Sirius Black was a very competitive person. Although he never competed in academics or such superficial matters. The true competitions, at least in his eyes, were, quidditch, pranks and of course whatever topic that had to do with his persona. Funnily enough the cuteness contest - as the Gryffindor tower would later baptise that eternal week after the exams; when the marauders left their mischief for a while to prove which couple was best - was not even a contest. Moreover, the comment that started it all, wasn´t even mean to offend Sirius the way it did. But honestly, such a drama queen.
It all went down on the great hall. The place buzzed with the usual lunchtime chatter, the clinking of cutlery against plates, and the murmurs of students discussing the latest Quidditch match or the past exams. Among the noise, James and Regulus sat close to each other.
Even tough Regulus was quite private in general, and his relationship with James was fairly new; still, it seemed that having passed all his exams with outstanding grades, and having a break from homework had taken a weight off his men's shoulders. The youngest of the Blacks was eating slowly and serenely, leaning his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. If one was observant enough, one would have noticed that the corner of Regulus's lips hid a smile.
Regulus sighted in contempt.
"I'm glad to see you relaxed Reggie" started James with a mouthful of jelly, which he had selected for dessert. “You look so cute and cuddly.”
Regulus closed his eyes and smiled. Despite this, the words that came out of his mouth were threatening “Black´s are not cute Potter, and if you call me that again I´ll hex you.” His tone betrayed him. It was evident that he was only indulging in their usual banter.
James laughed sweetly making Regulus head fall from his shoulder. Regulus pouted at the loss of contact.
“Aren´t you the cutest when you pout?” asked James as he took another spoon of his dessert.
“Gross.” intervened Sirius. He was sitting in front of the couple. He had been silently watching the scene unfold. Deep down he was so so happy for his brother. There was no one better to love Regulus than James. Still, this didn´t prevent him from teasing the couple. “Don´t call my baby brother cute Prongs.”
“I´m not a baby anymore!” complained Regulus. This was always his answer when Sirius referred to him as a baby.
And Sirius, of course, always laughed.
“Play nice Pads.” said Remus without even taking his eyes away from his book.
“Or what Moons?” asked Sirius pushing Remus´s book down and getting in his boyfriend´s face. “Are you going to make me play nice?”
Remus, Normally Remus would get upset if someone interrupted him reading. But Sirius... Sirius could interrupt him any day.
A sly smile formed in Remus face watching Sirius beautiful grey eyes waiting for an answer. Remus would let him squirm a bit.
Sirius tilted his head and moved a little closer to Remus, not enough for their noses to touch, but enough so that Moony's eyes watch him wet his lips. Of course, Moony took the bait. Remus´s eyes, follow Sirius movements with hunger. “You are something, aren´t you?” said Remus still with that mischievous loopside smile that Sirius loved. Remus leaned in to kiss Sirius.
“Ugh that is even more gross!” said Regulus as he used James´s spoon as a catapult.
“Reg what the fuck!” exclaimed Remus breaking the kiss.
“You little bastard!” laughed Sirius, not at all bother that his brother had just tossed jelly at them.
“Well, what do you expect, you are having a make out session in the middle of the great hall.” replied Regulus as he peacefully went back to his meal, depositing his head on James´s shoulder once more.
Sirius look for James.
“This is where people eat, you know.” added James, just because he knew it would push Sirius´s buttons.
“I hate you.” said Sirius to Regulus. Then he turned to James. “And I hate you too. You are supposed to be in my side.”
“I in your side star.” Remus said as he wrapped an arm around Sirius´s shoulder.
“I know ma lune, and while I truly appreciate that, everybody is supposed to be on my side.” complained Sirius dramatically.
“Well, that is just not possible.” laughed Peter, who up until this point hadn´t even bother himself participating in the conversation. He was very entertained talking with Benji Finwick about the upcoming wizarding chess final. Both boys were on the team.
“You too wormy?” asked Sirius. “Everybody is against me today.”
He dramatically leaned into Moony, hiding his face on Remus´s neck. His boyfriend could only laugh as he patted Sirius´s hair. “There, there, annwyl, it´s all going to be alright.”
Regulus laughed at his brother antique. And James could never grow tired of hearing such a beautiful sound.
