The third, well... hm... I don't know, Harry, you might not be old enough for this..."
"Blow yourself sideways," Harry muttered.
Sirius laughed loudly, "I mean, if I was that flexible as a human I would, but- Ow! What was that for, Moony?"
"We're eating," Remus muttered darkly, "or at least, they were. Rude. Also disgusting."
Fleur, on Harry's right, gave a little shudder he could only imagine was her, well, imagining someone with her fetish doing the same.
"A- Anyway," Sirius continued, "The third time was because of you, Harry. Lils did everything, you know, read all the books, took classes, everything. Your Dad did too, even if he thought the muggle breathing exercises were a lark. I went to one myself, so I can see why, but it seemed to work during the labor itself. Anyway, like, three days before you were born, he just... came to me, shaking, at my flat. Couldn't hardly speak, trembling, barely breathing. Yellow, even. Took me... well, some Firewhiskey and even a jinx or three before he calmed down enough to explain what was getting him. You."
"M- Me?" Harry asked, surprised.
"Oh, I remember the next day," Remus added, but then went quiet.
"You," Sirius finished softly, a sad, wistful smile on his face. "He... James was all terrified, and rightly so I'll admit, that he'd he be terrible father. That you'd die on his watch, starve, or fall out a window, or break your neck on a bed, or that he'd change your nappies wrong- even I can change a nappy!"
"You learned how at the age of thirty-two," Remus snorted, "last year."
"W- Well, that's beside the point," Sirius muttered sheepishly, "at any rate, he was worried he'd... ruin you, somehow. But he didn't. The moment you came into this world, you and Lils became... well, everything to him. Even more than me and Moony put together. And I don't blame him, you did for all of us. I didn't see another, though. Not in that last... what, nineteen months."
Harry swallowed as the mood sobered.
But it had helped. "Thank you," he said quietly. "For telling me more about them."
"Whenever you want, Kiddo," Sirius muttered, "but I think I'm going to have some more Firewhiskey now, before I head home. Orla's probably waiting up, silly woman."
"If she's waiting, have Firewhiskey there, dumbass," Remus grumped.
"But then I couldn't drink with my best man," Sirius laughed, "Well, once I get around to proposing, anyway. Haven't done that yet. Probably should get a ring... Goblin, you think?"
Harry grinned as the topic once more shifted to happy thoughts. He hadn't known they were that serious, but then, his godfather had traveled home most nights rather than staying at school, so his girlfriend had seen him more than even Harry had over the last year.
She was good for him, Harry knew, and now that they'd met more than a few times in passing, he genuinely liked the woman, too. Astoria spoke very highly of her, as well, which counted for a lot in his book.
Still, it was getting late. "I'm headed upstairs," Harry announced after several long minutes of chatter and back-and-forth about when Remus would ask Tonks, or even ask her out, or if Sirius would pop the proverbial question first. "Good night, Moony, Padfoot, and thanks again. Love you both. Winky, I hope you have a good night. It was excellent. And Fleur, Lils? If you... if you could join me when you're done, I'd appreciate it."
"I will be zere momentarily, my love," Fleur responded at once, "I need to powder my nose and visit my room for a few minutes."
"I'll be there before you," Lilith giggled, then vanished in a puff of pink smoke.
"Cheater," he muttered, "Can't Apparate here..."
While they laughed, at least neither of his uncle-figures or pseudo-fathers laughed about his sleeping (or not sleeping) arrangements. This time.