“You are beautiful.” whispered James to Regulus. Regulus looked up with the softest eyes. James just could not resist him.
As the two shared a soft kiss, a passing Ravenclaw girl giggled with her friend and said, "You two are so cute together!"
James beamed, his glasses slipping down his nose. "Thanks!" he replied, squeezing Regulus' hand. Regulus, turned around, not facing the girl, with a furious blush on his cheeks.
“Aww, they are the cutest couple at Hogwarts” giggle her friends as they waved goodbye.
Sirius´s ears perked up. He nudged Remus with urgency. "Did you hear that, Moony? They think James and Regulus are cute."
“I heard.” said Remus humouring his boyfriend.
“They called them the cutest. They are not the cutest!”
“Oh merlin” said Pete as he turned around to continue chatting with Benji. “Here we go.”
Benji laughed.
“Moony we are the cutest.” continued complaining Sirius. Regulus watched him amused. However, James competitive natura was igniting.
“Not anymore.” teased James.
Sirius whipped his head towards his best friend. Eyes wide. "I think we can give them a run for their money, “he said without braking eye contact with James “don't you think, mon ciel le plus adoré ?"
“You know I can also call James, french stuff.” mocked Regulus. “Isn´t that right, mon soleil le plus brillant”
James all but melted. It was not often that Regulus spoke to him on french publicly. It sounded so nice.
“Fine.” said Sirius arranging his hair. “This will be settled. James, Regulus” Sirius said standing up and pulling Remus with him. Neither of the boys had finished eating, but Sirius deemed it was time for a dramatic exit. “Moony and I will see you at dawn. Gryffindor common room.
“But Pads, love, I haven´t finished my-”
“Come on, Moony. Time to show them what real cuteness looks like”
"Wait, enaid , I haven't finished eating." Remus laughed as he walked behind his boyfriend; It's not like he had a choice since Sirius was pulling him by his tie.
“Pete, you are setting this!” shouted Sirius over his shoulder.
“Why me?” shouted back the mousy haired boy. But Sirius and Remus were not out of earshot.
.0.
Turned out the competition went on for a week. In retrospective, it shouldn't have been a surprise. Everybody knew that the marauders tended to get carried away with their stuff. This was no different. That afternoon, on the common room, took place the compliment battle. Remus and Regulus just sat down on the couch reading as Sirius and James gave them compliments. Both boys trying to outdo their respective best friend by giving increasingly more and more unhinged compliments to their partners.
James leaned back, his arm casually draped over Regulus’ shoulders. “You know, Regulus,” he began, smirking, “you’re so gorgeous that even a Veela would fall in love with you.”
Regulus rolled his eyes but couldn’t hide his smile. “Really, James?”
Sirius, never one to be outdone, sat up straighter. “That’s nothing,” he said, grinning. “Remus, you would look beautiful even as a merman. Your hair would flow so gracefully underwater.”
Remus snorted, shaking his head. “Oh, come on, Padfoot.”
But James was already plotting his next move. “Regulus, your eyes shine brighter than a thousand Lumos spells cast together. Honestly, you could light up the entire Forbidden Forest.”
Regulus chuckled, nudging James. “That’s a bit much, don’t you think?”
Sirius interjected, eyes gleaming. “Moony, your smile could outshine the Patronus of a hundred wizards. Dementors would flee at the sight of you.”
Remus covered his face with his hands, laughing. “Whatever you say, my star.”
“This is getting unhinged” laughed Lily as she and Peter watched the scene unfold infront of their eyes. Obviously, the girls were interested to see the competition between the couples. So Marlene, Lily and Mary were making Pete company.
James leaned in closer to Regulus, not willing to concede. “Regulus, your voice is so enchanting that even a Banshee would stop to listen and be soothed.”
Sirius, eyes twinkling with mischief, shot back, “Remus, your intellect is so vast that even a library in Alexandria would seem like light reading in comparison.
Regulus and Remus exchanged amused glances, their respective boyfriends’ antics providing endless entertainment.
James wasn’t about to give up. “Regulus, your presence is so calming that even a Hippogriff would bow to you without hesitation.”
Sirius, clearly enjoying the game, grinned widely. “Remus, you’re so kind-hearted that even a Niffler wouldn’t dare steal from you, out of sheer respect.”
At this point, both Remus and Regulus were doubled over with laughter, unable to keep a straight face; the books they were reading long forgotten.
“This is unhinged.” laughed Mary as well.
The girls had tried to give the compliment a score. The cuter the compliment the higher the score but at this point James and Sirius were just... well, they had broken the score system with their ridiculous compliments.
.0.
The next day was spent with notes flying from one end of the classroom to the other, in the case of Sirius and Remus, and from one classroom to another, in the case of James and Regulus.
“Pete.” whispered Sirius as McGonagall carried on explaining the process of turning a pixie into a clock. “Check this out.” He said as he passed Wormatil, the note Moony had just written for him. It was just a sketch of the wolf and padfoot together. Sirius had drawn little hearts around it. “Aren´t we the cutest?”
“Sirius, if you are showing the notes I give you, I´m not going to write anymore.” whispered Remus with a slight blush on his cheeks. He had sketched the drawing with a deep fondness.
“No, no. Sorry Moons.” Sirius said as he snatched the note from Pete´s fingers. “Just wanted to see Wormy how cute we are.”
“That is cute but Reggie writes me poetry.” said James turning around in his seat to face his friends. “Look.”
The note had arrived a second ago from the window. Regulus was out on the castle grounds on magical care of creatures, and James had been enchanting paper airplanes to send him notes. It read a single verse “in the silence of starlit night, your smile ignites my darkest skies.”
“That is really cute.” Peter said as he finished reading the note.
“It is! Isn´t it?” James swooned
“Moony, why don´t you write me poetry?” asked Sirius turning around to face Remus.
Remus who was diligently taking notes didn´t even missed a beat. “I do write you poetry. I have an entire journal for that. You just haven´t read it.”
“You... you write me... a journal? An entire journal Remus John Lupin?!” asked baffled Sirius.
“Sirius, Potter enough. Change places now.” said McGonagall sternly. Peter and Remus laughed quietly. Professors never changed Moony or Pete.
“I´m going to find that journal.” whispered Sirius to Remus as he gathered his things.
Remus wink at him. The audacity.
Sirius showed him his tongue. “I´m waiting on you Sirius.” repeated McGonagall.
Remus blew him a kiss, the bastard.
.0.
The next few days James and Sirius decided that the best way to display their cuteness with their respective partners was a gran public display of affection. Of course, both Remus and Regulus were pretty private and not one for great shows of affection so both Sirius and James went for a discreet approach. Both couples stole little kisses, exchanged lingering gazes and hugged whenever they could.
“You guys are literally not doing anything at this point.” said Marlene, as their group had gathered in the courtyard. Dorcas was braiding her hair. “You are just acting as any other day.”
“Well yeah, I´m not going to make Moony uncomfortable for the sake of a bet.” said Sirius.
Neither James nor he had made a huge thing cause probably it would not be appreciated by Regulus and Remus. Still, everybody was surprised when a group of frogs approached the group.
“Guys what the hell.” said Lily as the frogs stopped in front of them. The little animals were just staring at them.
“Wait, aren´t those, Flitwick frog´s, from the coir?” asked Mary. She let go of Lily´s hand in order to get a closer look. Just as she was about to kneel down the frogs started to sing. Mary took a step backwards and almost felt. If not for Lily who caught her just in time.
“Sorry,” said Mary cheekily, “I seem to be falling for you.”
“Smooth, McDonald, smooth.” laughed Lily.
“Guys! Oh, my merlin!” exclaimed James delighted. His face was bright. “Friday night and the lights are low” James sang.
“Oh it´s ABBA!” screamed Lily as she proceeds to sang the next verse.
“My ears!” said Remus as he covered his ears. Sirius rolled his eyes and pulled Remus to the makeshift dance floor their friends had created.
When the frogs finished interpreting dancing queen they left as if they had been summoned. Later Regulus joined the group.
“It was you wasn´t it?” asked James as they all went for dinner to the great hall. Regulus just shrugged. That was the confirmation James needed. He stole a little peck from Reggie and the youngest Black entered the great hall with a rather pleased smile on his lips.
“You stole Flitwick frog´s?” asked Marlene impressed.
“Barty and Evan helped me.” answered Regulus nonchalantly.
“Of course they did.” laughed Dorcas.
“Moonie mine, I need you to step up your game if we are to win.” demanded Sirius, as he poured two glasses of pumpkin juice; one for him and one for Moony.
“I thought we were winning just based on our looks.” joked Remus.
“Oh that part we have it in the bag already.” Sirius laughed as he elbowed Remus playfully.
What Sirius hadn´t expected was that Remus would really step up. He knew Moony was not one for being in the spotlight, so Sirius´s first thought when Remus stood up on the table at herbology, was that Remus had a Cornish pixie in his trousers.
“Remus what are you doing?” asked James. But before he could continue Remus cleared his throat. Loudly enough to capture the attention of the people who still hadn't notice he was standing up on the table.
"Excuse me, everyone," Remus called out, "I have something important to say."
Sirius looked at Remus in surprise, his curiosity piqued. "Moony, what are you doing?"
Remus jumped down of the table wincing slightly; his knees cracked slightly. Sirius was by his side in an instant. Everybody was still watching. "Sirius, you've brought so much joy and love into my life. I can't imagine a day without you by my side. I love you, Sirius Black, more than words can ever express."
Peter cringe at the declaration. James laughed and Sirius had never felt more romanced. The greenhouse erupted into a mix of gasps and delighted whispers. Before Sirius could fully process Remus's declaration, Remus took his hand and, with a confident flourish, dipped Sirius backward in a dramatic fashion.
Remus leaned in, planting a tender but passionate kiss on Sirius' lips. The students around them burst into applause and cheers, their reactions echoing through the greenhouse.
Professor Sprout, taken aback at first, couldn't help but smile warmly at the scene. "Well, that's certainly one way to liven up a Herbology lesson," she remarked, her eyes twinkling with amusement.
As Remus brought Sirius back up to stand, Sirius' eyes were wide with amazement and affection. "Remus, that was... incredible," he said, his voice slightly breathless.
Remus grinned, his cheeks flushed but his heart full. "Just wanted to make sure you know how much I love you."
Sirius pulled Remus into a tight embrace, his own heart racing. "I love you too, Moony. Always."
Still, Remus got detention for that one.
.0.
Regulus and Remus thought the shenanigans were over by Friday, but alas, they were not. Both boys were comfortably reading by the fireplace when Peter, James and Sirius entered the room. Following them, were Lily, Mary and Marlene.
“Ladies, gentleman and non-binary folks, welcome to the last event on our championship.” said Pete as he summoned a plastic microphone from their room.
Regulus and Remus decided to ignore them but soon, both of their boyfriends were pestering by their side.
“Reggie come on, it´s a trivia game, you like trivia.” said James as he closed Regulus´s book.
“Moony come on I need you to win this. You also want to win don´t you?” asked Sirius as he left himself fall on Remus.
“Uhmph.” Remus said as Sirius took out a bit of air from his lungs, metaphorically and literally.
With a resigned sigh Remus sat up.
Mary, Lily and Marlene sat on the largest couch and Peter summoned in front of them a neon sign that said public. As the trivia started more and more people gather behind the sign.
“Question number 35” said Pete after half an hour. “This one is for James.”
“Come on James!” cheered Frank Longbottom.
As the game progressed, two sides had formed. Alice, Frank, Benji, Marlene and Lily were on James and Regulus' side. Molly, Kingsley, Fabian and his twin Gideon, Arthur and Mary were on Remus and Sirius' side. Obviously, everyone supported both couples but dividing up made the game more fun.
“What was Regulus´s first stuffed animal?” asked Peter.
“Oh! Oh! I know that one! It was a dog.” shouted James.
“For bonus points, what was the dog called?” said Peter reading cards that had been submitted by their friends and even by both couples.
“Snuffles!” shouted James again.
Everybody turned to look at Regulus who was slightly embarrassed. He murmured softly “that´s correct” and James and Regulus´s side erupted into cheers.
“Okay, this one is for Sirius.” continued Pete.
“What it the smallest scar that Sirius has?”
That one was not as tricky as it sounded. Remus looked at Sirius fondly and Sirius smiled because he knew Remus knew the answered.
Remus locked his gaze on Sirius´s he answered Pete. “The smallest scar you have is behind your ear.” Remus raised his arm and gently traced the scar he was talking about with his fingers. “We were dancing in our dorm; we were listening to star man and I accidentally scratch you.” Sirius closed his eyes and leaned into Remus´s touch. “We were so close.” Remus whispered. “That was out first kiss.”
There was a sweet silence before Lily broke it. “Well now I want to switch sides.”
“Too late Evans, you are stuck with us.” said Alice.
Remus stole a peck from Sirius as they continued the game.
“Regulus, what is James´s favorite pizza topping?” asked Peter
“Ugh, he likes hawaiian pizza.” answered Regulus, as if just naming the pizza disgusted him.
“That is my favourite!” laughed James giving Regulus a big smooch on the cheek.
“Heathen.” said Regulus. And that only made James laughed harder.
“Okay, the next one if for Sirius.” continued Pete. “What were Remus´s first words to you after you woke up in the hospital wing that time a bludger hit you and you passed out and broke your arm.”
“Oh, ahhhh, he said Sirius! You idiot!” screamed Sirius.
“I did say that.” confirmed Remus slightly embarrassed. “For the record that wasn´t the only thing I said.”
“Sirius, bonus points if you remember what was the rest of the sentence.”
“Course I do Wormy. Who do you take me for? Moony said don´t ever scare me like that again, I don´t know what I would do without you.” Sirius answered. Remus nodded. Pete gave them the points. “And then you say, my life without you would be just dull, you are my entire happiness and the most gorgeous thing that ever walked the planet.”
“I did not say that last part.” said Remus addressing the crowd. “Although all that Sirius said is true.”
Lily silently changed to the other side. “You traitor!” said Frank who was still cheering for James and Regulus.
“Last question folks. This one is whoever gets is first. Regulus, Remus you are going to answer.” announced Pete. “What is your partner´s favourite flower?”
Without missing a beat, both Regulus and Remus answered at the same time.
“Jasmine!” shouted Regulus.
“Allinson´s all-purpose!” shouted Remus.
The room felt silent.
“Remus care to elaborate?” asked Pete.
Remus smile pridefully knowing that if Peter had asked to elaborate, he would probably give the point to him and Sirius. “Love to, my dear Wormy. Sirius´s favourite flour is Allinson´s all-purpose. It´s a bit more expensive that Homepride flour but in Sirius´s words Allinson´s just does it better.”
The room was still silent.
“Remus, Peter said flower, not flour.” said James frowning with a small smile.
“Honey at least you got the spirit,” laughed Peter.
“I mean like.... that is impressive too.” commented Frank.
Everybody burst out laughing and Remus´s ears turned the brightest shade of red. Marlene started applauding and soon everybody was cheering.
“I honestly think that is even more impressive.” commented Mary.
Remus turned to Sirius. The raven-haired boy was on the verge of tears, still he was sporting the biggest shite eating grin Remus had seen on him. “I don´t think I have ever loved you more than right now” whispered Sirus in awe.
“Are you sad we lost?” asked Reggie to James. He was looking kind of deflated.
Obviously, Remus and Sirius knew each other far longer than him and Reggie. James still had hope they would win the trivia. “Nah, maybe we don´t know the other one's favourite flour but I think I´d like to spend the rest of my days getting to know you.”
Regulus blushed. “Are you aware that, that is basically a marriage proposal?” he whispered looking furtively around.
“Yep.” said James stealing a kiss from Regulus´s soft lips.
“Okay.” said Reggie shyly.
“The time has come!” interrupted Pete. “For me to announce the winner.” Pete apparated a white envelope. “The cutest couple in Hogwarts is..... Lily and Mary!”
“The fuck!” shouted Sirius
“They weren´t even competing” complained James.
Lily and Mary high fived each other. “Dam right we weren´t,” laughed Mary
“We didn't need to compete.” said Lily. “Still you didn´t stood a chance.”
Remus and Sirus turned to face Regulus and James. “Tie?” asked Sirius extending a hand to James.
“Tie.” agreed James.
Regulus smiled softly, leaning into James. "I guess we all win, then."
Remus nodded, his eyes twinkling. "Yeah, I suppose we do."
And with that, the Great Cuteness Competition came to a close, with all parties satisfied that they had indeed proven themselves to be the cutest couples at Hogwarts.